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| | #1 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: SF Bay Area
Posts: 93
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whenever i'm talking to someone (usually online) everything seems fine. but then its like once they meet me in person they don't like me anymore (i'm not talking about online dating btw, i mean just meeting new friends). what could i do so wrong around people that would make them not like me? am i just too self conscious? |
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| | #2 (permalink) | |
| Moderator Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Berlin, Germany
Posts: 4,999
| Quote:
You violate the cultural norm in this forum to capitalise those words that have to be capitalised. If you do the same thing in real life and violate norms and don't behave according to what the people around you consider to be good manners, that might be one way you make people dislike yourself.
__________________ I am always open for feedback on my posts. If your feedback would go offtopic feel free to send me a Personal Message. My posts generally don't contain medical or legal advice, if you have a problem seek the opinion of an expert Talking about this in terms of “bad news” or “bad judgment by business leaders” seems archaic. It’s like describing World War One as “a serious diplomatic concern.” Bruce Sterling about the financial crisis. | |
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| | #4 (permalink) | |
| Moderator Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Berlin, Germany
Posts: 4,999
| Quote:
If you break the norms of the people around it should be a conscious decisions for which you have good reasons otherwise you will be seen as inconsiderate because you either seem to be to ignorant to recognize the norms or to selfish to follow them.
__________________ I am always open for feedback on my posts. If your feedback would go offtopic feel free to send me a Personal Message. My posts generally don't contain medical or legal advice, if you have a problem seek the opinion of an expert Talking about this in terms of “bad news” or “bad judgment by business leaders” seems archaic. It’s like describing World War One as “a serious diplomatic concern.” Bruce Sterling about the financial crisis. | |
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| | #5 (permalink) | ||
| Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: SF Bay Area
Posts: 93
| Quote:
Maybe, that's why I said maybe I'm just too self conscious and come off as rude or something? I really don't know. Quote:
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| | #6 (permalink) | |
| Moderator Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Berlin, Germany
Posts: 4,999
| Quote:
__________________ I am always open for feedback on my posts. If your feedback would go offtopic feel free to send me a Personal Message. My posts generally don't contain medical or legal advice, if you have a problem seek the opinion of an expert Talking about this in terms of “bad news” or “bad judgment by business leaders” seems archaic. It’s like describing World War One as “a serious diplomatic concern.” Bruce Sterling about the financial crisis. | |
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| | #7 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Toronto, Canuckland
Posts: 1,729
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^ Good advice. Also observe how they react to you. They'll tell in subtle facial expressions how they're handling what you do. I recently got a Blinding Flash of the Obvious with this again. I was talking to friend who's Irish and he'd react to the jokes I made differently than I was expecting him to react, so I'd explain the jokes cause I assumed he didn't get them. Eventually, he pointed out that he got all my jokes and I didn't need to explain them and I realized that he was just responding as he would in his social circle/Ireland and not like I expect my Canuck friends to respond. It's really subtle and really odd. |
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| | #8 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 489
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Are you being defensive? Are your social skills subpar? Or you're just boring? Have a critial self-analysis on this and improve yourself. As simple as that. __________________ How to gain more confidence with women |
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| | #9 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 663
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Do you only have problems with first impressions, or do you have problems with relationships in general? You mention that you're fine talking on line to people. This suggests that it's probably, as ilrein metioned, a voice or body language issue. Confidence is the key in both those areas, but only confidence to a degree where you can "back it up". Just be yourself, in other words. Act natural and get in the flow. Also consider the fact that maybe people aren't judging you as harshly as you think. How much of what you're saying is an accurate picture of what people think about you, and how much is just you over-analyzing the situation?
__________________ Live consciously |
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| | #10 (permalink) | |
| Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: SF Bay Area
Posts: 93
| Quote:
*edit* Maybe I'll list what I think my main problems are from that paragraph in case I lose someone lol - I'm scared to death when I have to talk to someone - I don't like hearing myself talk - Low confidence in social situations - Possibly over analyze - Bad past experiences Last edited by merveilles; 03-10-2009 at 11:06 PM. | |
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| | #12 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 663
| I'd be willing to wager that your belief that you give bad first impressions is itself a cause of your bad first impressions. If you start with a negative self-image from the very start, you'll find it difficult to break free from your own expectations. At least ponder on the possibility that you may not be giving off such a bad impression as you think you are.
__________________ Live consciously |
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| | #13 (permalink) | |
| Legendary Member | Quote:
You might get a more positive response if you focus on the person you're speaking to -- it generally makes a better first impression than being totally self-absorbed, don't you think? | |
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| | #14 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 100
| Quote:
Is this person approving of me? Is this person bored by me? That is the wrong approach. It feels like you are focusing on the other person, but really it is another way to focus on yourself! Instead, act as if you have a mission to find out as much as you can about this new person. Pretend you're going to have to take a test later and it's really important. What's their name? Where do they live? What do they like? Are they having a good day? This little game does two things for you. First, it helps you find out about this person. Which in turn gives you ideas on things to talk about. Second, it distracts you from thinking about yourself. This will allow you to not feel nervous. That's one way to focus on the other person. Make a game out of it. | |
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