Intensity and relationships

[pyrogen]

Not the intensity of the relationship. The intensity of the PERSON who's in the relationship.

I have the following problem in my current and past relationships, even in dealing with people who live with me on a daily basis.

My mind is always busy. I am filled with ideas the moment I wake up and the moment I go to bed. I wake up in the middle of the night with five new ideas. About everything. When I was a little kid, my mom hated dinners because every single dinner I'd announce in the middle of dinner "I HAVE A RECIPE!".

My partner feels like I'm a million miles away because I'm always entranced with the newest class I'm taking, my latest business idea, or the book I want to write, et cetera. I find myself wishing he was at the same vibration as me and had enough common interests that we could do at least some of these things together.

My ideas are so captivating (a new interest, business idea, new friend, recent conversation, other new thing). I have trouble with not being self-centered because of how intense my idea machine is.

I really have trouble grasping that people don't wake up wanting to talk about heavy topics, don't want to talk about heavy topics while walking the dog, et cetera. I can do this ALL THE TIME. I am thinking heavily 99% of the time, even metathinking (thinking about thoughts).

My mental activity is very very intense and vivid, even very vivid movies with music in my mind and sometimes visual things. I can visualize extremely well. I stay up all night thinking and/or fantasizing sometimes.

I am also very, very verbal. I will spend all day writing and blogging if I get to. ALL DAY. I need to talk so much that if my partner wants quiet time, I'll want to jump online and blog, or I'll call someone on the phone who wants to talk.

I can write about 50 pages in a day and have done it before, if it wouldn't interfere with anything else. I feel like my head is filled with words constantly. It is literally filled with words. If I described this the wrong way to anyone they would think I am hearing voices. It is more like having several TV sets on in a room.

Nobody matches my energy or intensity level in anything and it is very, very frustrating.

Whenever I have something I like to do I do it more intensely than other people who share the interest. I joined a gym with my partner thinking we'd have a new interest to share finally but it turned out he wanted to just do it thirty minutes tops a day, and I'm there an hour and a half and totally involved with classes and stuff there now. A workout session for me is an hour and a half. I need heavy workouts to the point of exhaustion to be tolerable to people, I learned this lesson from having a high-energy dog and discovering that the trick was to wear the dog out so she'd sleep all day. I'm just like my dog. And I love working out and am always looking for new worky-outy things. My "want to do" list is filled with dance classes and sport events. I don't know how to ride a bike, but one day I see myself in a triathlon, even if I'm the slowest one

I've had people stop sharing common interests with me simply because I will "burn them out" on the thing. They don't have the interest at the same level. I have many interests and tend to do them intensely. I'm a natural at Steve's "total immersion"; it's the only way I do anything!!

I don't just do anything if I can be arsed to do it at all. When I got into cooking suddenly I was watching cooking shows and turning out four course plus kind of meals. I can't just do something "a little" if I can even be bothered. The things that aren't interesting I really can't be bothered to do.

I really wish my partner could join me on my adventures but he can't, no partner ever has.

Part of the problem is that my job takes up a lot of time. I am wondering if maybe things would be better if I didn't work. My ex and I were happy to an extent because there was always enough of me to go around - he paid all the bills and didn't mind doing it. But he also didn't really want me to succeed, either, and I'm driven to succeed. Power, attention and exposure to the real world is a huge draw for me at this point in my life.

I find myself disagreeing about a lot of things with my partner and with my exes - I don't feel that cleaning and house repair is a worthwhile use of time, beyond hygiene. I feel a better use of time would be on success so that we can HIRE someone to clean and fix the house. Housework a lot of the time IMHO is a complete total waste. It's just going to get dirty again and where did your time go? You didn't build anything that will last. You will never get those three hours of your life back. But put that into something else and eventually you can provide employment to someone who hasn't figured out how to do other work, or who really LOVES housework. It's not that I'm lazy, it's just that I feel like I could be working on something more important.

People closest to me end up feeling very drained by me. They tune me out or get angry with me a lot. Once a person is close they lose interest in all my stories, ideas, et cetera. Only my more distant friends who get me in small measured doses really seem to be interested. It is very hurtful.

I am thinking of trying polyphasic sleep because it's the only kind I could possibly get, anyway... a dog and puppy constantly wake me up in the night. The only time to sleep is when the puppy's asleep!! Otherwise the puppy and the dog are going crazy! [My dog will sleep all day/night if puppy's not around.]

Anyway. This community seems to attract other "livewires".

