Help for the fashion-challenged?

[Steve Pavlina]

It's no secret that I'm fashion-challenged. I've never liked shopping for clothes, and I've never been interested in fashion. Being colorblind makes clothing selection particularly tough for me. I also stick with cruelty-free clothing only, which rules out leather and wool.

After losing some weight last year, most of my clothes are too big now, so it's time to assemble a new wardrobe anyway. I figured this might be a good time to get help creating a wardrobe that's a better fit for me instead of just stumbling ahead blindly. I never quite felt comfortable with most of the selections I made in the past, but I don't really know what I'm doing wrong.

Another problem is that I married a woman who's also fashion-challenged and who doesn't like shopping for clothes either. So no help there.

Do you think it would be worthwhile to work with an image consultant? Do you know anything about that? Is there any substance to it, or it is just fluff? Should I just get help from friends who dress well and who aren't colorblind?

Basically I'd like to put together a wardrobe that feels like a good expression of the real me. I don't want to project a false image for branding purposes or anything like that. The problem is that I have a hard time finding clothes that seem right to me.

If you know something about this subject, any advice or suggestions would be appreciated.

[Scorpio]

Besides reading up on the basic fashion rules and guidelines online, what worked for me was to find a store where I liked the clothes, and I liked the sales people, and then I just deferred to their expertise and asked them to help me pick out outfits. The key is finding a place where you get a sense the staff won't dress you up in something unflattering just for a commission.

Another guideline is to just try lots of things on until you develop an instinct for what looks good on you. Clothes that look iffy on a hanger may look pretty good on your body.

One more thing is to not fully trust your comfort zone. Even if something looks good on you, if it pushes your previous boundaries, you'll feel vaguely uneasy. I mean this is terms of how the clothes physically look, but also baggage you may have towards certain styles or pieces of clothing (e.g., "I can't wear a suit, that's so corporate!") If you ignore that feeling, you can get used to wearing better-looking, but slightly boundary pushing outfits.

Finally, shopping drains you at first if you don't like it, but you can build up a tolerance for it over time. Eventually picking out a nice new shirt that flatters your appearance can be rewarding.

[Inthon]

An image consultant is an excellent use of your resources. Using your "reading" ability, you can easily snuff out the frauds from those genuinely interested in helping you express yourself.

With a plethora of photos and articles about you on the Internet, this person will also do their homework and not waste your time asking you questions.

Definitely sounds like a valuable exchange.

[ayobeauty]

Hi Steve

Ok...what's important is that your image is supported by your personal style. It should be a genuine and honest reflection of who you are at a soul level. I can toot my own horn all day about my credentials and my experience, but what's more important to me is getting to know both you and Erin so we both know who we are dressing before we go shopping. Personal style and image development is no different actually from personal development. It's all about dressing what makes you unique, special, extraordinary and oh so cool (who isn't attracted to cool?). You decide on a goal for your image that will best serve your professional and personal goals and then we use tools within the fashion industry (color, cut, fabric, fit, fashion, body style-the tangibles) to express your intangible qualities. It's a collaborative and creative effort.

You once posted a blog on personal branding and asked people to share their comments and views of their perception of who you are based on the information provided. Steve...this will be a great start in laying a solid foundation for your personal style and the image you wish to project. You define it and then I use my knowlege, know-how, skills and experience to help you refine and express it. Although my desire is to be your personal shopper for life, that may not always be practical and realistic, so i choose to empower you with customized tools and resources that will enable you to confidently make style decisions on your own. You can walk in and out of a store from Target to Barneys without ever feeling flustered. confident that you've chosen what is authentically right for you.

Benefits
An image and style update allows you to beautifully reflect exactly who you are inside, giving you the benefits of:
—• Strength and personal power
—• Greater self-confidence
—• A memorable impact
—• Appealing to others
—• Favorable and lasting first impressions

Additional benefits include being confident in professional settings, appealing in romantic situations, relaxed in social gatherings.

Shopping for new clothes is simplified as you can quickly target those items which work for you.

Choosing an outfit is done with ease.


Steve you've been an awesome inspiration to me. I read your blog two years ago why you should never have a job and two weeks later...left Barneys New York to go on my own. The four walls in white started to get to me. I just flat out quit and its been an awesome ride ever since. Can't wait to hopefully share what i love with both you and Erin.

I hope this helps. Till we meet again, Scream Style

p.s. i wasn't sure if i could leave my name. I don't think i've noticed anyone else do it and i don't think i read the terms and agreement all the way. But its me in the purple with the really long name. :-)

[ayobeauty]

oh..i forgot to say...congrats for mentioning you are fashion-challenged. It takes guts to admit it. Most people would rather bury their heads in the sand than to admit they are fashion-challenged. You are well on your way to...Styling Your Cool

[ayobeauty]

one last thing...then i go to sleep. We can address the colorblind issue and also make sure we focus on eco-friendly fashion styles or resources along those lines

good night :-)

[Murphy]

Congrats that you've finally decided this area of your life is worth some effort!

