untrustworthy fake friends

[The Coronet]

I am disturbed by something that i dont know how to resolve in my heart.

Given the nature of my life and the industry I work in I have found so called friends to be very two faced, and untrustworthy. They will do what they need to get where they want and if they are being friendly towards you chances are they are using you for their own gain. Basically they are fake.

Its not easy to say stay away from these people because they are everywhere in your face and they make sure you know about all they're business.

The problem is not so much having to deal with them, its the feeling i have towards them. I dont like them and I dont want them to do well because i dont think they deserve it. I am very disturbed about having this feeling towards anyone. I hate to think badly of people I want to have nothing but love and respect for my fellow man and it causes me pain to even have to discuss with other people, "I dont think you should work with these folk they are not to be trusted." I dont want to bad mouth anyone.

The other problem is that because they are willing to do whatever it takes to get to where they want, means that they are becoming increasingly more successful. Then I start to wonder weather I should work with them, thus making me equally two faced as the only reason id be interacting with them is to get where I want. The fact is though, even if my head thinks its a good plan my heart doesnt let me and i cant bring myself to do any more things for them after finding out their true nature.

Maybe my disturbed feeling reflects my fears that you have to be a manipultive @*£@ to get anywhere in this business, or my own fear that they are somehow better than me and its a bit of jealously...but somehow that doesnt add up because i have lots of friends I know are far superior to me in skill but they are good honest folk and Im sincerely happy for their success. I think it might be that actually that i dont think they are better than me and yet they are getting somewhere and perhaps thats whats really distrubing me.

Well sorry for spewing out all my thoughts, id love to get to the bottom of this because it really is bothering me. Please feel free to share your thoughts.

Thanks so much for you time if you have read this all!

[Some Random Loser]

If you read the last chapter of the third section (there are 4 sections) of the book The Active Side Of Infinity by Carlos Castaneda, it may change the way you look at this forever. You may want to just read the entire book from beginning to finish, though. It should have more impact that way

Send me a private message and I'll see if I can send you the book

[RT Wolf]

Do you believe that the world is a just place and that good things always happen to good people and that bad things always happen to bad people? It's called the Just World Hypothesis, that might explain why you feel that morally inferior people shouldn't succeed and that they don't deserve it.

Make friends outside your current industry or whatever. If you're tlaking about business, maybe you can change your role. Steve did that, found too many people he didn't wan to work with in different capacities and moved till he did.

[The Coronet]

Originally Posted by RT Wolf

Do you believe that the world is a just place and that good things always happen to good people and that bad things always happen to bad people? It's called the Just World Hypothesis, that might explain why you feel that morally inferior people shouldn't succeed and that they don't deserve it.

I dont believe it to be like that, its seems to be the opposite, i wish it wasnt except for maybe its like the bible said..the first will come last and the last first....im not religious at all by the way.


RTW you maybe on to something, i have always had this over the top sense of fairness about things. Id rather get paid nothing for something and it be fair than get a fortune for something and be ripped off in someway. I cant stand unfairness...not sure where this comes from, my childhood i suppose, where things we deeply unfair...how do i let go of this?!

Thanks SRL I have Pm'd you, look forward to reading it :-)

[ken nubo]

If you think they're fake -- drop their butt. Simple, direct solution is the often the best
__________________
How to gain more confidence with women

[Vegeto]

Originally Posted by The Coronet

I dont believe it to be like that, its seems to be the opposite, i wish it wasnt except for maybe its like the bible said..the first will come last and the last first....im not religious at all by the way.


RTW you maybe on to something, i have always had this over the top sense of fairness about things. Id rather get paid nothing for something and it be fair than get a fortune for something and be ripped off in someway. I cant stand unfairness...not sure where this comes from, my childhood i suppose, where things we deeply unfair...how do i let go of this?!

Thanks SRL I have Pm'd you, look forward to reading it :-)

I can't stand unfairness either. The worst and most unfair part about it, is that when I was younger, I reached a point where I just couldn't take it anymore, and just became a terrible person just like everyone else. When I did, everyone got a taste of their own medicine, and I was crucified for it (metaphorically speaking). Not only is the world unfair to me, but it is so unfair that I can't even get away with being unfair like they do. ****ing ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.

