How to Let Go of a Friend

[soulbreaker]

I've known this kid since high school. i'm 22 years old now, and after a long period of time, i've now come to realize that there are qualities i really don't like about this friend. he's never opened up to me (i've tried), i feel like i really don't know him as well as i should. he can have really cruel behavior at times, and sometimes he can be nice. as weird as this sounds, there are some qualities i do like about him. he's fun to be around, but at the end of the day when i talk to my close friend about this friendship and gossip about him, it makes me wonder why i'm in the friendship in the first place if i'm saying these things.

it's my fault for never pulling him to side and telling him ever how i feel, but then again that's what is wrong with the friendship: there's no communication.

i like the kid, but i'm just frustrated with our relationship, and i'm wondering what i should do about the situation. i want close relationships in my life.

he's leaving out of state to california in may to start a full time job, which should cut things off somewhat, and i'm wondering whether i should cut the rope or passively just let it drift away. i'm sure he'll stay in touch every now and then through phone calls and email, and i'm just not sure if i even want to deal with that as well. any thoughts are HIGHLY appreciated on what action should be taken.

Thank You.

all summed up: is it best to just dump a friend (which they aren't expecting) after 6 years or is it best to just not say anything and move on with your life?

[Vie]

I'm glad you brought that up, I'm facing a similaqr issue lately.
I think what's best is to mentally break out of it. Stop expecting anything from it. It will lead communication to grow smaller until it reaches the point it's meant to be considering your compatibility. Also you'll make room in your life for deeper connections.
of course this is a bit troubling in the begenning. The feeling of freedom/emptiness is alarming and exciting because of all the new clarity, but it's never that bad to spend some time to get to know yourself better. Luckily it's up to you how long it takes before you get new fulfilling relationships, when they pop up you have to be aware of them and accept them in your life.
good luck!

[allirowe23]

I'm in the same place. I would suggest just letting the friendship go mentally, which it seems your subconscious is already starting to put you through the process of by having you write out your feelings on this forum. Still be nice and friendly towards them but don't pursue deepening or reinforcing the relationship. It is probably unlikely, and it didn't happen this way in my situation, but your friend might see your lack of effort and begin to fight for your friendship. This shows that they value your friendship enough to be willing to listen to your concerns and try to restructure your relationship.

[soulbreaker]

So I've realized just recently that my biggest problem is that I feel inferior towards most of my friends, because they have been such big successes, and I have been the one behind. Although, I have learned so much from living with them and being around them, I can't take the negativity I put on myself anymore from being around them.

I know it takes 2 people to make any kind of relationship work, and I think they know we don't have a strong friendship too, but we continue to hang out and gossip behind the other's back, and if you gossip about your friends in a negative way, i think it's time to end the friendship.

I told them that I feel inferior being around them, and told them to give me a week or so, but I'm not sure what to do after this week is up tho...I think I might just tell them I need time off from them to become a more solid person, but is this the right thing to do? what a messy situation.