How can I get a BOYFRIEND? (dating in this day in age)

[loveliketheflowers]

How do you go from meeting a guy, to talking to a guy, to dating the guy, to being in a committed relationship. I don't want to be a hook-up girl or booty call girl. I want to meet a guy, he becomes interested in me, i become interested in him, we become good friends, then girlfriend and boyfriend, then who knows after that. How are some girls always able to have boyfriends, and very good boyfriends? I stay in la and it is hard to find very good and decent people out here that are real and trustful. And everyone is so busy with work and school at night. How am I able to find a mate or find a boyfriend? How can I make a guy like me enough to make him feel like i'm good enough to be called his "girlfriend"? How long does it take usually? Just thinking about this and thought I would ask here. I feel like in this day in age, people do not care as much about relationships or falling in love with someone anymore. People seem to just want to be in open relationships, play the field, test the waters type of deals and i'm tired of it. Is anyone still wanting to be in love and get married one day and live that type of life? Let me know what you think. Thx.

[stayfly]

Originally Posted by loveliketheflowers

How do you go from meeting a guy, to talking to a guy, to dating the guy, to being in a committed relationship. I don't want to be a hook-up girl or booty call girl. I want to meet a guy, he becomes interested in me, i become interested in him, we become good friends, then girlfriend and boyfriend, then who knows after that. How are some girls always able to have boyfriends, and very good boyfriends? I stay in la and it is hard to find very good and decent people out here that are real and trustful. And everyone is so busy with work and school at night. How am I able to find a mate or find a boyfriend? How can I make a guy like me enough to make him feel like i'm good enough to be called his "girlfriend"? How long does it take usually? Just thinking about this and thought I would ask here. I feel like in this day in age, people do not care as much about relationships or falling in love with someone anymore. People seem to just want to be in open relationships, play the field, test the waters type of deals and i'm tired of it. Is anyone still wanting to be in love and get married one day and live that type of life? Let me know what you think. Thx.

there's some great books on this that I recommend you check out.

In a nutshell though;

1. do things you enjoy and that will put you in contact with the type of guys you are interested in.
2. notice guys that you are interested in and become friendly with them and determine if there is any chemistry between you
3. if there is chemistry, pursue it further. if there is no chemistry, forget him and move on the next one

I hope that helps!

[PeanutButter]

Originally Posted by stayfly

there's some great books on this that I recommend you check out.

In a nutshell though;

1. do things you enjoy and that will put you in contact with the type of guys you are interested in.
2. notice guys that you are interested in and become friendly with them and determine if there is any chemistry between you
3. if there is chemistry, pursue it further. if there is no chemistry, forget him and move on the next one

I hope that helps!

i feel your pain loveliketheflowers.

what are these books stayfly?

[seeker5]

loveliketheflowers,

I know the topic of your thread said "How can I get a boyfriend?"

But the body of your post read more like "Here's why it's impossible to get a boyfriend, and nobody wants to get into a real relationship nowadays". Are you sure you're open to learning how to become a girlfriend and have a wonderful boyfriend? Or are you too attached to running your current story some more that is helping create your current reality?

I'm sorry, I don't get the sense you're open to getting feedback on becoming a girlfriend who attracts a great boyfriend, I feel you're more attached to running that story of why things are awful (which you seem to feel is about people outside of you, and not something within yourself).

[Gregorz]

For the record, becoming open to polyamory didn't make it any easier for me to find girlfriends I think you'll find that far more people are looking for long-term single relationships than not. Yes, even guys!

One piece of advice I can give to all women -- don't wait for him to 'make the first move'. On principle, it's kind of annoying having to always be to one to take risks and ask others out. Contrary to gender roles, not all men are good at taking initiative. One gender stereotype I tend to agree with, though, is that men are famously oblivious. One of my friends was being crushed on by his (female) friend for years and never noticed until she finally decided to kiss him when they were out somewhere, to his utter surprise. They're currently married.

Have courage, and don't let anything become an excuse.

[loveliketheflowers]

Originally Posted by seeker5

loveliketheflowers,

I know the topic of your thread said "How can I get a boyfriend?"

But the body of your post read more like "Here's why it's impossible to get a boyfriend, and nobody wants to get into a real relationship nowadays". Are you sure you're open to learning how to become a girlfriend and have a wonderful boyfriend? Or are you too attached to running your current story some more that is helping create your current reality?

I'm sorry, I don't get the sense you're open to getting feedback on becoming a girlfriend who attracts a great boyfriend, I feel you're more attached to running that story of why things are awful (which you seem to feel is about people outside of you, and not something within yourself).

i'm sorry i did not pose my feebback correctly. but i would like to know information on how to become a girlfriend who attracts a great boyfriend. Kind of rude how you replied back did not like that. But yes, I would like to know that information. And I would like to change whatever in me to become a girlfriend.

[loveliketheflowers]

Originally Posted by stayfly

there's some great books on this that I recommend you check out.

In a nutshell though;

1. do things you enjoy and that will put you in contact with the type of guys you are interested in.
2. notice guys that you are interested in and become friendly with them and determine if there is any chemistry between you
3. if there is chemistry, pursue it further. if there is no chemistry, forget him and move on the next one

I hope that helps!

this is very good. i will always keep this in mind. thank you for the helpful advice.

