afraid I can't make others happy...

[lemuria]

Now this might sound strange because I consider myself a Machiavellian. But I noticed from my experiences, I need to make others happy in order for me to gain pleasures. Most of the time though, I only make others happy by accidents, I don't even intend to do it.
Enough with that.

I read one of Steve's article (Why Polyamory?), and in that article Steve mentioned that he don't know how to love (at least in the beginning).
And yes, my childhood is not that great, I like to completely erase my childhood memories but I guess mother nature want it to stay inside my head.

There's this girl I'm attracted to and I for the first time consciously seduce her (usually it was the girls who make the first move, at least that what I see in my reality). And yes, she do like me. But I can't seem to get in front of her and ask her to go out with me. I thought I was a afraid of rejection, but after reading Steve's article it's clear now my main problem is the fact that I'm afraid of acceptance. And I've been reading 'how to face the fear of rejection' stuffs for months!

I'm afraid that if she accept me, I'll make her unhappy and in return make me unhappy and I'll be having a bad time.
I know that she'll be happy if I tell her that I love her, but what will happen after that? I really wanted to tell her because I'm really curious, what kind of reaction will happen. But at the same time, I'm afraid, I'm really afraid.

So... question is... how to make other people happy?
Honest or manipulative, whatever work.

[polyfulcrum]

You can't make other people happy. They need to be happy on their own. If your behavior also helps enhance that feeling, great! An unhappy person isn't going to become a happy one by being in a relationship, so it sounds like _you_ might have some work to do on that one.

That said, there is never going to be a perfect time to be with someone, so if you tell her you care about her, keep working to improve yourself, ask her what her needs are and do your best to give what is requested, that's a good start.

[N64]

Try loving kindness meditation. Because ultimately, you want the other person to be happy, right? The more unconditional your love is, the better.

Mett� - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[The Cloud]

My suggestion is to stop listening to that whining noise in your head and ask her out.

[lemuria]

Originally Posted by N64

Try loving kindness meditation. Because ultimately, you want the other person to be happy, right? The more unconditional your love is, the better.

Unconditional love, huh? Maybe I'll go there someday.

Originally Posted by The Cloud

My suggestion is to stop listening to that whining noise in your head and ask her out.

Here goes... I can't wait for the result.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by lemuria

Here goes... I can't wait for the result.

Good luck .

[magi13]

Originally Posted by lemuria

Now this might sound strange because I consider myself a Machiavellian. But I noticed from my experiences, I need to make others happy in order for me to gain pleasures. Most of the time though, I only make others happy by accidents, I don't even intend to do it.
Enough with that.

I read one of Steve's article (Why Polyamory?), and in that article Steve mentioned that he don't know how to love (at least in the beginning).
And yes, my childhood is not that great, I like to completely erase my childhood memories but I guess mother nature want it to stay inside my head.

There's this girl I'm attracted to and I for the first time consciously seduce her (usually it was the girls who make the first move, at least that what I see in my reality). And yes, she do like me. But I can't seem to get in front of her and ask her to go out with me. I thought I was a afraid of rejection, but after reading Steve's article it's clear now my main problem is the fact that I'm afraid of acceptance. And I've been reading 'how to face the fear of rejection' stuffs for months!

I'm afraid that if she accept me, I'll make her unhappy and in return make me unhappy and I'll be having a bad time.
I know that she'll be happy if I tell her that I love her, but what will happen after that? I really wanted to tell her because I'm really curious, what kind of reaction will happen. But at the same time, I'm afraid, I'm really afraid.

So... question is... how to make other people happy?
Honest or manipulative, whatever work.

^^, be confident in yourself. Trust yourself ask her out. That's it, no special techniques to say here. Girls or ladies are people to.

Good luck,

p.s.

buy her tulips or a stuff toy. If you can't talk to her, write her a letter.

[SimonaRich]

If you would not ask her out, you would not know if you will make her happy or not. It is better to try and see what happens rather than do nothing.

You should be happy yourself and others will feel good energy you resonate and that will bring up happiness in them too.