My partner has an STD and I don't want it

[seo1]

My gf has herpes but hasn't had an outbreak for about 10 years. Once I learned the facts about it I found out that it was much easier spread than I had previously thought. Then I stopped having sex with her. I still have to get a blood test to confirm that I don't have it but am asymptomatic but I'm fairly certain that I don't. I'm very much in love with her and it pains me that we can't have sex with each other. She seems a bit angry about it and I think on some subconscious level I was angry at her for letting her put myself at risk of contracting the virus. I definitely have a part in the decision but I think on some level she wanted me to contract the virus so we wouldn't have to worry about it and could have sex freely. She believes that I can be exposed to it during sex with her but not contract the virus if I am strong-minded enough. I do believe in creating your own reality, being strong-minded and everything along those lines but I think she may be taking it a little too far in her assumption.

I want to have a loving, physically intimate relationship with her to complement our emotionally intimate one but at the same time don't want to contract the STD. Has anyone else had success in the long-term having such a relationship with an infected partner? I'd like some feedback because I don't think it's worth it to abandon our relationship over an STD. We are very much in love with and care about each other but I can tell she is getting frustrated with me withholding sex.

Thanks

[LifeHawk]

This is a tough one.

First of all, you might consider resuming sexual contact with protection. Latex condoms for you and saran wrap / dental dam for her. You might find some of the answers you're seeking with the sexual intimacy.

Secondly, you both should consider seeing a professional and asking a lot of questions. Does she have Type 1 or 2 herpes?

You obviously have to have sex sometime to continue the relationship, so try to find the most direct way to solve these issues (and playing the blame game is not the answer).

Good luck buddy.

[handle]

As LifeHawk asked is it simplex 1 or 2...it makes a difference.

Herpes is kinda like warts in that you can be an asymptomatic carrier of the virus. You may not have a break out for years & then one day you have all kinds of little visitors.

I would recommend going with your girlfriend to your local STD clinic. The nurses & staff in these facilities are more up to snuff on thier info then your local GP. They should be able to answer or address any questions or concerns either you or your partner have.

[seo1]

it's simplex 2.

[DerekH]

Not Being Truthful and Honest 101

My ex told me about 8 months into our relationship about an STD she had before.

It really pissed me off to be honest. We had been quite open about our past sexual partners and to hear this after so much time was quite the shock for me.

She may be embarrassed about it but it is definitely not responsible to hold out.

Weigh your options and make a choice.

[Yellow]

I am sorry to hear you are in this situation. I can (kind of) understand how you must be feeling. I have had a similar, but not quite as serious, incident. I contracted HSV1 (cold sores) from my partner who had no idea he had them. When I had my first outbreak and we both realized what it was, he was being very, very careful about contracting it. Being in that situation, I am sure he pondered if he wanted to continue the relationship or not and I obviously felt rejected for a while. He decided to stay, he did not want to let chance ruin the amazing relationship we created.

Much later, we found out that he had it all this time and he was very upset about giving it to me. At that point, I felt very angry at him and I couldn't get it out of my mind for a while. But then, I had one more breakout and that was it. I started taking care of myself more (chapped lips, stress etc cause breakouts for me). With time, I forgot all about it and realized that he didn't know it himself.

While doing my extensive research on this, I came across that condoms can greatly reduce transmission of Herpes viruses (about 50%) and also a daily antiviral therapy can be used to reduce transmission.

It will be best for you to go to a sex/STI clinic and get all of the facts; the chances of you acquiring it etc. Also, if you have HSV1, transmission of HSV2 is not as likely, because of how similar the viruses are. Ask them all about it.

In the end, it will be your decision. How much chance you are willing to take for this relationship, is this the kind of relationship that you would be willing to take this chance for, will the consequences be worth it etc.

Take care, and I hope you figure this out.

[cookie5]

I agree simplex 1 or 2? there is a big difference and I'm no doctor but would reccomend you get the facts. My girlfriend got smplx1 with one outbreak in 10 years it was spread from a cold sore from o.sex.

Sorry that's a bit ummm? but she took medication for a while and then went off with no prob. She told me she did not tell her boyfriend until recently and he was ok as he knew he had cold sores smplx 1. But was ok.


I have experienced this situation in the means of Hep C although not really an STD, so to speak?

Anyhow I recently found out from an aquiatance of my boyfriends he may have Hep C well in fact this person said they KNEW!
I was mad, mad ,mad. I got tested and clear but with Hep c and I guess anything else regular check ups every 6mnths the correct information on how to deal with it etc.( not all things are a life sentence).................... NOTE TO SELF

Two weeks ago I sent my reluctant partner to get his results! Still waiting! I think he thinks if it comes back positive I'd think differently?

Not so. For some reason despite been mad I sat back and thought how he would of really felt etc and at the end of the day it's not about him lying, or not telling me or even if he didn't or dosn't know or doe's know. Why create more shame for him? Mountains are bigger than mole hiles really after all!
We are together so I kind of took it from there, and that I'll climb that mountain if I have too.

From the little I know isn't it one in 4 have h. simplex 1/2 (it's very, very, common.) Gee I hope this does not sound confronting but good post and speak to your gp, that's the best. good luck to you and your girl. It's ok .

[Alexjstrandberg]

Knowingly giving someone an STD without telling them would be a deal breaker for me. It's up there with cheating.White lies or withholding the truth can be forgiven but this is something that will stay with you the rest of your life. If you do have it the STD you carry will change your life.

[handle]

Originally Posted by cookie5

From the little I know isn't it one in 4 have h. simplex 1/2 (it's very, very, common.) .

[handle]

ok so I am still figuring out how many of the things on this site work...

If I remeber correctly that stat is pretty close for both Herpes & Warts...it may even be slightly higher. Most people don't even know they have it or are a carrier.