Starting over?

[steveo4]

So I've never posted here before, so I feel like I should introduce myself. I'm a 25-year-old who feels stuck in a complete rut (and has felt that way for probably about 4-5 years). I've tried many different things to get out of this rut, but none of them have really worked. I was a lucky enough to make a decent amount of friends my senior year of high school, but since then...basically nothing. I didn't make any friends at college, and I haven't had any real luck with the 2 jobs I've had since then. Naturally, this weighs on me, and I feel like it weighs on me more and more as each year goes by. I feel that I'm a pleasant person with a good sense of humor, although I admit I can be a little quiet/awkward (especially around strangers). But I've been stuck in a rut for so long that I'm just not sure exactly what I can do. One thing I've considered is moving to a new city, but I'm not sure if that's the best idea. I just started a new job with a really good company and where I live currently (Boston) isn't exactly a small town, so I should have a decent number of social opportunities in front of me.

Some of my friends of my high school still live in the area, but they can be kind of insular, which really prevents me from meeting new people. On the rare occasions where I do go to parties, I feel like I do OK, but the opportunities are so few and far between, its rare to capitalize on them. I've never been in a relationship, which has something that's plagued me for a long time, and while I've taken some steps to change that (like online dating), it hasn't really changed anything. I have a good job, and own a condo in the city, so I feel like on a superficial level I have a decent amount going for me, but I haven't been able to translate that into a solid group of friends/girlfriend.

I've been trying for a while now to take steps to improve my life, but I feel like nothing has really worked. I imagine you guys have lots of different advice that I'd love to hear, which is why I'm making this post.

[LordSappington]

I'm 26 years old, and I totally here you. As you get older, it gets much, much harder to make friends. People get married and stop talking to their single friends, and people form these tight-knit cliques that are difficult to break into.

While I don't have all the answers, I can share with you what I have learned.

1) It's very hard to make friends at work. Where I work, most people are 20 years older than me or have children. We're just in completely different parts of our lives, and it's just not going to happen. Maybe where you work is different.

2) Craigslist is not as bad as it sounds for meeting people. I've met two pretty decent people on Craigslist, including the one who introduced me to people that ultimately got me invited to my New Years party last night. Yeah, most people there suck, but if you post or reply to strictly platonic and filter people based on how they write, you can find the decent people.

3) Religious organizations are very useful. They tend to be full of young people, and you all share something in common, or at least think you do. I'm not particularly religious, and after much pestering by an old college friend, I showed up, and much to my surprise, I discovered that many other people were not very religious either.

4) You can't make friends sitting at home doing nothing. You have to "get out there." For a long time, no one ever told me what that meant, but I'm beginning to learn.

Firstly, you have to leave the house, but that's not enough. For me, it was surprisingly hard to even get that step over with.

Secondly, you have to go where you'd meet people who could be your friend. For people our age, this often is bars, but not all bars attract the same crowd and some will be much better than others. But to be quite honest, most bars are a crummy place to meet people. You have to get involved in other things. Local "young professional" groups tend to be decent; don't be afraid to show up to a group that you have a marginal interest in and talk to them. In a big city like Boston, there are probably dozens of them, and you could likely go to a 3-4 events a week. People here have suggested meetup.com. I haven't tried it yet, but it looks promising.

Thirdly, you have to go to these events with the proper mindset. You have to be friendly and engaging. You have to have a sincere interest in the other people. But unfortunately, that's not enough.

Finally, you have to be able to bring those people into your life. This involves exchanging phone numbers, suggesting that you meet up, etc.

5) You have to be patient. You're going to fail. A lot. A lot of the places you go will suck, or the people will be nasty, etc. You can't let that drag you down. Once you find good people, you probably won't remember that anyhow.

I've been doing this for two years, with a little success. Not nearly enough as I would like to, but I've met a bunch of people who now know who I am, and I've met their friends, made some new friends, and gone of a few dates. Most importantly, I've been slowly learning how to work crowds and engage people.

