Making Friends

[Living2xcess]

I just quit drinking, and as a result I lost many of my friends. To clarify, they are still my friends but I don't hangout with them because all they do is drink. Now I am trying to meet new friends, but I don't really know how to. It seems like if I ask a girl if she wants to hangout she thinks its about me trying to get with her. As far as finding male friends, it seems that everyone drinks in Myrtle Beach. How do I make friends? If I find someone who meets my criteria of friendship (I'm not really picky), how should I approach that person to build a friendship?

Some background info on me: I currently go to a University, every girl I know seems to have a boyfriend, every guy I know seems to drink too much. I've done the online dating thing, and although I met many people, they all seemed to be looking for a relationship and not friendship (which is kind of the point). I don't have a job, I'm at school all day, and I'm not into sports. I'm also 31, approximately 7 -10 years older than most of my classmates, but that doesn't bother me too much. A friend is a friend.

So, to simplify my question. How do I make friends?

[SimonaRich]

You seem to meet only guys that drink because you expect that. And you meet girls that think that you only want to get with them because you expect that too. You should shift your focus from what you don't want to what you want.

You can also join some groups that interest you. Maybe you have some hobby and you are able to find some likeminded people through classes and gatherings.

[Indiana]

Join a group. Take a class. Get a part-time job, even one evening a week.

Or accept that even though your current friends drink, you don't have to. Ask one/some of them to do something that isn't primarily focussed around drinking (a movie, go to the beach). If they want to have a beer at the beach or at the movie, let them, and don't feel like you have to.

The one thing that has worked for me in meeting new people better than anything else was to get a small, friendly dog of an unusual breed. I didn't buy him to meet people, so this was an unintended effect, but I have genuinely never, EVER left the house with my dog without at least one new person saying hello or approaching me to start a conversation about my dog. Total strangers of both sexes have given me their number (unasked) in case I ever want to go dog-walking with them, or need a dog-sitter. To be fair, I'm an attractive female, so that probably contributes, but all sorts of people talk to me, not just guys of my demographic.

But get a dog and sit outside a coffee shop with it, or take it walking at a dog park/beach and you'll probably have more friends than you know what to do with in a fortnight. Dogs are a brilliant ice-breaker.

[Curtis2011]

Instead of trying to meet people and focusing on how impossible it is, focus on having fun and being involved with something.

You will meet people naturally if you get involved and motivated to participate in organizations, sports, clubs, etc.

[dice]

Drama/Theatres classes, sports clubs, outdoors clubs (scuba, climbing etc.).

Find a steady volunteer job at a blood donor clinic perhaps. Also, I've found people at organic markets/yoga studios/new-agey philosophy places to have extremely kind people, spend some time there.

Avoid second cup and starbucks! I worked there, wasn't fun. Never been in one that didn't have cranky people working.

Good luck bud