Why do you stick with only one person?

[dwixi]

It seems so irratonal, yet I do it and i would feel bad if my girlfriend got with someone else. Why do we see it as bad?
The only thing I can think of is It kinda would be like " Why would you be with them when you could have been with me, whats wrong with me?"
I think thats where feeling bad about this comes from.. but still why this way?

[legend]

I am sure you will get all the standard responses.....
It's societal conditioning
It's not natural
It's for economic reasons, family raising, to curb the spread of disease....
and they will roll out examples of the animal kingdom and different cultures who have several partners.....

Does that really explain how your heart feels?
Love is an inward/outward emotion meaning it comes from inside of you....
you give it to another....
relational love is like a boomerang You throw it out there and wait for it's return...
If it does not make it back then you feel incomplete....

second many people confuse ownership with relationship... they react much the same as they would if they saw another man driving off in their car....
You can only hope one day they will understand true spiritual Love


Much Love

[dwixi]

Originally Posted by legend

I am sure you will get all the standard responses.....
It's societal conditioning
It's not natural
It's for economic reasons, family raising, to curb the spread of disease....
and they will roll out examples of the animal kingdom and different cultures who have several partners.....

Does that really explain how your heart feels?
Love is an inward/outward emotion meaning it comes from inside of you....
you give it to another....
relational love is like a boomerang You throw it out there and wait for it's return...
If it does not make it back then you feel incomplete....

second many people confuse ownership with relationship... they react much the same as they would if they saw another man driving off in their car....
You can only hope one day they will understand true spiritual Love


Much Love

thanks, good post it was from a good perspective Yeah im glad i didnt get any of those technical kind of answers.
IM still a little hazy on the question are there benefits to just expressing love with one person.

[DerekH]

Fear.

[jasper666]

Because that is a loss. Loss of a relationship is a threat to many parts of us. Our natural mammalian bonding instincts, our needs for safety and belonging, and on top of that all the ways we were wounded, abandoned, or made to feel defective as children by our parents. It adds up.

[dwixi]

Originally Posted by jasper666

Because that is a loss. Loss of a relationship is a threat to many parts of us. Our natural mammalian bonding instincts, our needs for safety and belonging, and on top of that all the ways we were wounded, abandoned, or made to feel defective as children by our parents. It adds up.

Its not really loss.
Say if
Your girlfriend went away, got with another guy came back and you found out.
You knew that she was going away anyway But you dont feel loss from her being with someone else as you couldnt have been with her anyway if she had to go away.

[TonyToneTone]

I don't

But I am planning on it. With one person you can develop a really great relationship. Also, it is out of love and respect for the other person. You would never want to do anything to hurt them in any way.

[JimOfferman]

Because that's what I want.

(though, I can't speak for anyone else, of course)

[hopena]

It doesn't seem irrational to me (that is, having a romantic relationship with only one person).

Any fear I might feel is more likely to keep me from getting into a relationship, than sticking with one. It also has nothing to do with ownership, or societal conditioning, etc... (for me, anyhow).

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

Because that's what I want.

(though, I can't speak for anyone else, of course)

Originally Posted by TonyToneTone

With one person you can develop a really great relationship. Also, it is out of love and respect for the other person. You would never want to do anything to hurt them in any way.

Originally Posted by Dimond

Yep. It's lots of fun too.

I prefer to truly connect in relationships and have something authentic. One person, long-term is the best way. When you're with the right person, there shouldn't even be a need or desire to be with someone else (romantically).

The above reflect my own feelings.

[Dimond]

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

Because that's what I want.

Yep. It's lots of fun too.

I prefer to truly connect in relationships and have something authentic. One person, long-term is the best way. When you're with the right person, there shouldn't even be a need or desire to be with someone else (romantically).

[jaamkie]

The whole hormonal infatuation thing from evolution plays a big part- that we get obsessed with one person and want to monopolize them so we have a child together and the child gets the best possible care etc. From personal experience certainly when I'm infatuated with someone new, they have all of my attention and affection and energy and everyone else is an afterthought/annoying obligation for awhile. I never want to be my lover's afterthought or obligation, so I never want him to become infatuated with someone else.

Also on a practical level it's just hard to find enough time in the day to spend with family and friends and one lover, more than one at a time gets stressful. Situations always come up where you're forced to make a choice between spending time with each person. Even if each didn't start out caring that the other existed, they begin to wish bad luck to the other out of self interest wanting be chosen when there's a choice, wanting to be top priority.

