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cookie5 · 01-19-2009, 09:13 PM

I would like to write a letter to my six year old as it is impossible to see him without my ex's continual abuse etc. I would like to tell him how I feel and why Mum and Dad arn't together and just how much I love and miss him......
and somewhere be able to explain why it is I can't see him ..... I guess how do I help him to understand without creating a bias opinon of either of us as parents??
Not only that his father would have to read it so how would I know he does read it or if he gives my son negative feed back? etc..
I have tried writing several letters but in the end screw up the up the paper thinking perhaps I just can't? Yet if I dont he is going to think Mum didn't care etc.... AND

I wouldnt want him to get the letter and be more confused!!

I just want to say I love and miss you every day and I wish you were with me and that we could see each other so much more. but if that does not happen Mummy will be sad but I would not want you to worry because I am so proud of you for been so strong and I would want you to smile at what a beautiful boy you are what a fantasic brother you have been to your sister and best of all just been my beautiful boy and been you.. I love you

jaamkie · 01-19-2009, 10:29 PM

re whether or not your ex will read him the letter- you do know if you never send a letter, he'll never hear from you... I'd say, any attempt to keep in touch is better than none.
As far as finding the right positive tone/words, I don't know if you're at all religious or meditate or have any other "stress-relief" activities? if it were me, I'd think about what I wanted to write before a yoga class or run, then go exercise, and write it afterward under the influence of the endorphins- I think putting yourself in a positive freeflowing frame-of-mind would help. Also I don't know if you might have a particularly non-judgemental kind good-with-kids friend or family member who could read it through and reassure you it is saying what you want to say?
Anyway, it must be difficult to be apart from your son- don't worry too much about coming up with exactly the right words- whatever you say, coming from a place of love, will be the right thing.

carenkh · 01-19-2009, 11:17 PM

Please do not dump your emotional baggage on to your six-year-old. Any letter to him should just be an affirmation of your love for him, and that is it: no apologies, no how you feel or why Mum & Dad aren't together - that is TOO MUCH for a six-year-old to handle. It's too much for any child to handle, unless you have a deeply connected, ongoing relationship with them, which you have chosen not to.

Are you in therapy? I don't always think therapists are the best option, because anything outside the norm makes most of them really nervous, but to look inside you and figure out why you're leaving your six-year-old with an abusive person would be really, really valuable.

ns123 · 01-20-2009, 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cookie5

I just want to say I love and miss you every day and I wish you were with me and that we could see each other so much more. but if that does not happen Mummy will be sad but I would not want you to worry because I am so proud of you for been so strong and I would want you to smile at what a beautiful boy you are what a fantasic brother you have been to your sister and best of all just been my beautiful boy and been you.. I love you

Why don't you just tell him this? Except with grammar and punctuation.

He does not need to know why you can't see him or that his dad is being an a*s. Just tell him you love him, you believe in him, are proud of him, and you wish you could be there to watch him grow. Bring up past memories that are unique and speak to you about how he is special and wonderful and awesome. Avoid unburdening yourself on him, just encourage him and let him know he is loved.

cookie5 · 01-21-2009, 12:01 AM

thanks guys. It helps to get others opinions and to see it in a different light. So thankyou

WordKeeper · 01-21-2009, 03:56 AM

Cookie5 - write the letter to him expressing exactly how you feel and what you would like to give to him and why you feel restrained. Do not deliver it to him now. Keep that letter until he is older and then when he is of an age to understand you can give it to him.

At that time he will not only be able to understand what you have written but he will understand why you have waited.

TonyToneTone · 01-21-2009, 04:17 AM

Go and see him.

What do you really want? Do you want to see him? If so, figure out a way to do it. Call your ex, set things straight and go.

He IS your six year old. You DO have a right to see him. You CAN make this work. It IS possible.

01-19-2009, 09:13 PM	#1 (permalink)
cookie5 Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: australia Posts: 72	How To Write To My Six Year Old? I would like to write a letter to my six year old as it is impossible to see him without my ex's continual abuse etc. I would like to tell him how I feel and why Mum and Dad arn't together and just how much I love and miss him...... and somewhere be able to explain why it is I can't see him ..... I guess how do I help him to understand without creating a bias opinon of either of us as parents?? Not only that his father would have to read it so how would I know he does read it or if he gives my son negative feed back? etc.. I have tried writing several letters but in the end screw up the up the paper thinking perhaps I just can't? Yet if I dont he is going to think Mum didn't care etc.... AND I wouldnt want him to get the letter and be more confused!! I just want to say I love and miss you every day and I wish you were with me and that we could see each other so much more. but if that does not happen Mummy will be sad but I would not want you to worry because I am so proud of you for been so strong and I would want you to smile at what a beautiful boy you are what a fantasic brother you have been to your sister and best of all just been my beautiful boy and been you.. I love you

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01-19-2009, 10:29 PM	#2 (permalink)
jaamkie Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: USA Posts: 335	re whether or not your ex will read him the letter- you do know if you never send a letter, he'll never hear from you... I'd say, any attempt to keep in touch is better than none. As far as finding the right positive tone/words, I don't know if you're at all religious or meditate or have any other "stress-relief" activities? if it were me, I'd think about what I wanted to write before a yoga class or run, then go exercise, and write it afterward under the influence of the endorphins- I think putting yourself in a positive freeflowing frame-of-mind would help. Also I don't know if you might have a particularly non-judgemental kind good-with-kids friend or family member who could read it through and reassure you it is saying what you want to say? Anyway, it must be difficult to be apart from your son- don't worry too much about coming up with exactly the right words- whatever you say, coming from a place of love, will be the right thing.

01-19-2009, 11:17 PM	#3 (permalink)
carenkh Family Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Charlotte, NC Posts: 1,800	Please do not dump your emotional baggage on to your six-year-old. Any letter to him should just be an affirmation of your love for him, and that is it: no apologies, no how you feel or why Mum & Dad aren't together - that is TOO MUCH for a six-year-old to handle. It's too much for any child to handle, unless you have a deeply connected, ongoing relationship with them, which you have chosen not to. Are you in therapy? I don't always think therapists are the best option, because anything outside the norm makes most of them really nervous, but to look inside you and figure out why you're leaving your six-year-old with an abusive person would be really, really valuable.

01-21-2009, 12:01 AM	#5 (permalink)
cookie5 Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: australia Posts: 72	thanks guys. It helps to get others opinions and to see it in a different light. So thankyou

01-21-2009, 03:56 AM	#6 (permalink)
WordKeeper Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 814	Cookie5 - write the letter to him expressing exactly how you feel and what you would like to give to him and why you feel restrained. Do not deliver it to him now. Keep that letter until he is older and then when he is of an age to understand you can give it to him. At that time he will not only be able to understand what you have written but he will understand why you have waited.

01-21-2009, 04:17 AM	#7 (permalink)
TonyToneTone Family Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 1,040	Go and see him. What do you really want? Do you want to see him? If so, figure out a way to do it. Call your ex, set things straight and go. He IS your six year old. You DO have a right to see him. You CAN make this work. It IS possible.

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums