How to overcome my hesitation in hugging "strangers" in the "Free Hugs"?

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

The way you talk about it, to me it sounds like you're seeing the "free hugs" thing as a way of getting hugs. Maybe it would be easier for you to overcome your fear if you saw it as a way of giving hugs to others.

I'm not sure that would help. When I think of it in the outflow, it then becomes "Who the hell am I to think they'll want a hug from me?"

The emotional limiting thingy is probably too strong to have this outflow vs inflow to make much of a different, although in other situations it really does make a difference.

You don't feel rejected when you're a clerk in a shop and someone doesn't buy anything, right?

Nope, like I said, I can and have done things and get rejected by hundreds of people and not care about it if I'm promoting something, like I did with my campus organization. I know the outflow/inflow thing works greats in a situation like that for me - when I'm out there and asking hundreds of people to get involved in something like my campus club or something else, I know that I'm doing it because it's really going to benefit the few that will accept (and it'll also benefit the club), and I'm doing it as an outflow type of activity. So it's not a simple case of overcoming rejection, unfortunately.

I'm sure you can bypass this limiting belief by focusing on showing affection to others by hugging them. In such a case, it's totally not relevant whether they hug you or not, it won't hurt you, because it's not about them caring for you, it's about you caring for them.

You know, even if it works, this outflow-inflow model, I'm realizing that I really need to stop finding ways to bypass this emotional limiting block and instead overcome it directly so I can go and ask for hugs myself, for myself. It's so time consuming, and energy-consuming to have to find so many ways to bypass this emotional limiting thingy because it comes up in so many different ways that it'll just be simpler if I just go to the root of it and overcome it and that way I don't have to find a way to bypass it for a lot of stuff. Grrrrr. (my grrr is not toward you but toward this emotional limiting thingy).

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by StellaBlue

Wow, this really brought a smile to my face to read today! That sounds like so much fun and you are so brave for doing it! I've always wanted to participate in something like this!

Thanks

Originally Posted by cacheborn

I just saw the video. Seems like a great idea!

Yeah it's really fun!

Originally Posted by erego

That is so fantastic, seeker5. Glad I read this thread. I made it something I'm going to do this year. !

Awesome!

Originally Posted by TonyToneTone

It looks like you are on your way. Don't get upset or frustrated with yourself. You made HUGE positive improvements so keep going in that direction. I'm proud of you for the strides you've made thus far. Keep it up!!! You're definitely on the right track and have the courage to move forward.

Thanks for the encouragment! That is true, I am making progress.

It's like with public speaking, I took a public speaking class, and I was so scared that after a few days I dropped out of it. Then I signed up again the next semester, and this time I lasted through one speech, and then got too scared and dropped out. I signed up again the third semester and this time I managed to make it through the entire semester and got an A. Then I signed up for Toastmasters, and again same thing, it took me a while before I was able to give a speech and be ok with it, and now a few years later I'm still in Toastmasters and enjoying it a lot! So, sometimes I just have to keep on pushing myself over and over and over to finally get to do something and be comfortable at it.

[ArthurHung]

An interesting link. TheStar.com | GTA | Optional exams, free hug at York

At a University near me that shut down for a good few months screwing up thousands of people of money, time and various plans and jobs. An interesting read that ends in hugs

[Trezker]

Originally Posted by seeker5

I'm not sure that would help. When I think of it in the outflow, it then becomes "Who the hell am I to think they'll want a hug from me?"

The emotional limiting thingy is probably too strong to have this outflow vs inflow to make much of a different, although in other situations it really does make a difference.

Ok, so it's not a darkworker/lightworker issue. It's a self image issue.

You need to catch yourself thinking those negative things and switch it to.
"I AM a huggable person."
Keep chanting that until you believe it, especially when you're out there holding the sign.
Focus on being positive, and you wont even notice when the other signholders leave your side.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Trezker

It's a self image issue.

Yeah.

You need to catch yourself thinking those negative things and switch it to.

"I AM a huggable person."

