Can gay/bi women learn anything from PUA?

[pyrogen]

Greetings, folks.

I feel pretty confident in how to handle men and avoid most of the traps where I could easily get hurt... in hetero circles I feel comfortable about my attractiveness and soforth. I'm "femme" and am conventionally attractive by heterosexual standards.

It's dealing with women that's the issue... I am basically the female version of an "Average Frustrated Chump" and do all the usual AFC tricks. In the past I was a big loser with women. Furthermore it seems like the lesbian social circle has unwritten rules of its own that I haven't figured out yet and unlike the heterosexual world, there just aren't any books on what to do. All the lesbian books out there are "relationship books", not dating books - they assume you're already in a relationship.

I am in a relationship at the moment but it's kind of iffy, we might break up, and if I'm going to stay then I'd like to feel more like I chose it consciously rather than reacted to my AFC frustration. I'd like to overcome being an Average Frustrated Chick.

Is there anything from PUA that applies to women who like women?

[fitx3]

I don't think I understand what you mean by the usual AFC tricks. I'm a femme bisexual female with a little bit of dating experience under my belt. *No pun intended.* What I do know is that a lot of gay women, whether bi or gay have a tendency to get extremely jealous. Whether it's an initial point of getting to know someone or if a relationship is already in progress, there are subtle clues a female will unconsciously give off or behave like when they are really into you. I had a girlfriend who was also bi, she would never have a problem when I was with a man, but if at any time I would talk with another female, she would get really upset. I noticed that women who were interested in me sexually were not very good at giving me eye contact. That was a big indicator to me that I needed to make the girl feel more comfortable in my presence. I have come to realize that relationships have to just take off naturally, perhaps starting off as good friends. My relationships were never forced or premeditated. Most of my experiences happened because these girls were attracted to my confident energy. I wasn't worried about getting hurt so if things were going to happen, they would happen. Look for close friendship feelings, then cultivate it and allow things to happen on it's own time. The majority of us women like to take things much slower than guys do. It's a whole different world.

I'm curious about these tricks you speak of.

[magi13]

Originally Posted by pyrogen

Greetings, folks.

I feel pretty confident in how to handle men and avoid most of the traps where I could easily get hurt... in hetero circles I feel comfortable about my attractiveness and soforth. I'm "femme" and am conventionally attractive by heterosexual standards.

It's dealing with women that's the issue... I am basically the female version of an "Average Frustrated Chump" and do all the usual AFC tricks. In the past I was a big loser with women. Furthermore it seems like the lesbian social circle has unwritten rules of its own that I haven't figured out yet and unlike the heterosexual world, there just aren't any books on what to do. All the lesbian books out there are "relationship books", not dating books - they assume you're already in a relationship.

I am in a relationship at the moment but it's kind of iffy, we might break up, and if I'm going to stay then I'd like to feel more like I chose it consciously rather than reacted to my AFC frustration. I'd like to overcome being an Average Frustrated Chick.

Is there anything from PUA that applies to women who like women?

What's pua? Anyway to start with, I'm a guy, I get what you mean when you say, we are attractive in hetero standards. I'm not gay though, but I don't know why I attract guys. (@,@)

Maybe it's how I carry myself, confidence, but not bragging. Someone they can count on and respect as well. I usually am silent and just smile unless they want my opinion, I give a helping hand when needed with good intentions. That's all I do when I meet, make friends, either with a guy or a girl.

That's all it takes, either you need to be more observant or you just didn't find the person you want to be with. Listen instead of speak, observe and be confident and take your time to discover the one you want to be with. ;3 enjoy yourself. and always make sure that the one you are interested in feels safe and secured in your relationship

[Casual]

Hey pyrogen,

I think there is definitely a lot that anyone can get out of the pickup community, from understandings of social dynamics and lifestlye improvement, to more specific things like how to do approaches and how to physically escalate an interaction. I am no expert on the lesbian community, but there was a recent interview on pickup podcast that featured an interview with a bisexual woman who talked about how she picked up other women. Might be worth a listen.