The lesson in cutting my hair

[Honeywith4bees]

I just thought that I would post this story for you all, maybe someone will get something out of it, or have a word of advice that I haven't already noticed.

Last Saturday night I shampooed and blow dried out my hair. I rarely take the time to blow dry it so it was a special thing. My hair looked absolutely amazing! Its longer than its ever been, almost down to my butt and just really, really pretty. I get lots and lots of looks when I'm out, and my older kids female friends are always telling them how nice they think my hair is. (So I'm kind of attached to it )

Well, Monday morning I was going through the mail and an advertisement for a local college caught my eye. There on the cover was a photo of a young girl, probably 17 or 18 (half my age, anyway) thin, beautiful straight white teeth and platinum blond hair with a fringey kind of haircut. Well, all of a sudden (and as usual), who I was suddenly wasn't good enough anymore. Suddenly, to be good enough I had to look like her.

So I called my ex mother in law and asked her to give me a hair cut. I showed her the picture and she proceeded to start cutting. She cautioned me that the girl in the pic had straight hair and I have naturally wavy hair so the cut wouldn't look the same, but I was insistent.

If ever there were a time when I wished I could turn back time, it would have been the next morning when I woke up and looked in the mirror.

It has taken me DAYS to forgive myself for not loving who I am in the first place (is that an oxymoron of some type?)

It's also interesting that I am focusing on being "Attractive" , with attractive being a catch all phrase for not acting in repellent ways, and here I go physically sabotaging myself like this.

Last night a Lucy catalog came in the mail with yoga clothes in it. I opened it up and there was a picture of a model with the most incredible stomache! I caught myself studying her image so that I could figure out how to replicate her look.

God help me! (Or if you can't do that could you please turn me into a Lucy model )

[Angela]

What's the purpose for you of Being Attractive? If you were being Attractive and not being repellent, then what would that do for you?

[Honeywith4bees]

The purpose for me is that I have a certain vision of my life that crops up each and every time that I visualize "the perfect" life. In that vision I am relaxed and at peace, surrounded by beautiful things and by my friends and my family.

In reality, I tend to get uptight and worried about perfection. I get snappy at the kids for leaving dirty dishes in the sink, I act irritated (while trying to cover it with a smile) by the kids friends making dirty shoe tracks on the kitchen floor. I invite the bf and his kids over for dinner but then silently seethe if the kids don't eat all their dinner. All of these actions act to repel people from me because they can feel my true feelings. If I remind myself to act in an attractive way, to open myself to Grace, then I can relax and remember that I don't have to be perfect, in fact shouldn't be "perfect", in order to achieve my dream life.

And having beautiful things? All my life I've only purchased the cheapest "bargain basement" stuff. I've told myself that it's because I'm not one of those "high maintenance" kind of girls, but truth be told, I think its cuz I don't think I deserve the good stuff. (My bf has always, all his life, bought the best of everything. And most of that stuff, he still has because it was quality crafted while I've probably filled a couple dumpsters with all the cheap, garbage I've purchased in my lifetime. So it makes sense in many ways.)

It helps me to have a positive thing to focus on (like Be Attractive), rather than a negative thing (like You are Not unworthy.) And for me, Peaceful and Relaxed doesn't do it as much as Attractive does. Attractive seems to have a much larger connotation. Attractive to good health, attractive to prosperity etc etc

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Honeywith4bees

Attractive to good health, attractive to prosperity etc etc

Okay, great! Do you have to have the right hair, or the right-shaped stomach before you can Be Attractive to good health and prosperity, etc.?

Must your body comply with some requirements before you will deserve health and prosperity, etc.? (Kind of like the kids and bf have to comply with certain requirements (no dirt, eat everything I give you, be perfect) before they will deserve your acceptance and stop repelling you?

[Dharma]

Honey,
When you look at the magazines or catalogs and see something you like -- that stomach, that butt, that hair.... and then you feel you're lacking something, it's time for some conscious realization.
(1) I'm all-that-is, I'm everything and everyone, the outer world is a reflection of me
(2) look at the pictures or the girl that just turned your bf's head and realize... THAT IS ME. You have to go into the feeling sense of it to really bring it home. Mentally saying it is 1/2 the deal.

On the perfection piece... Byron Katie - Loving What Is will fix that right up. Take it from a perfectionist, when you do The Work on these things, is really changes your perspective.

[Honeywith4bees]

Originally Posted by Angela

Must your body comply with some requirements before you will deserve health and prosperity, etc.?

