Some racial issues

[CroMagna]

I have three main racial issues I wanted to clear up:

1. Beauty
It just seems like black women are really not beautiful. We're the most prone to getting fat, we're very dark, and our hair is hard. It seems like even if we lose the weight we still don't fit the bill to attract dates.

2. Don't feel connected with other blacks, almost actually hate them
I've just heard so much attitude especially from black women. I just feel like I'm being attacked, like they look for easy targets. It just makes the beauty situation worse, because it just makes black women look hideous.

3. Message I get here is cynical and hopeless

It makes me think maybe I'd be better off in Brazil. There's plenty of actual racism, at least the people can come up with examples. But they don't destroy each other and they're optimistic. And most of the black women there keep a great appearance and smile. Then again, it seems drastic and like maybe I should just remain optimistic about assimilation.

[SomeRandomGuy]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

1. Beauty
It just seems like black women are really not beautiful. We're the most prone to getting fat, we're very dark, and our hair is hard. It seems like even if we lose the weight we still don't fit the bill to attract dates.

I for one am very attracted to black women.

[jtracy]

I don't think it's fair to say that black women aren't beautiful. First of all, you're generalizing and that's never good. Every women, black or white or yellow or red, is different from every other one and has their own unique strengths and weaknesses. Second of all, everyone defines beauty differently. For instance, in some places and times, being fat has been considered very desirable and attractive, and even now there are probably many people who prefer plump women.
You may not like the attitude you see in other black women but that doesn't have to have anything to do with you. There are many things I don't like that I see in other white people. People who think all black women are alike are not people you'd want to have anything to do with anyway.
Nothing is hopeless unless you choose to look at it that way. As Wayne Dyer says, "Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change".

[Lauxa]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

It makes me think maybe I'd be better off in Brazil.

Are you still in DC or did you move? It might be different in different parts of the country. And there are some beautiful black women (just google "beautiful black women"), but most people of any race are not going to be as lovely as the supermodels and movie stars.

[openeyes]

It's hard for me to imagine no black women being attractive (some are, some aren't). They are more prone to weight extremes (both heavy and skinny), but somehow that doesn't look as bad as it can on someone with lighter skin. Last night I went to a craft store with my girlfriend and the girl who was measuring out what we'd gotten looked like a fertility goddess. About 5'8'', ~200 pounds, maybe 20 years old, with large full breasts and behind, and long braided hair, she was beautiful and had a sweet attitude. Though being large isn't necessarily healthy, she carried herself well.

As for moving to Brazil, it might benefit you to travel there and see exactly what it's like, then decide.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

I just feel like I'm being attacked, like they look for easy targets.

They probably do. If you didn't respond to them, emotionally, would their attacks fall flat? You have no obligation to hate them or prove them wrong, no matter how much they want you to.

[gingembre]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

we're very dark,

It sounds to me that you are viewing beauty from a perspective of "light skinned is beautiful" ONLY, and that is a very misguided and quite possibly harmful way to view things. What, precisely, is it that you think makes dark skin unattractive? Perhaps if you explain why you see things that way, we can help you reframe things.

[cheropride]

All I have to say, is look at Mrs. Michelle Obama, she is absolutely beautiful... In America they are saying she is one of the most beautiful, if not the most beautiful, First Lady.....

I have seen plenty of beautiful black women, and very handsome black men. The color of someone's skin has no influence on their beauty, now people's attitude is what makes them the most ugly....

[iiswhiob]

Motherland Africa still remain so fine,
empresses and Emperors living from in those time,
I know you are the first to give birth unto mankind,
now let me say oh the earth Queen Omega is divine,
take I to Zion I give thy praise,
thats where my covenant will be always,
how have you been going through those stage,
of being away for many days

Natural in your choice, in your way to your needs
you were born of the one to conceive
you and yuh child go smooth as the breeze..
(Lyrics by Sizzla)


You are so wrong about black women being ugly.
I come straight from Africa and as much as I love all women black or white,
Asian or Haitian, black women are adorable.
Some of us may not like the strong dictatorial attitude that some have,
but with the right qualities and mind, those are the women worth actually having.

[aelle]

Being white myself, and having only lived in places where even when I was a minority I still represented certain standards of beauty and higher social status, I wouldn't dare criticizing your perception of your own racial issues. But I just find it heartbreaking that you don't find yourself and women like you beautiful. Many features I find beautiful are largely found in black women : prominent cheekbones, small nose bone, full lips, tallness, firm curves; smooth skin even with aging women. But most important is not what I think is beautiful, or what society establishes as beauty canons, but what you think is beautiful. With confidence, every one of us can find some personal beauty standard we can fit, and work towards them. You are beautiful. You just need to find how.