Keep chanting that until you believe it, especially when you're out there holding the sign.
Focus on being positive, and you wont even notice when the other signholders leave your side.

Thanks for the advice, I'll try that or something similar such as "I am worthy". Although I feel that alone won't do it, it can still help.

I'm also going to apply Kathie's The Work too to all of statements that come up and see what happens.

We've got another one coming up in a few weeks, so I've got a few weeks to prepare for it! This free hug stuff is a really wonderful way for my issues to come out in the open and force me to deal with them. I feel that when by dealing with my free hug issues, I'll be that much better to deal with my other social issues too.

Tonight, I saw one of the ladies who participated in the free hug thing and she was still so much on a high from all those hugs she can't wait to do the next one again!

[seeker5]

There's another free hug in my city this Saturday! So I signed up for it! It's a week earlier then the one that was supposed to be next, but I'll go ahead and take opportunity of this one too to face my fears and go for it. Nothing like facing your fears and being hit with them in your face to motivate you to work on transcending them

Plus, now that I've gone to one, I can't pass up the tremendous amount of healthy fun the Free Hugs events are.

[seeker5]

I did it.

I stood out there for three hours with the Free Hugs sign, getting so many hugs. I've probably hugged more people today then in the last 10 years combined, if not my whole life.

Love turned out to be the solution to overcoming those fears and emotional reaction that I got previously. I realized that I didn't feel worthy of those hugs (as well as other stuff in my life). The key to feeling worthy, I realized three days ago, was to feel unconditional love for myself. Therefore, I have been imagining for three days how it would be to feel unconditionally loved - where I would love myself unconditionally. Two nights ago, after I saw the notice for this free hug event, I started imagining how it would be to feel unconditional love for myself while holding the Free Hug Sign. I did that for a while before falling asleep, when I woke up, while exercising, while driving in my car, while walking to class and any other moment when I had a free moment to concentrate away from all the other things I was already concentrating on.

This morning, I woke up with the thought I should do a SWISH pattern. This is something I learned many years ago from Tony Robbins but I haven't used it in probably 4-5 years or so. It's basically an NLP technique to train your mind to automatically trigger one wanted thought when the unwanted thought comes up. So I applied this SWISH thingy to myself while visualizing holding the Free Hug signs. I did it so that if the feeling of being of fear-get-the-hell-away feeling came up, it'd automatically trigger this feeling of unconditional love for myself. I didn't know how well that would work, but I thought why not try it, it couldn't hurt. Plus, I've learned the wisdom of listening to thoughts that come to my mind as soon as I wake up, especially if it's a thought I didn't have before.

About two hours before the event, I started feeling nervous. However, I knew that wasn't sinking feeling of fear that would say "get the hell away" feeling that I had felt before. Instead, it was the kind of nervous energy I get sometimes before making a public speech. Since I've given many speeches, my body is fully trained to go through it no matter how nervous I may feel. Thus I wasn't concerned, and I simply kept on imagining feeling unconditional love for myself.

So when I got there, I got the signs and I held it up immediately. I didn't have to hesitate, I just did it. I kept remembering and imagining the feeling of this unconditional love.

I initially stood by this guy next to me. I noticed at first he was getting a bit more hugs then I was. I didn't let it bother me, I knew from reading Steve's article it was simply he was a better vibration for hugs then I was at the time, and I figured with time my vibration for hugs would increase. Thus I'd just focus on this unconditional love if I wasn't being hugged at the time. My rate of being hugging picked up though after a while, so my vibration for it was raised .

After a while, I went to do the ultimate test of standing on my own a good bit away from anyone. It was no problem, and I did it very easily and naturally and for a relatively long time. I was even able to stand on a corner of the street and look at probably a hundred people on the other side waiting for the "You may cross the street" sign to come on, look at them in the eyes and feel great. I did another test which was to walk around while holding the Free hug sign. No problem there too.