Good luck.

[Mr_A]

Your problems all seem to be concerning your relationships,
But I believe we are holistic beings that one area of our life flows through into another area, meaning you will see an over improvement if you get the fundamentals of your life straight.

First is Health
Get Health and get Fit
I mean become a health freak, eat nothing artificial, no yeast, no white sugar, no white flower, and nothing bleached, if it didn’t grow outta earth don’t eat it.
Eg. There’s not such thing as a Coca Cola tree
Exercise everyday and become addicted to exercise, I love it when it’s pouring rain outside and I see someone jogging

Second Emotions and Meaning
Know thyself, be thyself, love thyself
It’s incredible if you walk up to anyone and ask do you know who you are, 99% will say of course. That’s the illusion, you need to get to a point where you know and are living your deepest self and know that you can know yourself even deeper, and this only comes when you know and are living your nature as a person.
Read ‘The Way of the Superior Man’ by David Deida and ‘Dear Lover’ by David Deida

Third Relationships
Friends
Family
Intimate
Mastering Communication is the key here, Everyones favourite topic is themselves. When you approach someone new approach them as if you want to find out their truth, who they really are. Learn to Empathise, I can’t repeat enough how important it is to learn to empathise, not just listening but genuinely putting yourself in their shoes.
If you’re looking for more of quick way to just open woman and sleep with them then the book ‘The Game’ by Neil Strauss is your ride.

Fourth Career\Work\Mission
This is aligned to your purpose and desire. Everyone knows exactly what area or field they want to work, the only reason a person is not working in that field or area they want is because they have an excuse or belief or reason or rationalisation of why they can’t.

Fifth Finance
Find an area or field you’re interested in and find a person who got rich doing that which you want and copy them.

Sixth Contribution
I’m taking a guess by the time you get to this point and mastered everything above you would probably know your connection with people and nature in such a deep way that you would contribute in some form of teaching.

[steveo4]

Originally Posted by LordSappington

I'm 26 years old, and I totally here you. As you get older, it gets much, much harder to make friends. People get married and stop talking to their single friends, and people form these tight-knit cliques that are difficult to break into.

While I don't have all the answers, I can share with you what I have learned.

1) It's very hard to make friends at work. Where I work, most people are 20 years older than me or have children. We're just in completely different parts of our lives, and it's just not going to happen. Maybe where you work is different.

2) Craigslist is not as bad as it sounds for meeting people. I've met two pretty decent people on Craigslist, including the one who introduced me to people that ultimately got me invited to my New Years party last night. Yeah, most people there suck, but if you post or reply to strictly platonic and filter people based on how they write, you can find the decent people.

3) Religious organizations are very useful. They tend to be full of young people, and you all share something in common, or at least think you do. I'm not particularly religious, and after much pestering by an old college friend, I showed up, and much to my surprise, I discovered that many other people were not very religious either.

4) You can't make friends sitting at home doing nothing. You have to "get out there." For a long time, no one ever told me what that meant, but I'm beginning to learn.

Firstly, you have to leave the house, but that's not enough. For me, it was surprisingly hard to even get that step over with.

Secondly, you have to go where you'd meet people who could be your friend. For people our age, this often is bars, but not all bars attract the same crowd and some will be much better than others. But to be quite honest, most bars are a crummy place to meet people. You have to get involved in other things. Local "young professional" groups tend to be decent; don't be afraid to show up to a group that you have a marginal interest in and talk to them. In a big city like Boston, there are probably dozens of them, and you could likely go to a 3-4 events a week. People here have suggested meetup.com. I haven't tried it yet, but it looks promising.

Thirdly, you have to go to these events with the proper mindset. You have to be friendly and engaging. You have to have a sincere interest in the other people. But unfortunately, that's not enough.

Finally, you have to be able to bring those people into your life. This involves exchanging phone numbers, suggesting that you meet up, etc.

