Seperation

[martinb1970]

Asking for some advice! Bear with me on this because it may be long. I am in the uk armed forces and have been for 22 years. I have been married for 14 years. Our relationship has had its ups and downs but we have always stuck together because we do get on well and, in my opinion, good for each other. It has not been easy, I have spent alot of time away, my wife has suffered from post natal depression and was raped as a young teenager. I new this when we got together and have tried to be supportive to her, even though no matter how hard you try if it hasn't happened to you then it is hard to imagine! There was a time many years ago tha it all got to much for me, there was no sexual contact or love from my wife and I ended up leaving her and having a relationship with someone else. During the separation I thought of nothing else but my wife until I asked her back to give it another go. After that things wre great fior a while, we both made an effort etc. There were still problems etc to the point that just over 12 months ago I had just had enough of feeling unloved and unwanted. Although we had sex for the previous 7 years she had not kissed me fully on the lips or touched me intimately, yes that was 7 years!! Now I have always loved my wife with all my heart but I just felt so helpless. No dont get me wrong, I have had my problems aswell, for the past 18 months or more I have been suffering from post traumatic stress through things that I have seen and done etc. It is hard to explain how that feels anf how it makes you react but I was moody, snappy etc. 12 months ago I left her and started a relationship with someone that I had got to know. I was made to wanted and appreciated etc but deep down I wanted nothing more than to be with my wife. At this point she went down south and slept with one of my friend and did everything with him, and more, that she hadn'y done with me for 7 years. The relationship ended in March last year and I took to drink and did not have the guts to ask to be taken back even though my wife pleaded with me to. I am not proud of the hurt and suffering I put my wife through but I can honestly say I dont remember much about last year. In the May/June we reconsiled, went to relate etc. To be honest for the first few weeks it was fantatstin and what I can only describe as a sexual awakening in our relationship. But I still had my PTS disorder which after a while came to the forefront again. In Oct last year I was sent abroad for 12 months, breaks in between and I swore to get help to which I did. After a few sessions of coming to terms with my problems I have a new out look on life. I am full of remorese for how I treated my wife and I will move heaven and earth to make her happy. However, within 3 weeks of me leaving my wife became distant and said that she didn't know what she wanted antmore. Now due to my training etc I new instantly that she had done something. Although I wasn't due back until late Jan I managed to get back home on 24 Dec. She was not exactly pleased with this. She denied that nothing had been going on but after much digging I found out that she had had a one night stand with someone close to home and that she had pursued that relationship. Whilst away she has been going out alot and on many occasions not got back in until the following morning!! She insists it was only the once but I have my doubts and evidence that it was more than the once and not just with the one person. Now I have told her that I want to make it work and that I can forgive and forget, she says that she can't forget what I have don and that I am to blame for what she has done. She says that she does not want to end the marriage but has no feelings and needs to find out what she wants. She has been told by her couciler to separate for 6 months. I go away again in 3 days time (1 Feb) and feel that there will be no turning back if I leave as it is. This will give her licence to do what she wants. I have pleaded with her to try and give it a go but she says no and needs to find out what she wants. What do you think I should do. For those who have had the patience to read all this thank you and please excuse the spelling mistakes. Cheers