Met A New Girl :D

[Hsiang-Lin]

Hi everyone,

I just met a new girl at a party and we hit it off really well. She was born in Saudi Arabia like me and I could feel an instant connection. We talked for quite a bit at the party, but I got nervous after halfway through when I realized she might actually be potential girlfriend material. I started sweating a lot and I had to excuse myself 2 times :P

Problem is, I'm not sure how to get to know her better or meet up with her again. She gave me her e-mail, but we're in different departments and I don't know how I can get in touch with her without seeming creepy. I'm also worried a bit about what other people will say (which I know I shouldn't). Also, I don't know if she has a boyfriend.

Should I just go ahead and ask her out to lunch? My experience with Asian girls in the past is that they are rather shy. Also, I'm hoping to use a balance of PUA + my natural ability this time instead of forcing myself to use only PUA routines.

My gut feeling is saying there is a good way to do this as opposed to the painful way of the self-conscious PUA so I'm looking for any suggestions from you more experienced people. Thanks!

[magickmystik]

Yeah, just go ahead and ask her out for lunch and see what happens...

Life is too short

[KeithHandy]

Stay open to the idea of "potential NON-girlfriend material" as well, until it's further along. Be flexible, but be sure to let her know you're interested in doing something or talking more.

If you don't feel relaxed about it, ask yourself what you would do or say if you felt relaxed. And then pretend to feel relaxed.

[Abhey]

wrt to KeithHandy, big no no about being murky. It's a way of protecting your ego. Be honest clear and upfront about what you want. Don't be afraid to lose her.

[tc33]

Originally Posted by Hsiang-Lin

Hi everyone,

Hi!

I just met a new girl at a party and we hit it off really well

Awesome, good for you!

Problem is, I'm not sure how to get to know her better or meet up with her again. She gave me her e-mail, but we're in different departments and I don't know how I can get in touch with her without seeming creepy.

Just play it cool. If you can't ask her out in person for whatever reason, ask via email. "Hey I had a great time talking with you the other night. Let's have lunch tomorrow at [Jim Bob's Country Cattle Roadhouse] at 11:30. Sound good?"

I'm also worried a bit about what other people will say (which I know I shouldn't).

You're right. That guy in the cubical near you that you don't particularly care about might find out. So what if she's your dream girl? That guy might not like it! Oh no! OK I'm obviously being sarcastic here...but you get the point. Doesn't this sound stupid? Is this what you're saying to yourself unconsciously?

Also, I don't know if she has a boyfriend.

That's her problem, not yours. If she has a boyfriend, she'll either decline the date or tell you while you're there. That doesn't mean you have to stop persuing her; she's a big girl and can make her own decisions.

Should I just go ahead and ask her out to lunch?

Yes! The longer you wait, the more you'll psyche yourself out over it. As a self-professed PUA, I'm assuming you've read 'the game'? Remember the 3 second rule? Yeah. That. Same concept.

My experience with Asian girls in the past is that they are rather shy.

Caucasian males like myself hate stereotypes.

My gut feeling is saying there is a good way to do this as opposed to the painful way of the self-conscious PUA so I'm looking for any suggestions from you more experienced people. Thanks!

Not being a PUA, I couldn't tell you. Since you're probably not solely trying to get laid PUA-style, you gotta have some substance, which you do. Have confidence in your true self; not the 'mask' you wear when you become a PUA. If she's worth keeping she'll accept you for who you are, whatever that may be. Sounds corny, I know, but how long do you think you can pretend to be someone else in a serious relationship?

Now, go out and get her dammit!!! GET SOME!!!

Tom

[mattsonn]

Originally Posted by Hsiang-Lin

My gut feeling is saying there is a good way to do this as opposed to the painful way of the self-conscious PUA so I'm looking for any suggestions from you more experienced people. Thanks!

(a) You're right. There is a good way to do it. But you're not going to get it this time. So just follow through with it, relax, and pay attention to what happens.

(b) You should be going to this place to ask this sort of question: Students of David DeAngelo - The Board

(c) And if you aren't already getting DD's newsletters, then you should be.

[mattsonn]

Originally Posted by Abhey

wrt to KeithHandy, big no no about being murky. It's a way of protecting your ego. Be honest clear and upfront about what you want. Don't be afraid to lose her.

Actually, that's really solid advice too.

[Hsiang-Lin]

Hi everyone,

Thank you for your advice and suggestions. I think the most empowering path for me now is to go with the mentality of not being afraid to lose her.