5) You have to be patient. You're going to fail. A lot. A lot of the places you go will suck, or the people will be nasty, etc. You can't let that drag you down. Once you find good people, you probably won't remember that anyhow.

I've been doing this for two years, with a little success. Not nearly enough as I would like to, but I've met a bunch of people who now know who I am, and I've met their friends, made some new friends, and gone of a few dates. Most importantly, I've been slowly learning how to work crowds and engage people.

Good luck.

Thanks for the reply....good stuff:

1.) There are actually plenty of people I work with that are my age, but it's a big company, and it can be a little overwhelming, plus I don't really feel like I connect that much with any of the people I work with. I just started my current job, and I don't really feel comfortable there yet, which obviously makes the social aspects harder going.

2.) Were these people of the opposite sex? I can't imagine meeting a guy on CL, and I've tried meeting girls through it, but without much luck. In my general experience with online dating, there's a ton of rejection and very little upside. To be perfectly blunt, there were lots of times when I was kind of terrified of being seen with the people I was with, which I know is an awful thing to say (and for all they know, they felt the same way about me), but it was just how I felt. The girls I've met in real-world settings seem far more normal/attractive/likable/well-adjusted, so I'd obviously prefer to find a way to get to know them better rather than resort to online dating.

3.) I'm probably the least religious person in the world. I'm not zealous or self-righteous about it, but I'd feel dishonest about attending a religious organization, and I'm not really sure I'd get along with the people I met there.

4.) On nights when I wasn't doing anything with friends (which is becoming increasingly common) I've occasionally forced myself to "get out" but it's always proven to be a complete waste of time. I'll force myself to a concert or bar but everyone else who is there is with other people, and I have absolutely no idea how I'm supposed to approach another person.

What exactly is a "young professionals" group and what do they do? As for meetup.com, I've heard of it before and I've looked at it before, but it just doesn't seem like something I'd enjoy at all. Generally when I'm in a situation like that with people I don't know I just tend to clam up. I've noticed that I do SO MUCH better in social situations when I'm with at least one or two friends, because it gives me a boost of self-confidence and makes me feel more free to be myself. That being said, I'm willing to try new things, and will look into meetup.com and try to find a group that I can join without hating myself. Your point is well-taken about going into these events being friendly and engaging, though, because that's something I'm not very good about, and definitely something I have to work on.

5.) I try to be patient, but it can definitely be frustrating. One good thing I've read on this forum is to start setting yourself little goals for each day (approach a stranger, strike up a conversation with a cashier, etc.) so that you can feel like you are making some sort of positive progress. That's the most frustrating part for me. I've been trying to fix this problem for so long and haven't really felt like I've made any progress at all, which obviously leads to some depressing thoughts.

One question I have is: do you genuinely like the people you've made friends with? That's one of my main fears...having to settle for friends/girlfriends I don't think particularly high of just because I have nothing better to do.

[The Cloud]

Where is it that you truly feel stuck? Is your problem that you haven't made friends, or is it something deeper than that? I doubt that the entirety of the issue is lack of social experience; you can get that relatively easily, especially in a big city like Boston. Your fundamental problem may be confusion about yourself and your role in the world. All the charisma in the world means nothing if you don't know what truly care to do with it.

[steveo4]

Originally Posted by Mr_A

Your problems all seem to be concerning your relationships,
But I believe we are holistic beings that one area of our life flows through into another area, meaning you will see an over improvement if you get the fundamentals of your life straight.

