At what age should you marry?

[dreamtime07]

I'm 20 and I haven't got a girlfriend all my life; I'm afraid of having a girlfriend or commitment. It has come to me thinking about whether I'll ever find the right one for me or that I should wait for me to be more mature to ever have such a relationship.

Based on what I read on the net (Link:What is the right age to get married?) The right age to marry is different for everybody and it needs to wait until you have personally developed your identity and life goals.

For me, maybe I'll be in my late 20's; but I don't really want to marry on my 30 or later than that, because I consider it already old for marriage.

What are your thoughts guys? Feel free to share.

What age should you think you should marry and why?

[Angela]

What quality or condition do you think you'll have (or would like) in marriage, that you don't have being single? When do you think you'll be ready to have that quality or condition in your life? Are you sure you can't have it without being married?

[Brutha]

You don't need to marry to have a girlfriend. If you don't want to commit to marriage you can still have a more casual relationship.

[Daffy Duck]

Originally Posted by dreamtime07

The right age to marry is different for everybody and it needs to wait until you have personally developed your identity and life goals.

I agree with that, assuming one of your life goals is to be married.

Many people in the USA are marrying in their late 20s, after they finish college and have a career going.

[Holistic Star]

lol at being too old to get married once you're over 30! So funny.


Personally I think no-one should be allowed to get married until they are 85 and have written permission from both parents.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by dreamtime07

What age should you think you should marry and why?

How about; when you have found the person that you love and think that you could spend the rest of your life with??

Al the rest is completely unimportant, and yes, you will need to date and have relationships in order to get to know the other person in order to know if you could love them and spend the rest of your life with them.

Once you do meet this person, you will not be afraid of commitment anymore.

[Xanafax]

How about never?

What does marriage do anyway?

[pyrogen]

IMO -

Depends upon what kind of marriage you want and what you want to accomplish with it. What relationship model you follow.

No kids, companionship, conscious monamorist model? 40. I don't think the "conscious relationship" that is desired by most people in the PD/Consciousness/New Age/New Thought communities, is very realistic for people who marry younger.

Is your priority home and family building? Start young (20s) but be aware that your needs and your partner's needs will change as you get older. I don't think the "conscious relationship" is very realistic for people who couple at this age, though. You're too busy using the relationship to meet lower-heirarchy (Maslow) needs, and are too busy focusing on meeting those needs yourself.

IMO we are too hung up on "forever and ever". And we throw the baby out with the bathwater when we split up, rather than being loving and allowing the person to remain a cherished family member and accepting that the relationship can change form.

It's as if we have a hang up that we should only have sex with one person in our lifetime, or should go to every partnership as a virgin, so to avoid cognitive dissonance we simply pretend the previous relationships didn't exist and lie to the next one and say "this is 4evar n evar!11!!" and act like whiny children when it doesn't work out.

Why not have more grace about the whole thing and accept that relationships evolve and change. If poly people are more evolved like most insist they are, this is one of the places they seem to be more evolved.

[dreamtime07]

Originally Posted by Xanafax

How about never?

What does marriage do anyway?

From what I know and for some people, marriage makes their lives complete.

[Amandaaa]

It's different for everyone.... it depends on where you are mentally, emotionally, professionally, etc. It depends on who you're dating and how long you've known the person. If you started dating your girlfriend when you were 15, then you might be ready to get married by the time you're 23. But if you didn't meet that person until you were 25... then you might not be ready until you're 30 (or older).

It just depends. But in general, I think that most people are ready in their late 20s.

[TropicThink]

"Should?" Unnecessary "shoulds" ruin lives. Marry someone when you (and them) feel like it.

[The NorthStar of Hope]

Late twenties.. Frankly speaking?. I'd suggest early twenties. However most people find hard it in such young age...

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by dreamtime07

From what I know and for some people, marriage makes their lives complete.

LOL, I wouldn't want to marry anyone that needed marriage to make their life complete. It's the absolute assurance for a disastrous marriage!


Been there, done that, marriage is over-rated.....

In fact I view marriage as only necessary for legality purposes eg inheritance laws, medical necessities etc. Maybe over time I'll see it differently. But can someone tell me what other role marriage plays? ( I do understand religious reasons, if your god says sex outside of marriage is a sin, I get that!)

