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straysweeper · 03-04-2009, 05:53 AM

Half an hour till midnight, I am awakened from early stages of trance/sleep by a phone call from my mom. I find out that my sister had yet another fight with her boyfriend, and while drunk she twisted or hurt her ankle enough to need to go to the ER. The reason for the call? They wanted someone to stay with her kids while she does. But wait, the father whom she is living with is there right? Yup! I'm immediately overwhelmed by the situations futility or stupidity. Just a few weeks ago, he got arrested for driving with a suspended license, and got their only car impounded. Borrowing the money, he got out but disappeared for more than 24, if not 48 hours, to get high or do what he wanted, while My sister couldn't get to and from work, or into their home which she primarily pays for.. Again she stays with him, and yet she doesn't trust him enough to leave alone with the kids, to where I or someone else has to be there? My instincts was to say no, but I felt like this would make me a bad brother, or bad person. I'm now trying to understand my reactions, corresponding conflict of values, and lastly the source of this projection.

Holistic Star · 03-04-2009, 09:59 PM

Hi Stray Sweeper,

Im not really sure what to say. Sounds like a difficult situation though.

I can't tell from your post if you looked after the children or not.

Have you spoken to your sister about it?

Hope these kinds of things don't happen too much too you

straysweeper · 03-05-2009, 03:24 AM

The situation ended up being resolved through other means. Looks like her bf ended up taking them to his brothers, which is unheard of move. My sister was drunk, and it looks to me like she using drinking as a coping mechanism. This frequency of problems like this is the main problem. And it sucks that my nephews and nieces seem to be the ones that suffer.

timothydrake · 03-06-2009, 04:09 PM

Well what are you gonna do? Nothing or something? If it is something then do everything you can to help your sister and her kids out even if you feel like its gonna be full of drama.

If it is nothing then let her be. Sounds like she got herself into that mess in the first place. She's old enough to take responsibility for her actions.

Have the strength to stay on the course you choose.

The Cloud · 03-06-2009, 05:53 PM

If you try to help your sister because you need her to be helped, then it is probably best for you to refrain. More anger, fear, or frustration isn't what she needs from you. If you can understand the situation without reacting to it, then it's you're call. Well, it's your call no matter what, but the confrontation may do some good in the second case. If you don't react to your feelings of anger or sadness, then you don't give your sister anything to react to in you. Then maybe she'll hear your words rather than just reacting to your reflection of her own disgust with the situation.

Eric Roosevelt · 03-06-2009, 07:43 PM

We can't make choices for other people. However, I would understand that you as a brother feel like you should do something. Have you even talked to her yet?

seeker5 · 03-06-2009, 08:26 PM

Quote:

My instincts was to say no, but I felt like this would make me a bad brother, or bad person. I'm now trying to understand my reactions, corresponding conflict of values, and lastly the source of this projection.

Have you tried the works at The Work of Byron Katie ?

03-04-2009, 05:53 AM	#1 (permalink)
straysweeper Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Oklahoma City Posts: 459	Heavy Heart, Troubled Mind Half an hour till midnight, I am awakened from early stages of trance/sleep by a phone call from my mom. I find out that my sister had yet another fight with her boyfriend, and while drunk she twisted or hurt her ankle enough to need to go to the ER. The reason for the call? They wanted someone to stay with her kids while she does. But wait, the father whom she is living with is there right? Yup! I'm immediately overwhelmed by the situations futility or stupidity. Just a few weeks ago, he got arrested for driving with a suspended license, and got their only car impounded. Borrowing the money, he got out but disappeared for more than 24, if not 48 hours, to get high or do what he wanted, while My sister couldn't get to and from work, or into their home which she primarily pays for.. Again she stays with him, and yet she doesn't trust him enough to leave alone with the kids, to where I or someone else has to be there? My instincts was to say no, but I felt like this would make me a bad brother, or bad person. I'm now trying to understand my reactions, corresponding conflict of values, and lastly the source of this projection.

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03-04-2009, 09:59 PM	#2 (permalink)
Holistic Star Family Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 1,611	Hi Stray Sweeper, Im not really sure what to say. Sounds like a difficult situation though. I can't tell from your post if you looked after the children or not. Have you spoken to your sister about it? Hope these kinds of things don't happen too much too you

03-05-2009, 03:24 AM	#3 (permalink)
straysweeper Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Oklahoma City Posts: 459	The situation ended up being resolved through other means. Looks like her bf ended up taking them to his brothers, which is unheard of move. My sister was drunk, and it looks to me like she using drinking as a coping mechanism. This frequency of problems like this is the main problem. And it sucks that my nephews and nieces seem to be the ones that suffer.

03-06-2009, 04:09 PM	#4 (permalink)
timothydrake Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 138	Well what are you gonna do? Nothing or something? If it is something then do everything you can to help your sister and her kids out even if you feel like its gonna be full of drama. If it is nothing then let her be. Sounds like she got herself into that mess in the first place. She's old enough to take responsibility for her actions. Have the strength to stay on the course you choose.

03-06-2009, 05:53 PM	#5 (permalink)
The Cloud Family Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 2,203	If you try to help your sister because you need her to be helped, then it is probably best for you to refrain. More anger, fear, or frustration isn't what she needs from you. If you can understand the situation without reacting to it, then it's you're call. Well, it's your call no matter what, but the confrontation may do some good in the second case. If you don't react to your feelings of anger or sadness, then you don't give your sister anything to react to in you. Then maybe she'll hear your words rather than just reacting to your reflection of her own disgust with the situation.

03-06-2009, 07:43 PM	#6 (permalink)
Eric Roosevelt Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 708	We can't make choices for other people. However, I would understand that you as a brother feel like you should do something. Have you even talked to her yet?

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