I am in a low place, lonelier than I've been in years.

[pyrogen]

I'm 35 but recently have been in this whiny emo teenager state - "I'm a special specialton and there's nobody like me, waaah!!".

I had come very far, and at the moment am in kind of a low place.

In recent times, I've come to feel very, very lonely and like there aren't other people like me.

I had reached a place years ago where there were other people like myself, I even felt like my ex-husband and I were similar people and like my friends andＩwere very similar.

My present partner and I are different as night and day. We have been struggling trying to be on the same page.

We've been struggling trying to get this relationship to work. It usually means I mute my intensity about my stuff, and get into a more day-to-day work-a-day and keep most of my interests, thoughts and reflections to myself.

I told him the other day that I was lonely with him. He totally had a Did Not Get It about being lonely when I talked to him. "But we watched a movie together, took walks and you spent more time with me than you previously did."

In order to spend time together, I did not go to the gym at all this week. At All.

The gym thing is a major disappointment. We joined TOGETHER, and I was hoping we'd have something in common. But he wanted to do twenty minutes a day, go home, and not talk about exercise or fitness any other time than at the gym. I want to do an hour minimum every day there, and when I'm not at the gym I read about techniques, diet, performance, and talk to other people about that.

The movie that we watched together?

A historical epic about something I'm passionate about; he got frustrated and got up and walked up halfway through because it dragged too much. Then he didn't want to talk about the movie At All. [He never wants to talk about the movies.]

I am so lonely right now. I have nobody close to me who shares my interests, who I can see in real life. I unconsciously dropped all of these people to make time for my mate, because the rest of my life (school, work) is so busy.

If I did have my outside interests, it'd take away time from my relationship. We don't have enough in common for me to have my interests and us to still have "us time".

My feelings of isolation and loneliness and being weird are so intensified. It took me a long time to feel ok with myself, and now I don't feel ok with myself anymore.

All my young life, there was me, and all the kids I wasn't friends with because we had nothing in common, and I was the only kid who was interested in every kind of science, history, armchair travel (reading about other countries and cultures) and learning languages. So, I had no friends. Books were my friends. Then I was into rock music like them but I didn't stop there, I wanted to be in a BAND. I learned to swim trying to be like other kids, but then I didn't want to play in the pool, I wanted to swim forty laps a day and I'd still be in the pool after everyone else was gone.

I feel very wrong, very un-okay, and very alien, and sad to the point of barely functioning right now. If I did the things that made me happy I probably would completely alienate my partner. I know I probably should just get off my ass and break up, but there are so many times I fall for it, that I'm the one with the problem. Then I start sinking...

I find myself (even though I'm a very strong believer in LOA) feeling like I don't know if I'll find someone who's ever going to resonate with me, to share my life with. That doesn't matter as much as my own happiness, though. At least if I did not have a partner at all, nobody will keep me from going to the gym an hour and a half, or joining movie clubs where people DISCUSS the movies they watch, or expect me to mute my intensity about the things I like.

[Angela]

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely, pyrogen.

You did make me laugh with the "I'm a special specialton!" song! So. How would your life look if you had everything you want? Do you have a picture in your head of how you'd like your life to go? You are sort of focused on what you don't want (that is, what you've got), but how would it look, sound, and feel if you were living your ideal life?

[lifetimelearner]

you sound very sad today

my impression is that you need a time -out
to get back to you again



you want someone to value what you say
you want to share interests
you want to share you !!



loneliness is like the brutal winter-
it may seem that it's an assault on nature when the cold air ,the harsh wind and sharp sleet and snow tear across the landscape during winter
but in actuality it is clearing out the unnecessary and preparing for the sweet arrival of the new and fresh


okay I am rambling a bit

all I am saying is that these feelings are they to guide you and you can either ignore them and feel them cont. stab you in the heart
or you can listen to them and acknowledge their wisdom

[Wildside]

Hi pyrogen, sorry you feel so lonely. Your post resonated with me as I have been in a long term (8 years) relationship and have felt like you described for the last few years. Actually this morning my girlfriend and I finally had a big talk about it and it looks like we might actually be going to break up. It's weird, as much as I have dreamed of being able to indulge myself in things like, going to the gym as long as I want, watching movies all day or playing guitar whenever I want, etc. now that it looks like that is going to be a reality I am really scared and feeling lonely. I, like you, have kind of lost all my friends due to this relationship and the thought of living on my own again makes me really lonely and scared...but also underneath that feeling of loneliness is a feeling of excitment. I know that I am going to be sad and lonely for a while (maybe quite a while) but I think it will eventually turn into a good situation. But you know what? If she came home tonight and said she wanted to stay together, I would probably say "Yes! Awesome!" But, deep down I think I would know that we should probably breakup...but breaking up is hard, and sad...and being lonely sucks!!
Anyway...I hope my ramblings helped you in some small way.