My Small Penis Is a Big Problem

[JPX]

I have a small penis. The longest I have ever measured it at is 3.5 inches erect. When it's flacid, it is nearly impossible to see with the naked eye. It just shrivels and hides.

I am not attractive or rich enough to get a bunch of disposable one-night stands, where I can get my sexual satisfaction and not have to worry about those women not wanting to ever see me again because of my small penis.

In my early 20s I was in a successful rock band, so getting those one-night stands was no problem. Now at 37 I am just a regular guy with a regular job. Getting relatively attractive women to sleep with me is becoming more and more difficult, and sometimes after chasing them for months at a time, after one or two sexual encounters, they disappear from my life forever.

The sight of my almost-non-existant-flacid penis is enough to drive them away. They see me as a freak of nature. A woman once asked if I had been born a woman, because she thought my penis was actually an enlarged clitoris.

I dated my last girlfriend for about a year, after chasing her for a year before that. She dumped me about a month ago and in a moment of anger told me that she felt nothing when we had sex. We didn't have sex very often, but she pretty much told me she had been faking her pleasure the entire time. That hurt a lot. I had never felt so rejected in my life.

I'm frustrated, but there isn't much I can do. I have studied and spent thousands of dollars on fraudulent penis-enlargement techniques and programs. There is nothing out there that really works.

Now I just want to find a good woman and settle down, but it seems that society puts a lot of emphasis on penis size.

I have a lot of sexual energy, but without the proper equipment, it does me no good. Giving oral can only get you so far. Women want to feel a big man inside of them (or at least that's what I'm told).

Is there any way around this?

[tintin]

JPX


The actual kama sutra or kamasutra: Part II: On Sexual Union: Chapter I. Kinds of Union According to Dimensions, Force of Desire, and Time; and on the Different Kinds of Love by Kamashastra by Kamashastra
the above book was written a loong time ago.what i like about it is that 'It was OKAY' to be whatever you were,big small, medium.
hope it helps.

[Jasonv]

Originally Posted by JPX

There is nothing out there that really works.

Now I just want to find a good woman and settle down, but it seems that society puts a lot of emphasis on penis size.

That's not necessarily true. About 9 months ago I decided to start tackling my penis issues. I had always been worried about my size growing up. As a teenager, it stopped me from having a lot of fun experiences with the opposite sex.

So I did a ton of these acupressure techniques to clear out all my limiting/negative beliefs, traumas and stuck energy.

( All these techniques are for free ).

Welcome to TATLife® - the home of Tapas Fleming and the Tapas Acupressure Technique®

Tapping.com - Free EFT Videos - Emotional Freedom Technique

Inner Game Tapping

EFT Home - World Center for EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques)

My only intention was to get over my issues. Then shortly after, I started doing a ton of kegels so I could last longer in bed. I always had a sensitive trigger. I would do them on my way to work. At first, every time the bus would stop to pick someone up I would start kegeling until the bus was moving again. Then I incrementally increased my time spent kegeling. Then after a while I could kegel every time the bus would stop moving; at stop lights or at bus stops. Then I could kegel the entire time the bus was moving and only rest when the bus stopped. Then I could kegel the entire drive to work; about 15 minutes. This probably went on for 3-4 months.

When I first noticed my erections getting bigger I thought it was imagination. Then my girlfriend finally spoke up about what she had been noticing and enjoying. Needless to say, I've had a lot more confidence ever since.

During this time I also started doing this Taoist exercise called Deer Exercise. I learned it from a free ebook Practical Spiritual Wisdom for Men at Yang Town. This technique helped me to last longer and be more calm and controlled during sex. I think it may have contributed to my increase in size but I think the main thing was the kegels.

Overall, I gained about an inch in length. I am about six inches now. It's funny I used to measure myself at 6 inches but I would push the ruler deep into my skin for extra length, lol. I gained girth too but I never measured that so I don't know how much.

I haven't done kegels consistently for months now and I have kept all my gains. I think I could have kept making more gains but I'm pretty happy with where I'm at now. So even if you could only get up to 4.5 that would still be a pretty nice self esteem boost. Although, my penis is still the same while flacid but the acupressure will clear out any of your worries about that.

I think doing all the acupressure techniques cleared out all my internal resistance and made it possible for my body to respond and for my subconscious to not sabotage myself. Not sure, but I definitely think the acupressure was key.

So I really hope you try this because I'm pretty confident it will work. At the very least, the acupressure, especially from Welcome to TATLife® - the home of Tapas Fleming and the Tapas Acupressure Technique®, clear out all the years of stress from your system. That alone is worth thousands of bucks!