Of course not, and I absolutely get that. I am now in the process of finding how firmly entrenched and all encompassing these feelings are and working hard to root them ALL out! It is soooo firmly rooted in the subconscious be perfect or you are Nothing that I have to be ever vigilant for ways that the "dirt can come up."

Originally Posted by Dharma

On the perfection piece... Byron Katie - Loving What Is will fix that right up. Take it from a perfectionist, when you do The Work on these things, is really changes your perspective.

Oh yes, the Work again. Thanks for reminding me.

With all the Work I need to do it's a wonder I get anything else done at all! (I'm saying this with lightness in case there is any question! )

Dharma and Angela, I always appreciate and value your replies, Thank you!

[seeker5]

Congrats for the realizing the lesson HW4B!

[Honeywith4bees]

Thanks Seeker!


In all seriousness though, as far as the amount of "Work" that I need to do, will it ever get any easier?

Is there ever a time when you can lay your guard down and relax with out worrying that the "Gremlin" will take advantage of your weakness???

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Honeywith4bees

Is there ever a time when you can lay your guard down and relax with out worrying that the "Gremlin" will take advantage of your weakness???

How does the "Gremlin" take advantage of your weakness? This isn't one of those "asking just to make you think" questions; I'm honestly curious.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Honeywith4bees

Is there ever a time when you can lay your guard down and relax with out worrying that the "Gremlin" will take advantage of your weakness???

You know what I thought after I read this?

It's going to be gruesome what I'm going to say.

But what I'm going to do is to find this Gremlin of mine, seek him out of his hole, and then take a knife and slowly cut his neck off and empty all of the blood out of his body and throw away his lifeless body. .

I don't care how long this will take, how much effort it will take, but once I'm done, then I'll be done. My Gremlin will be so decapitated and mutilated that there will be absolutely no possibility of this Gremlin coming back.

[magi13]

There is nothing wrong with looking good, but first you must accept yourself for who you are, faults and all in order to know your limitations and start from there.

Ask yourself this question, who do I want to look like in the long term perspective. I'm sure if you can answer this, you'll find a look that you can manipulate till the end of your days in the view of your liking.

You are like water, you limit yourself to the container that forms your physical form.

The rest, you just need to upkeep that form.

[Honeywith4bees]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

How does the "Gremlin" take advantage of your weakness? This isn't one of those "asking just to make you think" questions; I'm honestly curious.

A perfect example would be in the story above. I stopped being vigilant about my thoughts and ending up buying into the belief that who I was wasn't good enough. Or when I go to the gym, I should be working on my own personal fitness goals. Instead I may find myself trying to be "better" than others there, going faster on the treadmill, lifting heavier than I should because someone else is etc. When I am at work, I have to be better than my co workers for fear of not being valued, and by doing this I act to repel my co workers because I am always stressed and overworked. Or with my future step children, I have a subconscious fear that my boyfriend won't have enough love in his heart for both them and me, so I may find myself pointing out their negative behaviors to him so that he will see how much "better" I am so that I won't lose his love. This only acts to make him feel bad, which again acts in a repelling rather than attractive manner.

I am getting so much better at this. I don't act this way all the time, (maybe half the time ), but only because I am really consciously working hard to recognize the thought pattern that gets me to believe I can only be worthwhile in this world if I am perfect. And I can never be perfect, so its an uphill struggle with no satisfaction.

I find it hardest to pay attention to my thoughts when I am over tired (try being a single Mom that works a forty hour a week job, plus a part time job, and takes care of four boys and a home, with out being overtired ), or when I'm hormonally challenged.

So my question is, I wonder if there will come a day when I don't have to be so vigilant and persistent? Will there be a day when I can just wake up relaxed and confident and not have to do battle all day long with a thought pattern that wants to keep me down?

And that, really, is more of a rhetorical question than anything.

[Honeywith4bees]

Originally Posted by seeker5

But what I'm going to do is to find this Gremlin of mine, seek him out of his hole, and then take a knife and slowly cut his neck off and empty all of the blood out of his body and throw away his lifeless body. .

I don't care how long this will take, how much effort it will take, but once I'm done, then I'll be done. My Gremlin will be so decapitated and mutilated that there will be absolutely no possibility of this Gremlin coming back.

Sacrificial killing, huh?

Sounds good in theory Seeker, but I seem to recall someone saying that the Gremlin never goes away. (I think it was Carl Jung who calls it our shadow selves.) It's always a part of us, it's just a question of learning not to listen to it.

