How to Approach a Stranger.

[Ronnock]

Hello, I have kind of an awkward question...I guess. How would y'all approach a girl in one of your lecture classes that you don't have any other chance in meeting unless there was some really off chance that you know someone that knows her (without even knowing her name).

I mean, do I just approach her and just introduce myself? I would perceive that as being creepy, you know?

I really don't know how to go about this and the year is getting closer and closer to ending.

Thank you.

[magi13]

Just talk to her and tell her how you feel. This way you'll have no regrets for not telling her at all.

This is my opinion and based on my experience, be direct.

[AGBourne]

Its really as simple as saying hi, the problem is most guys don't know what to do right after the initial 'hi'.

You do have a class together right? She knows of you?

I can go into different ways to introduce yourself but since time is of the essense I would highly recommend to just go up and say

"Hi my name is so and so and I wanted to know if you want to grab a cup of coffee."

Just be direct and sincere and don't supplicate.

[AGBourne]

Originally Posted by magi13

Just talk to her and tell her how you feel. This way you'll have no regrets for not telling her at all.

This is my opinion and based on my experience, be direct.

I wouldn't recommend telling her how you feel. Be direct yes, but don't share your feelings just yet. You don't know her yet, that will creep her out.

[Brutha]

Facebook might allow you to know her name as people often know other people which whom they are studying.

There might be the possibility to sit next to her and ask her something when you don't understand I point that the lecturer makes.

[Dan.Linehan]

Hi my name is _________. Hey, do you know where ___________ is?

or

Hey my name is _________. Do you like the class so far?

or

Ask any random question she can help you out with in your life:

Oh hey, I have a random question. Do you mind if I ask you? If you were going to name a pet after any eighties band which band would you choose?

[Indiana]

Can you sit next to her one class and speak to her before/after the lecture? Stand near to her while you are waiting outside for class to start?

Then you can say something to her about anything, really - "hey, how's it going?' mention the weather, the lecturer, something of interest in the lecture, ask a question about something covered in the lecture, just get the ball rolling. If she is responsive, it should develop into a conversation and you can introduce yourself at some point - 'oh, I'm John, by the way'. Even if she's not terribly responsive, at least you've broken the ice and you can just say 'Hey, how's it going?' again next time you see her.

If you focus on starting a conversation, rather than introducing yourself and getting her name instantly (that can happen once you've established the conversation) then it should be easier. Just see how it goes. If she is friendly, great, you've got the lines open. If she's not friendly, well, chalk it up to experience and move on.

[SimonaRich]

Originally Posted by AGBourne

Its really as simple as saying hi, the problem is most guys don't know what to do right after the initial 'hi'.

You do have a class together right? She knows of you?

I can go into different ways to introduce yourself but since time is of the essense I would highly recommend to just go up and say

"Hi my name is so and so and I wanted to know if you want to grab a cup of coffee."

Just be direct and sincere and don't supplicate.

If I would be in such situation and the guy would straight away ask me such question I would be most likely to refuse because my time is very important to me and I would never agree to have a coffee with some stranger on the same day.

I like to see that the person values my time and if he would ask me out on some more distant date and confirm if the time suits me, then yes.

Just a thought. Of course, all girls are different.

[AGBourne]

Originally Posted by SimonaRich

If I would be in such situation and the guy would straight away ask me such question I would be most likely to refuse because my time is very important to me and I would never agree to have a coffee with some stranger on the same day.

I like to see that the person values my time and if he would ask me out on some more distant date and confirm if the time suits me, then yes.

Just a thought. Of course, all girls are different.

I agree with the total stranger it would be a bit off, although my understanding is that they are in the class together. So she should know of him, at the very least he should be able to talk about the class.

[Dan.Linehan]

Originally Posted by AGBourne

I wouldn't recommend telling her how you feel. Be direct yes, but don't share your feelings just yet. You don't know her yet, that will creep her out.

Seriously. ^

How can you have any feelings for her if you've never even talked?

[Ronnock]

Wow guys, I really appreciate all the feedback. Hahah, I love this forum!

I don't know her at all, it's an infatuation right now, she's incredibly attractive, and being stereotypical (I'm judgmental, but it never stops me from getting to know anyone or prevents me from talking to certain people), I think she might have the same personal interests as me. I.E. Music, books, tv, fun activities, movies, foods, etc.

The class is of approx. 500 people, so I don't know anyone else that knows her, albeit I haven't asked anyone in great detail about her. I could sit next to her, problem is, no one is very consistent with where they sit because of the amount of people in the class. Kind of a first come first serve kind of seating.

Thank you again.

[RT Wolf]

Your first post indicates that you've already put her on a pedestal, somehow above you. It sounds like you feel that she's going to do the choosing and you don't have any of the power or value in the interaction. That it's all in her hands now. So, you're going to try to please her in some way that she'll go out with you.

