Revisiting the past

[straysweeper]

I sent someone whom I haven't spoken to in a year a happy birthday message. I got back a phone number however this person is very much related to my current situation. I often felt manipulated and used by them. I still care for them, but questioning calling them.

I am not asking what I should do. I am asking how do I decide on this? How do I use this to be more conscious and to learn and grow from? I've already noticed unconsciousness stemming from this. If I can use this to garner growth and an emotional event to change my identity that would be good. But I'm usually not present enough.

Nor am I sure of myself enough to ask the right questions.

[Eros Stone]

I don't completely understand your post.

What i would say is it seems masochistic that you would want to keep someone in your life so much that you miss them manipulating and using you.

I think you need to look at the underlying reasons and causes of why you have such low self esteem.