[funchy]

You're starting off with the perception that the world is racist, and that's your first mistake. If you insist on seeing the world through racist glasses, you WILL find racism.

I am [white] female, so I can't speak about African-descent women. I will say African-American men are found sexy by many people. The sexiest lover I've ever had happened to be of african descent. His dark skin, different build, and short curly hair appeared very exotic to me, which I found erotic and exciting. The african-american's cultural focus on music, singing, dance, and athleticism are also wonderful things. I wish I could sing half as good as the average african-amercian woman.

Perhaps what would be helpful would be for you to identify with some darker-skinned role models? Look at Michelle Obama! She's not only hot, she's setting fashion trends.

I know that guys find Naomi Campbell hot, too




How about Iman?




I think Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon was featured in Playboy, wasn't she?




What about Halle Berry. Tyra Banks, Alicia Keys, and Paula Patton?

[SimonaRich]

If you look for evidence that black women are not beautiful, you will find it. If you look for evidence that black women are beautiful, you will find it too. It is all to do with what you focus on. The more you focus on something , the more you attract in into your own experience.

Instead of focusing on negative aspects of what you perceive to be true, focus on what is positive about this issue. You will soon find the whole situation changing because your beliefs about it will start disappearing.

[pyrogen]

If you are looking to date white men, there are all kinds of sites out there that cater to white guy/black woman relationships. There are also sites that cater to Asian guy/black woman relationships. An ex of mine married a black woman and a few of my (white) male friends are attracted to black women. Another friend of mine (black) was attracted exclusively to black women.

I for one am attracted to black women (and men too). But you're probably looking for a male opinion

[172]

I'm sorry you feel this way about us. I'm black and I never felt this way about myself or other black women, regardless to whether they were light, medium, or dark skin toned. I don't know what to say, I'm utterly shocked. I hope that you will be able to look in the mirror and recognize the beautiful woman looking back at you one day very soon. Until you do, you will not emanate that into the ether, and you will attract the very thoughts to you that you currently hold.

I believe this is also true for how you see black women's attitudes/acceptance of you. You admitted you "almost actually hate" them. Well...if that's true, then how do you expect to see an improvement in how they handle you? Once you begin to embrace beauty in yourself and everyone, you will no longer experience disappointment in how they respond to you.

ETA: my hair is beautiful!

[CroMagna]

Sorry I hope I didn't offend you.

[172]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

Sorry I hope I didn't offend you.

No, it was not offensive to me. I don't own what you feel. Those are your feelings. I do believe that you have offended yourself, though. I hope it gets better for you.

[jaamkie]

awww! I'm assuming from responses you're a black woman (possibly who lives in DC), though I sadly don't remember one way or the other from reading other posts... As a white woman who has spent plenty of time in more-black-than-white parts of DC, I'll just say I'm often a bit envious of black women of all physical types who carry themselves with a lot of confidence and style, while I feel drab, quiet, and not-bootylicious-enough by comparison. I try to remind myself we're all beautiful in our own way and to not compare, but thought you might be comforted to know it goes through white women's minds as well... anyway none of us women, white or black, can monopolize beauty or the attention of all men, and we should all remember a confident friendly happy personality is more universally attractive than any particular physical trait.

[MidasGirl]

OP, I'm fascinated by the fact that, so many people from different races have reached out to you in compassion, and rallied around you, and not once have you thanked any of them. Does that by any chance mirror how you live your life around these black women you speak of?

You're certainly dealing with a self-hatred of sorts, and you have very possibly projected it onto your race. I'm a black woman and I've never run out of incredibly beautiful and generous black women to associate with. Remember, you attract who you are. As well, I've dated men of different races. Also, there is no law that says you can't have friends from other races. If you don't feel connected with black women, reach out to races you feel you connect with. Although, I hate to tell you this but the issue is likely you. And don't forget that you can never run away from yourself. If you go to Brazil, you'll still take you with you.

[CroMagna]

Hi gang,

Sorry that I don't come here frequently, I will make more of an effort so that I can make sure to thank you for your encouragement.

Your words truly mean a lot to me and I find myself rereading them. I hope I will feel like I'm set in terms of beauty once I shave these pounds off.

Again, thanks so much.

[RRR]

Beware Vanity.
I personally find poisonous tree frogs beautiful.



True beauty is courage, integrity, honesty, compassion, intimacy...
Love is our involuntary reaction to virtue.

[nocturne]

[QUOTE=CroMagna;317598]I have three main racial issues I wanted to clear up:

1. Beauty
It just seems like black women are really not beautiful. We're the most prone to getting fat, we're very dark, and our hair is hard. It seems like even if we lose the weight we still don't fit the bill to attract dates.