[timothydrake]

A wise man once told me. "Tim don't **** em with your dick, MIND****'em!" Blow thier minds! Yes it's pretty vague, take from that what you can.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Sounds like you need to find some less superficial women. I don't know that any of the pills or creams that purport to increase size really work. I'd doubt it. I know it's not exactly the same seeing as breasts aren't needed to perform a sexual act, but mine are tiny. There are a lot of guys out there who wouldn't look twice at me due to that fact, some who've actually made fun of me! What I found was that there are also people who accept a person for who they are and work with whatever "limitations" they may have. The thing is, this is a limitation in your mind which I think is probably affecting how you act with women. Get sure and secure in yourself and watch the woman who will love you and feel satisfied with you come forward. That's my advice. Good luck and maybe some dudes will have some other advice from a guy pov. To me it just seems ridiculous to have to measure and live up to some arbitrary size standard.

[carenkh]

There's been previous discussion here about penis size - you might find this thread helpful.

I'll say again what I said there: it's not your penis size, it's your attitude about it. Use toys, be honest, love yourself, love the person you're with. THOSE things make a difference.

[RubberDuck]

First of all, you do of course need to accept yourself as you are. I know this is difficult, especially if you have experienced comments about the size.

Anyway, what I would recommend you to do, is to get the issue out in the open at the first "appropriate moment". Simply tell that you have some complexes about your size, maybe even joke about it yourself I'm sure that the right woman will understand and it will make you feel a lot better.

RD

[pyrogen]

First of all, you need to process all that stuff from your ex - she gave you a complex. For all you know, she was just hurt and lashing out and none of it could be true. She kept having sex with you, didn't she? Was she SO inexperienced or had so little confidence that she *never* took the upper hand, and/or told you/showed you what she liked? She was just being spiteful.

That said, it can't hurt to learn more about sexual techniques. You really should learn to use every other part of your body. Learn to use your hands and mouth more. If you're big enough for penetration, save that for very last - the cherry on top of the sundae - after she's already had a few O's. If you're not, well - she can use her hands and mouth, too. You can even branch out and use toys, and educate yourself about different positions. There are different positions where a smaller guy can get deeper/get more friction.

Experiment with different ways to get and give pleasure, too. Fully explore your OWN body, I really like the books by Betty Dodson - google those. Listen to your partner about what she likes and have her show you when you first start getting together. Take your time to fully explore each other's bodies (you know, like most of us do as teenagers with the first partner).

Finally, not everybody can have sex with everybody else without some "hacks" involved; not everybody is physically compatible. This is one of those mistakes you see about sex in the movies.

Seriously. Plenty of lesbians have plenty of good sex without a penis ever being involved. The only thing that's an issue here is your ego and sense of manhood connected with your penis. Your ex attacked that, and you're still smarting.

But if you really become a dynamite lover, no woman will ever complain about what equipment you do or don't have, unless she's just being a bitch.

At least you can rule that out, and in the end say, "Hey, you never complained!"

Finally:

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

I know it's not exactly the same seeing as breasts aren't needed to perform a sexual act, but mine are tiny.

Had to jump in on this one - I'd give anything to be able to actually sleep on my stomach, and to ACTUALLY HAVE MEN LOOK ME IN THE EYE. Worst of all I'm active. I'd rather be able to have a chest that fits the rest of my body and my lifestyle than have what I have. The kind of guys I'd want to go with, don't like my body type. I've known a lot of guys now who prefer smaller chested women because they stereotype bigger chested women as being inactive and assume they don't do sports.

Just pointing this out to say that there's a cost and benefit for every body type.

[magi13]

This is the only hard thing to come by when this problem eventually rears it's ugly head.

The only solutions you will have is first to accept what you have. Use it as best as you can.

1. Exercise, if your fat, your thing will not show it's maximum length.

2. there is always the nip and tuck option (that's to have surgery)

3. Master your sexuality, learn to be a good or great lover, it's not just about the physical thing, it's about confidence and how you carry yourself.

4. Don't give up. You are a man, once you give up, your telling the world that you very genes suck.

^,^

Get lean, <-- this is the option I opt for you to get, and master your sexuality.

good luck.

people often give advice that says it is not your problem. Sometimes it is, stomach it, keep an stiff upper lip and move on.

[Plato]

Only thing that's ever shifted my limiting beliefs is The Work by Byron Katie.

Click my sig.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by pyrogen

Had to jump in on this one - I'd give anything to be able to actually sleep on my stomach, and to ACTUALLY HAVE MEN LOOK ME IN THE EYE. Worst of all I'm active. I'd rather be able to have a chest that fits the rest of my body and my lifestyle than have what I have. The kind of guys I'd want to go with, don't like my body type. I've known a lot of guys now who prefer smaller chested women because they stereotype bigger chested women as being inactive and assume they don't do sports.