In the past when I've thought about what I need to do to get her to like me, I feel imprisoned and uncomfortable with myself. I want to be honest and upfront and face the brutal rejection if need be so that I can be at peace with myself and God.

My instincts are telling me I'm in no need to hurry. PUA logic says so otherwise, but this time I'm gonna follow my instinct. But I have the feeling I will e-mail her soon to arrange a lunch date. Call it a random gut feeling. If we were meant to be, then we were meant to be. Till then, I'm gonna keep on top of my other PD pursuits and strive to be come the best person I can be. Take care my PD friends!

[Kristoffer]

Originally Posted by Hsiang-Lin

My instincts are telling me I'm in no need to hurry.

I will e-mail her soon to arrange a lunch date. Call it a random gut feeling. If we were meant to be, then we were meant to be.

It is very difficult to give advice in this area, but I thought I would give you some input.

First, I think you are right to go with your instincts. Gut feeling plays a major part here I think.

Having said this, I would also like to add one thing. Getting a date is about showing guts. To be brave. That is why I am somewhat hesitant to your idea to send her an e-mail. I suggest call her on the phone instead. Why? For two reasons:

1. Because it signals that you are brave. You have the guts to ask for a date. It signals that it is important to you, it shows more respect. Sending a mail is not so brave, and it signals more of a "whatever.." attitude.

2. If you send an e-mail, she might not answer. Or she will give you an unclear answer, like "maybe later". From there it will be more difficult to take the next step.

[bollenbach]

Welcome to the best advice you will receive

There's no magic to it... it's very simple..

Take a sincere interest in her.. and talk about that.
Don't feel like.. you need to come up with things to say.

Greet her with a smile, ask her how her day went. Steer the conversation in the direction that you want to find out more about her than the other way around. And in time she'll want to know about you.

It's ten times easier to get someone interested in you by being interested in them, than it is to get people interested in you.

I hope that helps at a basic stand point.

[Andrew Brunelle]

Who cares what other people think? If you care what other people think, you really care what part of you thinks. If you're even considering you may come off as creepy, part of you thinks you will come off as creepy. Just let those thoughts go and be yourself. Be honest.

[Alex]

Originally Posted by tc33

Just play it cool. If you can't ask her out in person for whatever reason, ask via email. "Hey I had a great time talking with you the other night. Let's have lunch tomorrow at [Jim Bob's Country Cattle Roadhouse] at 11:30. Sound good?"

Pretty solid advice, I would personally phrase it like "Listen, I need some more friends at this company, the ogor in the cubicle next to me bores me to death. Let's do lunch Tuesday or Wednesday, let me know what time works for you"

You approach her without seeming threatening by throwing out the friends and make her wonder why you aren't hitting on her. Give her options for lunch, but not open ended questions like "would you like to have lunch with me". Of course she is dieing to have lunch with you, you stud, just what time exactly.

Otherwise good call tc33.

Good luck and like the other guys said, do not be afraid to lose her, and remember you are the prize

[Kristoffer]

Originally Posted by Alex

You approach her without seeming threatening by throwing out the friends and make her wonder why you aren't hitting on her.

Sorry but I disagree with this. Don't say that you want to be friends because it signals only friends and not a romantic involvement. Can be tricky to change later. Better to signal romantic interest from the beginning.

[RT Wolf]

Sorry, but I gotta disagree with Alex here, too. Don't say you want ot be friends, otherwise hte ladder theory will bite you in the ass: Ladder theory - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[Dating Specialist]

Hmm, sounds like you are feeling very nervous about how to approach her?

Experience tells me that this usually happens because you really are interested in her, and not on a normal friendship basis, am I right Hsiang-Lin?

Well, I guess emailing her for a lunch date sounds extremely nice. Emails should be a comfortable way to restart conversation with her. Some about of nice flirting (like complimenting her on something you noticed in the party?) will be a good way to build up interest before the lunch itself.

In the pursuit of a girl you fancy, by allowing yourself to be bothered by what others will say is really not helpful in any way. So have confidence, be strong Hsiang-Lin.

Doing some visualisation can be a good way to mentally prepare yourself for the date itself, and think of some positive and loving thoughts about her when you are sending the email. I believe in the sending of thought waves. She may catch them and reply with a "Yes, I'd love to meet you for lunch!"

Good luck! Enjoy this process!

[alexb5784]

Originally Posted by Hsiang-Lin

Also, I'm hoping to use a balance of PUA + my natural ability this time instead of forcing myself to use only PUA routines.

