Complex relationships

[g5etbox]

A friend has asked me to put up my issues here to get some help. I think she is sick of me loading my problems onto her. The only way I can do this is in point form. I have posted here before.

1) I care for someone who has been my partner for 18 years. Our relationship became just close friends for about 12 years ago and since then she has become inflicted with mental health problems and Parkinson. So now I am her full time carer and given up work 5 years ago to care for her. We have a large age difference and she some what older than me.

2) Her son has aspergers disorder that is not diagnosed or expected by him or his partner. His family knows he has a problem but are not prepared to talk to him about it. His partner and I have attraction for the last 12 years and she goes through periods of wanting my company emotional and physically. Each time we link up and have a close relationship she panics and runs back to her partner blames me for taking advantage of her. My partner has know of my feeling for her and knows it is just me getting some external support, but wishes it was not with son’s partner.

3) I feeling upset I had to give up all my interests to care for my partner and she with her mental health problems wants me 24/7 and I find it hard to have my own space. I now suffer from depression and know my health is getting worse. My partner’s family will nothing to do with her care and support. Son will not even talk to her but daughter makes contact daily. Partner’s daughter knows of my problems and is worried.

4)I suffer from extreme ups and downs and until recently I have support from my close friend and buddy (son’s partner).

This must look very complex.

[g5etbox]

Link to my old thread about the topic.

http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/i...razy-life.html

[Mr_A]

Man what a soap opera

Well let’s look at the possibilities

You can leave your partner
You can stay with you partner

You can peruse a relationship with partner's son’s woman
You don’t peruse a relationship with partner's son’s woman

You got two decisions to make. You're probably looking for a way out that doesn’t hurt anyone. Sorry to tell you but pain is a part of life just like pleasure is. You can't stay in the situation your in, so you need to decided and you know the decisions you need to make, your just afraid of the consequences.

I say follow through with what you really want to do.

[dancer]

Hi g5etbox,

Are you making it more complex than what it needs to be?

I suggest you call a family meeting to discuss options for the 24/7 care of their mother. You mentioned in your other post that you do not want to see your partner put into care, but there may be other options such as home assistance, the family or friends helping out or something else. Allow them to take on some of the responsibility. Be honest with them about your own mental health. You need help and there is nothing wrong with asking for help.

Do you have a need to feel needed that has contributed to this situation?

[g5etbox]

The son suffers from either asperger or some mental issues and will not talk to his mother. He goes through periods of fighting with either his mother or father. He is unable to work and is kept by his partner. My partner’s daughter is overseas and wants her brother to get some treatment but is not willing to come back to Australia to care for mother. We all have all walked on egg shells when he is around so not to upset him. So the chances of him caring for his mother are nil. So round table meeting is not possible. Partners’ health is seen by family as my problem. I have been told don’t rock the boat.

I have broad shoulders but after years of this they are starting to fail. I try to keep as busy as possible so I do stop and think about the issues, but that is running away.