That doesn't have to be the case. You're both people and you want to interact with her. You have something of value to offer (yourself) and so does she. So, relax. Consider this: would you feel anxious if you approaching someone less attractive? How about someone of the same sex? Would you feel anxious if there was no sexual/romantic interest? If no to the previous ones, why is she different?

Relax, this doesn't have to be a big deal. Just go up and say "Hi, how do you like this class so far?" I ask this sorta question all the time. She may not wanna talk to you, but you don't have to take that personally cause it's not relaly about you, it's about her if she doesn't wanna talk to you. I talked to three strangers today (one girl, two guys). One guy was cool and I enjoyed our conversation, the girl I've talked to before so that was pretty cool and the last guy was on the bus and he just pulled our his blackberry. He just was not interested in having a conversation. Maybe he felt intimidated or thought it was weird to talk to strangers or something. Point is, this girl might just be someone who doesn't do well with strangers.

If you're feeling like this is too much, try talking to random people in you class, those you feel a little anxious approaching, but not too much. After getting used to that level, you'll find it much easier to approach someone a bit more anxiety producing but it'll feel like less. For example, say talking to girl 1 made you feel like a 7 of anxiety. Girl 2 makes you feel a 3. You can only do a 2 comforably rihgt now, so you start by talking to the girl 2. The thing is, though, when get used the level 3, the level 7 will feel like level 6, only three points up from where you currently are. I hope that was clear.

[dice]

Alright, I am extremely closed off to guys I don't know, even in bars, it doesn't matter to me how good looking you are, I need to have a little conversation first. I don't like messing around with strangers BUT This is what would do it for me:

Trail behind a bit after class and hold the door open for her for starters. Do it a couple times so she knows your face. After that maybe ask to borrow a pencil or a piece of paper. THEN try to start up a mild conversation.

I'd avoid being direct unless you know her well already and want to clear the air. In most cases girls in lectures (myself included) don't like to be treated like they're in a bar. I overhear countless stories of girls ridiculing guys/teachers who are hitting on them.

I don't know anyone whose worse than me as far as 'accidently blowing guys off' goes. So yeah try that out especially if she's very quiet and closed off, or protecting herself with friends etc.

Good luck! It's okay to be direct as a last resort - just don't babble. Say "you're very cute" and get out. She'll most likely be curious.

PS. Motives? Why do you want to talk to her? Make sure you have it sorted out in your head because girls can be pretty intuitive and sense if your just hitting on her because shes 'hot'.

[dice]

Originally Posted by Indiana

Can you sit next to her one class and speak to her before/after the lecture? Stand near to her while you are waiting outside for class to start?

Then you can say something to her about anything, really - "hey, how's it going?' mention the weather, the lecturer, something of interest in the lecture, 'oh, I'm John, by the way'. Even if she's not terribly responsive, at least you've broken the ice and you can just say 'Hey, how's it going?' again next time you see her.

In a class of 500, I'd get a little defensive if someone did that unless I'd been eyeing them already.

One thing you could do is - if you have a professor that nobody likes, make fun of him lightly and then point out his good sides. I'm always impressed by people who see and love the quirky things in other people. She'll probably chime in with her own jokes and ridiculing and you can have a laugh together.

[dice]

Originally Posted by Dan.Linehan

or



or

Ask any random question she can help you out with in your life:

I'd fly with "Hey do you know where Room 121 is?" she might walk with you a bit. Very casual, innocent question. No upfront 'hidden agenda'.

I'd get frantic and blow off everything else if you were a total stranger. Especially the 80's thing (if its the first time I've talked to you. Second time? Go for it!

[RT Wolf]

Here's a tip I'll say and then get flamed for: Carefully consider before taking dating/meeting/etc advice from most women. For the simple reason that you should be careful of taking advice from people who haven't done what you're looking to do.

[Zerox]

Something that works for me. And works everywhere in every situation.

People like being caught off guard if it's a pleasant experience.
People want mystery and excitement. So going up saying "hi my name is, what's yours?" And then ask about the class or any other BORING, Plain, everyday thing will just say "Hi, I'm boring. who are you?"

No, what I've found to work anywhere. Street, pub, class, shopping mall. Is just find a person or a group of people you find interesting. Walk up and sit down or find an open spot. Smile and say "Hi, so what're we talking about?" Act casual, fake every bit of confidence if you don't have any, pretend that you have known these people for years and you are their best friend.

It will seem so strange, so weird and NOT normal that while some of course will go "You're in my space, get away" More will go in the lines of "..interesting, let's see where this leads" (if they end up being boring or lame you can just excuse yourself and leave. No feelings hurt)

Now since you're in school its even better. You have the same class, you will see her every class. Do NOT introduce yourself. Don't say your name even if she asks. Play with her, innocently. Don't manipulate, just have fun.

