Polyamory - why doesn't it surprise me?

[painofsalvation]

Why can't people just stop judging different lifestyles? Is Steve harming you in some way?

This entire thread is useless.

[Rose of Cairo]

This is funny! Moonlite, I read what you wrote in this thread, I also skimmed through a few wikipedia articles on borderline personality disorder. Honestly, I cannot see that in Steve. But I recognized myself in a lot of what was described there.

[geekchic9]

Originally Posted by moonlite

So please don't tell me what I should or I shouldn't think, because by no means you can prove that I'm wrong

Ditto.

[pyrogen]

How in Hades did this topic ever get off on personality disorders??!

[JimOfferman]

I always wonder how psychotherapists manage to keep friends, with their tendency to diagnose everyone they meet. I kinda stopped talking with my therapist neighbor about the dates I went on, 'cause he was always qualifying my girly friends with all kinds of personality disorders...

@Rose: You're definitely not bi-polar. I know someone who is up close and personal and I know you. You most certainly don't fit the bill.

[pyrogen]

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

I always wonder how psychotherapists manage to keep friends, with their tendency to diagnose everyone they meet. I kinda stopped talking with my therapist neighbor about the dates I went on, 'cause he was always qualifying my girly friends with all kinds of personality disorders...

@Rose: You're definitely not bi-polar. I know someone who is up close and personal and I know you. You most certainly don't fit the bill.

I will take Psychology Student Syndrome any day over Anthropology Student Syndrome.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

@Rose: You're definitely not bi-polar. I know someone who is up close and personal and I know you. You most certainly don't fit the bill.

But bi-polar disorder isn't the same as borderline personality disorder, is it??

I once was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, btw. It was very funny!

I went to see my doctor to complain about mood swings. It turned out later that those mood swings were caused by blood sugar issues, but at that time I didn't know about my blood sugar problems yet. Anyway, the doctor didn't think of blood sugar and sent me to a psychiatrist instead.

The consultation was very short. I explained my little problem to the psychiatrist, and he asked a couple questions. He asked if I have lots of sex, so I said "Hell yeah!" Then he asked if I'm good at managing money. I said "Hell no!". He asked if I tend to make great plans. I answered that my plans are always great!

So he made a very serious face and said I would have to get used to the idea that I am mentally ill, which is incurable. After that he prescribed me daily lithium intake for the rest of my life.

Don't worry, I never took any lithium. But I know which one of us is crazier.

[Steve Pavlina]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

But bi-polar disorder isn't the same as borderline personality disorder, is it??

I once was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, btw. It was very funny!

I went to see my doctor to complain about mood swings. It turned out later that those mood swings were caused by blood sugar issues, but at that time I didn't know about my blood sugar problems yet. Anyway, the doctor didn't think of blood sugar and sent me to a psychiatrist instead.

The consultation was very short. I explained my little problem to the psychiatrist, and he asked a couple questions. He asked if I have lots of sex, so I said "Hell yeah!" Then he asked if I'm good at managing money. I said "Hell no!". He asked if I tend to make great plans. I answered that my plans are always great!

So he made a very serious face and said I would have to get used to the idea that I am mentally ill, which is incurable. After that he prescribed me daily lithium intake for the rest of my life.

Don't worry, I never took any lithium. But I know which one of us is crazier.

Perhaps you should prescribe him some daily sex.

[moonlite]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

But bi-polar disorder isn't the same as borderline personality disorder, is it??

No, but many professionals tend to confuse them. BPD diagnose is actually more optimistic as bipolar has a strong genetic factor and is really "a lithium sentence"...

painofsalvation

I'm not very into this Christian 'don't judge others lest you be judged' - for me it's rather hypocritical as we do it all the time - only following this restriction we do it in our hearts and keep the mouth shut. There are different situations - one is close relationship in which is better to avoid being judgmental as our views are most possibly biased by our deep feelings. Another situation is a public forum where people discuss different topics - there offering various judgments is essential for the dynamic of communication. If we would carefully avoid any trace of judgment in our posts we could talk only about the weather

And also - Steve lifestyle has no impact on my life, but still I can have my opinion about it.

