Should I call him first or wait for him to call me??

[loveliketheflowers]

I have been been getting to know this one guy for about a month now. we hung out last sunday. we just sat in his car, listened to music, chit chatted, kissed a little and after 3hrs we went home. I text him the next day just wishing him a nice evening and he said thank you and wishing me the same. I have not heard from him since. I am kind of scared to contact him first and he does not answer my call or text me back wanting to see me or talk to me. Should I wait for him to contact me and if he does not contact me just leave him alone? Or should I just say eff it and go for it and contact him and make plans and make him take me to dinner (daydreaming a bit too much). i really want to get to know this guy more and hopefully more will come. what should i do? not sure on how i should go about this?

[WRX AJT]

Don't call or txt him at all. By not calling or txting it'll make him start to wonder why you stopped, so he'll be forced to call / txt you out of curiosity.

I did this after my ex-girlfriend broke up with me. I didn't call / txt her for 3+ days, and by day 7...she called me and was wondering why I haven't talked to her in so long.

You have to show that he isn't the center of your world, and you have better things to do then to just sit around and wait for him to call / txt you. It'll either drive him nuts that you haven't talked to him and he'll contact you, or things just weren't meant to be.

Hope this helps...

[HCDorset]

er i disagree with the last poster...

relationships don't have to be about playing games, you could just trust your own feelings and do something genuine to express yourself

if you wanna call someone, call them
be genuine

if you are unsure or feel uncomfortable, don't call.

simple.

no energy wasted second guessing another person's feelings, which you can never genuinely guess anyway especially since you don't know them well.

it may or may not work out - but if you are looking for someone to spend time with isn't it better to find the ones who are capable of responding to a genuine call with an honest and genuine reply?

this is true in all relationships - romantic, friendship, business, family IMHO

I've only been out of a relationship for a few months in the last 20 years & I never had to play weird phonecall games to make a genuine connection with another human being

hope this helps

be yourself - you are just fine :-)

[Chris Cade]

Do you want to manipulate him and encourage him to do the same... or do you want to be authentic and encourage him to be the same?

Not that it's entirely black or white... but anytime we don't act authentically, we are, at least a little bit, attempting to manipulate the other person so that they will conform to our outcome.

[WRX AJT]

I didn't mean for it to sound like playing mind games. However, if you keep calling / txting it feels more like being attached, which has the potential to make things worse.

Sorry if I came across wrong...I'm just telling from my own personal experience.

[loveliketheflowers]

good advice from everybody....

no i'm not trying to manipulate him...i just want to talk to him, see him, get to know him, and hopefully not chase him away. But it is so hard to figure out what to do in the "game of dating". it truly feels like a game sometimes. i want to just be myself and text him and say "hey, lets hang out tomorrow", but i don't want to seem desperate or needy, cause i'm not. but i'm not doing anything tomorrow and i bet he isn't doing anything, so why not ask him if he wants to hang out. but also i'm scared to ask, cause i want him to ask me out and take me out to dinner. he took me to the movies on our first date and i still want to do more of that. but he is lagging on asking me. and i bet he is talking to other girls probably which kind of makes me think of why he has not contacted me yet.

i think tomorrow i will just text him and see what happens next...

[Chris Cade]

Most of our "dating games" are out of a fear of rejection... we are trying to put on a particular image so the other person will give us a chance. Then we can date and see if we fit together.

It seems very reasonable on the surface, until we look deeper at what's going on. At a deeper level what we're saying when we play *any* games is, "I don't think I'm good enough for you the way I am. Because if I act the way I normally would act, you might not like me. So I'll modify my behavior so that I don't push you away."

The other difficulty with many of the dating games is that because they encourage us to act differently than we might normally act, even if the other person does end up acting the way we want them to... eventually both people will realize they were acting, and then they still face the possibility of rejection and then have to get to know each other "again" (at least in some ways).

Growing up, I got rejected a LOT. I wore my heart on my sleeve, and it was painful. People encouraged me to play games, and when I did then I had more success in dating... but not more success in happily dating.

Yeah sure I got more dates overall (both with different women and with the same women), but I wasn't finding people I clicked with... because they were all basing their opinion of me based on the dating game... not based on who I was authentically.

When I stopped playing games (even the little ones like wondering how many days I should wait to call) and was just myself were the times I got into the longest lasting and most fulfilling relationships.

In the end, the simple question is: "Would I want the other person to act the same way?"

If things don't work out, at least we can say "I was authentic... and we discovered that when I'm authentic, this other person wasn't a good match for me. There is somebody else who will appreciate and embrace my authenticity."

