Converting Girl Friends into 'Girlfriends'

[CroMagna]

Johnny has never been wrong. He knows my perspective for the most part. Only thing I'm surprised about is that a girl would not count a friends with benefits in her number of sexual partners. Then she's basically lying! That makes that whole thing a joke.

I will throw in this caveat: instead of assuring the girl that you won't count in the list of sexual partners, you could offer to be the one person who knows her real number and doesn't care.

[Indiana]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

I will throw in this caveat: instead of assuring the girl that you won't count in the list of sexual partners, you could offer to be the one person who knows her real number and doesn't care.

Why would you think you - or anyone else for that matter - should know her 'real' number, or for that matter, should care?

[Johnny Soporno]

Originally Posted by Flowz

Hey Johnny.. Great to see you here.. Sharing your insights and experiences as always.. such an inspiration, shining light in what can at times (and different angles) be a gloomy age.. Much respect..

Hey Flows, thanks so much for the continued support! I'm unsurprised to find you're also on Steve's forum

Originally Posted by Flowz

There was one girl, a very good friend who I offered guilt free, nsa sex who has never taken me up on the offer.. Think she may have been upset because of one occassion where we were dry fuc*ing to the point of practically doing the deed.. After months of sexual tension beforehand.. then I pulled the pin, telling her i cant do her.. only because i was so turned on (form the tension) i knew i'd blow immediately & didnt want to put in a bad performance.. She never did treat me the same after this encounter.. Anyone care to point out why this may be, I'd be interested to hear your take/s..

ZF, there's a common expression: "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!"

Remember, most cultures worldwide raise children to believe that a woman's most valuable asset is her sexuality, and that their social validity comes through the demonstration of the quality of man they can get to contract them (ie, marry them) as his sole 'sexual services provider.'

Your NOT following through on having sex with this girl once you'd reached a point where she was "OFFERING HER HONOR" without any promise of said contract, constituted SCORN to her. She was likely quite emotionally hurt by your decision, and it has instituted a mental-block in her mind ever since.

Originally Posted by Flowz

Also, Johnny I have offered this to another of my female friends, who has been my friend for a 3+ years now, who also hasn't taken it up, depsite obvious attraction, tension etc.. My belief is that EVENTUALLY said girls WILL come to their senses and see, hear or feel the beauty in it, and a time will come where we will laugh about how silly it was to not do something which feels so right.. (Just read your post on Patience - thought u may link me to it)

So long as you continue to have a genuine friendship with her, you're already a big winner! Remember that, and NEVER allow yourself to NEED ANYTHING MORE than that with her, and let things happen as they shall, rather than 'as they should'. Yes, I agree that in most cases, the time will come when she will opt to go to bed with you; but don't ACTIVELY wait for it - that will build up tension which neither of you need!

Originally Posted by Flowz

Side note: Common sentiment I'll hear from female friends (especially newly acquired ones) is "I know myself, if we start sleeping together I'll get attached and I don't want to put myself through that pain (knowing they cant 'have" me)" or something along those lines.. telling me they're either possessive or jealousy prone.. two traits I'm not after.. Was wondering if it's ethical for me to continue sexual relations with women in this position.. And/or how you would advise dealing with similar scenarios..

Personally, I share my insights on social emancipation, ownership, self-respect, and the like, and I encourage her to make up her own mind as to what she wants and needs. Frankly, I encourage YOU to do the very same thing (share MY insights!) to ensure that A) they have the opportunity to emancipate themselves, and B) that they will appreciate YOUR enlightenment, and recognize that you present an holistically different opportunity for them than they likely have encountered before - a man who has NO desire to "own" them, nor connects their value to their being owned.

Johnny Soporno
Worthy Playboy

[Johnny Soporno]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

Johnny has never been wrong.

ONCE I thought I was wrong, but it turned out I was mistaken.

Seriously, thanks for the vote of confidence, but I have to admit I have been wrong PLENTY of times, while working out the kinks in my philosophy!

That said, I'm certain I've not been wrong in anything I've written on THIS forum!

Originally Posted by CroMagna

Only thing I'm surprised about is that a girl would not count a 'friend with benefits' in her number of sexual partners.

When most women count their sexual partners, most-often they discount any they consider 'insignificant' (ie, not substantial enough to announce publicly, and therefore having no impact on her 'marketability').

Woman: "I haven't had sex in so long...."
Man: "What about that guy you went home with last week?"
Woman: "Oh, him? That didn't count, he didn't have any condoms so we just had oral"

"That didn't count" is an incredibly powerful and common evasion - one which SHOULD NOT BE NECESSARY because A) women should have as many partners as they wish, and B) they should NEVER be expected to report on it to anyone.

Originally Posted by CroMagna

Then she's basically lying! That makes that whole thing a joke.

The notion that HER COUNTING has anything to do with anyone other than herself is a joke, certainly!

Originally Posted by CroMagna

I will throw in this caveat: instead of assuring the girl that you won't count in the list of sexual partners, you could offer to be the one person who knows her real number and doesn't care.

CroMagna, you've somehow taken something from my message which was never there:

When she considers the number of guys she'll admit to having 'been with' - SHE WON'T 'COUNT' YOU - You're her FRIEND!

I never suggested anyone would need to assure her of this, nor even bring it up at all!

It is something she will intuitively understand, IF she is the sort who'd be concerned about such things in the first place.

Instead of being "the one who knows her real number and doesn't care", simply never ask her for any number, and non-judgmentally accept whatever number she volunteers (if she ever does!).

It's NEVER anyone's business but hers, anyway, (if she even bothers to keep track) and I always encourage women NOT to bother counting at all, since it can not EVER help her in any way.

Johnny Soporno
Worthy Playboy