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by Amandaaa

It's different for everyone.... it depends on where you are mentally, emotionally, professionally, etc. It depends on who you're dating and how long you've known the person. If you started dating your girlfriend when you were 15, then you might be ready to get married by the time you're 23. But if you didn't meet that person until you were 25... then you might not be ready until you're 30 (or older).

It just depends. But in general, I think that most people are ready in their late 20s.

ditto

[missing]

where's the option for never? At least not in a culture that doesn't support it, or have a good reason for it, as I believe is the case with most of the modern world. The only reasons to marry are for legal reasons, stuff like health benefits, hospital visitation, etc. You have to weigh those benefits though, with the intrusion of the state into your personal life. Marriage is, and always has been an economic arrangement, and should be treated accordingly. Especially now that many of the cultural reasons for it have been dead and buried.

[ns123]

The issue here is the word should. There is no age in which you should get married. And actually, some people don't even want to get married at all. What happens if you meet some one who meets all of your needs, emotionally, lovingly, spiritually, and she doesn't want to get married?

I would definitely ask you to examine your reasons for wanting to get married. What kind of relationship are you seeking? And would it be possible, for you, to have that relationship without marriage?

You are choosing a means of expression before you choose who you are or what you want first. It's like saying you want to be a scupltor before you even decide that you are an artist! Maybe you're really a fire fighter?

That said, for those who do realize that marriage is the way to express their love, the right time to get married is:
a) once you decided that marriage is the right way for you to express love and have the relationship you want.
b) you find a person that agrees with a)
c) you are ready and willing to commit to building that relationship with another human being for the rest of your days

Love does not have an expiration date.

[aelle]

A lot of good things have been said in this thread. I also think there isn't an age when someone should get married. I personnally would only go from a committed relationship to a marriage if the legal benefits made sense. If one does intend to get married, I would suggest having defined first with their partner why they're getting married, and if it's to reinforce a loving, exclusive relationship, both knowing that they are at a point in life where they will keep growing in the same direction. We change so much even as young adults. For most of us, I think any time before the late 20s is way too soon.

[brendannz]

I think it's a question only you can answer, and nobody on this forum can answer, maybe build perspective though.

But according to this forum, it's more popular to get married early 30s than early 20s!!

Life expectancy's changing, so, early 30s is still young, and young is a state of mind anyway!

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by dreamtime07

I'm 20 and I haven't got a girlfriend all my life; I'm afraid of having a girlfriend or commitment. It has come to me thinking about whether I'll ever find the right one for me or that I should wait for me to be more mature to ever have such a relationship.

Based on what I read on the net (Link:What is the right age to get married?) The right age to marry is different for everybody and it needs to wait until you have personally developed your identity and life goals.

For me, maybe I'll be in my late 20's; but I don't really want to marry on my 30 or later than that, because I consider it already old for marriage.

What are your thoughts guys? Feel free to share.

What age should you think you should marry and why?

To answer your question, it may be worth researching "which age of marriage leads to the fewest divorces" and that may tell you the best age to get married! but then again, you're unique, so it might not answer whats right for you.. haha

[magi13]

Originally Posted by dreamtime07

I'm 20 and I haven't got a girlfriend all my life; I'm afraid of having a girlfriend or commitment. It has come to me thinking about whether I'll ever find the right one for me or that I should wait for me to be more mature to ever have such a relationship.

Based on what I read on the net (Link:What is the right age to get married?) The right age to marry is different for everybody and it needs to wait until you have personally developed your identity and life goals.

For me, maybe I'll be in my late 20's; but I don't really want to marry on my 30 or later than that, because I consider it already old for marriage.

What are your thoughts guys? Feel free to share.

What age should you think you should marry and why?

Honestly this is a very hard question to answer. I'll pass.

In your case, it would have to be your decision and that you are sexually compatible with your partner and have tried living with him or her for one year prior the marriage to see if you guys can live with each other. That trial period is the basis for a life time worth of adventure that will end only when you die.

[ns123]

Another thing if anyone is agonizing that it might be "too late" for them to find the love of their life if they get "too old" :

I have some friends who find each other late in life. She got married at the normal age (in her 20's) and so did he. Both their marriages ended in bitter divorce.

They found each other in their late 40's, and they married after living together for a long time. In fact, the only reason they married is so she could get medical insurance benefits during a brief stint where she was contracting!

