Do You Have a Friend Who’s a Loser? Get Rid of Em!

[ajkumar]

Your emphasis on getting a job and making money automatically invalidate everything you are saying.

Hi Jonathan,

Money maybe an illusion in your eyes, but its how our society functions. Can you survive in USA with no money? I say get a job and make money not in the sense of getting super rich etc. I say it in the sense that you should get a job an make money, else the other 2 options are staying at home, and mooching off someone else, or being homeless on the street.

I personally don't believe in the Secret's Philosophy of think it and you'll attract it. I think there is a missing piece to the puzzle...law of Action. You can say you have no bills all day long, but unless you go out there and make money to pay those bills, it wont happen.

The dude who's site your posting on himself wrote an article detailing the reasons you should never get a job. Would you say he is unsuccessful? You sure would have when he was going to jail for shoplifting etc.

What dude are you talking about?

You ever heard of joe vitale?...

Yes I have, and he was a VERY smart man. He may of been homeless at one point, but he didn't remain homeless because he made something of himself.

Jonathan, I never said if your homeless your automatically a loser. Or if you have no job or no money your automatically a loser.

I said you are a loser **if** you choose to stay that way (no job, not looking for one, wast time partying, into drugs etc.)

Does that make sense?

All these cliche sayings your spouting about sleeping with dogs and coming up with fleas are utter nonsense. Same kind of nonsense the religious organizations try to push on people to keep them from having friends outside of their religion.

How is that nonsense? If you hung out with drug dealers and murders, do you think you would a good person? - not likely, chances are you'll adapt their ways.

or

If you hung out with like minded individuals who are interested in growing (not necessarily $$) would you be a good guy?

Think about it like this: If you have kids: your son comes home dressed up like a goth kid, chances are he just befriended some goth kids (nothing wrong with being goth, just an easy example)

[Jonathan Browne]

I will agree that money is important to do things in society. I still maintain that it is an illusion. Your principles compassion and value to society are all far more important. As for being, rich, I think people should go for it. Become as weathy as you can... but not so you can prove your not a loser. If your doing it for that reason I think it will just hurt you. I strongly feel that you are coming from a place of ego here.

Your right that joe vitale got him out of his place by takin action and having a vision. You shouldn't write off people who don't take action and seem to have no vision as being useless though. A lot of these types of people just do not believe in themselves. The last thing they need is to be looked down on as "losers". I'm not saying you should associate with them either.

I just really think you go to far with saying "dont hang out with people who don't have a job".

As for the dude who runs this site, steve pavlina.... check this out.

10 Reasons You Should Never Get a Job

[ajkumar]

Originally Posted by Jonathan Browne

As for the dude who runs this site, steve pavlina.... check this out.

10 Reasons You Should Never Get a Job

Steve does have a job. He may not classify it as one but its something to pay the mortgage so to speak. He speaks and get's paid, and he has a book that does very well in sales. He has a powerful internet presence allowing him to sell anything he wants.

So him saying 10 reaons you should nver ....was a brilliant title to attract visitors.

(my personal opinion...)

[ajkumar]

just to share,

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine. I wasn't really speaking to him because his crowd and he had just told me this year he wanted to start following the stuff I teach, first thing he did was ditch his loser friends. He started this during the beginning of the year and already, he's doing much better. Hanging out with better people, making better connections, and recently got a job opportunity to be a partner with his boss.

I'm very proud of his accomplishments. He came from India only about 4 years ago and is doing much better than some people who've lived in the US their entire life. Amazing things happen when your with the right people.


Any stories with anyone else?

[BeyondtheWrap]

Originally Posted by ajkumar

If you kid started hanging out with kids who are goth, he would become goth. Right?

I disagree.

Several years ago, the kids I hung out with every day turned goth, and they wanted me to do so as well. But I didn't. I personally didn't like a lot of it.

I don't buy the aphorism that you are the 5-6 people you spent the most time with. I am not my friends. I can enjoy hanging out with people without absorbing their entire lifestyle. But then again, I'm not a normal person.

[ajkumar]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheWrap

I disagree.

Several years ago, the kids I hung out with every day turned goth, and they wanted me to do so as well. But I didn't. I personally didn't like a lot of it.

I don't buy the aphorism that you are the 5-6 people you spent the most time with. I am not my friends. I can enjoy hanging out with people without absorbing their entire lifestyle. But then again, I'm not a normal person.

Did you continue to hang out with those goth kids?

You are very SIMILAR, not necessarily the same, but similar to the people you hang around the most.


would you agree?

