"Just Be Yourself...?!?" She says...

[Johnny Soporno]

"JUST BE YOURSELF!"

When any normal woman is asked what men should do to be able to hook up with her, she'll answer
"Just be yourself!" -

What the HELL does she mean by that?

She means: PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE! DON'T PRETEND YOU'RE SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT!

You see, most every man "puts on a show" when he's trying to get into a girl's pants - he postures and puffs himself up, trying to be 'impressive' and present himself in the most attractive ways he can - FROM HIS PERSPECTIVE - by demonstrating that he's just the way HE IMAGINES any girl would want him to be.

But women can TELL when you're blowing smoke up their asses - and they don't appreciate it at all.

Oh, they'll humor you indulgently, out of politeness, (at least 'til the end of the date) and then say 'Let's just be friends!'

OR WORSE YET they might actually BUY what you're selling, and after they realize you're NOT fundamentally the way you portrayed yourself, THEY WILL PUNISH YOU - if not by publicly calling-you-out as a liar (to protect their reputation), then through passive-aggressive manipulation throughout an agonizing long-term relationship...

So at the end of your multi-year relationship, when she tells you "You're not the man I fell in love with!" and you reply with "How can you say that after you've spent our entire relationship trying to change me!" - that's when you'll have to face the fact that you were NEVER the man she fell in love with - and it's ALL YOUR FAULT.

The trouble is, for most guys, 'just being themselves' leaves them as weak, low-self-esteem/low-self-confidence schlubbs with very little chance of success. Most guys don't love themselves, and they aren't happy in their OWN company - why would any woman select to hook up with them?

Question: How can you BOTH "Just be yourself" AND be attractive to women?!

Answer: YOU MUST RECRAFT YOURSELF AS AN ATTRACTIVE PERSON!

....

Sounds like a huge challenge, right? It isn't.

SO the answer is very simple, and "the Community" is just waking up to this notion, after years of hypnotricks and false-disqualifications, bullshit DHVs and basically lying to get laid...

It's practically the easiest thing in the world, but it requires recognizing and accepting that THE PROBLEM IS ALWAYS YOU!

So concentrating on your 'Inner Game' is absolutely VITAL to becoming an attractive, compelling, and worthwhile person - the sort whom women AND men will opt to invest their time and energies on... someone people are PROUD is their friend, someone they can rely upon...

Someone who will DESERVE their appreciation and respect, and therefore won't need to misrepresent themselves at all, nor have to work at keeping their interest!

You see, being WORTHY of their appreciation, respect, friendship, and admiration doesn't require much at all - You need merely to ACTUALLY BE A GOOD GUY, continually self-improving, appreciating and valuing others, and by demonstrating LOYALTY TO YOURSELF FIRST - so that others will see that you have integrity!

Being WORTHY means you never have to worry that you're getting more than you deserve - and therefore never having to worry that YOUR LUCK WILL RUN OUT!

If you happen to 'GET LUCKY' with some uberhottie who's ideal for you in every way, and YOU KNOW she's with you for the wrong reasons, you'll also KNOW that she won't be around long. That'd suck!

As you develop yourself into an interesting, amusing, entertaining, and enlightened man, you'll find value and interest in most every person of quality - and that will make you VERY ATTRACTIVE to them...

Mark my words: Being truly interested in someone MAKES YOU COMPELLINGLY ATTRACTIVE TO THEM! Male OR female - in 'pick up' and in every part of life.

Please take a look at my Inner Game Definition, and read it over a couple of times, until every aspect of it makes sense to you;
I am confident that you'll live much better, and enjoy life much more, once it all resonates and harmonizes within you.

Johnny Soporno
Worthy Playboy

[Yynatago]

Listen up guys and girls! This is great advice. As a guy, I can't tell you how frustrated I got hearing "Just be yourself"! Before I knew a thing or two about being an attractive guy, being myself just kept giving me the same results I was already getting! And what is worst is that I can't build from that. My mind goes in circles with nowhere to go.

Girls, Mums, sisters and Aunts around the world, listen up! When you give that advice, realise that your only giving half the answer. The half you're missing is the important half.

"Be an attractive guy" is probably a much better response.

Of course, the next question the guy is going to ask is "How?"

[Michael Chui]

Originally Posted by Yynatago

"Be an attractive guy" is probably a much better response.

Of course, the next question the guy is going to ask is "How?"

That's an easy question to answer.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

"If", Rudyard Kipling.

[jaamkie]

aw cmon, Rudyard Kipling? sigh... women are attracted to more variety than just that stereotype. Men can be almost anyone if they are genuine, mostly happy with themselves and their life, and have some sort of interests/goals/plans beyond chasing women. The most unattractive guys are the self-centered jerks (there is a huge difference between knowing what you want and honestly pursuing it, and manipulating/trashing other people- it's the difference between a competitive strong team leader and the cheating aggressive ******* no one wants to play with), or the fawning drop-everything-for-the-woman guy who is honestly infatuated and honestly has nothing better going on in his life except to obsess about his girlfriend (this bothers women for the same reason men can feel smothered by mothering there-all-the-time women- it reminds you that the person's whole self worth is derived from dating you, and that's way too much pressure).

[Magicinthenight]

The good thing about being yourself (albeit yes, it helps when you're in a right place emotionally as people with self-esteem issues have more difficult time even in relationships) is that you don't have to be afraid: once someone falls for you as you are, you know they like the real you, not the facade you're putting up.