You've come along way little one.

Fashion can be really fun when you get into it. When you start finding clothes that look really good on you and fit well you'll really start to enjoy it. I know I did. It's also fun looking in the mirror and seeing someone dressed well looking back, especially if you're not used to it.

Oh, get a haircut too.

[RT Wolf]

I dunno what level of designer you're looking for, but you may be able to find one that offers some sort of money back garuntee or is cheap enough (for you) to just try out and see if one out of two or three work for you.

Additionally, it may be fun to learn to become more fashion-conscious, if it's described to you in the right way (ie very clearly and rules-based). I'd say there's probably two major things: grasping certain principles (ie clothing is to bring attention to your face) and to cosnciously observe a lot of people who you think are dressed well, which is just an intuition call. Alan Flusser's books are pretty good and you can read a couple of books on this topic to get an idea of it:

Amazon.com: Dressing the Man: Mastering the Art of Permanent Fashion: Alan Flusser: Books

Hmm, it'd be a great idea if someone wrote a Geek's Guide to Clothing Themselves and actually help them develop that aesthetic eye. It would probably be quite successful.

[RT Wolf]

I also found this if anyone's interested:

The Geek’s No-Fuss Guide to Better Dressing

He's so right, women always look at shoes. Always. Always. Always.

[Plato]

If other people dress you it's not self-expression is it?

Having said that, stylish threads are important for a playa. Hehehe, I'm kidding.... mostly.

[Steve Pavlina]

Originally Posted by Plato

If other people dress you it's not self-expression is it?

My understanding is that image consulting isn't about having someone dress you but more about discovering your own natural style. It's like hiring a personal coach in some ways.

[Steve Pavlina]

As you can probably imagine, the computer game development community (where I worked for 10+ years) isn't exactly the height of fashion. To this day I still dress like a game developer much of the time because it's what I'm used to. Today I'm wearing jeans and an old Game Developer's Conference faculty t-shirt.

When I joined Toastmasters and the NSA and started doing more public speaking, I bought some nicer clothes. A local speaker friend helped me with some advice on suits and such. Dressing up felt uncomfortable at first, but I got used to it, and eventually it felt good to me.

I noticed that if I ran errands while wearing my speaking clothes, people responded to me very differently. Women would openly flirt with me. Even if I was just buying groceries, the checkout girl would be extra friendly.

However, dressing up in a suit all the time isn't me. It's too formal. But right now I don't have much between casual game developer clothes (jeans and T-shirts) and suits I use for speaking engagements or other formal events. I do have some in-between clothes, but most of them feel off to me.

I'd like to create a wardrobe where my clothes support all the ways I'd like to express myself. If I'm just working at home, I'm happy to wear jeans and a t-shirt. If I'm doing a speech, I like wearing a suit. But there's a lot of in-between ground I don't have covered yet... like if I'm going to a party or hanging out with friends on the Vegas Strip. In those situations, it often feels like the clothes I'm wearing don't reflect how I feel.

[Dan.Linehan]

I'm pretty sure I could help out with this.

Though I'm not a professional image consultant per se...

[Dan.Linehan]

Just some quick advice:

• Own about a dozen nice, dark undershirts. Instead of solid colors, go for the "heather" style, like the pic below. This style always looks better. Tri-blend is best if you can find it, as the polyester and rayon gives the material a more snug fit, and a softer feel. Get as many different colors as possible, and you can alternate throughout the week, or use as undershirts.
  
  Online Catalog - Wholesale Resources - American Apparel
  
  
  
  
• Two or three pairs of Dark Jeans. There are a few different cuts. I'd reccommend the 559s, but if another cut stands out to you, go for it.
  
  
  
• Two or three pairs of nice khakis or cords. Flat front. No cargo. No front pleats.
  
  
  
• Two or three pairs of Levi Action Slacks. I reccommend this brand because they look like suit pants (very fancy) - come in flat front, yet are machine washable. They don't require any extra care or dry cleaning.
  
  
  
• A bunch of dress shirts. Once you know your neck and sleeve size, just pick out whatever stands out in a store -- or you can buy in bulk. <-- (Unfortunately, that deal is only for neck size 18 -- I think you are probably 16.5 or 17. Also, the ties are silk, so that's highly questionable.) If you buy shirts in stores get the athletic fit -- that's important so the shirts aren't baggy around the love handles. Athletic fit dress shits will generally be in a whole separate section. I usually do lighter colored dress shirts to gain some contrast from the darker undershirt and pants.
  
