Fear of success

[disciple]

Hi guys, I am having a problem and I am hoping someone can point out any of my blind spots concerning relationships.

I fear having a girlfriend because I wouldn't know what to do with her lol. I don't think I am a fun person. I stay home on the weekends and go to school mon-friday. I rarely have time on the weekdays when I'm at school since it is filled up with studying and homework. When I do have freetime, I just spend it on the computer. I don't hang out with any of my friends anymore; it just seems like a waste of time hanging out with people who have different interests than me(I like to meditate daily and develop myself to become free from fear).

I read the Fear of Success article by pavlina that asked, "what would happened if you succeed?"

Well, it seems like the NEGATIVES outweigh the positives:
I would have to dedicate alot of time to my girlfriend(I barely have enough time as is, except for the weekends; I go back home on the weekends).
I would have to go out to different places.
I would have to take the girl out on a date. (I wouldn't know where to take her; plus No car when i'm at school)
I would attract more social encounters.
FEAR: Can I even hang out with her for hours? What if there's nothing to do?
It doesn't seem conducive to my spiritual goals(I don't think these chicks are interested in these spiritual stuff).

POSITIVES:
1. Deep intimate loving connection with a female
2. Satisfying the temporary sexual itch

Two can be taken care of by porn lol. On the other hand, #1, not quite haha.

I have only made two (quick) approaches in my life. Although scary, I feel I can handle this aspect easily. The more important thing is fear of success!

What girl would want a hermit who is interested in finding truths? lol.
I feel like I don't need much stimulus to enjoy my life. This doesn't seem to be the case with people.

In the past, it seems I was directed towards overcoming my fears. I don't know, but my intuition tells me I need to focus on my meditations right now.

Thank you for any insights. I would be sincerely grateful for anyone pointing out my blindspots and implementing new perspectives.

[SimonaRich]

You don't have to change yourself only because you would have a girlfriend. Just find someone with the same/similar interests that you have.

You are not the only one that likes to meditate, be on computer and spend time at home. There are many people like that.

And it is very good that you enjoy life as it is. That means you should be an easy person to get along with, without any dramas.

[Ralph]

Dude, you wouldn't BELIEVE what kind of people some girls can want As long as you want one, you'll find a hermit-lover soon enough.


It sounds to me like you don't consider social interactions fun. That's fine, different people amuse themselves in different ways.

What you consider 'fun' drastically changes over time. There is a way to change it - try various things for the first time. Try out some social things that others consider fun - never dismiss them without trying. If it bores you - that's OK, but do try. You might as well find out that you like something and there's where your interests will begin to become more aligned with meeting a girlfriend.

Also - lack of social skills is never an excuse. If you're going to live in a world full of people for 30 more years or so, you might as well develop them now, right?

Ralph