[The Coronet]

Originally Posted by ken nubo

If you think they're fake -- drop their butt. Simple, direct solution is the often the best
__________________
How to gain more confidence with women

yes i have but its like somehow i want them to get their comeuppance for disrespecting me, like I want them to be sorry for ever thinking they could use me. Hmm i think thats a massive part of it actually, lack of respect for me...i knew this would all come down to ego in the end

Vegeto Id image the reason you cant get away with it is because deep down you know you are going against yourself so your subconscious doesnt allow you to get away with it. And to be fair we dont know if anyone else is getting away with it either, who knows how their souls are treating them, only they can ever know that.

[MartialDev]

Supposing these folks succeed because their abundant social savvy compensates for a lack of trustworthiness--however you choose to define those terms--why is it "unfair" for them to succeed where you have failed?

Perhaps you should start by adjusting your definition of fairness, and by recognizing that people's "true nature" can be complicated.

After that, you can try to adopt their best qualities, and watch your results improve.

[RT Wolf]

Yea, that's the just world hypothesis: the wicked are punished and the good are rewarded. If you grew up in any of the big three religions you'll have a strong sense of fairness and wrongness, especially since all th stories in it suggest that the universe lives accoridng to that sort of rule, and it doesn't. The only force that enforces that law is humans. Studies indicated that people will give money into a pot to punish someone who cheated in a game rather than keep the money as would be predicted by standard economic theory.

Vegeto, be very, very careful with that sort of thinking.

Basically, I'm of the opinion now that the world is as it is. Fairness, unfairness are judgements made by human beings and does not exist out in the world AFAIK. Once you realize that the judgemnet is in your head according to your own standards you'll relax that belief a bit, cause otherwise it coud bite you in the ass.

[Revolution]

Yep, as MartialDev pointed out peoples true natures can be complicated. There are no evil people - just people of different levels of awareness.

Try not to be jealous of anyone - true success is more than a high pay packet!

Deception and putting down others is one way of climbing the ranks but not the only way.

[Some Random Loser]

Well Vegeto, the reason you got crucified is because ****ing people over is a skill just like any other, and you were a newbie (who may have been conflicted, which is a no no when it comes to taking action).

Energy vampirism is a skill and talent just like anything else

[timothydrake]

Originally Posted by The Coronet

I am disturbed by something that i dont know how to resolve in my heart.

Given the nature of my life and the industry I work in I have found so called friends to be very two faced, and untrustworthy. They will do what they need to get where they want and if they are being friendly towards you chances are they are using you for their own gain. Basically they are fake.

Its not easy to say stay away from these people because they are everywhere in your face and they make sure you know about all they're business.

The problem is not so much having to deal with them, its the feeling i have towards them. I dont like them and I dont want them to do well because i dont think they deserve it. I am very disturbed about having this feeling towards anyone. I hate to think badly of people I want to have nothing but love and respect for my fellow man and it causes me pain to even have to discuss with other people, "I dont think you should work with these folk they are not to be trusted." I dont want to bad mouth anyone.

The other problem is that because they are willing to do whatever it takes to get to where they want, means that they are becoming increasingly more successful. Then I start to wonder weather I should work with them, thus making me equally two faced as the only reason id be interacting with them is to get where I want. The fact is though, even if my head thinks its a good plan my heart doesnt let me and i cant bring myself to do any more things for them after finding out their true nature.

Maybe my disturbed feeling reflects my fears that you have to be a manipultive @*£@ to get anywhere in this business, or my own fear that they are somehow better than me and its a bit of jealously...but somehow that doesnt add up because i have lots of friends I know are far superior to me in skill but they are good honest folk and Im sincerely happy for their success. I think it might be that actually that i dont think they are better than me and yet they are getting somewhere and perhaps thats whats really distrubing me.

Well sorry for spewing out all my thoughts, id love to get to the bottom of this because it really is bothering me. Please feel free to share your thoughts.