[WRX AJT]

Originally Posted by Chris Cade

If things don't work out, at least we can say "I was authentic... and we discovered that when I'm authentic, this other person wasn't a good match for me. There is somebody else who will appreciate and embrace my authenticity."

Exactly what I wanted to say, just didn't know how! Well done my friend....well done indeed!

[Amandaaa]

I would wait.

but that's just me.

[90802]

Originally Posted by loveliketheflowers

I have not heard from him since. I am kind of scared to contact him first and he does not answer my call or text me back wanting to see me or talk to me. Should I wait for him to contact me and if he does not contact me just leave him alone? Or should I just say eff it and go for it and contact him and make plans and make him take me to dinner

I'm a bit confused. Have you made contact after your date, and he hasn't responded? Or, do you want to make contact and are afraid he won't respond?

If it's the former, time to move on. If it's the latter, make contact and hope for the best

[azzyboo]

I am in a very similar situation with someone, and was going to post a similar question but thought it might not be important enough to ask here but hey since we are discussing this then why not.

So this guy whom i have been getting to know but only as friends came up and asked for my phone number out of the blue the other evening and said he would like to text me so I gave him my number, and to answer any questions no he was not drunk lol, i know this because he got in his car to drive home

This was 5 days ago now and as yet I have heard nothing, and tbh I really would love it if he did text me, I did not take his number so can't text him.

Strange thing is I see him socially once a week and we always talk and have a laugh, so will see him face to face in a couple of days, so I am really confused why after months of knowing and seeing him socially would he ask for my number to text me and then do nothing I am so confused. Secondly if I have not heard from him by our next meeting should I bring it up or just go with the flow, help.

[90802]

Originally Posted by azzyboo

So this guy whom i have been getting to know but only as friends came up and asked for my phone number out of the blue the other evening and said he would like to text me so I gave him my number, and to answer any questions no he was not drunk lol, i know this because he got in his car to drive home

This was 5 days ago now and as yet I have heard nothing, and tbh I really would love it if he did text me, I did not take his number so can't text him.

Say something like this:

"So, did you ask for my phone number because you wanted to talk to me, or are you just looking for new lottery numbers?" Something smart assey and sarcastic like that. Guys eat that **** up. I'm sure you can come up with something good

I think this works because:
a. It's letting him know you want him to call you
b. It's doing it in a non nagging way

Or, you can try the Steve approach,and just tell him you are interested and would like to get to know him better. Yeah, maybe you should do that and report back to us. I want to try it, but I want someone else to try it first

[azzyboo]

Originally Posted by 90802

Say something like this:

"So, did you ask for my phone number because you wanted to talk to me, or are you just looking for new lottery numbers?" Something smart assey and sarcastic like that. Guys eat that **** up. I'm sure you can come up with something good

I think this works because:
a. It's letting him know you want him to call you
b. It's doing it in a non nagging way

Or, you can try the Steve approach,and just tell him you are interested and would like to get to know him better. Yeah, maybe you should do that and report back to us. I want to try it, but I want someone else to try it first

Lol love the first approach, you know I might give that a try as it seems fun and kinda resonates with my sense of fun and playfulness.

I guess what I really wanted to know is Why a guy would do this, like I say we talk face to face weekly, it is confusing.

[90802]

Originally Posted by azzyboo

I guess what I really wanted to know is Why a guy would do this, like I say we talk face to face weekly, it is confusing.

He may be shy. He may be afraid you'll reject him. He may not know what to talk about.

If he ask for your number, he has to have some interest. Just be playful and find out what his intentions are. Joke around, get comfortable. If you think you'd want to date him, you could continue teh smarty pants way and say "ya know, you ask for my number, so I think you own me dinner or a movie. I don't give that thing out for free you know."

[azzyboo]

hey 90802 I do like you are witty just like me

Tbh I don't think he is shy as he was man enough to ask for my number, but might have something to do with the whole not sure what to say thing, but then he has no probs talking to me when we meet in a social situation.

[Kura Ookami]

When you're talking with him in a social situation you're talking as friends. I think he might be afraid of losing that. Losing you as a friend if he did start dating you.
As for what you can do about it, I don't know. You could even ask him out on a date. Take the initiative. But I like 90802's suggestions too. Definately let him know what you want.

[Murphy]

I recomend you check out Dating Without Drama by Paige Parker.
She teaches how to date and have relationships without the stress.

In this particular situation the best advice is for you to not focus on the guy but to go have fun and do something else. Whether to call him or not is irrevelant.

To understand this more check out

http://www.HesJustNotThatIntoYou.Weebly.com