Some thoughts on introversion

[Dimitry]

Grrrreeaaattt thread guys (think Tony the Tiger ).

It really resonated with me on a deep level as I've experienced a lot of VERY similar emotions from a young point in my life. Through working in the retail field and meeting some people who didn't judge me based on what I said but who I really was as a person, I was able to finally open up (though not fully) and start interacting more.

Now I'm at the point where I'm very open with people that I choose to be and closed with people I don't (somewhat in the middle with others). If I know a friend doesn't engage in personal developement conversations, hardly talks when trying to have a deep conversation or an intellectual discussion, I hardly bother anymore. It just creates unnecessary tension. I'm glad to have found that one friend, like you guys have said, who I can truely connect with and hold these kinds of dicussions. We have our differences and some aren't small, but that's ok. It makes for interesting dicussions sometimes.

What I would like to say is I think that there's a time and place for everything. I think that chit chat and small talk are ok if you also engange in other forms of conversation also. I have plenty of chit chat conversations with my good friend. Sometimes after a long day, we just meet for a tea/coffee and just joke around or talk about nonsense. It let's the mind wander (sp?), be free and relax. You can't always be "on and thinking" because deep conversations come with a price of their own too.

Like it's always been said, find a balance. Neither extreme of each spectrum is the right answer because you'll always find something missing that way (imo).

[Lychee]

Is anyone here a loner?

[Andrew Brunelle]

I don't know about you, but I'm a very relaxed guy. I don't like to spend too much time with people, but I don't like to spend too much time alone. I prefer time in solitude, so I can go at my own pace, but sometimes being with people helps you map out some things you've been thinking. Bouncing off ideas and also being receptive to others' ideas are a couple of benefits of talking to people. I go through stages where I'm aching to speak to someone, then the next day, I prefer peace and silence so I can ponder different things. I don't know if this helps, but the key here is balance. Don't spend too much time with "energy vampires," but don't neglect that other people in this world DO exist. I guess you could say I'm an introverted extrovert, someone who can have it either way and still be happy. I think it's about that whole inner peace thing, not being swayed by external outcomes. I'm on this sort of path and I encourage everyone to do so as well.

[Lychee]

Originally Posted by Andrew Brunelle

I don't know about you, but I'm a very relaxed guy. I don't like to spend too much time with people, but I don't like to spend too much time alone. I prefer time in solitude, so I can go at my own pace, but sometimes being with people helps you map out some things you've been thinking. Bouncing off ideas and also being receptive to others' ideas are a couple of benefits of talking to people. I go through stages where I'm aching to speak to someone, then the next day, I prefer peace and silence so I can ponder different things. I don't know if this helps, but the key here is balance. Don't spend too much time with "energy vampires," but don't neglect that other people in this world DO exist. I guess you could say I'm an introverted extrovert, someone who can have it either way and still be happy. I think it's about that whole inner peace thing, not being swayed by external outcomes. I'm on this sort of path and I encourage everyone to do so as well.

I think that's a healthy way of doing things.

[MichaelRGaudet]

Helgi said, "The thing is, I've experienced how approaching people on this level can change everything. It's amazing, and really what's more likely to occur than rejection and offense is that people become more calm and peaceful."

In a way, Helgi, this entire conversation is hanging on the hope that we are all in an atmosphere of trust and good faith, where we can let ourselves be vulnerable without a fear of getting trampled.

So far so good. I've read the whole thread and it seems that people are willing to engage. So it's all good. I usually feel awkward at social gatherings where I don't know anyone. I try to fit in but have trouble finding a context. Small talk is usually just that...small. I guess you could always ask the regular question, " So, what do you do?" and hope for the best. I would much rather have a prolonged discussion about a subject of mutual interest, maybe with some resolution at the end. Better yet, a discussion that leads to a creative collaboration. Something real instead of just more small talk. I am happiest engaged in talk of some substance with people that are willing to go beyond the trivial.

In fact I really, REALLY invite this into my life!

Maybe a lot of the awkwardness in groups comes from the experience that most people just want to
talk on the surface. The thrill is when you run into someone who is willing to go with you to a deeper place.

I visited your EVERYDAY WONDERLAND site and I am deeply impressed. The ideas that you float are impossibly hard to resist. What could be better than creating one's own wonderland of possibilities at will? It is heady stuff. Maybe your clarification takes us one step closer to living 'The Secret'...

What could be better for our soul-growth then deep happiness? On a daily basis?

[helgi]

Originally Posted by MichaelRGaudet

In a way, Helgi, this entire conversation is hanging on the hope that we are all in an atmosphere of trust and good faith, where we can let ourselves be vulnerable without a fear of getting trampled.

Exactly! Except I would say that it is more about discovering that the vulnerability was an illusion to begin with. And that you don't have to hope that other people will not hurt you, because as long as you respond to attack with love there is nothing and nobody that can hurt you.
The big threat in all of this is rejection, and if you respond to rejection with acceptance it will expose the entire acceptance/rejection polarity as an illusion. I.e., responding to fear with love will show fear to be an illusion.

The acceptance/rejection polarity exists entirely within the realm of ego, and so when you go beyond ego you leave the polarity behind as well.

And regarding the small talk, what you said reminded me of a quotation that goes something like: "Small people gossip about other people, mature people talk about things and events, and great people discuss ideas." (The original was probably a whole lot more eloquent, but you get the drift)

Surface communication like that is just an egoic trading deal, where people attempt to gain a sense of self through other people's validation. Build their 'personal worth' through aquiring favorable judgment from others, almost like a publicly traded company on a stock exchange.


edit: and thanks for the comment on the site, I appreciate it

[Epistis]

When I was younger, I was painfully shy. I didn't know that I was "introverted" or even what it meant to be such. As I grew older, the shyness went away, but the desire to be alone stayed strong.

I have never been able to relate with (most) people, and as Helgi said, when I'm around other people, I tend to get into the "My ego is bigger than yours!" game, and I don't enjoy that...however, I find myself unwillingly pulled in.

Another reason is that my words never seem to come out right, or even if they do come out right, they're not received properly.

Lately, my introversion has taken a positive spin, and I'm able to balance it with healthy extroversion. I believe that either extreme is damaging to the psyche.

We must take what we learn through introversion, and apply it through extroversion. A healthy and comfortable balance is key.

[willy_dilly]

I am an introvert also and would like to adopt the same mentality mentioned in your post. However, how does this fit in the corporate world, where extraversion, communication, and teamwork are valued.

I've been struggling with this because I do not like to participate in the talking for the sake of talking game and the need to compete with others to get heard. How can I use my introversion as an advantage? Or better yet, the question should be, how to I make my introversion less of a disadvantage?

[pdamoc]

Originally Posted by willy_dilly

How can I use my introversion as an advantage? Or better yet, the question should be, how to I make my introversion less of a disadvantage?

First start by understanding that introversion IS NOT A DISADVANTAGE!
Next do a functional analysis of your specific type. (I do recommend using socionics for this)
Discover your socionic type and study the Model A disposition of the functions within your type...
Every type has within the Ego block both an introverted AND an extroverted function. Your program function might be introverted BUT your program implementation function is extroverted and it is powerful.

Find how you can best utilize your top 2 functions to better serve the organization and the collective you belong to. When you start using your strong functions you will become better and you will provide better quality service to the people around you and of course to the organization and when you do this....they will love you for being introverted, they will love you for being the very person you truly are.

Don't try to be another kind of person, you'll fail miserably, try instead being the very best version of yourself.