Too Attached to Girlfriend?

[teenphenom]

Hey guys, my girlfriend and I have been going out for about three months. Previous to this, I hadn't had a girlfriend for about three years due to terrible insecurities after a messy breakup. I love my current girlfriend to death, however, I feel as though I'm too attached to her. I get very easily offended at the smallest things she does, like hugging other guys or hanging out with her girl friends without telling me. The worst part is, she's such a lovely girl and always apologizes if I tell her that it makes me upset and promises to take my feelings into consideration in the future. Unfortunately, I continue to get jealous at the really tiny things she does. I think it's an obvious case of insecurity on my part, as I have really slacked off in terms of meeting new people and maintaining social relationships outside of our relationship since we've hooked up. What do you guys think?

I have tried the Sedona Method, Byron Katie's methods, and EFT on the feelings of jealousy and hurt I get at the small things she does. However, this does not eliminate the overall problem of me having such an overwhelming fear of losing her at the slightest cues.

Is this just a matter of working on myself and getting a life outside of my girlfriend? Is it genuine love for her? Are there any things you would recommend to me to become a more fun, happier, and better boyfriend? Thanks so much!

[lisamelinda]

it sounds like a sure symptom of insecurity. however, it tends to drive people away eventually (i know since i exhibit the same tendencies). i don't see what else you can do except focus on yourself and your interests. think to yourself - would you be in love with her if she focused on your every move and became upset if you spent time with friends? probably not. i think i read something here that resonated with me - become the person YOU would want to be with. so if you think you would want to be with someone who is like you are right now, then so be it. some people like the way you behave, but do you want to be with them? no, you are in love with a beautiful, independent girl. focus on becoming that person - that you would want to be with. that's all you can do. well, that's what i think... and what i'm trying to do right now

[magi13]

Originally Posted by teenphenom

Hey guys, my girlfriend and I have been going out for about three months. Previous to this, I hadn't had a girlfriend for about three years due to terrible insecurities after a messy breakup. I love my current girlfriend to death, however, I feel as though I'm too attached to her. I get very easily offended at the smallest things she does, like hugging other guys or hanging out with her girl friends without telling me. The worst part is, she's such a lovely girl and always apologizes if I tell her that it makes me upset and promises to take my feelings into consideration in the future. Unfortunately, I continue to get jealous at the really tiny things she does. I think it's an obvious case of insecurity on my part, as I have really slacked off in terms of meeting new people and maintaining social relationships outside of our relationship since we've hooked up. What do you guys think?

I have tried the Sedona Method, Byron Katie's methods, and EFT on the feelings of jealousy and hurt I get at the small things she does. However, this does not eliminate the overall problem of me having such an overwhelming fear of losing her at the slightest cues.

Is this just a matter of working on myself and getting a life outside of my girlfriend? Is it genuine love for her? Are there any things you would recommend to me to become a more fun, happier, and better boyfriend? Thanks so much!

^^, show some spine. Girls love guys who are confident, with a slight feminine kick to it. Use your strong points, if you shy, play cute when you two are alone and treat her like the queen she is. When with others, talk to the others but always ask her every now and then about her opinion.

Girls love to talk, and they love to listen. Have a chat with your girl and ask her what she expect from you and you can build up on that.

Having a girl is really fun and it's a life long adventure.

Good luck ^^,

[Otenka]

Ugh I guess what you should do is probably get a social hobby like a new sport and invest some time in other people. I sense you cling on to her too much, it's not healthy to act needy. Loving another is not being there all the time every time, sure it's good to think about that person every now and then but everyone has their own (social) life and there are always stuff that it's better sharing with others other than your girlfriend (I mean, you can share but is it interesting to her? unless she has EVERY single interests has you).

Get social, get a hobby, a hobby that requires interaction with other people like sports or music.. but it has to be something you like enough to focus on that, otherwise you'll drift into your own insecurities. Insecurity feeds on awareness, distract yourself about it and it will starve to death.

And also, what does she like about youself? There's this combination of traits, interests that makes you unique, figure out why she likes you and use that to be at ease with yourself easier.

I hope that helps! Best of luck.

[funchy]

I don't see it as love so much as insecurity. What you're describing is an issue with jealousy and it may lead one to be controlling, distrustful, and misjudging. I hate to say it but if you don't cure yourself of it, this jealousy is likely to drive her away.

I don't know an easy cure. If self-help isn't working, there's nothing wrong with getting one-on-one help with a therapist.

[The Cloud]

Maybe stop giving so much credit to your jealousy. You don't have to not feel jealous to be a good boyfriend. Just be a good boyfriend, and ignore that pesky jealousy; it's never done you any good to pay attention to it. If she's hugging a guy and you get jealous, so what? Your jealousy is useless even if she's having sex with him, so it's not worth your attention.

[teenphenom]

Thanks, guys. While you all gave great advice, I think lisamelinda's advice really resonates with me. I think it may require more of an effort to re-establish the life I had before I met my current GF and perhaps realize that she's not a part of me, but rather complements me. Thanks a lot!