Have you ever watched the movie "A Beautiful Mind"? It's a pretty extreme example, but along the same lines. (I won't tell you about the movie in case you haven't seen it, it's really good!)

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Honeywith4bees

I wonder if there will come a day when I don't have to be so vigilant and persistent? Will there be a day when I can just wake up relaxed and confident and not have to do battle all day long with a thought pattern that wants to keep me down?

I appreciate that this is a rhetorical question, and I hope you will forgive me for commenting on it.

Today is the day when you can.

Crazy is when you think and behave as if you don't have a choice. Nuthin' wrong with crazy, but you might want to just take a look and see how all of your conscious and unconscious choices have led you to this point, and that's great news, because today, Right Now, you get to make a new choice and change the course of your life in a huge way. Right Now, too. and also Right Now.

What are you choosing now?

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Honeywith4bees

Sacrificial killing, huh?

No, not sacrificial killing, but more like simple homicide.

Sounds good in theory Seeker, but I seem to recall someone saying that the Gremlin never goes away. (I think it was Carl Jung who calls it our shadow selves.) It's always a part of us, it's just a question of learning not to listen to it.

I don't care about that theory. I've heard that from some people on here as well, some people I highly respected and trust have said that. I don't care to believe that. If I'm going to be working on removing my gremlin, I'm not simply going to be working to put him in a closet for him to come out whenever I'm weak; I'm going to destroy him. It may take a long time, and a huge amount of effort, but that's what I'm going to do.

Have you ever watched the movie "A Beautiful Mind"? It's a pretty extreme example, but along the same lines. (I won't tell you about the movie in case you haven't seen it, it's really good!)

That was more of a mental disorder caused by biological factors. What's affected you is more of a psychological factor that you grew up with that can be overcome. If you're comparing your situation with Nash's situation, then I can see why you think it'll never get easier. I suggest it's time to get a much better metaphor or comparison for your situation. You know that what you choose to believe about your situation can have a huge impact on how you're able to overcome it.

My model is more of like what happened with Steve. He was obsessively compulsive to steal. He worked on removing that huge compulsion to do so, and when he got out of jail, he stayed away from stealing but it was quite hard - he still kept having those compulsive thoughts and urges to do so for several years until he finally overcame all of it. I bet now it's been a long time since he ever had a thought to steal and that no matter how bad things may get for Steve, or how weak he may find himself, he wouldn't even have a single thought of stealing come up. That's what I'm talking about here.

[Honeywith4bees]

Originally Posted by Angela

I appreciate that this is a rhetorical question, and I hope you will forgive me for commenting on it.

I absolutely appreciate your comments Angela, always!

Originally Posted by Angela

Today is the day when you can.

Crazy is when you think and behave as if you don't have a choice. Nuthin' wrong with crazy, but you might want to just take a look and see how all of your conscious and unconscious choices have led you to this point, and that's great news, because today, Right Now, you get to make a new choice and change the course of your life in a huge way. Right Now, too. and also Right Now.

What are you choosing now?

I know, Angela, that it's not appropriate to act out of fear, but I am afraid, that if I relax my guard, then my mind will simply have time to regroup and find new, sneakier ways to entrap me. For instance, sometimes I will find myself replaying scenes from my past (daydreaming about the past, if you will) scenes where invariably someone has let me down. I feel like I have to be really careful because the habit is so engrained.

So, I WANT to be free, I feel like I can taste the freedom getting closer, but the fear is really strong.

(I have to give my kids a ride now, then go to work for the afternoon, but I am looking forward to hearing your reply, Thanks!)

[Angela]

Okay, great, Hw4B. You want this and you are afraid of that.

Now, what are you choosing?

Your unconscious mind is acting out in the direction of your dominant thoughts (your focus), so what kind of dominant thoughts are you choosing?

(Your unconscious hears you thinking (signaling to it) that "I want freedom and it's getting closer but fear is strong" so of course it cooperates with those thoughts, and keeps you right there -- "getting closer" (and never actually reaching it) One foot on the gas and other on the brake.)

Imagine in a few weeks, after you've been living with your conscious and unconscious mind working in alignment, living your ideal, free life. What's going on? What do you see, feel, and hear? What are you enjoying most about your new life? What did you choose that got you here?

[The Cloud]

The thing is, I don't think the Gremlin is real. I used to, and I know full well how real it can seem, but I'm now convinced that I was wrong. My theory hasn't fully developed yet, so it might not make much sense, but I'll articulate it as best I can.

