Learning to love

[SupersecretIdentity]

Steve speaks about how he had to have Erin teach him how to love. I just broke up with a girl who was totally in love with me, but I just didn't feel the same way back. I felt it was unfair to her that I couldn't give her what she deserved. I liked her a lot, we had great chemistry, but I knew I wasn't in love. This obviously broke her heart, and I want to grow from this.

After a breakup with a different girl, I worked really hard on my confidence, social skills, and being comfortable around beautiful women, which is how I ended up dating this girl. I've learned to recognize and overcome attachment, and really be my own person. However, I can't say I have ever experienced love (except for my dog ).

What I'm most unsure of however, is if I haven't recognized love, if I haven't come across it yet, or if I just haven't been doing the right things to really connect with someone on that level. I've figured out how to open myself up, which is how I believe she managed to fall in love with me. But I've learned that sharing love is just as, if not more, important than receiving.

I think a really great long term goal would be allowing myself to freely share love with anyone who was open to receive it, regardless of their feelings towards me. I'm not motivated by desire to make people fall in love with me. or really even cause any outcome. Rather, I want to leave my emotional door open for the possibility of forging a real connection. This sounds to me a lot like the unconditional love people speak of, and really close to Steve's talk of emitting a love field. For some reason, this concept feels different from romantic love, but I can certainly see it as a great way to connect to all sorts of people; friends, family, lovers, etc.

Obviously before I get to this point, I need to learn what love is, and how I express it. Thoughts?

[Alexjstrandberg]

Hey SSI,

Sounds like you having been doing great (growing a lot). You can have unconditional love for everyone but not be in love with someone. And you can be in love with someone but not have unconditional love for them.

Most people have conditional love for those that they are in love with. That's not unconditional love, it's simply neediness and attachment. "I love you because you are this person and if you change I won't love you quite as much anymore".

It' important to learn to unconditionally love the one you are with because if you don't that feeling you have will go away in time.

Make sure that you don't confuse unconditional love with gifts or compliments. Those things are nice but they aren't unconditional love. Forgiveness, understanding and compassion for another person is unconditional love.

I'm taking a shot in the dark but I think you will find someone that you are in love with when you find someone who is on the same frequency as you are. When you meet someone who is on the same self development path that you are you will feel extreme amounts of love (giving and receiving).