Anyway, I would not venture to say this couple is perfect. But they have a love between them, and radiate it so that it is palpable. They support each other and are a living example of being committed and willing to create a life of love and joy together.

Ever seen a couple where the love between them is so thick you can touch it? And after spending time with them, you walk away happy, but don't know quite why?

The point of this story is to give a living example that there is no "perfect" or "ideal" age to get married! It varies for every one - and it is as different as we all are unique and different.

[gingerbaker]

Originally Posted by pyrogen

IMO -

Depends upon what kind of marriage you want and what you want to accomplish with it. What relationship model you follow.

No kids, companionship, conscious monamorist model? 40. I don't think the "conscious relationship" that is desired by most people in the PD/Consciousness/New Age/New Thought communities, is very realistic for people who marry younger.

Is your priority home and family building? Start young (20s) but be aware that your needs and your partner's needs will change as you get older. I don't think the "conscious relationship" is very realistic for people who couple at this age, though. You're too busy using the relationship to meet lower-heirarchy (Maslow) needs, and are too busy focusing on meeting those needs yourself.

IMO we are too hung up on "forever and ever". And we throw the baby out with the bathwater when we split up, rather than being loving and allowing the person to remain a cherished family member and accepting that the relationship can change form.

It's as if we have a hang up that we should only have sex with one person in our lifetime, or should go to every partnership as a virgin, so to avoid cognitive dissonance we simply pretend the previous relationships didn't exist and lie to the next one and say "this is 4evar n evar!11!!" and act like whiny children when it doesn't work out.

Why not have more grace about the whole thing and accept that relationships evolve and change. If poly people are more evolved like most insist they are, this is one of the places they seem to be more evolved.

Absolutely agree with everything here. Am happily married (and now polyamorous) with someone I started dating at 16 - at 21 I/we decided that 5 years having gone by it was marriage or completely alter our relationship (i.e. he was thinking of traveling the world backpacking, not with me) and so now at 29 we have two kids, and the bizarre status of having been together longer than most people in their early 40s can claim. It's a weird place. That said, though I love my husband dearly, I do NOT recommend most people to marry their high school sweetheart - you are both changing SO much still! However, to be frank, you will still be changing in your 20s...in your 30s...and I'm sure for many decades beyond, at least if you're living right. There is much value in keeping a friendship and allowing the "relationship" to drop as such. Is a friend worth less than a wife/husband/lover? Not if it's a good friendship... What kept my husband and I together through some ratehr tumultous changes was a) our crazy connection, b) my stubborn faith and c) (later on) the kids. But had we not gotten married, or had divorced (we did separate at one point) he would still be one of my best friends.

[lasti]

I miss the answer "never". Not everybody wants to marry, right?

[dreamtime07]

TO the Moderator: Can you please add "NEVER" to the list? thanks a lot

[aussieNickuss]

I believe marriage should start in your early to mid thirties and family life very soon after.

Your 20's are the time that you discover who you are, what your good at, finish education and start your career, travel, experience the world and basically just live life while you're full of energy and aren't chained down.

Why lock yourself into a life-long commitment so early in life?

[roxyruby]

I did not vote, because my answer was not listed.

My answer is that there are no shoulds when it comes to marriage.

As long as the couple are both at a mature age, either 16 or higher or 18 or higher, they can get married at any age!!!

Wether at 20, 30, 50, or 90, it makes no difference to me when they decide to get married. If it's the happiness and love and romance they are after, they can have that in their wedding at any age they want.

[Obay]

I'm 23, engaged and going to be married before I am 26, however I have a child on the way at the moment.

- me and my partner have been together since she was 17 I was 18..

- our child is due in the next 5 months..

We have our own family sized flat too.

I don't think it's too early to get married, I've matured and gone to school so.. if any objections please tell me!

[JSB]

At whatever age you find the right person for you and feel ready to commit yourself to a happy and healthy marriage.

[Trezker]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

I wouldn't want to marry anyone that needed marriage to make their life complete. It's the absolute assurance for a disastrous marriage!

I think I'll tweet you on that.

[Obay]

Originally Posted by JSB

At whatever age you find the right person for you and feel ready to commit yourself to a happy and healthy marriage.

100% agree with you on this post right here. Whatever age (Above 16 in UK laws, however)..