Can lack of confidence be only an appearance?

[TektonikShift]

Can one seem to be an insecure, weak person, but actually be strong?

Perhaps one might have "symptoms" of what someone else perceives as a "weak" or "insecure" person... but in fact they aren't true?

For example, a person who thinks and philosophizes all the time might be easily criticized as "not knowing what he wants" or "indecisive"... and thus not having a strong character.

What do you think?

[dreamtime07]

It really depends. Having a strong character is not determined by looks and by interests. Having a strong character is, for me, being able to withstand anything that comes along your way and you know how to deal with it head on.

In case of confidence matters, its how the person moves, walks, and perceives himself or herself to other people tell really much how much confidence the person has. Its not really the clothes that a person wears, but how he handles and project himself to other people that matters. Just be yourself and know that you are a beautifully unique person will show on the outside. and smiling shows that a person is confident.

[Riddle]

Originally Posted by dreamtime07

smiling shows that a person is confident.

Not really, smiling shows that a person is happy or amused.

[TektonikShift]

Perhaps my question was a bit unclear...

What I mean is:
Is it possible that despite being self-confident one may not appear confident due to different personal lifestyles, philosophies and body language?

[dreamtime07]

Originally Posted by Riddle

Not really, smiling shows that a person is happy or amused.

What I mean is that, in meeting new people, if you smile, then they'll see that you have confidence and that you are happy to meet them.

Am I right?

[dreamtime07]

Originally Posted by TektonikShift

Perhaps my question was a bit unclear...

What I mean is:
Is it possible that despite being self-confident one may not appear confident due to different personal lifestyles, philosophies and body language?

For my opinion, lifestyle and philosophies cannot affect what other people see on you as being confident or not. But, the body language is really the one that makes other people see you as confident or not.

[TektonikShift]

Exactly.

You're at a party and girls start approaching you. You start thinking about some recent news or a business project. That way your body language doesn't appear "confident". That way the girls go away...

That's what I mean

[dreamtime07]

Originally Posted by TektonikShift

Exactly.

You're at a party and girls start approaching you. You start thinking about some recent news or a business project. That way your body language doesn't appear "confident". That way the girls go away...

That's what I mean

May I ask. Does this already happened to you or you are just thinking it might happen?

[TektonikShift]

I think it might have happened many times.
I feel confident all the time, yet my body language may not express it due to several reasons that I don't know...

[Parthon]

Yes, very much so.

Like you said, there's the current situation going on that can influence it, along with many other factors. That someone is sure of themself, know where they are going and are decisive about it isn't always reflected at all times. Plus "body language" is open to all kinds of interpretation. If a person is tired, distracted, relaxed or just lazing about, they probably don't look very confident, but the same person in a high stress situation brings forth heaps of confidence.

On the flip side though, there are those people who have memorised all the "moves" for being confident (chest out, head up, eye contact, etc etc), but are completely weak in all other areas. One of my managers in fact fits this perfectly, he walked tall and acted tall, plus smiled all the time, but he never made a decision, wasn't effective in his job and let his wife run most of his life. He was great at being confident, but was completely lacking in effectiveness.

Confidence is just a small part of a bigger picture. A person still needs to be effective and honest as well as confident in order to achieve.

ps. You did remind me of a personal anecdote. I know much of what I want, and go after it, but people genually call me a push over because I go along with whatever. I do this because going along with people can open up new experiences and makes things more interesting. They do owever act suprised when I flat out turn them down because I've either got something else on, or are just plain uninterested though, all because it goes against the image they have of me. Other people see me as agreeable, but in reality, they are just asking me to join them in doing something I would already like to do. It highlights the gap between who you actually are and how others see you. If you stick to being true to yourself, then let others make up their own minds about you.

[TektonikShift]

Yes, that's EXACTLY what I mean.

And you addressed the converse effect as well: a person who LOOKS confident might actually NOT be confident!

So what is really confidence?

[Parthon]

Originally Posted by Parthon

That someone is sure of themself, know where they are going and are decisive about it.

It's complex. It involves courage and authority. It's the combination of facing fear and acting anyways with the willingness to take charge of your own life. It's about knowing you can make things happen. Of course, you can be confident in some areas of your life and not confident in the rest.

Perhaps you already know the answer, what's confidence to you?

[TektonikShift]

Parthon, after much thinking, I feel that confidence is only a perception. There is decisiveness and determination, but the way these are communicated is entirely dependent on appearance.

I am thus worried that a lot of attraction is merely based on perception and appearances... which can be totally wrong So entire romantic relationships can be totally wrong. Also romantic success and romantic failure... both can be wrong.

[Parthon]

Both are very wrong. The ideal "romantic" attraction is based on fleeting perceptions of people. As you get to know someone though, all those layers decay, and the real person is slowly revealed. That's when relationships tend to break down.

As for confidence, it's just a perception of a possible inner strength.

[Brutha]

How do you define confidence in the first place?
If we look in the dictionary we find things like "2: the quality or state of being certain" and "3 a: a relation of trust or intimacy".
It's about relating to other people and events. If you don't react to the world around you but are the whole time in your own head you aren't confident.

[bluedragon]

I think that if you appear not confident in a certain situation, then there is at least one (or a few) aspects of that situation that you are insecure with.
However, you can be a very strong person.
For example, a strong person is able to deal with things and get back on his feet. But at the same time, someone who is strong may chose not to expose himself to situations that may hurt him, because he wants to protect himself (from intimacy, for example), and thus behave as an insecure guy because he is avoiding something. That doesn't mean he is not a very sensitive and at the same time strong and independent guy, who could support a loving partner yet not be needy and remain in control of himself. He just doesn't know it, and avoids it at all costs.
For example, I am totally open to relationships with girls, but everytime I was this open, I ended up just being friends (life-long friends, nevertheless).
But now I want to actually have a relationship, and I sometimes appear closed because I'm afraid to end up just friends again. So I have to be careful if I don't want to appear as someone I am not.