First is Health
Get Health and get Fit
I mean become a health freak, eat nothing artificial, no yeast, no white sugar, no white flower, and nothing bleached, if it didn’t grow outta earth don’t eat it.
Eg. There’s not such thing as a Coca Cola tree
Exercise everyday and become addicted to exercise, I love it when it’s pouring rain outside and I see someone jogging

Second Emotions and Meaning
Know thyself, be thyself, love thyself
It’s incredible if you walk up to anyone and ask do you know who you are, 99% will say of course. That’s the illusion, you need to get to a point where you know and are living your deepest self and know that you can know yourself even deeper, and this only comes when you know and are living your nature as a person.
Read ‘The Way of the Superior Man’ by David Deida and ‘Dear Lover’ by David Deida

Third Relationships
Friends
Family
Intimate
Mastering Communication is the key here, Everyones favourite topic is themselves. When you approach someone new approach them as if you want to find out their truth, who they really are. Learn to Empathise, I can’t repeat enough how important it is to learn to empathise, not just listening but genuinely putting yourself in their shoes.
If you’re looking for more of quick way to just open woman and sleep with them then the book ‘The Game’ by Neil Strauss is your ride.

Fourth Career\Work\Mission
This is aligned to your purpose and desire. Everyone knows exactly what area or field they want to work, the only reason a person is not working in that field or area they want is because they have an excuse or belief or reason or rationalisation of why they can’t.

Fifth Finance
Find an area or field you’re interested in and find a person who got rich doing that which you want and copy them.

Sixth Contribution
I’m taking a guess by the time you get to this point and mastered everything above you would probably know your connection with people and nature in such a deep way that you would contribute in some form of teaching.

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I get what you're saying with the idea that everything is connected (sound body, sound mind, etc.), but I'm not sure your specific examples are very helpful to me.

In regards to health, I'm pretty healthy to begin with. I go to the gym 3-4 times a week, am just starting boxing lessons, and while my diet could probably be a little bit better, I certainly consider myself in good shape. Also, I'm 25 years old...I'm not sure that abstaining from things like alcohol and meat will do anything but increase my alienation.

As for work/finances, while I wouldn't consider my current job to be my 'dream job' (the Red Sox already have a second baseman) I have no problems in these areas of my life. Looking at my friends and the people my age I know, I wouldn't trade my job with any of them (well, except the one who works for Google). I'm certainly not rich, but I do OK for myself, and I don't think being rich will make me any happier. I just got a pretty big raise with my new job and I assure you it hasn't affected my personal happiness one bit.

Like I said before, though, thank you for taking the time to reply....I'm sure this advice works best for you, but I'm not really sure it applies to me.

[LordSappington]

Originally Posted by steveo4

Thanks for the reply....good stuff:

2.) Were these people of the opposite sex? I can't imagine meeting a guy on CL, and I've tried meeting girls through it, but without much luck. In my general experience with online dating, there's a ton of rejection and very little upside. To be perfectly blunt, there were lots of times when I was kind of terrified of being seen with the people I was with, which I know is an awful thing to say (and for all they know, they felt the same way about me), but it was just how I felt. The girls I've met in real-world settings seem far more normal/attractive/likable/well-adjusted, so I'd obviously prefer to find a way to get to know them better rather than resort to online dating.

Yes, they've all been women. I've tried replying to guy's ads or posting my own, but no one ever replies. I think it's just an implicit homophobia. The thing is that I have no intention of dating someone from Craigslist. The people I've met just tend to be of the more shy type, but they all have social groups of their own, and I can usually meet those people as well.

4.) On nights when I wasn't doing anything with friends (which is becoming increasingly common) I've occasionally forced myself to "get out" but it's always proven to be a complete waste of time. I'll force myself to a concert or bar but everyone else who is there is with other people, and I have absolutely no idea how I'm supposed to approach another person.

Yes, this is very hard. You have to just force yourself to do it. For each venue you go to, you have to walk up to people and say, "Hello, I'm XYZ. I'm new in town and I'm trying to meet new people." You should figure out maybe 4 or 5 standard opening lines for each one and just do them. I try to do it with varying success. Sometimes, I'm just full of energy and it's easy. Sometimes, it's incredibly difficult, but I'm slowly working to the point where it's getting easier.

What exactly is a "young professionals" group and what do they do?

