How to tell my roommate to stop complaining all the time?

[TrashyMcTrash]

Hi, this is my first post here, so I'd like to say hello to all of you wonderful people. I've been reading this forum since months, but now I decided to be active. Oh, and I'm from Germany, so my English might sometimes be strange

So, anyway - I'm a guy and share my apartment with 3 other guys. I'm really happy to be with them, but I have one problem that I think could become quite a big one. One of the guys is always complaining, nagging or saying negative things.

Examples:

• We were sitting at the table, eating sandwiches, but he couldn't manage to get ketchup out of his bottle, so he yells "**** this bottle! Which as.shole designed such a shitty bottle"
• Whenever he gets mail, he automatically assumes that it's bills or other "idiots" from the government, who want something from him
• Whenever something changes in his environment (yesterday he downloaded the newest version of MSN messenger, which has a new design), he usually yells out how shitty it is ("****ing Microsoft, always changing their designs for the worse")
• etc... list could go on forever

it doesn't really bother my other two roommates that much - they say it's kind of funny that he's always screaming "F.uck it, sh.it, as.shole". they don't really take it that seriously. but I'm kind of bothered by it. It's not the biggest deal in the world, but it kind of affects my usually good mood.

So, much blabla, simple question: "How do I tell him that I think that he's always complaining and not being positive, and that I'd like him to stop it". I'm pretty sure that he'd say "What? that's not true at all, I'm not always complaining"

any ideas?

[funchy]

Hello & welcome to the forum!

You cannot change him. He probably doesn't realize he's doing it. Or if he does admit to some negativity, he justifies it by saying he's just "being realistic" or "being honest". He's happy being grumpy and dissatisfied.

Better to focus on yourself. Accept him for the grumpy person he is. Get good at tuning him out. Or get good at scheduling it so you're never home when he is.

[TrashyMcTrash]

just stumbled upon this blog entry: Understanding Human Relationships

according to it, his behaviour might be something that i don't like about myself, so i could try to stop complaining (which i do from time to time). by doing this, he'll maybe stop complaining as well.

interesting experiment

[LordSappington]

That's not really complaining. He just voices his frustration aloud unlike most of us who keep it quiet. I don't think there's much you can do other than either ignore it, or learn to find amusement in it.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by TrashyMcTrash

...his behaviour might be something that i don't like about myself, so i could try to stop complaining (which i do from time to time). by doing this, he'll maybe stop complaining as well.

interesting experiment

This was very flexible thinking on your part -- I just wanted to acknowledge you for taking that on and for seeing it so quickly.

[Annabelle]

Maybe this does not work always, but it did for me once. I had a friend who was just like your roomate, and I started agreeing with her (even if I didn´t really agree) and I made everything much more exagerated...for instance, if she said:
"I just hate this people..." I would say..."You are sooo right. They deserve to die. I would happily kill all of them!" Ha ha...! soon she sropped talking like that.

[TrashyMcTrash]

Originally Posted by Annabelle

Maybe this does not work always, but it did for me once. I had a friend who was just like your roomate, and I started agreeing with her (even if I didn´t really agree) and I made everything much more exagerated...for instance, if she said:
"I just hate this people..." I would say..."You are sooo right. They deserve to die. I would happily kill all of them!" Ha ha...! soon she sropped talking like that.

sounds like a good idea. i'll give it a try, see if it works here as well. thank you!