Is marriage worth it nowadays?

[JE Gonzalez]

I'd like to begin by saying that I am not against monogamy nor do I think that marriage is some sort of archaic chauvinistic institution. I see a few happy married couple around me, namely my mom and dad, my grandparents, and many of my favorite bloggers. That being said, it is hard to ignore just how shaky marriage really is. In my graduating class, most of the kids had divorced parents. To my astonishment, personal heroes like Larry King, James Cameron and Richard Dawkins all went through failed marriages. While it is true that these guys aren't relationship experts, I was surprised that they could not get such a seemingly simple area of their lives handled. I recall one of my sisters' friends, an evil gluttonous succubus of a woman, getting married to a sweet, gentle man. I feel that the marriage will be a miserable one
The way I see it, people complicate things too much instead of just being best friends to each other like Steve and Erin Pavlina. They set up barriers, limitations, and a whole nonsensical web that it seems almost impossible to meet each other's expectations. I have only had a few brief relationships, but even my grandmother (married happily for 40 years) seems to agree with me.
Marriage seems like such a trap, that you hear men joking of losing their freedom. Why would a marriage eschew personal freedom? That is not what I want with a wife, all I want is a best friend and a sex partner with kids, not a chain and ball!
The other night I was watching an episode of Two and a Half Men. In a dream, Alan, a squeamish, social inept chiropractor with two bitter divorces (and financially crippling alimonies) has a dream of working at a movie theatre at old age, while Charlie, his lazy hedonistic brother, comes in with a beautiful woman by his side. The show is a comedy and this scenario was merely Alan's nightmare, but this struck a chord with me. Who would I rather be: Charlie, who still dated beautiful women at his prime, or Alan a sad, beaten man looking many years older than his older brother.

What do you guys think?

[striving4peace]

Are those your only choices? Alan or Charlie? Or Raymond from everyone loves raymond? Does hollywood ever have something on a happily married couple anyways?
More to the original point, you need to consider how much - if at all - you would like the third option: to end up at old age with a loving soulmate who'se been (and stayed your wife). If all you see as your options are ending up as Alan or Charlie, then it's not rocket science what you should do.

[JE Gonzalez]

striving4peace, there is a third option in my mind: like my parents and grandparents who were like the best of friends, or even like Steve and Erin Pavlina. I'm just pointing out that nowadays it feels like this is what it boils down to, not that it is all there is.

[ns123]

I have good news for you, you have absolute and total control over what a marriage will be for you.

If you want a marriage like your grandparents (loving, best friend, whom to raise children with, who you know like your favorite pair of jeans, who you feel as if she is home to you...) that's what your marriage will be.

If you want a marriage like Alan, you will get that too.

What a marriage will be to you is entirely up to you and what you consciously want to create. Yes, like a garden, a marriage can be beautiful, colorful, full of butterflies and hummingbirds - but only if you cultivate it to be so. If you neglect it, like a garden, it will wither and die, and be a barren dry waste of dirt.

The question is not - does marriage work? Just like a garden, you can't really ask, does gardening work? Well, it depends on the gardener.

I can tell you this, marriage can be a deeply satisfying, fulfilling way to express love and generate love for yourself and for others. But only if you are willing to cultivate it as such. Like joy and happiness, it is not a destination to be reached and you can say, "ok, I'm here," it's a path to be walked.

And it is a glorious path! Sure, you may have to deal with fungus on your lawn, or the occasional spider mite... but like a garden, under the right conditions, it will flourish. And you know, there is nothing wrong with choosing that you don't like gardening after all.

[pyrogen]

The trouble is, that people want to see things as all or nothing. Either "Marriage is wonder and roses and needs to last forever! Sigh..." or "Marriage sucks, people aren't meant to be tied down legally to just one person anyway!".

What if the thing we most need is to increase our comfort with ambiguity and uncertainty? NOTHING is certain. NOTHING is guaranteed. Even if you divorce someone in ten years it doesn't mean the relationship wasn't worth it for those ten years, and that you didn't benefit from being married during that time.

[magi13]

Originally Posted by JE Gonzalez

I'd like to begin by saying that I am not against monogamy nor do I think that marriage is some sort of archaic chauvinistic institution. I see a few happy married couple around me, namely my mom and dad, my grandparents, and many of my favorite bloggers. That being said, it is hard to ignore just how shaky marriage really is. In my graduating class, most of the kids had divorced parents. To my astonishment, personal heroes like Larry King, James Cameron and Richard Dawkins all went through failed marriages. While it is true that these guys aren't relationship experts, I was surprised that they could not get such a seemingly simple area of their lives handled. I recall one of my sisters' friends, an evil gluttonous succubus of a woman, getting married to a sweet, gentle man. I feel that the marriage will be a miserable one
The way I see it, people complicate things too much instead of just being best friends to each other like Steve and Erin Pavlina. They set up barriers, limitations, and a whole nonsensical web that it seems almost impossible to meet each other's expectations. I have only had a few brief relationships, but even my grandmother (married happily for 40 years) seems to agree with me.
Marriage seems like such a trap, that you hear men joking of losing their freedom. Why would a marriage eschew personal freedom? That is not what I want with a wife, all I want is a best friend and a sex partner with kids, not a chain and ball!
The other night I was watching an episode of Two and a Half Men. In a dream, Alan, a squeamish, social inept chiropractor with two bitter divorces (and financially crippling alimonies) has a dream of working at a movie theatre at old age, while Charlie, his lazy hedonistic brother, comes in with a beautiful woman by his side. The show is a comedy and this scenario was merely Alan's nightmare, but this struck a chord with me. Who would I rather be: Charlie, who still dated beautiful women at his prime, or Alan a sad, beaten man looking many years older than his older brother.

What do you guys think?

Yes it is still worth it to have someone you love and grow old with. It's a personal choice you will have to make by listening to yourself and not from others.

People will experience difference things and everything will be different from everyone no matter the similarities.

Think and imagine what you really want in your heart. If you want to stay single? Polygamous? or Married.

P.s. Marriage is a journey you make till you die, it is serious and should not be entered by those who are not ready. It will not be easy to some, but to others it will be a piece of cake. You just have to really work on it, balance and harmony.

[callum828]

You're a guy (I assume) therefore marriage IS gonna be a trap for you, pure and simple.

Sure, not all women will want to destroy you financially and cut you off from your kids, but the fact that she has the right to, well that should concern you.

My parents are happily divorced, I spend equal time with both of them, it's worked out fine. But the fact of the matter is I could be seeing my dad once a month if my mum had so wished it.