  
  
• Moo Shoes -- 'nuff said there.
  

[Rose of Cairo]

Steve, I'm very happy you have decided to change your style. I wanted to write an email to you once, to tell you how horrible your clothes are and why they look awful on you. But then I thought this was definitely none of my business.

I think it's not so much about the difference between jeans and a suit, it's more about the shape of the clothes you wear. If you buy new jeans with a good shape for your body, they will look great on you too.

[Steve Pavlina]

Thanks, Dan. You're a real pro.

My neck size is 15.5", so the 18" shirts are definitely out.

[Daffy Duck]

Randy Pausch (The Last Lecture author) self-admittedly had "bad taste in clothing." He usually wore khakis and a Disney polo. And his book is right next to yours at my local bookstore, Steve. Must have something to do with last names that start with P.

[RRR]

Sir I have just the suit for you! It is made of the finest vegan materials; Egyptian Cotton and South Himalayan hemp. It is bejeweled with rare aquamarine, jade, and sapphire stones harvested peacefully from within Sedona's Boynton Canyon Vortex. It is invisible to anyone who is stupid or unfit to be called the most popular PD blogger in all the land. It will look truly fantastic on you! I will personally hand alter and deliver the suit for a mere $2000.



Can you explain the TLP balance behind Avatar dressup? Self expression through clothing makes me feel phony, seeking status, or dirty any way I approach it.

[Steve Pavlina]

TLP-alignment would suggest finding a style that's a truthful expression of who you are, that feels good to you and helps you connect with others, and that you find empowering.

Being nude at a nudist colony would be fine. But doing that in public would just get you arrested.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Steve, I have to say I liked the suggestions Dan gave. That's the style I love to see on men.

Of course you want to be true to yourself first and foremost, but I do think you would look nice dressing along those lines. I also agree that mainly you just need to update the cut of your clothes. They don't look like they fit you well (as you mentioned you've lost weight too). Some well fitting flat front pants (pleats are icky!) would make an instant change.

Good luck.

[ayobeauty]

Hi Steve,

Like i mentioned previously, i can definitley help you. Your goal is a look that is totally you, yet distinguishes you from everyone else. You always want to project one personal style...regardless of whether you are at work, wearing a tux, or making speech. It allows for consistency. I say if you grab a look and you can honestly say you've seen someone in the very same look in some degree, shape or form...it's not representative of your personal style.

If you want to learn more about how i can help you create a signature look and style without spending a fortune...get at me. Email me and i'll be happy to share resources that can get you moving in the right direction. ayo@icecreamstyle.com or http://icecreamstyle.com

Ayo Fashola
Style and Fashion Engineer
iCECREAM STYLE
http://icecreamstyle.com

[jaamkie]

For particulars, as a woman I've always thought men look good in almost any situation wearing casual collared shirts covered with lightweight fitted vneck sweaters, comfortably loose but not baggy soft straightleg jeans or khakis or gray pants (please stay away from tapered legs or pleats! they should fit so they sit comfortably above your hipbones, "sitting" being the operative word- not so loose you need a belt or have large hanging gaps fabric, but loose enough to look smooth not clinging/pulling anywhere, long enough to touch the tops of your shoes), and dark but not dress shoes, not too heavy/boxy (take a look at sketchers for ideas, though I've always found they're sadly leather). The glaring white tennis shoes can make otherwise good outfits look middle-aged-American-tourist. And I definitely second the idea of a haircut!

[Erin Pavlina]

Steve recently got a haircut and is quite shorn. Do you mean he needs a new hair style or are you referring to cutting his hair and you're looking at an old photo of him?

[MidasGirl]

He he. I guess the old cliche is true. How do you know your man has a new girlfriend?

A: He changes the style of his underwear. i.e. goes from whitey tighties to hot boxers

(jus messing with ya)

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

It's no secret that I'm fashion-challenged. I've never liked shopping for clothes, and I've never been interested in fashion. Being colorblind makes clothing selection particularly tough for me. I also stick with cruelty-free clothing only, which rules out leather and wool.

After losing some weight last year, most of my clothes are too big now, so it's time to assemble a new wardrobe anyway. I figured this might be a good time to get help creating a wardrobe that's a better fit for me instead of just stumbling ahead blindly. I never quite felt comfortable with most of the selections I made in the past, but I don't really know what I'm doing wrong.

Another problem is that I married a woman who's also fashion-challenged and who doesn't like shopping for clothes either. So no help there.

Do you think it would be worthwhile to work with an image consultant? Do you know anything about that? Is there any substance to it, or it is just fluff? Should I just get help from friends who dress well and who aren't colorblind?