Well, in my city, they are groups of people (usually) in their 20s and 30s that do things with a common interest. For example, there is a group that volunteers at major events to improve the city and also has happy hours. Another group is entirely social and exists only to attract young people to the city. Another group supports a local organization that assists immigrants. Another group supports the art scene. There are the Young Democrats and the Young Republicans. There are dozens of these groups, and what they do varies dramatically between them.

As for meetup.com, I've heard of it before and I've looked at it before, but it just doesn't seem like something I'd enjoy at all. Generally when I'm in a situation like that with people I don't know I just tend to clam up. I've noticed that I do SO MUCH better in social situations when I'm with at least one or two friends, because it gives me a boost of self-confidence and makes me feel more free to be myself.

Go to these events alone. I think that would be the biggest thing to help you. You have to get over that fear. Your friends will not always be around when you want them to. You have to learn to be yourself around strangers. This Saturday, I'm going to a bar alone. I will buy one beer and nurse it the entire night and approach people. It's something I gotta learn how to do, and now is the perfect time since all of my friends are currently out of town for the holidays.

One question I have is: do you genuinely like the people you've made friends with? That's one of my main fears...having to settle for friends/girlfriends I don't think particularly high of just because I have nothing better to do.

Yes. My two Craigslist friends are some of the best people I've ever met. They are caring and intelligent and incredibly fun to be around. I met another girl on an online dating site as only platonic friends, and I have so much fun spending time with her. I have to admit, I did get one girl on Craigslist that had a little too much drama for my liking, but I managed to distance myself from her enough to insulate myself from most of it.

[JimOfferman]

Here's what I think you should do: first, focus on finding happiness in your own life, on your own. Why? Because the happiness that you generate for yourself will be the strongest possible foundation for building the life you love. It's also much easier to connect with other people when you are happy. People like happy people!

How do you find happiness within yourself? Start appreciating everything about your life that you do like and at the same time start spending less energy on the things that you don't like (either stop doing those things altogether or spend the minimum amount of energy needed). If you keep this up, pretty soon you will find that the majority of what you do are things you enjoy. If you're doing lots of things you enjoy, then you should be happy!

The really big secret here is that being happy is a choice you make. Every moment of every day you consciously or unconsciously decide to be happy (or not). Nobody is causing you to feel down but you. Practice making the decision to be happy!

Oh, and it's all about the now, now, now. Don't be sad because of events past and don't expect the future to bring you happiness you deserve. You live in the now.

Make happiness the foundation of your life and the driver of all your decisions, then the rest will sort itself out. Promise!

[steveo4]

Thanks everyone for the replies. Much appreciated.

Originally Posted by The Cloud

Where is it that you truly feel stuck? Is your problem that you haven't made friends, or is it something deeper than that? I doubt that the entirety of the issue is lack of social experience; you can get that relatively easily, especially in a big city like Boston. Your fundamental problem may be confusion about yourself and your role in the world. All the charisma in the world means nothing if you don't know what truly care to do with it.

I'd say the primary problem is that I haven't made friends. I can definitely be shy and awkward and insecure, which obviously serves as a massive hurdle, but the ultimate goal is to make more friends. If I could do that without going over my shyness I'd be content (but that's probably not possible).

To be honest, I think lack of social experience is a definite part of the problem. I don't deny that there's a good amount of things going on in a big city like Boston, but I'm not really a part of any of them. I think I have a decent grasp on what I want/what kind of a person I want to be friends with

Originally Posted by LordSappington

Yes, this is very hard. You have to just force yourself to do it. For each venue you go to, you have to walk up to people and say, "Hello, I'm XYZ. I'm new in town and I'm trying to meet new people." You should figure out maybe 4 or 5 standard opening lines for each one and just do them. I try to do it with varying success. Sometimes, I'm just full of energy and it's easy. Sometimes, it's incredibly difficult, but I'm slowly working to the point where it's getting easier.

