afraid I can't make others happy...

[lemuria]

Now this might sound strange because I consider myself a Machiavellian. But I noticed from my experiences, I need to make others happy in order for me to gain pleasures. Most of the time though, I only make others happy by accidents, I don't even intend to do it.
Enough with that.

I read one of Steve's article (Why Polyamory?), and in that article Steve mentioned that he don't know how to love (at least in the beginning).
And yes, my childhood is not that great, I like to completely erase my childhood memories but I guess mother nature want it to stay inside my head.

There's this girl I'm attracted to and I for the first time consciously seduce her (usually it was the girls who make the first move, at least that what I see in my reality). And yes, she do like me. But I can't seem to get in front of her and ask her to go out with me. I thought I was a afraid of rejection, but after reading Steve's article it's clear now my main problem is the fact that I'm afraid of acceptance. And I've been reading 'how to face the fear of rejection' stuffs for months!

I'm afraid that if she accept me, I'll make her unhappy and in return make me unhappy and I'll be having a bad time.
I know that she'll be happy if I tell her that I love her, but what will happen after that? I really wanted to tell her because I'm really curious, what kind of reaction will happen. But at the same time, I'm afraid, I'm really afraid.

So... question is... how to make other people happy?
Honest or manipulative, whatever work.

[polyfulcrum]

You can't make other people happy. They need to be happy on their own. If your behavior also helps enhance that feeling, great! An unhappy person isn't going to become a happy one by being in a relationship, so it sounds like _you_ might have some work to do on that one.

That said, there is never going to be a perfect time to be with someone, so if you tell her you care about her, keep working to improve yourself, ask her what her needs are and do your best to give what is requested, that's a good start.

[N64]

Try loving kindness meditation. Because ultimately, you want the other person to be happy, right? The more unconditional your love is, the better.

Mett� - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[The Cloud]

My suggestion is to stop listening to that whining noise in your head and ask her out.

[lemuria]

Originally Posted by N64

Try loving kindness meditation. Because ultimately, you want the other person to be happy, right? The more unconditional your love is, the better.

Unconditional love, huh? Maybe I'll go there someday.

Originally Posted by The Cloud

My suggestion is to stop listening to that whining noise in your head and ask her out.

Here goes... I can't wait for the result.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by lemuria

Here goes... I can't wait for the result.

Good luck .

[magi13]

Originally Posted by lemuria

Now this might sound strange because I consider myself a Machiavellian. But I noticed from my experiences, I need to make others happy in order for me to gain pleasures. Most of the time though, I only make others happy by accidents, I don't even intend to do it.
Enough with that.

I read one of Steve's article (Why Polyamory?), and in that article Steve mentioned that he don't know how to love (at least in the beginning).
And yes, my childhood is not that great, I like to completely erase my childhood memories but I guess mother nature want it to stay inside my head.

There's this girl I'm attracted to and I for the first time consciously seduce her (usually it was the girls who make the first move, at least that what I see in my reality). And yes, she do like me. But I can't seem to get in front of her and ask her to go out with me. I thought I was a afraid of rejection, but after reading Steve's article it's clear now my main problem is the fact that I'm afraid of acceptance. And I've been reading 'how to face the fear of rejection' stuffs for months!

I'm afraid that if she accept me, I'll make her unhappy and in return make me unhappy and I'll be having a bad time.
I know that she'll be happy if I tell her that I love her, but what will happen after that? I really wanted to tell her because I'm really curious, what kind of reaction will happen. But at the same time, I'm afraid, I'm really afraid.

So... question is... how to make other people happy?
Honest or manipulative, whatever work.

^^, be confident in yourself. Trust yourself ask her out. That's it, no special techniques to say here. Girls or ladies are people to.

Good luck,

p.s.

buy her tulips or a stuff toy. If you can't talk to her, write her a letter.

[SimonaRich]

If you would not ask her out, you would not know if you will make her happy or not. It is better to try and see what happens rather than do nothing.

You should be happy yourself and others will feel good energy you resonate and that will bring up happiness in them too.

[Evelyne Draper]

What would be the worst thing that could happen?

And more importantly:
What would be the best thing that could happen?

Why not settle for the latter...? Because research shows that what you focus on is what you get.

[Vagabond Bobby]

You probably "Should" have more questions than the one at the end of your post.

One of the best ways to make other people happy, is to be selfish and make yourself happy first.

How do you expect to make someone else happy if you are not happy yourself?

Example:

Have you flown on a flight recently?

The attendants say over the speaker something along the lines of:

If the oxygen masks fall, please place them on yourself first before any children or other people who may need help.

Why do they say this?

What happens if you help someone else by placing a mask on them first and suddenly you need oxygen and they can't help?

Death.

Now, you first need to learn to be selfish and find your happiness. You say you fear acceptance.

Accept yourself first.

Once you learn about making yourself happy before anyone else, you might realize it is a personal choice. Sometimes it does not matter what you do, the other person may be unhappy at times.

You are #1, and then you can do your best to induce happiness (in an honest way) with the other person.

[blossom]

I think that your thinking is somewhat co-dependent. It is only your responsability to make YOURSELF happy. It's not up to you to make others happy. Likewise, it is up to others to make themselves happy, and not rely on you to do this for them.

You are setting yourself up for a life of dysfunctional relationships if you think otherwise.