Just pointing this out to say that there's a cost and benefit for every body type.

Exactly. We are on opposite ends of the spectrum and yet have the same issue. Basically there is going to be someone who accepts you as you are and others who will not. Hopefully we can learn to accept ourselves for who we are because then it becomes easier to find others who will accept us. The work starts inside.

My cousin who is well endowed in the chestal area has often joked that she get a reduction and give the "extra" to me...then we'll both be average

[aelle]

Plenty of good things have been said in the thread carenkh linked. The most important notion to me is that your skills as a lover depend on your attitude, not your equipment. I have to say that when I read this:

Originally Posted by JPX

I have a lot of sexual energy, but without the proper equipment, it does me no good. Giving oral can only get you so far.

I had to laugh out loud. You do know that a sizeable percentage of women (*raises hand*) never orgasm from intercourse, right? The average age for orgasm through vaginal stimulation is 35, and women definitely enjoy sex before that, or without it if it never happens. It's all about oral. Oral oral oral. And fingers, and a good lube, and toys, and breast play, and dirty talk, and nibbling on the earlobe (oh, the earlobe!), and making her feel desired, and, and... The penis actually does very little for her pleasure.

Of course, skipping (or not geting much of) a sexual act is frustrating if you like it, be it intercourse, fellatio or french kissing. But it certainly isn't a dealbreaker, and there are ways to work around it.

[supertom]

get really good at oral sex, or start another rock band but your confidense is making it smaller than it has to be.

dammit you made me miss a arsenal goal

[funchy]

I am not attractive or rich enough to get a bunch of disposable one-night stands, where I can get my sexual satisfaction and not have to worry about those women not wanting to ever see me again because of my small penis.

Two thoughts:

Some of the guys I see getting the one night stands aren't what I would call "attractive" by general standards. Attitude and personality is what gets you the girl.

Also, you have to realize that if you're insecure about this and you hook up with a girl who only wants cheap sex, she can still reject you the moment she sees you naked.

In my early 20s I was in a successful rock band, so getting those one-night stands was no problem.

You probably also hooked up with young girls who weren't a little more free with their sexuality, perhaps? (in other words, it may not have been the rock band but also the age/youth factor)

Now at 37 I am just a regular guy with a regular job. Getting relatively attractive women to sleep with me is becoming more and more difficult, and sometimes after chasing them for months at a time, after one or two sexual encounters, they disappear from my life forever.

I am a female. I have not met you nor so I know what you look like. The vibe I'm getting from you so far is one of insecurity, failure, and maybe a little discouraged/depressed. IMO that drives women away. The penis size is just the excuse.

You sound like a nice person, probably caring, intelligent, stable, and trustworthy. You sound like a great guy, definitely worth dating, if we can just get you past this issue. I bet you'd make a wonderful boyfriend!

I dated my last girlfriend for about a year, after chasing her for a year before that. She dumped me about a month ago and in a moment of anger told me that she felt nothing when we had sex. We didn't have sex very often, but she pretty much told me she had been faking her pleasure the entire time. That hurt a lot. I had never felt so rejected in my life.

If she thinks the only thing you can feel when having sex is penis inches, she's not only shallow, she just doesn't understand what sex should be.

Sex is all about the connection. It's about satisfying the other person. It's a sharing of intimacy & trust. The physical stuff is just a detail and can be helped with oral, manual, vibrators, whatever.

Now I just want to find a good woman and settle down, but it seems that society puts a lot of emphasis on penis size.

I'd rather date an honest guy with a 3" penis who makes me feel loved than a player with a 13" penis who is lazy and dishonest. You're filling the role of BOYFRIEND not penis. There's so much more more to that role.

For example, learn how to cook & pamper your woman with gourmet meals. Or learn to give really great massages. Or become a better listener so you are more in tune with her both emotionally & sexually.

I have a lot of sexual energy, but without the proper equipment, it does me no good. Giving oral can only get you so far. Women want to feel a big man inside of them (or at least that's what I'm told).

I'm a 36 yr old woman, also with lots of sexual energy. Good oral *can* be very satisfying. So can good kissing, affection, massage/touch, a little cuddling afterwards, saying the right things, and generally not being repressed or hung-up on something.

What good is a 12" penis if a guy doesn't know how to use it??? I've been there, both with the under-3" and the 12"+ ends of the spectrum, and I can tell you firsthand that it's not what you have but it's how you use it.

[danas]

Your problem is not your penis size my friend, its your lack of confidence.