Haha, well, for starters, I've lived here my whole life, so it would be kind of dishonest to pretend otherwise. What kind of reactions do you get when you do that, though? I imagine I'd just get a bunch of blank stares/awkward looks which would just make me even more reticent about approaching strangers.

Originally Posted by LordSappington

Go to these events alone. I think that would be the biggest thing to help you. You have to get over that fear. Your friends will not always be around when you want them to. You have to learn to be yourself around strangers. This Saturday, I'm going to a bar alone. I will buy one beer and nurse it the entire night and approach people. It's something I gotta learn how to do, and now is the perfect time since all of my friends are currently out of town for the holidays.

Thanks, that's good advice. You're right that I have to learn to be myself without the security blanket of my friends. I'm curious as to how tomorrow night will go for you....let me know.

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

Here's what I think you should do: first, focus on finding happiness in your own life, on your own. Why? Because the happiness that you generate for yourself will be the strongest possible foundation for building the life you love. It's also much easier to connect with other people when you are happy. People like happy people!

How do you find happiness within yourself? Start appreciating everything about your life that you do like and at the same time start spending less energy on the things that you don't like (either stop doing those things altogether or spend the minimum amount of energy needed). If you keep this up, pretty soon you will find that the majority of what you do are things you enjoy. If you're doing lots of things you enjoy, then you should be happy!

The really big secret here is that being happy is a choice you make. Every moment of every day you consciously or unconsciously decide to be happy (or not). Nobody is causing you to feel down but you. Practice making the decision to be happy!

Oh, and it's all about the now, now, now. Don't be sad because of events past and don't expect the future to bring you happiness you deserve. You live in the now.

Make happiness the foundation of your life and the driver of all your decisions, then the rest will sort itself out. Promise!

I get what you're saying, and I do have things that make me happy, but it's hard to feel happy when you're sitting home by yourself on a Saturday night and you hear a group of guys and girls walking by and laughing, or you're at a bar and you see a cute girl flirting with her boyfriend. I spend most of my free time reading and watching movies, which are both things I enjoy, but I'd be lying if I said that it filled the void caused by my lack of close relationships.

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by steveo4

I'd be lying if I said that it filled the void caused by my lack of close relationships.

That's just it. You're expecting a close relationship to fill the void that you feel right now, but it won't. The void is not caused by the lack of a close relationship.

You're feeling a void because 'something' is missing and you've convinced yourself the something is a close relationship. Should you remain in this state and chance upon meeting someone who gets close to you, you'll find that the relationship changes your life, but there is still 'something' missing. Next, you may decide it's your job, so you change jobs. Then it's your house, your car, maybe another lover, etc. All the time you're looking for the 'something' thats missing and trying to find it on the outside.

What's missing is on the inside! What's missing is being grateful for who you are. If you can't be perfectly happy with yourself exactly as you are and exactly as you are not (i.e. currently without a girlfriend), then you won't be perfectly happy once you've acquired the thing you currently covet the most. You'll just start coveting something else to fill the void...

Here's another thing to consider: you're always broadcasting how you feel to everyone around you, all the time. Right now, what you're sending out is something akin to "I suck 'cause I don't have a girlfriend." Whether you like it or not, people pick up on that vibe and that includes the hot girl at the bar you'd like to approach...

Answer me this: how attractive do you think you are making yourself while broadcasting your "I suck" signal to the world? How would the world respond to you if, instead, you would walk around thinking "I am AWESOME"?

Try it. You might like it!

[Mjbrookerjr]

Originally Posted by steveo4

Thanks for the reply....good stuff:

1.) There are actually plenty of people I work with that are my age, but it's a big company, and it can be a little overwhelming, plus I don't really feel like I connect that much with any of the people I work with. I just started my current job, and I don't really feel comfortable there yet, which obviously makes the social aspects harder going.

