Problem of Comparing myself

[ddjames]

Comparing myself to other guys is a problem I (30 yo male) seem to be having.

The other day I was at the store. I see a rather good-looking female with a guy who looks poorly dressed, below-average looks, etc.
It seems as if this happens a lot whenever I go out.

I don't begrudge the guy but I can't help but think, "What is he doing that I'm not?" or "How come I'm single while this other guy is with a fine woman?"

I don't like this kind of thinking.
What am I missing here?

[Annabelle]

Possibly that guy was appreciative of the woman, grateful for her attention and made her feel beautiful. Sometimes, we have average-looking (or really ugly!) boyfriends because they are genuinely interested in us and they make us laugh and feel good.

[Otenka]

Maybe such arousal of that thought is due to your own insecurity regarding relating to women. Deep down you think it's unfair you have no girl yet are more dashing and better dressed then the guy who has a girl despite being less resourcefull than you when it comes to looks.

I suggest you appreciate that there are girls that aren't superficial and that you shouldn't try too hard, just be yourself but you have to trigger social invitations, isolation leads to nowhere even if you are good looking and well dressed.

This may be sounding like I'm implying that you are good looking and nicely dressed despite you did not gave any information regarding your own looks but I'm just putting it this way to explain my reasoning easier.

I think that as long as you are confortable with yourself and confortable with the lack of having a woman by your side (but still remaining actively social) those thoughts should clear out.

[Jenny]

ddjames,
I notice when I become highly focused on comparing myself (for the worst) with others it is when I'm not paying attention to or doing what matters to me. At that point it becomes easy to only see the good in other's lives.

Likely you have some pretty strong ideas about why women are attracted to "below-average" guys and not you. Perhaps if you really pull those ideas apart you will get a hint into what is allowing you the negative comparisons.

For me it is the fear that I'm missing something important by prioritizing my life the way I have - something that these other people have and that I can only look at from the outside. *shrug*

True I guess except for the "I can only look at from the outside" because most of the time when I really look deeper I could have what they do I'm just not willing to expend the energy nor do I desire all of the other things that accompany it. Could this be true for you as well?

[ddjames]

Otenka,
Unquestionably it relates to my own insecurity.
Yet the problem I've seen is not that women are superficial.
It's that I take time to work on my attributes, interests, and career yet I observe women choosing men with no ambition, prospects, etc.


Jenny,
I believe it has more to do with a nagging concern that I'm working too hard .... and not reaping the same benefits as someone I perceive as a 'slacker.'

[Jenny]

Originally Posted by ddjames

I believe it has more to do with a nagging concern that I'm working too hard .... and not reaping the same benefits as someone I perceive as a 'slacker.'

Ddjames.
I don't understand what you mean...

Working too hard in general? At finding a girlfriend?

[SimonaRich]

Originally Posted by ddjames

Comparing myself to other guys is a problem I (30 yo male) seem to be having.

The other day I was at the store. I see a rather good-looking female with a guy who looks poorly dressed, below-average looks, etc.
It seems as if this happens a lot whenever I go out.

I don't begrudge the guy but I can't help but think, "What is he doing that I'm not?" or "How come I'm single while this other guy is with a fine woman?"

I don't like this kind of thinking.
What am I missing here?

You shouldn't compare yourself to anyone. You are unique and you should be happy about it and not get depressed that you are still single. Be happy about it and be sure that you will soon meet someone you really like!

When you make a big deal out of situations like that, you lose out. Take it easy and you will get in the flow.

[ddjames]

I mean that I sometimes see myself as working so hard in life (school, job, outside activities) that I think I deserve more girlfriend-wise.

Basically, it's my ego talking.

That and the misbegotten sense of status I have that says I'm at a higher level than any another man.

[Jenny]

Originally Posted by ddjames

I mean that I sometimes see myself as working so hard in life (school, job, outside activities) that I think I deserve more girlfriend-wise.

Basically, it's my ego talking.

That and the misbegotten sense of status I have that says I'm at a higher level than any another man.

I hear ya there! Sometimes I feel the same way. *shrug* Stupid human condition