What's PUA?

Thanks,

[Alex]

Originally Posted by RT Wolf

Sorry, but I gotta disagree with Alex here, too. Don't say you want ot be friends, otherwise hte ladder theory will bite you in the ass: Ladder theory - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Ladder theory, very funny! =)

No, my intentions were to give him advice that would actually achieve the complete opposite of what Wikipedia defines as ''intellectual whore''. I guess one paragraph isn't enough to explain what I meant. But, it has to do with acting like more than friends and saying that's all you want, which in fact would create mystery. I was not suggesting that someone would become the "nice guy", nor did I mean for it to sound like I wanted him to be her girlfriend. It doesn't really matter though, I'm sure their interaction is somewhere further along than this by now.

[Dating Specialist]

Originally Posted by alexb5784

What's PUA?

Thanks,

It stands for Pick-Up Artist dear

[John Hill]

Well done mate, it always feels good to meet somebody new. I am an Aussie living in Asia and I have found that nice Asian girls like attention and usually love being asked out. If you don't ask you won't know and you will be kicking yourself if you don't ask her.

When she says yes, just let it flow in its own way, always tell the truth and you'll do great.

Good luck.

John

[RT Wolf]

Originally Posted by Alex

Ladder theory, very funny! =)

No, my intentions were to give him advice that would actually achieve the complete opposite of what Wikipedia defines as ''intellectual whore''. I guess one paragraph isn't enough to explain what I meant. But, it has to do with acting like more than friends and saying that's all you want, which in fact would create mystery. I was not suggesting that someone would become the "nice guy", nor did I mean for it to sound like I wanted him to be her girlfriend. It doesn't really matter though, I'm sure their interaction is somewhere further along than this by now.

I love that theory, it's hilarious.

[Hsiang-Lin]

Well, I just sent her an e-mail asking her out for lunch.

Funny thing is I think she gave me a wrong e-mail. I truncated a part of it, so that it made sense so hopefully that's the right e-mail (imagine another girl reading my e-mail and thinking, "What the--?")

As for my feelings for this girl, there is interest, but I feel it's more a connection than any sexual drive. I didn't feel too attracted to her until I talked with her and found out she was born in Saudi like me. I've calmed down since then and I'm not too nervous about the situation. Whatever happens is OK. I've got many things on my plate so one bad apple won't matter too much. Ideally though, this would lead to something good and maybe possibly my first gf! I think I would be more shocked if anything if that happened though.

Thanks for all your advices!

[Dating Specialist]

Originally Posted by Hsiang-Lin

Well, I just sent her an e-mail asking her out for lunch.

Funny thing is I think she gave me a wrong e-mail. I truncated a part of it, so that it made sense so hopefully that's the right e-mail (imagine another girl reading my e-mail and thinking, "What the--?")

As for my feelings for this girl, there is interest, but I feel it's more a connection than any sexual drive. I didn't feel too attracted to her until I talked with her and found out she was born in Saudi like me. I've calmed down since then and I'm not too nervous about the situation. Whatever happens is OK. I've got many things on my plate so one bad apple won't matter too much. Ideally though, this would lead to something good and maybe possibly my first gf! I think I would be more shocked if anything if that happened though.

Thanks for all your advices!

All the best to you! Looking forward to reading your progress and results here soon!

[Hsiang-Lin]

Well, in case any one's wondering, she e-mailed me actually and apologized for giving me the wrong e-mail. So she never got my original e-mail. We're meeting for lunch next week and I'm also planning on asking her to go to the new fitness club we have on campus (since I love to workout and maybe she would be interested too).

She sounds pretty excited about the meeting too so I think this will be fun. I don't really have high expectations and would just like to hang out with her more, but if things go well, I'll attribute it to God, LoA, PD, everything

[RT Wolf]

Nice! Good luck!

[StarFish]

I'm so happy for you, and I'm wishing you the best of luck!

[Hsiang-Lin]

Thanks guys! It's great to have such positive people like you in my life. Keeps me in perspective and looking on the bright side. We'll see how it goes next week!

[Dating Specialist]

Oh wow! Looks like this site has more reasons to be happy about! You go HL! Enjoy your date, remember!

[aznandyboi]

keep us updated on the news please.

[Hsiang-Lin]

Well, I'm about to meet her in about 30 minutes so updates after that

[Angela]

Imagine us all, your little positive angels, looking over your shoulder and smiling! Well, maybe better not. But we're sending you positive vibes!!