Feeling distant from a partner...

[Foggy]

A while ago I posted a thread about breaking up with my girlfriend. As an update, we ended up getting back together. It was a difficult choice, and not necessarily one that I feel 100% confident about, but now we're dealing with something that I've never really dealt with in this relationship. It's incredibly difficult for us to connect. Our conversations feel half-hearted, neither of us is really as interested in the other person as we used to be and I feel like there are very few threads holding us together. The truth is, I've experienced this before in relationships, but all of them were very short relationships that never really made it off the ground. I know that there is still a connection between us, because sometimes when we talk we have amazing conversations, but more often than not it feels like we're not really connecting at all. In some ways I am blaming myself for this because I wonder if it's because I'm not interesting enough in some way. In other ways I'm discouraged because I wonder if all my relationships are going to eventually end up in this place. Finally, I'm curious for insight and advice about growing closer together again.

[Rebecca800]

I think this kind of thing happens in all relationships, to some degree. I'm no expert, but in my experience relationships will always lose a lot of that initial excitement. Instead it comes and goes in waves. Life is like that. Hopefully the bonds that you build in those early years will keep you together as you grow old. The more experiences (good and bad) you rack up together, the closer your connection will become.

You say you still have amazing conversations, so you clearly still inspire each other. It's not because you are boring - or incompatible. I don't have the answer (yet) but I do think your attitude towards the relationship makes a big difference. If you foresee an exciting future together you will want to make it work, and put in the extra effort required to keep things interesting. If, deep down, you expect it to fail, then your heart won't be in it and it'll just seem so much harder that you'll want to give up.

All relationships have their ups and downs. They can also take hard work sometimes. I didn't read your earlier thread but this problem alone doesn't seem like a deal breaker.

[SimonaRich]

Looks like this relationship has come to a dead end. You should not worry if you are able to have other great relationships because every single person is different and some of the girls would find you interesting and some of them will find you boring. It is just the matter of meeting someone that really understands you and loves you.

[Foggy]

I don't want to end it necessarily. I am, of course, open to the possibility that it's time for us to move on because the relationship has ceased to be of much value. However, I would much rather work towards increasing the value of the relationship than ending it because in a lot of ways we have been a really good match for one another.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by Rebecca800

I think this kind of thing happens in all relationships, to some degree. I'm no expert, but in my experience relationships will always lose a lot of that initial excitement. Instead it comes and goes in waves. Life is like that. Hopefully the bonds that you build in those early years will keep you together as you grow old. The more experiences (good and bad) you rack up together, the closer your connection will become.

You say you still have amazing conversations, so you clearly still inspire each other. It's not because you are boring - or incompatible. I don't have the answer (yet) but I do think your attitude towards the relationship makes a big difference. If you foresee an exciting future together you will want to make it work, and put in the extra effort required to keep things interesting. If, deep down, you expect it to fail, then your heart won't be in it and it'll just seem so much harder that you'll want to give up.

All relationships have their ups and downs. They can also take hard work sometimes. I didn't read your earlier thread but this problem alone doesn't seem like a deal breaker.

I agree with this advice.