Since starting my PD/LOA journey it's gotten worse - my intensity has gotten kicked up about 50 notches. Now I'm constantly generating ideas. But at the same time I'm also constantly busy. It used to be that my partners had trouble with how much time I spent absorbed in fantasy - now the problem is how little I'm HOME.

Is PD/LOA one of those things where people who are in it, are best off with other people who are in it? Since starting my journey I am really getting in touch with the fact that I do not 'vibrate" at the same intensity (or rather lack thereof) of other people. And my desire to taste all of the world has increased. I want to do 50 things at once! But if I do them, I'll never be home with my partner AT ALL.

On the other hand, though, I'm also very self-centered. I'm usually so consumed with "my stuff" that there isn't really room for anyone else unless they're doing "my stuff" with me.

[jaamkie]

Ha... you sound like you'd be hella fun to hang out with!

My mind goes a million miles an hour also. Though being an introvert, I just tend to space out and drift off from boring interactions, so I seem laid-back and maybe boring. That is, unless someone shows an interest in what I'm thinking, in which case they may be drowned in a torrent of thoughts and questions. Plus, often people get me at my most exhausted and quiet because I've just run around trying to fit in everything I want to do.

While my relationships tend to be with guys similar to myself, where they're marvelously interested in what I have to say, and have something to add to it (that's what I find most attractive in a guy), I do get frustrated with trying to create and maintain friendships. As I don't have a TV or keep track of celebrities (beyond looking at tabloids when stuck in grocery store lines =P), don't have an average diet/opinion of normal foods (people talk a lot about food!), and am not much interested in fashion or gossip (ok, I love looking at runway photos, but I mostly avoid fashion because I will never find the perfect match to my imagination, so am always frustrated/disappointed with shopping), I have a hard time coming up with much to say on the typical female small-talk topics.

Though all of that doesn't really answer your question- I don't identify with "PD" as an acronym/community (started on this board out of relief at finding someplace pro-vegan but not rabidly-so), so I'm not sure if you'd consider me "like" or not.

Re: housework- for me there's a balance. I'm a visual person, and too much clutter and disorder somehow makes me irritable and unfocused if I'm forced to live with it; and sometimes the quiet activity of doing houeswork gives my mind a chance to mull over whatever I was actively working on.

[RT Wolf]

Wow. A lot of what you say sounds like the descriptions of Tesla I've read. It's been said that he had inventions fully formed pop into his head and before he could get it down, it'd be gone and he'd have three others.

I have no more information for you.

[Magicinthenight]

Do you really want a partner? And if you do, why? What are the things you are looking for to receive from having a partner. And what are the things you're looking to give to a partner? Sounds like you have your mind full and your days filled even without having to share your time with someone.

Is it necessary for your partner to share the same goals/ideals/intensity as you?

This especially made me ask those questions:

Originally Posted by pyrogen

On the other hand, though, I'm also very self-centered. I'm usually so consumed with "my stuff" that there isn't really room for anyone else unless they're doing "my stuff" with me.

It's hardly fair to ask someone to dedicate their time to do "your stuff" or at least for the relationship to be balanced, there should be some interest in "their stuff" as well.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Magicinthenight

Do you really want a partner? And if you do, why?

I was thinking the same thing. Sounds like you're not really partnership material, at least not right now. Why not just enjoy being a hummingbird?

[pyrogen]

Originally Posted by Angela

I was thinking the same thing. Sounds like you're not really partnership material, at least not right now. Why not just enjoy being a hummingbird?

Well, when I've had a partner with whom I had the right synergy, it's been magical. We would hatch ideas together and I was actually that much more likely to carry them out. Our ideas together would become a big idea monster.

[Angela]

I guess it's just a matter of hummingbirding until you meet up with a potential partner with whom you have the right synergy. Or would you rather just make do with someone with whom you don't? You're not doing anyone any favors by making do with them.

[magi13]

Originally Posted by pyrogen

Not the intensity of the relationship. The intensity of the PERSON who's in the relationship.

I have the following problem in my current and past relationships, even in dealing with people who live with me on a daily basis.

My mind is always busy. I am filled with ideas the moment I wake up and the moment I go to bed. I wake up in the middle of the night with five new ideas. About everything. When I was a little kid, my mom hated dinners because every single dinner I'd announce in the middle of dinner "I HAVE A RECIPE!".

My partner feels like I'm a million miles away because I'm always entranced with the newest class I'm taking, my latest business idea, or the book I want to write, et cetera. I find myself wishing he was at the same vibration as me and had enough common interests that we could do at least some of these things together.

My ideas are so captivating (a new interest, business idea, new friend, recent conversation, other new thing). I have trouble with not being self-centered because of how intense my idea machine is.

