shocked and confused.

[AAX]

hello everyone!

Here's my story:

My SIL and I haven't gotten along very well for about 10 years. In the beginning we were very close but as time went on and i believe as my career took off she has gotten more and more distant. She kind of has that "I'm better than everyone" attitude. She is constantly rolling her eyes when I speak, and acts like anything I say or do is ghetto and childish. She has literally turned into a B***h! I admit, because of her attitude I would kind of show off my success when she was around to sort of counter her "better than you" attitude, which I'm sure made things worst. One night we got along great. She came over while I was on my way out to shoot pool and she asked if she could go. I said sure! We drank beer, shot pool, laughed and had a good time. (BTW she never drinks) I was thinking maybe she isn't so bad after all! Well once we got home she asks my wife and I if she borrow money and we loaned it to her. After that evening we hardly her from her for 3-4 months. When she did come around she went back to her old ways!

Well, last week I happened to answer the phone and she asked what I was going to get her little sister for XMAS and said she didn't mind helping me go shopping. So we went shopping but afterwards I suggested lets stop and have a cocktail. She agreed. She and I drank a few and talked about our relationship and why she has been such a B***h towards me for so long. She said she hasn't been but I irritated her with my BIG MOUTH.

Anyways, we left the bar and I told her lets stop fighting with each other and give me a Xmas kiss on the cheek. And she did. In my opinion everything was innocent. As we came to a stop sign she told it my turn to give her a Xmas kiss. Well one thing turned to another and we ended up kissing and fondling each other. I'm confused and in disbelief due to her constant lack of affection for me all these years.

She been over a few times since then but nothing has happened. She's not flirty and goes on like it never happened. But she is no longer acting like she's all that anymore. When we did have a brief moment to talk she said that was something that should not have happened and i agreed. What's confusing me is that she has come over more since that incident than she has practically all year. In your opinion, is she coming over more frequently to be with me? And I still haven't gotten a clear understanding why she has behaved so poorly toward me in the past? Also, is this something she wants to continue?

[Holistic Star]

You know what is most noticeable by its absence is any mention of your wife and your feelings that you have having kisssed and fondled her sister behind her back.

So what if your SIL likes you. She says it was a mistake. If she did like you, are you planning to have an affair with her?

Perhaps your SIL is planning to tell your wife. Perhaps she likes making your uncomfortable. Perhaps she feels guilty and she's being nice to your wife now as a way of making it up to her. Perhaps she likes having one over you and her. But so what? You can't control that.

What you are you going to do about your relationship with your wife?

[AAX]

at this point my wife and I are fine. I do feel sort of grimey though. The whole situation is crazy and so unexpected. I was just looking for some insight maybe someone has gone through a similar situation before. I'm still concerned about SIL future intentions.

[Holistic Star]

Is your wife fine because she doesn't know?

Is that why you want to know what your SIL is up to?

[AAX]

oh, wife definitely doesn't know! SIL said that evening she would never say anything! I kind of believe her. I'm just surprised how she behaved that evening toward me. I mean, i thought for years she literally hated me. So I thought. I'm wondering could it possibly the reason she's been so angry for all these years is because she secretly wanted me. She used actually piss me off everytime I would see her.

[Holistic Star]

Does it really matter whether she liked you or not before?

In your shoes I would put as much distance between my SIL and myself as I could and make sure I was never alone with her again, including giving lifts etc. I certainly wouldn't go drinking with her ever again.

I'd also tell my partner and deal with the consequences but that's me.

If you've made the decision not to tell, then you need to stop fixating on your SIL. I think you're flattered by the attention and not behaving very maturely. I think you know how your wife would feel if she knew.

[cookie5]

The old saying blood is thicker than water. What really are you SIL intentions and I suspect some jealousy perhaps with your position and over your wife too from your SIL. christmas such a confusing and hectic time which can cause alot of upheaval within families. To quote others whom have replied on your feelings with your wife.? What does your relationship lack. What were the intentions of both yourself and the SIL, the attention or a I guess tit for tat?? becareful I feel and look at how you can improve what you already have with your wife.