A chick is bizarrely fascinated by PUAs

[pyrogen]

For some reason I am bizarrely fascinated by the whole PUA thing... who else?

I've been learning a lot about social skills just reading/talking to people and watching The Pickup Artist on VH1, though obviously the way women do things is very different - I see so much that can be applied to daily life, not just to guys trying to get laid in bars. What kind of body language is a turn off, et cetera. I think I have spotted a lot of ways that I had weird body language.

[TonyToneTone]

Originally Posted by pyrogen

For some reason I am bizarrely fascinated by the whole PUA thing... who else?

I've been learning a lot about social skills just reading/talking to people and watching The Pickup Artist on VH1, though obviously the way women do things is very different - I see so much that can be applied to daily life, not just to guys trying to get laid in bars. What kind of body language is a turn off, et cetera. I think I have spotted a lot of ways that I had weird body language.

I'm really into it (I'm a guy). Most of the stuff, if not all of it, should work for a woman.

For instance, I see a pretty woman during the day. I use PUA Paul Janka's method to get her number which is walk up, compliment her, ask her for drinks (or whatever you want to do), get the number and get out in less then one minute.

Now let's reverse this. Let's say a woman was to walk up to me, compliment me, ask me to do something, and then ask for my number. That would most likely work as long as I was attracted to her.

[supertom]

I think your fascinated more by the social dynamics and how social conditioning is really a wrong way to get a partner.

are you gonna be a female PUA, have guys eating out of your hands??

[pyrogen]

Originally Posted by supertom

I think your fascinated more by the social dynamics and how social conditioning is really a wrong way to get a partner.

are you gonna be a female PUA, have guys eating out of your hands??

I'm learning a lot just about social stuff and being more socially savvy. I'd definitely like to attract partners who are decent lovers, in the future, who have relationship skills, too. I'm very much a female AFC, despite having a lot of theory in my head, and actually I'm a REALLY bad AFC with chicks (yes I go both ways).

Watching these guys I really see what my worst social mistakes were.

[magi13]

observe their body language.

when the girl opens up, let's say palms up legs not crossed. smiles, leans to you. holds your hand, allows you to hold her hand. (shaking hands is definitely suggestive)

simple things like that means she's open to you. but when her legs are crossed, or hugging herself, such things means she'll give you a hard time.

rubbing her shoulders, or arms means she's a sensual person. or when she loves laughing at jokes, she's fun.

you'll pick things like this through experience.


observe and learn. most importantly dare, to try it in order to weed out the things that does not work.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by supertom

are you gonna be a female PUA, have guys eating out of your hands??

I think she already is. Female predator.

[RT Wolf]

Haha. Reminds me of a study: take a college guy and send him to a bar to pick up soemone for casual six. Takes them bloody six months (no PUA training, btw). Take a woman and send her in, she's out in fiftene minutes. She just had to talk to someone.

[supertom]

Originally Posted by RT Wolf

Haha. Reminds me of a study: take a college guy and send him to a bar to pick up soemone for casual six. Takes them bloody six months (no PUA training, btw). Take a woman and send her in, she's out in fiftene minutes. She just had to talk to someone.

LMAO Thats a saying that all women are master PUAs and we're just trying to level the playing field

[thirial]

in terms of social skills the best thing ever created on the subject (and i've read extensively in PUA and PD) is Real Social Dynamics - The Blueprint Decoded

[TonyToneTone]

Originally Posted by supertom

LMAO Thats a saying that all women are master PUAs and we're just trying to level the playing field

All women ARE master PUAs.

[cylon]

All true. And they are such masters that they do it without realizing it.

There is a lot said about the man being the one that sees the girl, and makes his move, and is the one initiating everything.

But that's just on the surface. Women do the picking and choosing. They just trick us into think we're the ones doing it.

[pjhaggerty]

yeah, the subject is fascinating. There's a lot more to it than just PUA stuff though. The subjects taught in social dynamics can be applied to a lot of different places. For example, a salesperson creating rapport with a customer and a guy creating rapport with a girl are very similiar processes. It's a very broad subject.

[lisamelinda]

perhaps i should look into it. My meaningful stares aren't really working out to date! but i'm thinking maybe i'm just not ready.. then again, it could be my approach?!