The Gremlin seems to operate through emotions. It appears to be manipulating how you feel in order to influence your actions, such as making you feel insecure so you have to devalue your step-children. But I think that's inaccurate. I think that the insecure feeling accompanies your actions, but isn't the cause of them. The actions are you, and they come from you, and you are doing them. The Gremlin is just an artifact of your emotions, created from them and of them, and doesn't really have anything to do with your actions.

So you are the one that is doing all the things that you are doing, while blaming your emotional Gremlin for making it hard for you to do the right thing. But in reality the Gremlin may be your best "friend", because it's the one taking all the blame for the actions that you've committed. It can't be killed or undermined or avoided, because it exists only to protect you from responsibility. As long as you act as if it does anything to influence you, it will continue to exist in order to pretend at having influence. But your actions aren't controlled by your emotions, and thus the Gremlin has no power. Your actions are you, all of them. The Gremlin does nothing.

[Angela]

That was very well said, The Cloud! The Gremlin is a metaphor, a vapor, that represents some old pain that your body hasn't released yet.

Trying to kill, attack, maim or staple your gremlin is like trying to catch a greased pig. Or maybe more accurately, trying to track down Tinkerbell. You can try and try, and it is so exhausting.

Maybe more rewarding to focus on exercising what you want than to try to exorcise what you don't want.

[Honeywith4bees]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

The thing is, I don't think the Gremlin is real. I used to, and I know full well how real it can seem, but I'm now convinced that I was wrong. My theory hasn't fully developed yet, so it might not make much sense, but I'll articulate it as best I can.

The Gremlin seems to operate through emotions. It appears to be manipulating how you feel in order to influence your actions, such as making you feel insecure so you have to devalue your step-children. But I think that's inaccurate. I think that the insecure feeling accompanies your actions, but isn't the cause of them. The actions are you, and they come from you, and you are doing them. The Gremlin is just an artifact of your emotions, created from them and of them, and doesn't really have anything to do with your actions.

So you are the one that is doing all the things that you are doing, while blaming your emotional Gremlin for making it hard for you to do the right thing. But in reality the Gremlin may be your best "friend", because it's the one taking all the blame for the actions that you've committed. It can't be killed or undermined or avoided, because it exists only to protect you from responsibility. As long as you act as if it does anything to influence you, it will continue to exist in order to pretend at having influence. But your actions aren't controlled by your emotions, and thus the Gremlin has no power. Your actions are you, all of them. The Gremlin does nothing.

I'm sorry that I haven't had a chance to reply to this, I worked all weekend and just didn't have one minute of spare time.

I'm actually still too busy to address this as thoroughly as wanted, but I did want to say this:

This theory doesn't seem to work well for me. The minute I read it on Saturday morning my thought was "Oh, Clouds right. There is no Gremlin, it's just me acting like the loser that I really am." By Sunday morning, I was feeling really down again. Like there was no point in trying to "tame" the Gremlin, because there wasn't one after all. Just me. And me = loser. I was able to get out of the funk pretty quick because I consciously chose not to believe this particular line of thinking.

I also think that one of the reasons that I was such a prime target to end up in an abusive relationship is simply because I am so good at assuming personal responsibility for everything that happens. I had a hard time standing up for myself because I was certain that it really was all my fault.

That all being said, I know the actions are coming from me, but the actions are not really the problem. My actions are viewed by most everyone as being "perfect." I am perceived by others as being the epitome of "Superwoman". It's the thoughts that are creating the problem. Do you get what I'm trying to say?

Maybe you are right and I am just not really following you . . .

[seeker5]

I think forming empowering metaphors can be very powerful in helping us deal with psychological factors going on. For example a number of years ago I was stuck in a situation. I would visualize a metaphor to help me get out of this situation - and every day while taking a shower I'd visualize being bonded in chain (which to me represented the current situation I was in) and then breaking free of my chain and then flying up to the sky in freedom (which represented where I wanted to be). Overtime, I did achieve exactly that - I broke free of the bonds I was under at the time and achieved some dramatic and amazing changes in my life. So that metaphor was very empowering, and repeating it over and over in my mind was very helpful to me, as well as motivational.

