|01-24-2009, 03:30 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2008
Conversing with law students
I have run into a fairly repetitive social problem. At many of the organized social events I attend, it is heavily populated by law students. I won't go in to why I attend these events; just accept that I need to attend them. I am not a law student. I've been completely unable to engage these people in any meaningful way. I simply can't hold a conversation with them to save my life.
Here are some sample conversations:
Me: Hey, I met you when I crashed the law school happy hour when we had that mutual friend
Her: Yeah, I remember you. You're name is LS.
Me: Great memory, J. Do you talk a lot to mutual friend?
Me: Oh, anyhow, I had a weird run-in with the law school. I posted an ad on Craigslist to teach guitar, and your friend L answered. Now I'm teaching her guitar. Isn't that weird?
Her: I don't like L anymore. She's a slut.
Me: I see. So, how is school?
Her: School is going. I'm trying to get an internship for the summer. (turns to another student). How is your internship going? I'm annoyed that Professor Wilkes won't release our grades so I can't get my internship. (guy responds). Yeah, I found that section 7 of contract law was hard too. What quartile are you in. Yeah, I figured as much because that's the only one I am not in.
Me (attempting to change subject): So, what kind of job are you going for this summer?
Her: I'm getting a job working for a hotel firm. It's not a good job, but the economy is so tight, I'll take what I can get. Suzy is also getting a job there (turns to other law student). Can you believe that Suzy and Bob are dating now? That's so weird, since in maritime law class, they used to sit on opposite ends of the class. I don't like Professor Frink in that class. Can you understand his accent?
I'd say pretty much every single interaction I've had with law students happens like that. I try to steer the conversation away from law and school, and they steer it right back to topics that completely exclude me. Sometimes, they just walk away in the middle of the conversation to talk to other law students. It's very unpleasant, to say the least. This type of thing tends to happen with any group of people who know each other well. For example, the people local to my city do this all the time (replace law with discussion of high school friends), and consequently have a well-deserved reputation of being very unfriendly and cliquish.
I don't think it's my lack of skills. At this same social event, I had a great conversation with someone studying animation. Also, his wife who studies the Middle East. But sadly, these people are very rare at these events. Often times, they are completely absent.
What can I do to get them to stop this? My old therapist's advice was: stop talking to law students. They are boring people who have no interest in anyone but themselves. I'm not sure that's true. I try to show interest in what they're doing, but half the time I don't even understand what they're even talking about it. When I try to stop them to clarify, they explain quickly but never engage me. It's very excluding and depressing.
|01-24-2009, 04:13 PM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Aug 2008
When I approach people I remind myself of how we are all human beings having an amazing experience. I've been entertaining the belief of subjective reality and its implications on social interaction is amazing. Through this perspective, how can I fear interaction with another part of myself? I become extremely curios and equally authentic in sharing my experiences.
Through my experience, higher level beliefs aid profoundly in connecting with others - you may wish to start here first.
Specifically (lower level approach), perhaps in the future you could introduce a topic yourself and begin the discussion with a short story instead of simply presenting the topic and hoping the recipient will elaborate.
From the PUA frame, this could be seen as immediately demonstrating higher value (DHV).
From the transcript of your interaction it seems there is emphasis on you extracting value ("Do you talk a lot to mutual friend?" "So, how is school?" "So, what kind of job are you going for this summer?") - I'd focus on giving value (the universe - including others - respond in kind).
I'd focus more on relating to the themes behind the subject matter when conversing especially if the subject matter doesn't resonate with you. e.g.
"law internship in summer" = future, goals
"Professor Wilkes won't release our grades" = adversity, trouble, challenge
"Can you believe that Suzy and Bob are dating now?" = love, romance, passion
I find its easier to share and relate on a more deeper level through the themes behind a discussion
Last edited by AO1; 01-24-2009 at 04:17 PM.
|01-24-2009, 04:15 PM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Toronto, Canuckland
Well, yea, stop hanging around law students. Or start hanging out with other folk, like find more animators or people who study middle eastern studies. Successful lawyers tend to be low in the personality trait Agreeableness. They're not exactly warm and empathic folk, though there's variation, obviously.
If you're in college or near a college/uni, they'll often hold talks on various topics. Go check 'em out.
|01-24-2009, 04:24 PM||#4 (permalink)|
Join Date: Aug 2008
I love the analogy of a jigsaw puzzle that Steve has been using recently in his polyamory posts in relation to needs.
Imagine yourself as jigsaw puzzle, although you're a part of the greater whole; you're not fully compatible with every piece. That's no ones fault. Find the pieces you connect to and you'll be happy
Last edited by AO1; 01-24-2009 at 04:32 PM.
|01-24-2009, 05:03 PM||#5 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2008
|01-24-2009, 05:34 PM||#6 (permalink)|
Join Date: Aug 2008
You had already elicited those themes. I merely picked out some of the themes I believed to be present in your transcript. Once you're consciously aware of the themes present you can choose to relate by sharing your unique and valuable experiences/perspective.
|01-24-2009, 06:12 PM||#7 (permalink)|
Join Date: Apr 2008
In Germany, we have two rtather nasty sayings about law students:
You can study law either by investing much time or having much brains. Most law students are therefore rather busy.
Two left hands? Study the rights! (Won't translate properly, in German, the terms for law and right hands are the same).
But I'd proceed as AO1 proposed. Their behavior could also be a sign of wanting to include others into the conversation, and of course, everybody likes to talk about things he is familiar with.
In my experiece, students of philosophy, theology and history do not talk that differently on a student party.
|01-24-2009, 06:30 PM||#8 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2007
Except if you use these artificial methods to create conversation with people who are not your 'type' or in your group, then you are also taking them away from their own bonding time.
Cliques are formed for a reason. They have similar interests and experiences, and in their social time, they are enforcing the bonds and strength of their own group. They may not be open to outsiders to come in, but that is for a good reason. They will be a bunch of well connected lawyers.
So, why don't you find your own group? Which students share your interests and field of study?
|Thread||Thread Starter||Forum||Replies||Last Post|
|College Students' List!||Yoyo||Local Groups||137||09-12-2010 06:40 PM|
|Jesus and Buddha as students||Adelina||Spirituality, Consciousness, & Awareness||30||03-10-2009 04:50 PM|
|Getting Things Done for College Students||pianoperformer||Personal Effectiveness||0||07-30-2008 01:26 PM|
|Any Ph.D students here?||raji||Personal Effectiveness||3||08-31-2007 02:58 PM|
|IM for students||yuri110v||Intention-Manifestation||3||02-08-2007 09:02 AM|
All times are GMT. The time now is 01:52 PM.