Sit down next to her when she enters the room, just say hi, stay cool and do your thing (get up books and look at the time whatever) Wait for a while, don't show any suspicious behavior. Ask her something about her self, but not like, "So what do you like?" But more.. "What's your religion?" Make it personal. Start a discussion, she'll think you're smarter than the average "Hey babe, wanna grab a cup of coffee?" guy. (No offense! This works too sometimes!) You can't be sure it won't offend her but keep in mind what you think might be a sensitive topic and stay away from those.

If she's a shallow person, she'll raise her eyebrow, do that nose thing where they look disgusted and answer "uuuh.. whatever" or something.
If so, just say "Right.." Like it was nothing. Ignore the fact that she just treated you like some loser. Pretend you're friends and act as if you do with your friends. If she makes fun of you, make fun of her and put on a cocky smile. Just keep it casual. If it doesn't work, she probably wasn't worth the effort. Just a shallow narrow minded girl.

(Not ignoring the fact that she just might not be interested in boys or social relations at the time)

After class, if all goes well. Say hi to her when you see her walking by.
If you KNOW you made a good impression on her. Don't sit next to her next time. Keep saying hi whenever you see her. But make her wonder.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. When it's such a trivial matter like this why not just go for it instead of regret over wasted time?

[TonyToneTone]

Originally Posted by Ronnock

Hello, I have kind of an awkward question...I guess. How would y'all approach a girl in one of your lecture classes that you don't have any other chance in meeting unless there was some really off chance that you know someone that knows her (without even knowing her name).

I mean, do I just approach her and just introduce myself? I would perceive that as being creepy, you know?

I really don't know how to go about this and the year is getting closer and closer to ending.

Thank you.

"Hi my name's Ronnock. I've seen you in class a few times and thought you were really cute. I have to go meet some friends right now but would you want to grab drinks some time?". Get the digits and get out!

[dice]

Originally Posted by TonyToneTone

"Hi my name's Ronnock. I've seen you in class a few times and thought you were really cute. I have to go meet some friends right now but would you want to grab drinks some time?". Get the digits and get out!

I had a guy do that "Your cute, im in a hurry, numbers please?" to me in a bar and I instinctively spat on the offer (despite the fact that he was fairly attractive)

It really depends who you're approaching - if you just want a quick fool around pickup that might work, but if you're genuinely interested in her, move slow. It's hard, if not impossible, to live down the 'creep' label.

[ssandra]

From a womans point of view:

For me it would work if somebody would just ask me out for a cup of coffee, now or later.

It is simple, not a real commitment like diner, and it gives you a chance to get to know the other person to see if they are really as good as they look...

I would almost always say yes to that, no matter how I think about the person previously, because you never know what they are really like.

I am also strong enough to say "not now, maybe later" if I don´t have the time.

It all really depends on what person YOU are.

Do the thing that makes you feel comfortable so that right from the start she gets to see the real you, and decides if she likes the real you.

Either way... do something, before you are 80 and wondering "What would my life be like if I just said hi..."

[ohTen]

if you believe in the law of attraction, ask for the opportunity to start a conversation to present itself. When it does, don't let it pass you by - act on it!

it really is as simple as going up to her and saying 'hi'.

[Andy4]

Everyone has been through this,lots of good advice,I'd just add to it by saying be sincere and treat everyone as a friend until they prove otherwise.

Treat both sexes the same,you've got to be their friend before you become their lover.if it doesnt develop then youve gained a friend.

Concentrate on yourself,not conceitedly,learn to really like yourself and this girl or someone else will soon be after you.Sounds easy,I know but friendship comes first,as for opening lines,say anything,clearly,you'll be able to gauge their reaction,remember treat her initially like one of your mates.

It worked for me.

Regards,Andy.

[TonyToneTone]

Originally Posted by dice

I had a guy do that "Your cute, im in a hurry, numbers please?" to me in a bar and I instinctively spat on the offer (despite the fact that he was fairly attractive)

It really depends who you're approaching - if you just want a quick fool around pickup that might work, but if you're genuinely interested in her, move slow. It's hard, if not impossible, to live down the 'creep' label.

What I said and what you wrote are two completely different things and give off two completely different types of energy.

Mine shows the guy is geniunely interested whereas the other one comes off as snub, like he only has 1 minute to spare for you.

[nocturne]

its not creepy. If you don't know how to approach people, seek instruction on how to do it, or experiment so many times that you figure it out.

approaching people and making a pitch is a social skill that will get you far - espeically in teh business world.

if you are not socially calibrated then at first you will come off as creepy.

i mean, you can't be a good basketball player immediately, you'll miss a lot of shots at first. Just accept it and do it anyway.

remember often women have a "i'm a slut quota" and will reject you at first to not appear easy. they can't appear too easy. So you have to know when you're really being rejected vs a token rejection to not be too easy.