However, conversely, using disempowering metaphors can really make things hard or nearly impossible. They can keep you locked down, and feel you have no way to overcome the issues. When I saw Honey use the metaphor "gremlin", I knew that was a disempowering metaphor. A gremlin is something nice that then becomes a monster and it's a nightmare dealing with it. My way to changing it to an empowering metaphor is to think of killing it. To think of killing this gremlin in me is very empowering, and it helps me think of how I'm going to remove these factors and issues inside of me. Perhaps for Honey, it can help her too, or there may be a more empowering metaphor for her to use to talk about her life's situation and her issues so that the metaphor can empower her, instead of disempower her.

Sorry for talking about you in 3rd person honeywith4bees . Regardless, I suggest that you find a much more empowering metaphor for you to think of dealing with your situation - one that can lead you to hope that you will eventually be rid of this problem.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Honeywith4bees

By Sunday morning, I was feeling really down again. Like there was no point in trying to "tame" the Gremlin, because there wasn't one after all. Just me. And me = loser. I was able to get out of the funk pretty quick because I consciously chose not to believe this particular line of thinking.

You could do that because the Gremlin has no power to make decisions for you. It had no control of the situation, no matter how big the fuss it seemed to be making was. You don't have to be rid of the Gremlin, you just have to recognize that whatever judgment it's making is wrong and has no power to control you. The down feeling had no power over you, the thought that you were a loser had no power over you, and that's all that there is to the Gremlin; emotions and judgments. All of them lies.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I think you try to control yourself through your judgments and emotions. However, since judgments and emotions are not where control comes from, you will always be frustrated in such attempts. Good feelings and good thoughts do not create good actions. They may accompany good actions, but they have no power to create those actions. You create those actions. So your thoughts actually have no ability to create the problem that you've decided you have, because they have no ability to create any action. It's you that gives the problem life, not the thought, and it's you that can take that life away.

[Honeywith4bees]

Originally Posted by seeker5

I think forming empowering metaphors can be very powerful in helping us deal with psychological factors going on. For example a number of years ago I was stuck in a situation. I would visualize a metaphor to help me get out of this situation - and every day while taking a shower I'd visualize being bonded in chain (which to me represented the current situation I was in) and then breaking free of my chain and then flying up to the sky in freedom (which represented where I wanted to be). Overtime, I did achieve exactly that - I broke free of the bonds I was under at the time and achieved some dramatic and amazing changes in my life. So that metaphor was very empowering, and repeating it over and over in my mind was very helpful to me, as well as motivational.

However, conversely, using disempowering metaphors can really make things hard or nearly impossible. They can keep you locked down, and feel you have no way to overcome the issues. When I saw Honey use the metaphor "gremlin", I knew that was a disempowering metaphor. A gremlin is something nice that then becomes a monster and it's a nightmare dealing with it. My way to changing it to an empowering metaphor is to think of killing it. To think of killing this gremlin in me is very empowering, and it helps me think of how I'm going to remove these factors and issues inside of me. Perhaps for Honey, it can help her too, or there may be a more empowering metaphor for her to use to talk about her life's situation and her issues so that the metaphor can empower her, instead of disempower her.

Sorry for talking about you in 3rd person honeywith4bees . Regardless, I suggest that you find a much more empowering metaphor for you to think of dealing with your situation - one that can lead you to hope that you will eventually be rid of this problem.

Nice example Seeker! I haven't really consciously used metaphoric visualizations before. I have used general visualizations in a LOA type of way and have had success in that. This is something I will give a try.

I have a deck of Osho Zen Tarot cards that a woman gifted to me about five years ago. I drew cards yesterday and they were "Letting Go" and "New Vision". The New Vision card had a beautiful picture that I thought about as a kind of visualization practice. (This morning, out of 50 some cards, I drew New Vision, again!)

Thanks for your suggestions and support!

[Honeywith4bees]

Originally Posted by Angela

The Gremlin is a metaphor, a vapor, that represents some old pain that your body hasn't released yet.

Do you think that you have to release the old pain?

Originally Posted by Angela

Maybe more rewarding to focus on exercising what you want than to try to exorcise what you don't want.

Or can someone find success simply by focusing on the new way of being? (Like attractive?)

[Honeywith4bees]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

Maybe I'm wrong, but I think you try to control yourself through your judgments and emotions. However, since judgments and emotions are not where control comes from, you will always be frustrated in such attempts. Good feelings and good thoughts do not create good actions. They may accompany good actions, but they have no power to create those actions. You create those actions. So your thoughts actually have no ability to create the problem that you've decided you have, because they have no ability to create any action. It's you that gives the problem life, not the thought, and it's you that can take that life away.