->>> don't assume that men are not attracted to bigger women as long as they are in good shape. Some men hate skinny women and like bigger women. Some men like darker skin. Some men like black women with the stereotypical booty and an afro. Stop self hating, love yourself, take care of yourself, and demonstrate your personality to these men and you might start to get some dates.

2. Don't feel connected with other blacks, almost actually hate them
I've just heard so much attitude especially from black women. I just feel like I'm being attacked, like they look for easy targets. It just makes the beauty situation worse, because it just makes black women look hideous.

->>>> no asian fortune cookie bullshit just the truth: look inside yourself; because so within, as without. You will find that this is actually self hatred. Love yourself and you will start to find other black women that love being black, because you can't relate to these women anymore.

3. Message I get here is cynical and hopeless

It makes me think maybe I'd be better off in Brazil. There's plenty of actual racism, at least the people can come up with examples. But they don't destroy each other and they're optimistic. And most of the black women there keep a great appearance and smile. Then again, it seems drastic and like maybe I should just remain optimistic about assimilation.

---->>> as long as you are personally still stuck on the level of hating yourself, you will attract and maintain relationships with people of a similar attitude. Get rid of these friends, accept the challenge of being a black woman, love yourself, and focus on the good. There is a good and a bad about everything. As long as you always focus on the bad instead of accepting the good and bad, you won't ask the important question:

what is the solution?

[newsbone]

Im already convinced that you are a slave to other peoples opinion on beauty, to you how the people around you define beauty, is what it is to you, poor black girl.Do you ever think for yourself, do you ever make decisions or do other peoples opinion become gospel truth to you? You are suffering from low self esteem and this will affect the way you will live your life. My advise is for you to seek help before it too late. My definition of beauty is irrelevant to other black people, it i who determines who/what is beautiful nobody else does that for me.Have you ever had the saying ' BEAUTY IS IN THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER' But it always begins from the inside flowing to the outside. If you cannot convince yourself you wont persuade anyone. You confess not to feel connected to other blacks this is saddening but not new, you have been thoroughly influenced by stereotypes and the earlier you accept who/what you are the better for you.GUDLAK.

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

They probably do. If you didn't respond to them, emotionally, would their attacks fall flat? You have no obligation to hate them or prove them wrong, no matter how much they want you to.

I just wonder, if I didn't respond, would it seem to them like they walked all over me and become smug/triumphant? Would the attacks get worse?

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by gingembre

It sounds to me that you are viewing beauty from a perspective of "light skinned is beautiful" ONLY, and that is a very misguided and quite possibly harmful way to view things. What, precisely, is it that you think makes dark skin unattractive? Perhaps if you explain why you see things that way, we can help you reframe things.

Like especially in Latin America, there's a lot of disdain for dark-skinned women. It just looks like dark skin isn't feminine and that mulatto women look better than black women.

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

Like especially in Latin America, there's a lot of disdain for dark-skinned women. It just looks like dark skin isn't feminine and that mulatto women look better than black women.

What you need to be thankful for is that you are a healthy person. Its such a shame and a waste to spend your life wishing you looked differently than you do. If you think you're ugly, so what? Try being disabled.

[lifetimelearner]

it's weird as I was reading all of these posts I never thought of someone's color before -
until now

but I have made the distinction between different posters by their sex

hmmm

there are always going to be different opinions on beauty -each person has there own definition

it all comes down to respect
we must all respect each other and look to the mirror before we criticise others

we all bleed red !
except if you are an alien

[Lauxa]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

I just wonder, if I didn't respond, would it seem to them like they walked all over me and become smug/triumphant? Would the attacks get worse?

It's easy to say "don't respond" but impossible in practice. Even if you're just standing there with a dumb look on your face it's a response. I got intrigued and found this resource on deflecting insults:

Dr. Trathen & Associates

Thnk any of those strategies might work?

[LifeFirst]

Well I think Black Women are beautiful, I mean....it's ridiculous to think that an entire race of people is unattractive.

Thinking like that isn't normal, it definitely borderlines on racism or having some ridiculous inferior complex.


I think the media portrayal of Black females are steadily improving, I constantly see powerful and positive images of Black females on television. It's always about struggles and being soulful and all that stuff but at least it's trying to have a voice, which is good.

I can't say the same about this for Asian people. Since you rarely see Asian males being portrayed in this light. That's something that still needs improving in my opinion.

[Lauxa]

What about the Asian guy on LOST? He's hot.

Heroes, not so much...

[ohTen]

I am biracial. My sexiest features come from my black blood: lips, hair, breasts, curves, cheekbones. Black women are gorgeous.

Lisa Bonet, anyone?


Jill Scott?