Thanks so much for you time if you have read this all!

Reading this just frustrates me. YOU are too soft!!!! Not only did you fail to tell your "friends" anything you even apologized for writing your problem down on this forum!! Why are you apologizing!!! Your fear of anyone thinking that you have even the slightest hint "badness" controls your every motive!

It is totally ok to have negative emotions. YOU CANNOT PLEASE EVERYONE NOR DO THEY DESERVE YOUR EFFORT! I am sounding angry because I am seeing what you wrote as emotional cowardice. Don't give other people that kind of power over you.

[magi13]

The work place is like a battle field, prepare yourself, equip oneself with the "art of war."

[The Coronet]

Originally Posted by MartialDev

Supposing these folks succeed because their abundant social savvy compensates for a lack of trustworthiness--however you choose to define those terms--why is it "unfair" for them to succeed where you have failed?

Its unfair because they are lying and manipulating people, theres no love for others in what they do. On the other hand I suppose they must be very insecure deep down to have to be so despearate to get what they want that they would hurt another. I guess I just dont need things that much, Id rather not get success and screw people over if thats what id have to do..(not saying it is!)

Originally Posted by RT Wolf

Yea, that's the just world hypothesis: the wicked are punished and the good are rewarded. If you grew up in any of the big three religions you'll have a strong sense of fairness and wrongness, especially since all th stories in it suggest that the universe lives accoridng to that sort of rule, and it doesn't.

i did maybe that explains it

Originally Posted by Revolution

Yep, as MartialDev pointed out peoples true natures can be complicated. There are no evil people - just people of different levels of awareness.

Try not to be jealous of anyone - true success is more than a high pay packet!

Deception and putting down others is one way of climbing the ranks but not the only way.

true. I hope there are no evil people, this worries me sometimes im not so sure

Originally Posted by timothydrake

Reading this just frustrates me. YOU are too soft!!!! Not only did you fail to tell your "friends" anything you even apologized for writing your problem down on this forum!! Why are you apologizing!!! Your fear of anyone thinking that you have even the slightest hint "badness" controls your every motive!

It is totally ok to have negative emotions. YOU CANNOT PLEASE EVERYONE NOR DO THEY DESERVE YOUR EFFORT! I am sounding angry because I am seeing what you wrote as emotional cowardice. Don't give other people that kind of power over you.

You are so right in many ways. Im not sure if i have a fear that people may think i have a hint of badness, but i do have a fear that I think i have some badness, hmm maybe i do fear people thinking this, i will think about that one. I am a coward in this respect, i didnt even tell them to f@£K of and I continue to be nice to them. Maybe what causes me this awful feeling is my own anger at not standing up for myself! Now when i associate with them it is me that is being fake, what a nightmare!

Originally Posted by magi13

The work place is like a battle field, prepare yourself, equip oneself with the "art of war."

sadly it would seem so!

[RT Wolf]

Look out for words like injustice or unfairness.

Have you ever watched Battlestar Gallactica? Ever read (not the movie) the comic book Watchmen? If those shows don't get your sense of injustice and unfairness up in a tizzy, I'm not sure what will. You can get a better understanding of what constitues unfairness that way.

In general, it's a bit like this: you're living in a game and there's some rules to that game. When someone violates the rules and gets away with it, we call it unfair. If someone wins the game by breaking the rules, that's cheating and also unfair. It's like how people think that the rules of the game of work is that if they work loyally for the company for 20 years, they won't get fired. Turns out the rules changed.

The key is to make sure that the rules you have in mind reflect the rules of reality, in the right way. I'd say, yes, the good should be rewarded and the bad should be punished, but those are shoulds and not a reflection of what actually happens for the most part. In general, yes, if you do mostly good, the liklihood of getting rewarded goes up.

[The Coronet]

Originally Posted by RT Wolf

In general, yes, if you do mostly good, the liklihood of getting rewarded goes up.

I hope your right :-) Ill check out Battlestar Gallactica and watchman, thanks for the words of wisdom!