2.) Were these people of the opposite sex? I can't imagine meeting a guy on CL, and I've tried meeting girls through it, but without much luck. In my general experience with online dating, there's a ton of rejection and very little upside. To be perfectly blunt, there were lots of times when I was kind of terrified of being seen with the people I was with, which I know is an awful thing to say (and for all they know, they felt the same way about me), but it was just how I felt. The girls I've met in real-world settings seem far more normal/attractive/likable/well-adjusted, so I'd obviously prefer to find a way to get to know them better rather than resort to online dating.

3.) I'm probably the least religious person in the world. I'm not zealous or self-righteous about it, but I'd feel dishonest about attending a religious organization, and I'm not really sure I'd get along with the people I met there.

4.) On nights when I wasn't doing anything with friends (which is becoming increasingly common) I've occasionally forced myself to "get out" but it's always proven to be a complete waste of time. I'll force myself to a concert or bar but everyone else who is there is with other people, and I have absolutely no idea how I'm supposed to approach another person.

What exactly is a "young professionals" group and what do they do? As for meetup.com, I've heard of it before and I've looked at it before, but it just doesn't seem like something I'd enjoy at all. Generally when I'm in a situation like that with people I don't know I just tend to clam up. I've noticed that I do SO MUCH better in social situations when I'm with at least one or two friends, because it gives me a boost of self-confidence and makes me feel more free to be myself. That being said, I'm willing to try new things, and will look into meetup.com and try to find a group that I can join without hating myself. Your point is well-taken about going into these events being friendly and engaging, though, because that's something I'm not very good about, and definitely something I have to work on.

5.) I try to be patient, but it can definitely be frustrating. One good thing I've read on this forum is to start setting yourself little goals for each day (approach a stranger, strike up a conversation with a cashier, etc.) so that you can feel like you are making some sort of positive progress. That's the most frustrating part for me. I've been trying to fix this problem for so long and haven't really felt like I've made any progress at all, which obviously leads to some depressing thoughts.

One question I have is: do you genuinely like the people you've made friends with? That's one of my main fears...having to settle for friends/girlfriends I don't think particularly high of just because I have nothing better to do.

I'm 25 and pretty much going through the same stuff, I just moved to an area, got a new job, I was scared, I was starting over... I'm having a bit of trouble meeting people myself, but I'm okay with that, the people I do meet, and want to meet are the people that have done things with their life, that I want to do. (Mastermind groups/ mentoring) So I'm not really caring about going to any bars and meeting the people my age that have multiple DUI's and no goals, granted not all bars are like that, even millionaires go to local bars, but the general consesus shows me that the bars have the "kids" that really haven't grown up yet :/ Instead of spending money in the bars, meeting people I would prefer not to meet, I stay home and work, when I am home I read, a lot of personal development books ( The Success principles/ How to win friends and influence people).
As for starting your new job, I was in the same position, when I walked into the place, I went in like I owned the company! Within three months I got promoted, over people who had been with the company for YEARS!!! Now, 5 months later, I'm being promoted again...
This time last year, I was pretty much homeless, and doing drugs, depressed. Then with help from my brother,(he kept me positive, showed me stevepavlina.com etc..) I got better, I realised, being depressed and high wasn't getting me anywhere, so I completely turned my life around. I love myself and my life more now, than I ever have or thought I could...
I would suggest Meetup.com It's neat, and you can narrow down the type of people you want to meet.
Things are only as bad as we make them. Just keep trying, what have you got to lose? What have you got to gain? If you ask a girl out, and she says no, oh well, you'll feel bad for a moment, she'll forget about it. if she says yes, then you've got a date! It' can't hurt, unless she's amazonish and a serial killer, even then, that would be kinda neat ;p Always look at the FAB's (Features advantages benefits)
Every person we meet will change our lives in some way, its just a matter of us meeting and asking the right questions. The girl at your local coffee shop that rings you out and subtley flirts with you, could be your wife, if you ask the right questions...
I may sound a bit jumbled... I'm at the coffee shop, free wifi and free refills on my coffee, and my day off...