[Parthon]

Originally Posted by loveliketheflowers

How do you go from meeting a guy, to talking to a guy, to dating the guy, to being in a committed relationship. I don't want to be a hook-up girl or booty call girl. I want to meet a guy, he becomes interested in me, i become interested in him, we become good friends, then girlfriend and boyfriend, then who knows after that. How are some girls always able to have boyfriends, and very good boyfriends? I stay in la and it is hard to find very good and decent people out here that are real and trustful. And everyone is so busy with work and school at night. How am I able to find a mate or find a boyfriend? How can I make a guy like me enough to make him feel like i'm good enough to be called his "girlfriend"? How long does it take usually? Just thinking about this and thought I would ask here. I feel like in this day in age, people do not care as much about relationships or falling in love with someone anymore. People seem to just want to be in open relationships, play the field, test the waters type of deals and i'm tired of it. Is anyone still wanting to be in love and get married one day and live that type of life? Let me know what you think. Thx.

I'm starting to learn that real love is a journey, not a destination. You don't just find the one guy you like and bam, you have the happy life. It never works like that. It's a multi stage process which involves become the best person you can be in order to get the relationship you deserve.

If you really want a boyfriend though, first work out what sort of boyfriend you would like. Two legs and breathing is not really helpful when trying to find someone, there's too many choices out there.

After you work out what you would like in an ideal partner, work on becoming a person that partner would like. Don't change your core though, who you are and your self expression are fantastic, but go to work on your values and your beliefs. There's much of your potential locked away and much of yourself that's unexpressed, it's all about loosening up and really living.

[loveliketheflowers]

Originally Posted by stayfly

there's some great books on this that I recommend you check out.

In a nutshell though;

1. do things you enjoy and that will put you in contact with the type of guys you are interested in.
2. notice guys that you are interested in and become friendly with them and determine if there is any chemistry between you
3. if there is chemistry, pursue it further. if there is no chemistry, forget him and move on the next one

I hope that helps!

Originally Posted by Parthon

I'm starting to learn that real love is a journey, not a destination. You don't just find the one guy you like and bam, you have the happy life. It never works like that. It's a multi stage process which involves become the best person you can be in order to get the relationship you deserve.

If you really want a boyfriend though, first work out what sort of boyfriend you would like. Two legs and breathing is not really helpful when trying to find someone, there's too many choices out there.

After you work out what you would like in an ideal partner, work on becoming a person that partner would like. Don't change your core though, who you are and your self expression are fantastic, but go to work on your values and your beliefs. There's much of your potential locked away and much of yourself that's unexpressed, it's all about loosening up and really living.

great advice! thanks!

[Kura Ookami]

I could ask almost the same question. I'm a guy who wants to find a girlfriend. Being in a similar position I don't know what to do to get a girlfriend, but maybe we can help each other in some way? Like help each other clarify what exactly we want in an intimate partner? Then, set some goals and be accountable to each other? We could try life coaching each other? How does that sound?

[Dharma]

Step one -- be at peace with what is:

I don't have a girlfriend/boyfriend. Good.
I do have a girlfriend/boyfriend. Good.

Reception of the moment allows you to open space for the current manifestation (your current experience) to change. Being at peace with having no boyfriend does not mean you won't ever look for one. You just won't be clinging and desiring to an idea that you should have one.

I can tell you don't need a girlfriend/boyfriend now because you don't have one. That's reality and it's perfect. You have to come to realize that.

Relax. Love what is. See what happens.

[carenkh]

Originally Posted by loveliketheflowers

i'm sorry i did not pose my feebback correctly. but i would like to know information on how to become a girlfriend who attracts a great boyfriend. Kind of rude how you replied back did not like that. But yes, I would like to know that information. And I would like to change whatever in me to become a girlfriend.

Hi, love - I know seeker's intention was not to be rude. It can be helpful in online communication if you imagine what you're reading is being said by a dear friend - especially on this site, where most of us are here to support our own and others' personal growth. There is something to what seeker asked - why do you believe people don't care as much about relationships?

I'm going to recommend a book with an unfortunate title, that Angela has recommended before: Make Every Man Want You by Marie Forleo. It is VERY empowering!

[loveliketheflowers]

Originally Posted by carenkh

Hi, love - I know seeker's intention was not to be rude. It can be helpful in online communication if you imagine what you're reading is being said by a dear friend - especially on this site, where most of us are here to support our own and others' personal growth. There is something to what seeker asked - why do you believe people don't care as much about relationships?

I'm going to recommend a book with an unfortunate title, that Angela has recommended before: Make Every Man Want You by Marie Forleo. It is VERY empowering!

i will always keep that advice in mind. thank you.

[yintherapy]

I guess I'm one of those girls you're talking about who always has a good boyfriend. I used to be single and wanted a boyfriend a whole lot, and I couldn't understand why things never panned out for me. Then one day, I decided to stop caring about having a boyfriend; I started to focus on other things that made life meaningful to me. I guess that made me a more interesting person, because more guys started to notice me. And the thing was, I was so busy with the things I was passionate about, that I became pickier about who I dated. After all, if this guy was going to take time away from my interests, he better be good! So I raised my standards, and maybe that made guys even more interested, because it showed that I wasn't desperate.

So, feeling happy without a relationship made me more attractive, and raising my standards ensured that the guys I dated were good boyfriends who were worth staying with for a long time. That's my own experience, at least. I hope this helps. =)