[Trezker]

Originally Posted by dwixi

" Why would you be with them when you could have been with me, whats wrong with me?"

Why would you eat pears when you could eat apples, what's wrong with apples?



Variation is a good thing, the quality of one thing does not change just because you're using something else.

[jaamkie]

Originally Posted by Trezker

Why would you eat pears when you could eat apples, what's wrong with apples?



Variation is a good thing, the quality of one thing does not change just because you're using something else.

If I may translate back to people again: "the quality of one person does not change just because you're using someone else." There is an important difference between things and sentient beings- the beings have their own feelings and desires, they react to being "used".

[cookie5]

Yes why do we? Many other animals don't! (SOCIETY)

[beautyscientist]

I think it is an evolved response. If your girlfriend sees other guys any offspring of the relationship may not be yours, so you will be wasting resources on someone else's genes.

That at least is the origin of how you feel.

What you do about it is up to you.

[Daffy Duck]

Because I have considered all the options, and monogamy is what I consciously want to do. Is that okay with you?

I don't see it as irrational at all. I don't care what animals do. Animals like to lick their own balls -- does this mean I should follow their example? No thanks. Not my thing.

[NeedMyCoffee]

Originally Posted by Daffy Duck

Because I have considered all the options, and monogamy is what I consciously want to do.

Same here. Once you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, fruit from another tree doesn't hold interest.

To each their own though. If you don't want to be monogamous, that is your choice. Be sure to be honest with your partners though.

[jawillie]

If you think it is irrational, it won't be your thing. Only by living and experimenting will you ever know for sure. I have btdt with relationships and now find myself in a loving marriage where we are monogamous. I don't see that as irrational at all. I actually see it as a great growth experience for both of us. We are taking love to levels that you can really only experience by spending time together and going through "life" (good and bad) together. I love growing old with my husband. But that's just me.

I say don't limit yourself to anything and certainly try not to let "labels" hold you back from experiencing all there is to experience (even if "the masses" also do it). Follow your heart.

[dwixi]

Im glad I manifested steve to write articles on this subject recently.
they have been really helpful.

[crescive]

Because people like to feel "special". This means they want to be "preferred" which is what being exclusive is about. It definitely takes complete eradication of the ego to engage in polyamory. For most people, being loved means nothing if your partner also loves someone else, you want to be most loved, you want to be preferred.

[magi13]

Why? It depends on you, but my reason is that when I grow old, I'd prefer to have someone by my side who I've come to love for a long long time. Just one and that's enough. :3

[Daffy Duck]

Originally Posted by crescive

It definitely takes complete eradication of the ego to engage in polyamory.

Really? So those guys with multiple women have no ego? I've seen otherwise...

Maybe polyamory is more egotistical than monogamy. Maybe it's just an opinion.

[jawillie]

Originally Posted by crescive

It definitely takes complete eradication of the ego to engage in polyamory. .

replace "polyarmory" with "monogamy" and I totally agree!

[JE Gonzalez]

It's probably evolutionary.

[oberlee]

Because while people on this forum are totally cool, you do start to feel like a freak if you actually prefer monogamy. I had a whole coming-to-Jesus (not literally, I use that term to mean, enlightenment of a certain kind) about my views on relationships and sex. In fact, since then, my (monogamous) relationship and sex life has been quite amazing.

Anyway, when I am in love, I honestly don't notice anyone else. the hottest guy could be next to me and I wouldn't see him that way at all. That's all the reason I need.

[Magicinthenight]

Because it feels absolutely amazing to share this really intimate, special bond with one special person.

It makes the whole experience unique ("this is just us") and when you really connect with someone on an emotional and physical level, it's hard even to imagine doing it with someone else, it feels so right with this one person you don't even want to try how it feels with someone else.

Of course that stage might not last forever, which is why you eventually might want to find that same bond with someone else.

But for me, personally, the greatest thing is to discover how to make that bond last and grow and expand so that you're constantly evolving with this person. It doesn't stop you from sharing yourself with others, just that there's only one person you want to share that unique bond with.*

*Yes I do realise how schmalzy that might sound but that is how I see good partnerships.

[pyrogen]

A lot of us want to do whatever we damned well please. We want multiple partners. But we are angry as hell if our mate does it. It's because people are competitive. Our innate urge is to one-up each other and control resources and others' access to those resources. We see the world as a zero-sum game wherein if we have what we want then no one else does. It takes conscious effort to break this.

When your partner is seeing someone else, a resource that you thought you had sole access to, is being accessed.