Struggling with the green-eyed monster

[WhteRabbit]

I'm a very jealous person which maybe due to my low self-esteem. How do I get over being jealous and mainly suspiscious?

My partner has stated that he's never cheated on any of his girlfriends and all the people that know him best concur.

I just don't want the wool to be pulled over my eyes, so to speak! I don't want to get stuck in a relationship when I feel that there's something wrong and to later regret not ending it. I fear this. But apparently, according to my boyfriend and everyone else associated with the situation, I'm way over the top, I ask too many questions and have WAY too many suspiscions. I'm just driving this relationship into the ground.

I need advice. How to slay the green-eyed monster? I don't want to be jealous, and it's easy I guess, JUST DON'T BE JEALOUS! But it's not that easy for me... some help? anyone?

[RT Wolf]

It takes time to get to the level where you can command your emotions like that. Have you tried reading the pavlina article and doing a google search?

overcoming jealousy - Google Search

Overcoming Jealousy

Let's try this another way: say your suspicions are correct and your bf is cheating on you. What would happen? Would you be able to handle it, or at least, survive the process? If so, then why worry ahead of time? you can handle it. If you cannot, then grow and learn to trust yourself enough to know that you can handle it. "Feel the fear...and do it anyway" may help you in this regard.

You've identified another issue there yourself (though I dunno about this) of self esteem, have you done anything about this? You can try therapy, or simply a counsellor who's willing to listen. Or you can read books like The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem.

Journalling my help, ask yourself these questions: What would happen if my bf cheated and I found out? How would I feel? How would I react? Why do I feel posessive of my bf? Why do I not trust my bf? Is it because I may not trust myself in some way?

Good luck! You'll be fine. Acknowledging the issue is the first step to solving it.

[jawillie]

Been there done that. I am now free from it. It didn't happen over night. For me, the way to protect myself was to run at the slightest hint of anything being wrong in my relationship. I would not be made a fool.

At first I "faked it" ~ I made a motto of "don't let them see your insecurities." This worked on my outside reactions, what I portrayed to the world, however, obviously I still had the inner turmoil. I still recommend this, as it stops desctructive reactions on your part that will damage a relationship beyond repair. So when something came up that would make me feel jealous, I would remember, "don't let them see our insecurities" and put on the front of confidence instead of react in a way that showed jealousy ~ something that drives people away from you.

Over time I worked on the inside and I am now in a good place of genuinely not being a jealous person. I let go of the story of, "I can't be rejected." I now believe I can be rejected and it is OKAY if I am. It is OKAY if my husband leaves me. It may sound weird, but the freedom of truly believing that has changed me and it has brought us closer together.

What would happen if the wool was pulled over your eyes? How would you feel? Is it true you HAVE TO feel that way? You really don't. When I learned my thoughts are my only problem, I was free to choose differently. Then I am free to truly love because the fear of being made a fool is gone. If you are afraid to love, you aren't truly loving and you will get what you give ~ your partner will hold back and your fears will come true.

I really recommend trying The Work by Byron Katie.. she gives everything free on her website. She explains it all much better than I have. She truly helped me in this area!!

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by jawillie

I really recommend trying The Work by Byron Katie.. she gives everything free on her website. She explains it all much better than I have. She truly helped me in this area!!

I agree, and I also recommend The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. It's a great book that will give you a new perspective on what jealousy is and teach you how to get rid of it.

Big hug to you, WhteRabbit. The place you're in now isn't pleasant, but you have the Power to leave it!

[ajkumar]

Jealousy is a combination of both fear and anger. You are fearful and afraid of losing your loved one and angry that someone might be taking something that belongs to you..

What jealousy falls back on is false beliefs which fuel your emotion. Since beliefs are changeable instead of communicating to yourself negative scenarios you are able to change your beliefs and their fore change the way you feel. Choose to tell yourself a belief that is positive and supportive.

If you do not want to have the wool to pull over your eyes you can also study human involuntary expressions when one lies. I wrote about this on one of my recent blogs: HOW TO CATCH A LIAR
How to Catch a Liar | Persuasive.net