And yes, being yourself and being someone who's attractive can be hard but once your head and heart are in the right place and you value yourself, you'll have a lot easier time attracting someone who is right for you.

We all want different things in a partner, it makes no sense try to tailormake yourself into something you think all people might fancy as that doesn't exist.

Couple of things I'd add: do things you love, be with people who excite you, don't waste time chasing after things. It all makes it easier for you to find the person who is really compatible with you.

[Michael Chui]

Originally Posted by jaamkie

aw cmon, Rudyard Kipling? sigh... women are attracted to more variety than just that stereotype. Men can be almost anyone if they are genuine, mostly happy with themselves and their life, and have some sort of interests/goals/plans beyond chasing women. The most unattractive guys are the self-centered jerks (there is a huge difference between knowing what you want and honestly pursuing it, and manipulating/trashing other people- it's the difference between a competitive strong team leader and the cheating aggressive ******* no one wants to play with), or the fawning drop-everything-for-the-woman guy who is honestly infatuated and honestly has nothing better going on in his life except to obsess about his girlfriend (this bothers women for the same reason men can feel smothered by mothering there-all-the-time women- it reminds you that the person's whole self worth is derived from dating you, and that's way too much pressure).

Very nice summary of the poem, even if your cadence is a little crude in comparison.

Originally Posted by Magicinthenight

And yes, being yourself and being someone who's attractive can be hard but once your head and heart are in the right place and you value yourself, you'll have a lot easier time attracting someone who is right for you.

It's worth remembering that who you are is not a static thing, and that you do have a choice about the process. Sure, you should be yourself, but you ought to choose to be someone worthwhile to be, too.

That is what personal development is.

[Restrikted]

How am I not myself?

[Johnny Soporno]

Originally Posted by Restrikted

How am I not myself?

That's too open-ended a question for me to address, Restrikted;
Instead let me suggest that you ask your friends and associates whether you are EXACTLY THE SAME PERSON when you are with your girlfriends as you are when you are exclusively with other men.

If there's an obvious distinction between the way you behave when you're in the company of women, then you're not being yourself with them.

Johnny Soporno
Always the Same Person

[SmellyOrc]

Then I believe I'm someone completely different when I'm talking to strangers. But it's okay, they probably wouldn't like the real me that blurts out sexual jokes and whatnot every other second anyway.... ;P

[geekchic9]

Originally Posted by Johnny Soporno

When any normal woman is asked what men should do to be able to hook up with her, she'll answer
"Just be yourself!" -

What the HELL does she mean by that?

Actually, that's not how I used to respond to that piece of advice. My response used to be this:

"I'd be myself if I only knew who the hell that was!"

And that, IMO, is the crux of the problem. And the only solution to that problem I've found for that is 1) a commitment to discovering who I really am and 2) the patience and willingness to learn that answer through life experience.

I know the answer can't be found through thinking it through, taking personality tests, or watching other people play the game. Not that those things aren't valuable. It's just that nothing beats learning from first-hand experience. The process I've found most helpful to me is this:

1) Expose myself to a new life experience.
2) Make a decision that involves this experience.
3) Evaluate my decision and how it helped or hurt me.
4) Apply what I've learned from my evaluation.
5) Rinse. Repeat.

1) and 4) are personally the hardest for me. 1) because it takes guts for me to try something new, and 4) because learning from self-evaluation is difficult for me. I'll learn the same thing over and over again and not change the next time, which is one form of insanity, I know. I still have a lot to learn in this life.

Anyway, my point is that if you're wondering who you are, it's not that there's anything wrong with you. A lot of people on this forum are too young to really know who they are. They haven't given themselves enough time to figure themselves out. And that's perfectly OK, as long as they are patient with themselves and are willing to take the time to grow. Hell, I'm only 27 and beginning to scratch the surface of who I am. And frankly, I'm looking forward to the journey, because I'm beginning to realize that I'm worth it. And that's my hope for other people -- that they realize that they're worth it, too.

[LifeFirst]

This topic again...

I don't really get it. I think most people are trying to improve themselves, right?? I've always tried to improve myself so I guess I can't understand how when someone isn't trying to be attractive or trying to improve themselves.

And even if they're not...what's the big deal?

We all have bad days and good days.

In my eyes, I think everyone is something, everyone is deserving of something good. Whether THEY realize that or not is another thing actually.

But I don't think there are ordinary people in this world, everyone in my eyes has something to share in a relationship or whatever.

I think it is just as much about ACCEPTANCE, rather than wanting things YOUR WAY, as it is about improving oneself and looking attractive.

[Johnny Soporno]

Originally Posted by LifeFirst

This topic again... I don't really get it.

I think you're right, you aren't 'getting it' because you seem to have skipped over the Original Post?

Please read (reread?) the OP as it's not about 'self improvement' but rather about self-acceptance and honesty; confidence in communications, and personal integrity.

Johnny Soporno
Worthy Playboy

[WordKeeper]

"Just be yourself" probably is directed towards men who want to have a relationship rather than boys who are just,

trying to get into a girl's pants

Big difference!

[Johnny Soporno]

Originally Posted by WordKeeper

"Just be yourself" probably is directed towards men who want to have a relationship rather than boys who are just "trying to get into a girl's pants" - Big difference!

"Just be yourself" is the best advice anyone can give, whether to a male or female, of any age. Dropping all pretense is the surest way of engendering truly significant connection, OR AT LEAST forcing personal evolution, which will then lead to such connection.

Johnny Soporno
Worthy Playboy