The thing that maybe I haven't conveyed too clearly, is that my actions are not my problem, its my thoughts that cause me the misery. And I do try to control myself with my thoughts but in a very, negative way. Why would someone do that too themselves? I don't understand why if I had control, would I keep acting out of fear? I am very afraid, afraid of "shining too brightly". I'm afraid that I'll make a fool out of myself. And also, right now, in my "real life", people always, always comment on how "with it" i am, how I've got it all together. I guess I'm afraid to let people in on how shaky it is inside my head because they are all so convinced that I am some kind of superwoman.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Honeywith4bees

Do you think that you have to release the old pain?

Heck no! It's a choice.

I've heard a lot of people say things like "pain is valuable" and "life is painful and you're in denial if you believe otherwise" and they may be right. The way I see it, however, is that pain is a really great way for my unconscious to open up hailing frequencies with my conscious mind so that I can *get* a message. Once I *get* the message and take appropriate action, the purpose of the pain has been fulfilled, and it's time to let it go.

It's like people who won't let go of their clutter. It's possible to let go of an object and still keep the emotion that it represents; you can give away the that 4 foot tall lizard sculpture Aunt Fanny gave you, and keep the feeling of love and gratitude and amusement, without having to dust a 4 foot tall lizard in your living room every day. You can take a photo or simply store a picture filed in your mental iPhoto. And some people would say that that's WRONG -- in order to honor Aunt Fanny and your relationship with her, you must keep the lizard. This is thinking that makes me laugh, because acquisitions can just take over your life if you never let go of any of them, can't they? And old, outdated pain is the same way.

Or can someone find success simply by focusing on the new way of being? (Like attractive?)

Sure, one can have plenty of success by focusing on what they want. Your unconscious mind will get right on board with your dominant thoughts. You can have success (like being attractive) and still have pain, if you want to. You can even minimize the pain by putting your focus elsewhere. That doesn't sound very vibrant, vital or inspirational to me, but that's just me. I'd prefer to thank the pain for its message and then let it go, and enjoy all the space I've got in my living room.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Honeywith4bees

I guess I'm afraid to let people in on how shaky it is inside my head because they are all so convinced that I am some kind of superwoman.

What would happen if people find out you're not superwoman?

[Honeywith4bees]

I don't know.

Thats why I have fear!!

The fact is, enough people have abandoned me, people that I love and care about what they think and how they feel, while I am acting like Superwoman, that I'm afraid of what could happen.

Who knows? maybe if I dropped the act, I'd find out it's not an act, and I really am Superwoman!!!

That might be fun!

[ns123]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

So you are the one that is doing all the things that you are doing, while blaming your emotional Gremlin for making it hard for you to do the right thing. But in reality the Gremlin may be your best "friend", because it's the one taking all the blame for the actions that you've committed. It can't be killed or undermined or avoided, because it exists only to protect you from responsibility. As long as you act as if it does anything to influence you, it will continue to exist in order to pretend at having influence. But your actions aren't controlled by your emotions, and thus the Gremlin has no power. Your actions are you, all of them. The Gremlin does nothing.

Thank you, Cloud, for saying this. Your words come at a much needed time for me. It acts as a reminder that I'm 100% responsible.

On the subject of superwomen:

I know of two superwomen, but both will not even realize that they are one themselves. It's like being cool, if you try to be cool, you are not cool. Both these women would say that they just do the best they can. But they do it, lovingly, gently, every day.

I, myself, wanted so bad to be a superwoman. I wanted to be strong, assertive, show that I was invincible and can do anything I put my mind to. What resulted for me was people saw me as overbearing, judgemental (in a negative way), and unable to be reasoned with. So they would never say so to my face. They never disagreed with me openly. But did so behind my back.

Until I stopped being a superwoman, but was just me, and accepted all that I was, worked slowly, silently, and gently to becoming my best self... that was when my relationships became more authentic and true. And when I stopped proving to the world I really was superwoman, did I love myself.

I do the best I can, every day, tiny step by the tiny step. I don't know if I'm superwoman, and I don't care any more. I just know that I do the best I can, to be my best self, and that has brought me more peace and well being than I've ever had before.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Honeywith4bees

...maybe if I dropped the act, I'd find out it's not an act, and I really am Superwoman!!!

That might be fun!

It would be! And maybe all the energy that goes into the pretense could be redirected towards getting, being, and doing what you want -- what is it that you want, Honey? What's your heart's desire? How would your life be if you had all the energy in the world to focus on it? What would be going on? What would you see around you? What kind of things would people be saying to you, and what would you be saying to them? How would you feel?