[turniphead88]

I am a new member but this topic struck me because I have been dealing with a person that I am not sure if I want to get rid of. This person is my fraternity brother and I have known him for a very long time but a lot of his negative behavior is beginning to crescendo and I no longer know if I can deal with it. He is the kind of person who has a really good heart but is always trying to con his friends, bum favors out of people and cheats on the woman he says is the one he is going to marry. I have just reached a point in our friendship where its harder and harder for me to tolerate all the negativity and see the goodness in him. I have had to leave friends before but this is a person that I am guaranteed to see again. Does anyone have any advice as far as what I should do?

-TurnipHead

[Sanity Panda]

Originally Posted by ajkumar

Did you continue to hang out with those goth kids?

You are very SIMILAR, not necessarily the same, but similar to the people you hang around the most.


would you agree?

Nope. While it's true that birds flock together.
Sometimes the only thing that is holding them together is based on very small similarities.

Example: My group of friend have one major thing in common, thus binding us. They are all eccentric in their own ways, but otherwise it's all different types of eccentricity. Generalisations aren't the way forward.

[BeyondtheWrap]

Originally Posted by ajkumar

Did you continue to hang out with those goth kids?

You are very SIMILAR, not necessarily the same, but similar to the people you hang around the most.


would you agree?

I did continue hanging out with them for a couple years. Most of them gave up the gothicism after a while too.

The similarity argument that you mentioned just here could be easily applied to any group of people, since you can always find some similarity.

But no. As a student, I hang around different groups of people depending on where I currently am at that part of the week or year, and I don't think I have undergone any radical changes whenever I changed my social group. But the real reason I abhor the "5-6 people" theory is that I don't have a single social group that I consistently spend the most time with. Then, who am I similar to?

Most of the time, my groups of friends have been based more on habit and convenience than on being similar. So, I would say you are not similar but very FAMILIAR to the people you hang around the most.

[ajkumar]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheWrap

I did continue hanging out with them for a couple years. Most of them gave up the gothicism after a while too.

The similarity argument that you mentioned just here could be easily applied to any group of people, since you can always find some similarity.

But no. As a student, I hang around different groups of people depending on where I currently am at that part of the week or year, and I don't think I have undergone any radical changes whenever I changed my social group. But the real reason I abhor the "5-6 people" theory is that I don't have a single social group that I consistently spend the most time with. Then, who am I similar to?

Most of the time, my groups of friends have been based more on habit and convenience than on being similar. So, I would say you are not similar but very FAMILIAR to the people you hang around the most.

Like your goth crowd, you did decide to ditch that crowd, however, if you decided to stay, then you would have became like them. Since you don't have a group that your consistently with, look at the 1 or 2 people you're around with the most. You'll have similarities to them.

If they are a fast talker, then you're probably one too and vice versa...etc.

By similarities, I don't mean the EXACT same, just various traits. It is also said that your income is about the average of the 5 people you hang out with the most. It may not be 100% accurate, but I do believe it to be close.

[ns123]

ajkumar,

It sounds like you have some very strong beliefs on what is the "right" way to be and what is the "wrong" way to be. And it sounds like you have a very precise definition of what a "loser" is and what a "winner" is.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that. And in fact, for a long time, I totally believed as you do. And I was not shy about voicing my views either. But... (there was a but coming, you heard it, didn't you?)

When I held these beliefs, they were not very productive for me. Meaning, it resulted in me pushing away the "losers" and trying to control everyone else into acting the "right" way. I gave advice where it was not sought. I judged when I could have listened. And from that, it caused a lot of strained relationships with those I love. They stopped sharing with me their true authentic selves, for fear of my judgement and disapproval. And tsk tsk, they are losers.

I'm not saying that you do the same to those around you, but that's what resulted for me when I held those beliefs. It took me a long time to realize that I pushing away those I love and those that loved me.

What do you think is possible, if you started to see that everyone, whether they choose the right or the wrong way, is worthy of your time, and your love? I'm not saying, invite everyone you see to dinner. But what is possible, if ONE person, who you would normally deem a loser, you could see as worthy of your time and love... what do you think you could create from that? And what would be possible for yourself, if you had a more open, loving belief that invited others instead of crossing them off your list?

[ajkumar]

Originally Posted by ns123

I gave advice where it was not sought. I judged when I could have listened. And from that, it caused a lot of strained relationships with those I love. They stopped sharing with me their true authentic selves, for fear of my judgement and disapproval. And tsk tsk, they are losers.

lol, I did see that "but" a mile away

What It looks like your saying is that these people have been or currently were in your life as friends/family. It's coming across more in the sense that your ego got in the way. I fit "loosers" into those 5-6 categories to be as specific as possible. People that fit in these categories are people who don't care about you, hell they obviously don't care about themselves either, else they wouldn't do the things that were listed...

