Obsessive "crushes" - why?

[footprints]

I currently have a very intense crush on someone at work, to the point of obsession. This is the second time this has happened over the past two years and I am trying to understand what it is about these particular people that has led to this reaction and why I get these crushes. I wondered whether anyone could give me any ideas to help me out.

I am a bisexual woman, and married to a man. My crushes are both women, who are extremely confident, successful and a little older than me. When I get a crush, I really obsess. I wake up thinking about them in the morning, think about them all day long, hope to see them, indulge in very intense, detailed, X-rated fantasies and fall asleep thinking about them at night. Of course, when I actually get the chance to speak to them, I am completely tongue-tied and flee - it is not easy to converse naturally with someone who you have been thinking about in that way.

I would so much like to be friends with these women. Yes, if the opportunity for something more intimate were to arise, I would jump at the chance, but this is totally hypothetical and unlikely to the point of impossibility.

These thoughts, fantasies, are like an addiction. They get me through the day and many evenings too. Yes, there is something lacking in my marriage, a lot and I wonder if I am seeking to fill that gap.

I feel very alone and lonely in this and I guess I am just needing to open up about it, so if anyone has any advice, I'd love to hear it.

[pyrogen]

You answered your own question. It sucks to be lonely and in a relationship. Why are you in a relationship that you're "alone and lonely" in?

Is your relationship "open" and can you actually date women? Actually dating cures crushes.

But I think that the issue is that you're lonely.

[funchy]

Because it's easier to let yourself escape into a deep falling-in-love feeling with someone else than face the reality your existing relationship is so deeply unsatisfying.

Is your husband aware of how you feel (not about the other person but about being lonely and unhappy)?

Have you considered doing couples' therapy?

[Incognitus]

dude DUDE. That ain't a crush, das a SUPERCRUSH, mon.
and ya, i've been through several of those before. ai-ai.

never realized bisexys got those, but why not?

I like both ideas. do couples therapy and go on a date.

let us know how it proceedz ^^

[N64]

Ah. love is love, obsession is obsession no matter what your sexual orientation is. There's a part of you that wants her, but there's a part of you that does not. Mind likes to create this feeling of lack so that you can obsess over.

This may seem like an escapist route, but why don't you try living in the moment? When that obsession occurs, just watch how it swallows you without judgment

meh, who am I to advice, I've got problems of "thought addiction as well"

Anyway, tell your husband about this. Good luck!