Do monogamists think poly is catching??

[pyrogen]

I've dealt with, now, as a monogamist, all kinds of monogamists who are not very open to even knowing poly people. I fight this in myself off and on! My own partner for one is very weirded out by polies.

Do a lot of people think that it is catching and that if you know a poly you will turn poly, "OMG I will catch teh polly amoros!" which is ridiculous because it's like saying, "OMG! I'll catch teh ghey!"

But on the other hand, I find my own thinking changing just knowing poly people, so maybe there is something to it? I find myself questioning monogamy and wanting to make it a conscious choice if in it and not just going along the path of least resistance.

[JimOfferman]

I certainly don't think so.

Even if all my friends went poly, which is highly unlikely, I would still have as strong a desire for a monogamous relationship as I do now. Should my partner decide she wants to explore poly amoury, she would have to do that without me. It's just not something that fits my persona.

[Chris Cade]

It is possible to catch an "open mind" - being around people who push the boundaries of social conditioning and explore what is right for them does influence us.

It's no different than being around highly successful (or unsuccessful) people. There are certain influences we experience by being around them.

So while being around poly people may not make you think, "Okay, now I want to explore poly," being around them will probably make you question societal norms, expectations, conditioning, and ultimately expand your horizons. Whether or not that leads to a poly exploration is a different story...

[Sanity Panda]

Most people wouldn't know how to react within a polyamorous relationship, I don't think it'll catch on because it's essentially battling with one of the mainstream emotions. Jealousy.

For that reason I reckon people are going to suffer much abuse before it becomes a standard practice with proper guidelines.

[alan7388]

I don't think it'll catch on because it's essentially battling with one of the mainstream emotions. Jealousy.

My own guess, after thinking about it/ seeing it for many years, is that even in a completely poly-aware and poly-accepting Heinleinian society 100 years from now, 80% or 90% of people will choose monogamy if only because it's simpler.

For that reason I reckon people are going to suffer much abuse before it becomes a standard practice with proper guidelines.

Oh yeh, polys are well aware that for a lot of people, their existence strikes close to home. Out polys threaten people in a way that out gays, for instance, don't. Most people are not gay; it has no attraction for them, so they don't feel personally threatened by it. Whereas closeted, self-denying gays and bis are often the most virulent homophobes (J. Edgar Hoover, a lot of televangelists...). Thankfully these are not a large part of the population.

On the other hand, most coupled-up people have had the desire for another relationship at some time, and suppressed it (or not) in the belief that honest, ethical multi-relationships are impossible.

Then there's the kind of person who's been living a lie for many years with a secret affair, defines himself as a secret, bad, skeleton-closet person, confesses to no one but his priest -- and then sees a triad all happily chatting and holding hands together at a party and his brain goes bust.

Or the person who went through an awful divorce over an affair, complete with detectives and subpoenaed e-mails, whose brain explodes on seeing happy polys together.

Sometimes it's fun to explode people's brains, but it can be risky.

[Magicinthenight]

Originally Posted by Chris Cade

It is possible to catch an "open mind" - being around people who push the boundaries of social conditioning and explore what is right for them does influence us.

Well said. Although, the influence doesn't mean you start to think similarly. I have a lot of gay friends (who, it might be said, "push the boundaries of social conditioning and explore what is right for them" although perhaps to put it like that seems condesending as they're just doing what feels right for them, surely what people who are polyamorous are doing too) and while yes, it might make me more aware of the social conditioning etc, it hasn't made me want to have a lesbian affair.

ETA alan just addressed this point in a different way. No, gays are not threatening nor should people who are poly be. I think any time you have a big reaction to something it tells you there are things about the issue you need to come to terms with. But it can be extremely hard to convince someone who is afraid of an issue to think about it clearly and objectively.

Hopefully, in the future more and more people will be able to accept all kinds of relationships be it gay, hetero, polyamorous or monogamous.

[openeyes]

Originally Posted by pyrogen

I've dealt with, now, as a monogamist, all kinds of monogamists who are not very open to even knowing poly people.

It could at least in part be a concern that the poly person might try recruiting one's own partner.

[Chris Cade]

Originally Posted by openeyes

It could at least in part be a concern that the poly person might try recruiting one's own partner.

Assuming I understand you correctly, this is no different than any other social situation where one person may be interested in 'recruiting' somebody who is already in an existing relationship.

[magi13]

Originally Posted by pyrogen

I've dealt with, now, as a monogamist, all kinds of monogamists who are not very open to even knowing poly people. I fight this in myself off and on! My own partner for one is very weirded out by polies.

Do a lot of people think that it is catching and that if you know a poly you will turn poly, "OMG I will catch teh polly amoros!" which is ridiculous because it's like saying, "OMG! I'll catch teh ghey!"

But on the other hand, I find my own thinking changing just knowing poly people, so maybe there is something to it? I find myself questioning monogamy and wanting to make it a conscious choice if in it and not just going along the path of least resistance.

It's a personal preference. ^^ It's safe to be a monogamist, but if you can deal with the emotional back draft of being a polygamist it's not that bad too, just have constant checkups and protection.

Just because it's like a fad now that doesn't mean you'll follow it. Think, and decide for yourself. ^^

Peace