I can tell you as someone who's seen a few, that guys with large penises are much more confident in themselves. And that is what makes them attractive and makes girls run to them, not the size of their penis.

Work on your confidence, on loving yourself, on realizing your selfworth.
What would you act like if you had a huge penis under your jeans? Now pretend you do and act that way!

I am now in somekind of long distance relationship with a guy, who I really like, but whose penis I havent seen yet. His ex, quite boldly told me that its small and that he sucks in bed. OK, thats not the greatest news, but you know what? Even if thats true, I still like him and want to be with him very very much.
My ex on the other hand had the most perfect penis Ive ever seen, and that was my main reason for staying with him. Not the love for him. I just got addicted to this little friend.
So do not focus on that- remember what you think is what you get!

[Magicinthenight]

I'm going to be frank here. Majority of women can't orgasm through penetration alone. Clitoral stimulation is usually the easiest way for a woman to come. So the size of your penis has actually quite little to do with the amount of pleasure you can give a woman. And believe me, once you manage to give a woman a mindblowing orgasm (oral sex and toys might be a good start ), you won't hear complaints about your size or ability as a lover.

[Pequod]

@ OP: Like many earlier in the thread said, your writing oozes low confidence and expectation of failure. Unfortunately, that is about the most effective repellent for attractive women. So the best thing is to work on a positive, confident mindset and your sexual skills. Having said that, it is possible to grow a larger penis.

There are several ways:

• Mantak Chia has in his book "The multi-orgasmic man" an excercise. He claims that one can easily gain an inch.
• Train your PC-musscle. The site Mr. Average - The true story about penis size, from a site that isn't trying to sell you anything. has the excercise. You can do it any time (nobody will see it, you can do it while driving your car or sitting in a chair).
• Use intention manifestation.
• Kevin Pezzi claims on Sexual Tips by Kevin Pezzi, MD that there are ways to grow your penis. I don't know the author, and he is somewhat shady about his background, but his site has a few good articles.

As an experiment (I wanted to test LOA), I used intention manifestation and to my astonishment I gained almost an inch (2,54 cm) in just two weeks. I didn't do any excercise either, just put out the intention every morning and night. I can give you the details of my procedure if you like.
By the way, I reversed the experiment after that, because after two weeks I looked up some statistics about size and saw that I was already bigger than average (Why didn't I believe my ex-gf's who told me so??? Maybe I watched too much pornstars haha), and I read that when you're too big, it can be a problem with full penetration. That's one of my favorits, so I decided to 'reset' my size.

There's a lot of nonsense going around about this subject and I've noticed that very little people seem to know even the basics. Here are some facts & figures:

• On wikipedia is a very good article. Just search "penis size". I like especially the graphs. There is also infrormation on how to measure etc
• Girth (circumfence) is much more important than lenght
• The sensitive area is only the first 4 inch (10 cm) of the vagina. So you don't need more than that.
• Some wonen like to be stimulated way back in the vagina (posterior fornix), but for others it is painful
• Last but not least: just as important as penis size is vaginal size. The variation in vagina's is maybe even higher than in penises. Some women need an 8 inch (20 cm) penis to feel satisfied, others will cringe in pain. Even if your women really didn't feel the intercourse (it seems like she just said it to hurt you), with another women there will be an anatomical match.

That reminds me of this songtext of Prince:

(her) Why is your organ so small?
(him) I didn't know I was playing in a cathedral!

[theknightwhosaysni-NI]

I'm not going to reply directly about the size of your sex. Instead, look at this video :

YouTube - Nick Vujicic, No Arms, No Legs, No Worries! Part 3

At some point, the guy says : "find something you really like about yourself, and that no one can deny you have, and start from there" (or something like that).

Don't look at missed opportunities, cause it's going to make you miss more things. Look at what you've got that no one else has, or at least that no one else can deny you have...

[jaamkie]

Included among the "toys" category ought to be penis extenders- have you ever tried one? I'd be disappointed with an extra-small guy if he expected just oral to satisfy me, because I enjoy the feeling of penetration; but I'd be ok if the guy accepted himself and seemed comfortable/skilled in using toys to make up the difference. Of course there's also all kinds in this world, maybe you just haven't manifested the right woman with compatible desires... Anyway, as others have said, self-acceptance, confidence, and honesty can't but improve your chances with women.

[angies]

So many good advice here. I think for women, size is only for visual affect. Being a good lover ranks so much higher than a big penis. Trust me big penis is very overated. Many of my friends have problem with sex because their bf have big penis, You have to be so careful not to hurt the girl when you are oversize. But when you are nice and small, you can try any positions. There are many books on the net teaching the art of love. Don't be afraid, learn and try new things, have fun.