I really have trouble grasping that people don't wake up wanting to talk about heavy topics, don't want to talk about heavy topics while walking the dog, et cetera. I can do this ALL THE TIME. I am thinking heavily 99% of the time, even metathinking (thinking about thoughts).

My mental activity is very very intense and vivid, even very vivid movies with music in my mind and sometimes visual things. I can visualize extremely well. I stay up all night thinking and/or fantasizing sometimes.

I am also very, very verbal. I will spend all day writing and blogging if I get to. ALL DAY. I need to talk so much that if my partner wants quiet time, I'll want to jump online and blog, or I'll call someone on the phone who wants to talk.

I can write about 50 pages in a day and have done it before, if it wouldn't interfere with anything else. I feel like my head is filled with words constantly. It is literally filled with words. If I described this the wrong way to anyone they would think I am hearing voices. It is more like having several TV sets on in a room.

Nobody matches my energy or intensity level in anything and it is very, very frustrating.

Whenever I have something I like to do I do it more intensely than other people who share the interest. I joined a gym with my partner thinking we'd have a new interest to share finally but it turned out he wanted to just do it thirty minutes tops a day, and I'm there an hour and a half and totally involved with classes and stuff there now. A workout session for me is an hour and a half. I need heavy workouts to the point of exhaustion to be tolerable to people, I learned this lesson from having a high-energy dog and discovering that the trick was to wear the dog out so she'd sleep all day. I'm just like my dog. And I love working out and am always looking for new worky-outy things. My "want to do" list is filled with dance classes and sport events. I don't know how to ride a bike, but one day I see myself in a triathlon, even if I'm the slowest one

I've had people stop sharing common interests with me simply because I will "burn them out" on the thing. They don't have the interest at the same level. I have many interests and tend to do them intensely. I'm a natural at Steve's "total immersion"; it's the only way I do anything!!

I don't just do anything if I can be arsed to do it at all. When I got into cooking suddenly I was watching cooking shows and turning out four course plus kind of meals. I can't just do something "a little" if I can even be bothered. The things that aren't interesting I really can't be bothered to do.

I really wish my partner could join me on my adventures but he can't, no partner ever has.

Part of the problem is that my job takes up a lot of time. I am wondering if maybe things would be better if I didn't work. My ex and I were happy to an extent because there was always enough of me to go around - he paid all the bills and didn't mind doing it. But he also didn't really want me to succeed, either, and I'm driven to succeed. Power, attention and exposure to the real world is a huge draw for me at this point in my life.

I find myself disagreeing about a lot of things with my partner and with my exes - I don't feel that cleaning and house repair is a worthwhile use of time, beyond hygiene. I feel a better use of time would be on success so that we can HIRE someone to clean and fix the house. Housework a lot of the time IMHO is a complete total waste. It's just going to get dirty again and where did your time go? You didn't build anything that will last. You will never get those three hours of your life back. But put that into something else and eventually you can provide employment to someone who hasn't figured out how to do other work, or who really LOVES housework. It's not that I'm lazy, it's just that I feel like I could be working on something more important.

People closest to me end up feeling very drained by me. They tune me out or get angry with me a lot. Once a person is close they lose interest in all my stories, ideas, et cetera. Only my more distant friends who get me in small measured doses really seem to be interested. It is very hurtful.

I am thinking of trying polyphasic sleep because it's the only kind I could possibly get, anyway... a dog and puppy constantly wake me up in the night. The only time to sleep is when the puppy's asleep!! Otherwise the puppy and the dog are going crazy! [My dog will sleep all day/night if puppy's not around.]

Anyway. This community seems to attract other "livewires".

Since starting my PD/LOA journey it's gotten worse - my intensity has gotten kicked up about 50 notches. Now I'm constantly generating ideas. But at the same time I'm also constantly busy. It used to be that my partners had trouble with how much time I spent absorbed in fantasy - now the problem is how little I'm HOME.

Is PD/LOA one of those things where people who are in it, are best off with other people who are in it? Since starting my journey I am really getting in touch with the fact that I do not 'vibrate" at the same intensity (or rather lack thereof) of other people. And my desire to taste all of the world has increased. I want to do 50 things at once! But if I do them, I'll never be home with my partner AT ALL.

On the other hand, though, I'm also very self-centered. I'm usually so consumed with "my stuff" that there isn't really room for anyone else unless they're doing "my stuff" with me.

I have a friend, who says thinking that your sucking the energy of others while beside them will actually take away the happiness of that person. I think you're doing that subliminally. (hypothesis)

Hmmm practice self control and listen. But I admire that you are imaginative that's a very very good thing. ^^, Good luck