[frajilthunder]

"First the laugh, then the eyes,
Then the touch-'em-on-the-arm,
And the drinks never seem to cost money"
-Craig Finn

[Eric Roosevelt]

Originally Posted by lisamelinda

.. then again, it could be my approach?!

Probably. You know what they say about first impressions...

Although I always thought that this was a rather limiting belief. If you're constantly thinking about making a good first impression, that will probably just make you look more nervous. Relaxed sexiness is the best.

[lisamelinda]

thanks. i agree, one shouldn't have to worry. besides, i make a great first impression just a bit shy.

[bunnyman]

Originally Posted by TonyToneTone

All women ARE master PUAs.

Then, why are there dating coaches who have female clients?

From what I heard on the Pickup Podcast, the female clients need to learn a whole different set of things than male clients do. They may not be very approachable, for one thing. Just being pretty is not enough, if she looks like she doesn't want to talk to anybody, nobody will talk to her.

Women who like other women seem to have their own challenges. How do you figure out if the other woman is interested? How do you show interest without being too aggressive? I've heard from several women that other women are confusing. Men would agree with that!

And yeah, a woman probably could go to any bar and find someone for sex in 15 minutes, but how many women want to? What about finding a decent boyfriend in a bar? That's a lot more difficult. Skip the bars, go to sci-fi conventions. Lots of single guys there!

I think there's a lot to learn from the PUAs no matter what your gender and orientation are. Ultimately, how to deal with other people is worth learning, no matter who you are and no matter what the situation.

[pyrogen]

I'm also starting to wish I had PUA friends, they seem like an awful lot of fun to hang out with.

I'm 35 though and most of us are probably over this stuff by that age

But as a 35 year old single woman I feel like I'm approaching the very height of my power, lol.

[bunnyman]

Originally Posted by pyrogen

I'm 35 though and most of us are probably over this stuff by that age

Your age is just a number. I've seen a lot of posts where a guy says, "Oh it's too late for me, I'm already 23. I should have dated more in college when I had the chance! You 19 year olds really have it made!" Or the high school guys will say "Oh I'm only 16, I have nothing to offer women. I wish I was in my 20s, then I'd really have a chance!"

Some people get interested in dating again in their 40s. Maybe after a divorce, or maybe after being single for too many years and being sick of being alone. I heard a guy in his 50s talk, and he was quite happy. For some men, they become more attractive the older they get! He would date 20 year old women, and he brings the life experience and wisdom, and they bring youth and new ideas.

Pyrogen, 35 is a good age for a woman. You're old enough now that you know yourself better than in your 20s. You can have relationships without all the drama and games. It's a good time to be alive.

[pyrogen]

Oh, no. It's definitely not too old for dating and having fun. I just would feel foolish hanging out with a bunch of young bucks who are picking up women in nightclubs, lol.

[Angela Leeds]

Pyrogen, you're a great age to have fun! Be sure to post the outcome of your experiences and what you learn here...

I don't know any PUAs, per se, but as a Mediterranean/Middle Eastern woman, I feel like I grew up surrounded by men who were masters of that by virtue of their culture. The PUA culture probly exploded in the US because American men just don't have the same kind of cultural training in it, and thus crave that...er..."wisdom".

[fitx3]

This is an interesting topic! I instructed a good friend on how to pick up a guy one night. This gal pal of mine is really shy and kind of insecure so I basically told her what to do. I told her that if she followed my instruction, she would have him interested in her by the end of the evening. It was SO MUCH FUN doing this and it worked! She even let me pick the guy! They exchanged numbers that night and continued to converse until he went on leave about a week after. Honestly don't know if she killed the relationship after that.

[pyrogen]

Originally Posted by Angela Leeds

Pyrogen, you're a great age to have fun! Be sure to post the outcome of your experiences and what you learn here...

I don't know any PUAs, per se, but as a Mediterranean/Middle Eastern woman, I feel like I grew up surrounded by men who were masters of that by virtue of their culture. The PUA culture probly exploded in the US because American men just don't have the same kind of cultural training in it, and thus crave that...er..."wisdom".

I think the PUA movement actually is one of the best things to happen to modern men in America. Men are actually learning how to date all over again. They're learning they have to actually DO SOMETHING to get women interested.

Women have long known they had to do something to get men interested. All men did was show up. Men aren't just showing up anymore, they're actually working on themselves, coming to the door dressed for the occasion, and learning to flirt back.