[crescive]

I tried polyamory with my partner when I studied abroad. Seeing as how I was going to be across the Atlantic for 6 months, and we were both very progressive and open-minded, we both agreed that it was the best decision. In fact, he told me to have as much fun and experience as much as I could. I, in turn, wanted him to have the same, to not miss me or be lonely.

Anyways, it was life-changing, I was so open to the world and it received me with open arms. I am so glad I was able to do that because I now realize that there is not only one right person for anyone, and that the world is so big and there are so many connections to be made. It was really amazing. I even fell in love. However, when I went back home, feelings like jealousy and distrust began to arise. The 6 month hole in our relationship left many questions and we were struggling to catch up with one another about everything. We had many fights and tears, but our relationship in many ways also became deeper and more passionate than ever, but it was quite unhealthy and quite emotionally damaging. In the end, we broke up.

I still completely believe in polyamorous relationships but it is extremely tricky because emotions are very volatile and unpredictable. I believe it is only possible with 2 highly conscious, ego-less, honest, and loving individuals. As we all know, there are not too many people who are at such levels of being. I'm sure if there are anyone who wants to try it and believe they can do it in the most positive ways it would be Erin and Steve. I really hope them all the best! I do think life is all about connection and human relationships. Love is infinite and spreading love is always a positive thing.

[RRR]

Originally Posted by crescive

I believe it is only possible with 2 highly conscious, ego-less, honest, and loving individuals. As we all know, there are not too many people who are at such levels of being.

Except anyone eating psychedelic mushrooms. Natures ego removing friends. Does Oneness include nature ?

See Terence McKenna's Stoned Ape Theory of Human Evolution.

Polyamory shouldn't be surprising. Its in our nature. Highly social creatures are polyamorous. Its how we form strong social bonds. See Bonobos. See Dolphins.

[jaamkie]

Well I for one am curious how it all plays out, though I suppose we only get the snapshot that is presented on the web. Flip side of putting something out there for the world is that you're gonna get reactions to it- I don't see why people are so polarized and angry, and I don't think Steve needs anyone standing up for him or criticising people for expressing an opinion- he wouldn't've said anything if he wasn't wanting to hear the various responses.

FWIW my own opinion on poly in general is- good for you if you can manage it and everyone is happy, for me in the past it is too stressful to feel I have to chose between divided loyalties and anyway in my current relationship I don't feel any desire to be with anyone else physically, though who knows how I'd feel older and in a marriage like Steve and Erin.

What I think of Steve & Erin going poly in particular... initially reading about it I was excited and curious, but wondering about the practical details, while so far they seem stuck on arguing that jealousy is a foolish emotion.

I'm curious- how closely will Erin be involved with Steve's other lovers? It'd seem out-of-character for them to segregate relationships instead of sharing, but then is there any line? If the other woman and Erin have clashing personalities, where does that go? If they become close friends and then the relationship with Steve ends? Will the other lovers be intimate with Steve in their house? spend the night? and if not, if Steve takes off for dates and becomes infatuated with someone else and spends a lot of time with her, is he leaving Erin alone with more responsibilities and is that fair/ok with her?

Then I listened to the podcast, and my expectations significantly lowered- it sounded rehearsed, smarmy, and just not the genuine expression I expect from them- particularly Erin. I don't know why I had that reaction- maybe it's just that they talked it through so much beforehand that the podcast came out stale and fake, or maybe I'm just a bad judge... But it makes me question Erin's motives and feelings, whether she's 100% ready for this, or if she feels cornered into it by Steve's unhappiness with the current state-of-affairs and by her own beliefs urging that she shouldn't have a problem with it.

I also wonder what is the plan if Erin gives this a try and finds it unpleasant? Will Steve go back to monogamy? will he push her to continue with it? It's a difficult thing to stare down divorce and separating your children from their father, or forcing someone you love back into unhappiness, just because you're uncomfortable; yet I also think trying to endure too much could lead to emotional distance and it all falling apart anyway.

Anyway, it isn't my relationship, so I just wish them the best of luck, and I'm curious to hear how it goes.