Basically I'd like to put together a wardrobe that feels like a good expression of the real me. I don't want to project a false image for branding purposes or anything like that. The problem is that I have a hard time finding clothes that seem right to me.

If you know something about this subject, any advice or suggestions would be appreciated.

[MidasGirl]

Steve, my suggestion would be to ask one of your female friends. The one whose husband or boyfriend is always superbly dressed. First you can start by asking your girl friends, who, among your friends they think dresses really sharp. Well, whoever that guys is, he's either gay or his wife does his shopping for/with him.

We women love to be asked for opinion about shopping. So you should have no problem lining up women who want to go shopping with you. Just be picky and go with one who knows what she's doing.

Plus how can you live in Vegas and not love shopping? Sinner!!

Oh and I know you didn't ask, but short short hair and perhaps a bit of a goatee might produce a killer look. I saw Tony Robbins go through this transformation when he changed wives.....from an absolute geek to super sexy dude.

[recordrustle]

id just ask advice from people you know who dress well and choose clothing you're comfortable in.
check this out:

The Sartorialist

it is quite "fashionable" but i think the people in the photos express themselves in their own way. Just basic things layered works well. Black, greys, browns, dark green, dark blue, white look good together.

going to a traditional tailor is good as a lot of clothing from mainstream stores are a terrible fit and look good once they are altered to your shape. i dont ever ask sales people for advice unless they are well dressed themselves. if you make en effort to pay attention to people's outfits on the street maybe you can pick out things you like about them and that would give you some guidance.

[SunnKali]

Not sure how far you are from Draper Utah, but Carol Tuttle does a form of image consulting that includes energy profiling along with finding clothes that work for you.

for men

for women

.

[AirBreather]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

*snip*

If you know something about this subject, any advice or suggestions would be appreciated.

Great resource: Kinowear.com - Men's Fashion, Style, Grooming, and Image Blog



Also has consulting, various topics on different aspects of dress, grooming, accessorizing, etc.

[Jenny]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

It's no secret that I'm fashion-challenged. I've never liked shopping for clothes, and I've never been interested in fashion.

Oooo, oooo, oooo how fun! There's something beautiful and quite comfortable about someone who just "is". By that I mean someone who is totally present and appearance can absolutely enhance that sensation.

This will be so exciting! Seriously. *nods enthusiastically*

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

I never quite felt comfortable with most of the selections I made in the past, but I don't really know what I'm doing wrong.

Do you think it would be worthwhile to work with an image consultant? Do you know anything about that? Is there any substance to it, or it is just fluff?

Take lots of pictures of yourself in all your clothing and look at them. Do certain things make you look taller, or fitter, etc? Cut of clothing matters a great deal. Are there certain outfits you always feel confident wearing? Outfits where you have noticed people responding differently to you (like you mention above)? If so make sure you take pictures of yourself on those days.

Blah! There are lots of "rules" and "tips" but they are easier to master when you're right there looking at the clothes and how they fit on you rather than as random lists which get overwhelming especially if none of it really makes sense yet.

Ah, really it is more fun with other people...yep, I'd definitely ask the friends whose style you admire for feedback even if you do end up going the personal shopper route.

Personal shoppers can be great and you should definitely consider one. Either way having other people involved is vital. It is hard to see oneself clearly in the beginning and friends can be invaluable.

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

Basically I'd like to put together a wardrobe that feels like a good expression of the real me. I don't want to project a false image for branding purposes or anything like that. The problem is that I have a hard time finding clothes that seem right to me.

Absolutely doable Steve! I repeat...how exciting! I volunteer if you want someone to look at photos and give some feedback on cut, color, etc. Not a professional I just love the feeling of congruency that slowly builds as a person fits their surroundings and personal appearance completely. Not when the clothing or home owns them but when they fit and those things are a further expression

No matter have fun!!

[TumbleN]

I need to second Kinowear.com - Men's Fashion, Style, Grooming, and Image Blog. I started reading it about a year ago, as someone with very little interest in fashion. Since, I feel I simply understand what fashion is much more.

I was someone who could think of nothing besides how much my feet hurt when I went shopping. Over winter break I went shopping with my sister (very fashionable) a few times and can't tell you how much fun I had as a result of the mindset kinowear put me in. Instead of being a dreaded errand where I had to pick up new clothes, it was a fun, creative experience.

Although there are countless things to consider, I really believe that appropriate fit is the keystone to looking and feeling good. This is such a huge part of clothing/fashion that I'd been overlooking for so long.

Also, I've always thought if I ever wanted image consulting I would look to Kinowear; the guys seem very down-to-earth, honest and creative.

Best of luck Steve!