Not one single moment did this awful fear-numbing "get the hell out of here" feeling ever come up. When there were moments where I didn't get any hugs, I'd just remind myself of feeling this unconditional love.

I have so many touching and awe-moments of hugging and connecting. I hugged so many different kind of people - pretty much all kind. I've learned all of the different kind of hugs people give, and how to adapt my hug to the type they are asking for when they come to me. So those who wanted just a very short hug, I gave them a short hug. Those who wanted a relatively long and tender hug from me, or were receptive to that, that's what I gave them. I ended receiving several compliments about how good of a hugger I was.

I even earned money! One guy took some pictures of me (without wanting any hugs himself), and then went and put a dollar bill in the jacket I had laying behind me on the ground...!!

Several times someone would ask me why I was doing this. My answer was "I just want some hugs".

I'm very humbled and touched by my experience. I feel this is a huge achievement in my life, you don't know how much this means to me to be able to do this, to be able to overcome one of my worst emotional fear blocks so that I could connect to so many people in this fashion.

Thank you all for your help and your push in this thread. That's something wonderful about this forum, how we can get support and help from each other on here to help push us to new growth.

[Trezker]

Epic win!

Congratulations!

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Trezker

Epic win!

Congratulations!

Thanks

I just realized something this morning. That $1 that the guy gave me and thinking about one of Steve's article about love money. Doesn't the $1 make it my first love dollar?

[theknightwhosaysni-NI]

Thanks for sharing your experience Seeker, and congratulation for doing these free hugs !

[Bazza]

Thanks for posting this. That video really put a smile on my face Now to try and organise one in NZ, Any of u guys live in tauranga???

[Fred Tracy]

Wow! I'm really happy for you. I think I've got some similar issues going on with unworthiness that I need to work on. Maybe I'll do something like this too.

[drakecatz]

Good for you Spirit, but only because you WANT to do this. There are many of us out here in the world who DON'T want strangers hugging us, and being a "hugger" doesn't make you a better person than the "non hugger." I truly don't think it has anything to do with "worthiness."

This all reminds me of when I owned a new age bookstore and there would always be the guys at seminars who would want to hug the pretty girls to cop a feel. You know who you are!

I'm sort of kidding, but not. It's really ok to not be a hugger, but I imagine hugging is like anything else. The more you do it, the eaiser it will be, and it's probably an easy thing to change about yourself if thats the road you want to go down.

As a non hugger I've also noticed that when strangers hug me they are the ones doing the hugging. A lot of becoming a hugger has to do with learning to hug back! I've also found if I hug back the hug is more tolerable.

Good luck with this Sprirt! You'll become a great hugger if you want to!

[Daffy Duck]

That's awesome, Seeker. I'm surprised I haven't seen this post before. I'm glad you did it.

I've never held a Free Hugs sign, but I always try to hug them whenever I see 'em. It's a good cause.

[rei]

Originally Posted by drakecatz

Good for you Spirit, but only because you WANT to do this. There are many of us out here in the world who DON'T want strangers hugging us, and being a "hugger" doesn't make you a better person than the "non hugger." I truly don't think it has anything to do with "worthiness."

This all reminds me of when I owned a new age bookstore and there would always be the guys at seminars who would want to hug the pretty girls to cop a feel. You know who you are!

I'm sort of kidding, but not. It's really ok to not be a hugger, but I imagine hugging is like anything else. The more you do it, the eaiser it will be, and it's probably an easy thing to change about yourself if thats the road you want to go down.

As a non hugger I've also noticed that when strangers hug me they are the ones doing the hugging. A lot of becoming a hugger has to do with learning to hug back! I've also found if I hug back the hug is more tolerable.