[bluedragon]

The thread starter just used a cocky title for his article and therefore polarized people and inspired a lot of criticism, as well as praise. I would see this as a good marketing technique. The words people use are not always what they think, or exactly what they think. Bloggers actually use keyword research tools to see what people are looking for. Maybe he found out that 10.000 people a month search for "do you have a friend who is a looser". I don't know. But I think the overall message is important. Besides, this message can be interpreted positively or negatively according to each person's experience. Some people want to learn what they can from an article and use that information, others want to criticize a part of the article which they believe is useless.

[ajkumar]

Originally Posted by bluedragon

The thread starter just used a cocky title for his article and therefore polarized people and inspired a lot of criticism, as well as praise. I would see this as a good marketing technique. The words people use are not always what they think, or exactly what they think. Bloggers actually use keyword research tools to see what people are looking for. Maybe he found out that 10.000 people a month search for "do you have a friend who is a looser". I don't know. But I think the overall message is important. Besides, this message can be interpreted positively or negatively according to each person's experience. Some people want to learn what they can from an article and use that information, others want to criticize a part of the article which they believe is useless.

By no means did I use a "cocky" title. I came up with it quite randomly. I am not too familiar with SEO, so no I didnt' research it. yes I knew it would create a lot of arguments which is why I created it I believe in this topic strongly and do get a lot of heat on it. However, I can EASILY defend my argument with ANYONE, and so far I have . - I don't say that to be cocky about it, I say that to show you how much I'm convinced that this article is true



AJ

[outback]

Originally Posted by ajkumar

I recently wrote an article called: Do You Have a Friend Who’s a Loser? Get Rid of Em!

I unknowingly received a lot of praise. It was interesting that many people started talking to me about how often a question like this comes up: am I with the right people?

This is just an example, I mean no judgment, criticizing, or prejudice.
If you kid started hanging out with kids who are goth, he would become goth. Right?

If your kid started hanging out with wealthy, smart, intelligent people, wouldn't he also become that? The answer is most definitely yes!

Steve, I don't know if you read these, but I invite you to check it out as I would love your opinion:

Do You Have a Friend Who's a Loser? Get Rid of Em!

[Cron]

People do tend to take on the qualities of the people they spend time with.

Being friends with 1 - 2 people who are not "winners" shouldn't be a problem. However if the majority of people in your life don't reflect the values you are trying to cultivate then IMHO, it will be harder ( not impossible, just harder ) for you to change yourself.

[magi13]

I believe it's better stated that we choose our friends = networking, rather than getting rid of loser friends.

^^,

[outback]

my mate know for 37 years last 7 year left his job of 20 years because he said need a rest still not working now tell me i should not be working he say everyone today alway work no play he driving me nuts now if i go to his house alway resting in bed i stay 30 min then it time for me to go his going to have a rest

[ajkumar]

Originally Posted by Cron

People do tend to take on the qualities of the people they spend time with.

Being friends with 1 - 2 people who are not "winners" shouldn't be a problem. However if the majority of people in your life don't reflect the values you are trying to cultivate then IMHO, it will be harder ( not impossible, just harder ) for you to change yourself.

Keeping 1-2 friends who are not winners doesn't work. It's like a cancer cell, if you leave just one cancer cell, it will spread. Just like if you were to keep 1 looser friend, you'll be introduced to more loser friends.

clean your slate of losers...

[Cron]

Originally Posted by ajkumar

Keeping 1-2 friends who are not winners doesn't work. It's like a cancer cell, if you leave just one cancer cell, it will spread. Just like if you were to keep 1 looser friend, you'll be introduced to more loser friends.

clean your slate of losers...

If that is true than it would make the advice to change your network false and the people who follow it fools as those "winners" wouldn't want to accept you, a loser, trying to work their up as a friend.

[ajkumar]

Originally Posted by Cron

If that is true than it would make the advice to change your network false and the people who follow it fools as those "winners" wouldn't want to accept you, a loser, trying to work their up as a friend.

Keep 1 important factor in mind. "winners" aren't necessarily rich. They are people who are looking forward to striving and growing. I very clearly list what I think qualifies a person as being a loser.

For example,

If someone who isn't financially well off but makes it an effort to work hard and try do what they can, I would totally keep them in my network. If they aren't doing jack ♥♥♥♥♥ and dont' even lift a finger to make an effort, then those people are wasting my time....