I'm afraid of a relationship. How long will this last?

[neuronomics]

After my last relationship I've found that I'm no longer interested in one, and have become afraid of any emotional attachments. Not only do I not want to become attached, but mainly I don't want her to become attached. I meet attractive/interesting women all the time, and enjoy meeting new friends. But now after this relationship I've been apprehensive about taking anything a step further.

I hate that I feel this way, and hate turning down great opportunities. It has been 9 months since the breakup, and I'm wondering how much longer this will last. I'm worried because this is not normal for me. Now, I'm not interested in any of the women I meet, even though they may be attractive. I'm a nice guy so I'm not interested in leading a woman on. There are women who'd like to date and have a physical relationship, but I know that I'll just hurt them by losing interest. I've been thinking that I don't want marriage or any type of committed relationship.

Does this just go away, or will it take a REALLY special woman to make me think otherwise?

[Foggy]

It sounds like you're fear of an emotional relationship is the core of this issue and your disinterest in women is a product of this. I think in order to tackle this you need to face your fear of relationships and initiate some. You don't have to jump right into a truly deep relationship, perhaps you would be better off with dates and casual sex or something, but just don't sit there and let your fear rule your life.

[neuronomics]

Yeah, I thought of dating and casual sex, but I feel like I'll wind up hurting the girl for some reason. I've already done the casual dating, and I don't even want to put in the effort for that. I don't want to hear them talk about themselves, and I don't want to pretend to care about all the details of their life. I know this sounds insensitive but it's just the way I feel now. I've never really been an a**hole, so this is the 'phase' I'm hoping goes away.

[Mr_A]

A relationship neuronomics means to me that two people come together to serve each others needs.

if one person is not getting their needs served. No body is getting their needs served. Approach woman with the ideal of mutual serve to one another.

You're serving her needs and shes serving yours.

Know that Relationships are spiritual opportunities to expand on the awareness of ourselves

[bluedragon]

If you don't feel ready for a relationship, you most probably aren't. But then again, so are most people, of any age. That is why so many relationships are spoiled by jealousy, quarrels and hidden anger.
Emotional attachment is the cause of all suffering, and you don't have to be a Buddhist or a Taoist to benefit from this understanding. Being attached to a person not for who they are, but because they fulfill YOUR needs, and you fulfill theirs, is very hurtful in my opinion. Better than two people being 2 halves of a whole, is when they are two whole persons sharing each other's wholeness, not two weak and needy persons fueling each other's insecurity.
My advice is that you work on your emotional balance and control, and when ready, you will see that being open to a relationship is a matter of being healthy in mind, body and spirit. When you feel good as a person and you function correctly, when you rid yourself of emotional blockages that have accumulated through everyday stress, open will be your natural state.
Until then, why not have fun, meeting more people and getting to know them and sharing experiences without the whole drama ?

[Yynatago]

Originally Posted by neuronomics

Yeah, I thought of dating and casual sex, but I feel like I'll wind up hurting the girl for some reason.

While you're working through your attachment issues, have fun. Be clear to the girl that you're not interested in a relationship right now, and if your intending nothing more than a quick fling, then express that through your actions. If you've been clear about your intentions and she still chooses to be attached and get hurt, that's her problem that you have little control over. There are plenty of girls out there that know how to protect themselves from that hurt, and they're the ones you're looking to have fun with.

Originally Posted by neuronomics

Does this just go away, or will it take a REALLY special woman to make me think otherwise?

I have a hunch your worries will just melt away over time.

[Ralph]

It will last until you make an internal change, it's not really a time-bound process. It could happen now or in ten years, the change is just the same.

Ask yourself "If I could flip a magic wand and put it to end right now, would I choose to do it?" If the answer is "yes, I'm ready", you're very close to the end of your fear. If it's "no", ask yourself "why not?" and start from those reasons you'll get as an answer.

It's really up to you to make the change, rather than wait for it. Of course, over time loneliness and/or other stimuli put together might make the change. Still, conscious choice is always better. Instead of asking "When will it end?", you should ask "When will I end it?". If the answer is "now", ask "How can I make it happen?"