Good luck with this Sprirt! You'll become a great hugger if you want to!

funny, i am not one to hug people all the time. but i do when i can tell someone isn't having a great moment emotionally. and you are right, if you don't hug back, a person like me will push! i will say, oh come on now, i meant a REAL hug!

i can tell they still resist it, but i can also tell they know in that moment i really care, and i know they get a benefit from that. besides, the hug lifts up places that are deeper than the surface level person who resists the idea.

seeker, it has been great seeing your experiences here! thanks for sharing

[Captain Drywall]

When they teach Akito to Americans, the first thing they teach is you have to get close to the person for the moves to work. Most of us want to stay way back, bend forward , then your off the center line. So, its not such a streatch for us to not want to hug strangers. Keep up the doing. i say good job for even working on it.

[Mynder]

I have an idea for you. Why don't you gather all the visitors of your next CGW, and spend an hour or so outside giving hugs to each other and to passers-by? Incorporate it into your workshop schedule - doing teaches a lot more than just hearing.

Don't wait for a free hugs group to show up on your doorstep. Make your own. That's what you're all about inside, after all, right?

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

Sounds like fun. Erin and I would love to do this. I'm sure our kids would enjoy it as well -- they give great hugs.

Where did you do this? Somewhere on the Strip?

Do you have a URL for the group other than the YouTube video? I tried Googling for a free hugs group in Vegas but didn't find one yet.

If we do it somewhere in Vegas, I could make a post about it to see how many of our visitors we could get to participate. Then maybe film it and put it up on YouTube for everyone to see.

I'm sure we could get some of our local friends to join us as well.

[Mynder]

seeker5:
Don't wear yourself out about not being able to hold the sign up on your own. You've pushed way out of your previous comfort zone, and that IS A HUGE ACHIEVEMENT for you!

For now, you need the support of the others, as a kind of feedback that what you do "is okay" and acceptable. When you're out there "alone", this support falls away, and doubts creep back in. Don't bother about it too much. The more often you do this kind of thing, the more you will come to terms with how you feel about it, and eventually you will give less and less on how others might think about it and just do it anyway.

Besides...if you spot a seemingly sad person on the sidewalk, walk up to them and tell them: "hey, you look as if you could use a hug" and if they accept it and you bring a smile to their face for even a moment...isn't that worth it?

[openeyes]

A friend and I decided to do free hugs and massages at a "Really Really Free" market 2-3 years ago:

Carrboro's "Really Really Free Market"
Really Really Free Market ::

It was interesting having dozens of friendly strangers come by, some just for hugs, some for both, some not even being able to speak much English but just seeing what we were doing and happily placing our hands on their shoulders Most people could use a lot more friendly touching in their lives.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Mynder

I have an idea for you. Why don't you gather all the visitors of your next CGW, and spend an hour or so outside giving hugs to each other and to passers-by?

Some are already planning this.

Originally Posted by Mynder

seeker5:
Don't wear yourself out about not being able to hold the sign up on your own. You've pushed way out of your previous comfort zone, and that IS A HUGE ACHIEVEMENT for you!

Keep in mind this thread was started a year ago. I'm good with the Free Hug stuff now and have done multiple Free Hugs since. Thanks though.

[rei]

Originally Posted by openeyes

A friend and I decided to do free hugs and massages at a "Really Really Free" market 2-3 years ago:

Carrboro's "Really Really Free Market"
Really Really Free Market ::

It was interesting having dozens of friendly strangers come by, some just for hugs, some for both, some not even being able to speak much English but just seeing what we were doing and happily placing our hands on their shoulders Most people could use a lot more friendly touching in their lives.

ooh, the free massage idea is GENIUS! that's such a warm, friendly, healing touch... imagine how much more relaxed most of the world would be if we all got free daily massages... yummy

oh, and that's very cool how the folks who didn't speak a lot of English still showed their interest and willingness to participate.

[Mynder]

Originally Posted by seeker5

Keep in mind this thread was started a year ago. I'm good with the Free Hug stuff now and have done multiple Free Hugs since. Thanks though.

Ugh, sorry.

For some odd reason or other, some old threads get washed up to the top for me lately, even when the last post isn't new.

Anyway, mind sharing a little of your experience, overcoming of resistance etc. concerning "freehugging" and going it without the support crew? I'm sure your personal insights will be of value to many of us here.