Back in the 50s men knew they had to ask women out. Now they know again that they have to ask women out! It's great! I just wish *my* generation would benefit more, it's my very generation that seems the lost generation.

[supertom]

Heres the secret - big business make a lot of money out of guys not being successful with girls but still keep trying to win them over , hence they spend alot on deceptive marketing to make men and women think that this is how dating is supposed to work.

My only wish is that PUA doesnt become the norm, cause they would kill it and we would be back to sqaure one.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by pyrogen

Women have long known they had to do something to get men interested. All men did was show up. Men aren't just showing up anymore

So when a woman goes to a bar and just sits there and waits for guys to come approach her, that counts as doing something? I'm going to go to the bar, sit by myself, act bored, and see if I get the same results.

But PUA is great because it turns the tables. Men SHOULD stop showing up. Let the women work for it for once.

But it should be noted PU is a broad (no pun intended) category, there are quick tips that mean nothing, but there is some great stuff out there too, that's all about self-improvement, putting women at the end of the list of priorities, after getting the important stuff taken care of first.

[fitx3]

Originally Posted by cylon

So when a woman goes to a bar and just sits there and waits for guys to come approach her, that counts as doing something? I'm going to go to the bar, sit by myself, act bored, and see if I get the same results.

But PUA is great because it turns the tables. Men SHOULD stop showing up. Let the women work for it for once.

No.

I thought it was about both people working it together? A "mating dance" where 2 interested people are involved. Who would want to approach someone who is sitting there acting bored anyway? Nothing is going to happen there!

[Angela Leeds]

Originally Posted by cylon

So when a woman goes to a bar and just sits there and waits for guys to come approach her, that counts as doing something? I'm going to go to the bar, sit by myself, act bored, and see if I get the same results.

But PUA is great because it turns the tables. Men SHOULD stop showing up. Let the women work for it for once.

But it should be noted PU is a broad (no pun intended) category, there are quick tips that mean nothing, but there is some great stuff out there too, that's all about self-improvement, putting women at the end of the list of priorities, after getting the important stuff taken care of first.

Sounds to me more like the perspective that leads to the shadow side of the whole PUA thing. If that floats your boat, have fun. But by giving up the pursuit & planning aspect of the man's role you actually become more feminine, not masculine. You'll attract women who are exploring their masculine side, as pursuers. You may want that but...just so you know, it's not a masculine trait.

The other thing to consider is that a woman who appears to be "just sitting at the bar" is not necessarily "doing nothing". Being receptive and being passive are two different things...receptivity is very active. But you'd have to be in a masculine pursuing mode to make the connection.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by fitx3

No.

I thought it was about both people working it together? A "mating dance" where 2 interested people are involved. Who would want to approach someone who is sitting there acting bored anyway? Nothing is going to happen there!

I don't think it's right either that the woman gets all pretty then waits for the guy to approach and have to face rejection. I never that was fair. It would be nice for the girl to make the move once in a while, but that's not "how it's done". Very well.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by Angela Leeds

But by giving up the pursuit & planning aspect of the man's role you actually become more feminine, not masculine.

I'm aware of this. And I'm glad you acknowledge that there's more to what the man goes through than just "showing up". Glad you give us credit for taking on the role you describe. It's actually a pain sometimes to go approach a woman knowing it's all on you. Women can't understand this because they've never had to go through with it.

Why do you think they even have shows like the Pick Up Artist? Because there is so much pressure on the male to "make things happen".

Women just expect men to suck it up and be a man, without realizing the turmoil so many guys go through, just to walk up to a woman and say hi without having a heart attack.

Other than that, I don't know what in my post made you think of "shadow side". I think it's entirely justified to have a woman prove herself to a man. It just sounds weird because so many men are afraid to actually do it.

Originally Posted by Angela Leeds

The other thing to consider is that a woman who appears to be "just sitting at the bar" is not necessarily "doing nothing". Being receptive and being passive are two different things...receptivity is very active. But you'd have to be in a masculine pursuing mode to make the connection.

No, all you have to do is read body language when someone is interested in you. You don't have to actually be in pursual mode to tell when a girl is checking you out. You just have to have eyes. If you want to pursue when you get the signal, then you pursue.

[fitx3]

Gosh if we all had the ability to read minds, I wonder what we'd be talking about instead! I guess there would definately be NO game playing or questions. Would life be boring or more interesting?