Do you have an answer for me?

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

I think I have pinpointed what I want. I want to keep torturing both of us until he leaves me and I can prove once and for all that I am nothing.

It just hit me how much I'm wallowing. It's what I do. I want someone to save me from it, but the only one who can (i.e. me) keeps looking around wondering when someone will do it already, DAMNIT.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Angela

"No idea", huh? How about this one, for starters:

"I've been thinking about what you said about how you'll 'do anything' to help heal our relationship, and I've realized one essential thing: that although I'm doing my best to work through my issues on my own, there are times when I really want to talk with you and get reassurance from you.

It would mean a lot to me if you could find a way to be there for me at those times when I need to talk, and to reassure me, even if it's just to listen generously and hold my hand. When I approach you and you sigh exasperatedly, I feel like you think I'm being unreasonable to want understanding and reassurance. Can you see that? Are you willing to help me, to help our relationship flourish, in this way? What do you think?"

Yes, that's good. That one I will ask of him.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

I think I have pinpointed what I want. I want to keep torturing both of us until he leaves me and I can prove once and for all that I am nothing.

That is so awesome!! Congratulations on telling yourself the truth!

So, what's the impact on him and on yourself of believing "I am nothing"?

What would be possible in your relationship, and in your life, if you were not believing that thought?

(Please do not jump to the second question until you have answered the first one, you little paindy-cat.)

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Angela

That is so awesome!! Congratulations on telling yourself the truth!

I'm really shocked I could see it through the fog of self-indulgent whining .

Originally Posted by Angela

So, what's the impact on him and on yourself of believing "I am nothing"?

Huge.

On me: I'm separate, exhausted, confused, suspicious, grumpy. I feel alone and scared. I withdraw from the affection he tries to show me because he's not doing it the way I want. I don't take care of myself, and suffer sleepiness, being uncomfortable and heavy because of it. I wait for him to fix everything even though I'm the one with the tools. I'm resentful and unpleasant to be around. I question at every turn, every day, nonstop (thus the exasperated sighs). I am stuck, boring and one dimensional.

On him: He is angry, tired and alone. He is unable to connect with the person he loves. He doesn't have a partner, but an interrogator. His growth is stopped or slowed. He feels ineffective. His efforts go unnoticed. He is on eggshells. He's lost.

We both cannot enjoy each other and what is possible for our relationship.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Angela

What would be possible in your relationship, and in your life, if you were not believing that thought?

Freedom. REAL Connection. Peace. Exponential growth. Lightness. Health and vitality.

Love.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

Freedom. REAL Connection. Peace. Exponential growth. Lightness. Health and vitality.

Love.

Wow! Can you sum that up in a way that inspires you?

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Angela

Wow! Can you sum that up in a way that inspires you?

Vitalizing Connection

[Angela]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

Vitalizing Connection

Great, I'm inspired, too! If you were being Vitalizing Connection, and letting go of believing "I am nothing," what would be possible for you?

What would be possible in your relationship with this man, in your relationship with yourself, and in your life if you were taking on Being Vitalizing Connection, and letting go of "I am nothing"? What actions might you take right now? How would your body move through space? What might you say to yourself, to me, to him?

How would you feel?

I'm not asking you to actually take on being Vitalizing Connection and letting go of believing "I am nothing;" I'm only asking you to speculate about what would be possible if you did.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Angela

What would be possible in your relationship with this man, in your relationship with yourself, and in your life if you were taking on Being Vitalizing Connection, and letting go of "I am nothing"?

So many things...life would be peaceful and enjoyable. We could have a stronger, more intimate relationship. I would be confident and free in how I interact with people. I would take care of myself instead of waiting for someone else to do it. And I'd in turn have the energy and desire to be a help to others.

Originally Posted by Angela

What actions might you take right now?

I would possibly apologize. I would drink a glass of water. I would not hold back when I feel the urge to show affection.

Originally Posted by Angela

How would your body move through space?

Gracefully, with intent. Standing up straight, looking people in the eye. Flow.

Originally Posted by Angela

What might you say to yourself, to me, to him?

I love you. Thank you. How's your day? Would you like to go for a walk? Can I help with dinner?

Originally Posted by Angela

How would you feel?

At ease, comfortable, energetic, free, happy, loved, loving, engaged.

Originally Posted by Angela

I'm not asking you to actually take on being Vitalizing Connection and letting go of believing "I am nothing;" I'm only asking you to speculate about what would be possible if you did.

I haven't taken it on yet, but I'm strongly considering it. It does sound a lot better than the alternative.

[Honeywith4bees]

Thank you Clarity, for working through this painful issue here in the open for all of us to see and learn, and grow from.

I am wishing you and your boyfriend, lots and lots of love, freedom and peacefulness this coming New Year.

With love,

[Angela]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

I haven't taken it on yet, but I'm strongly considering it. It does sound a lot better than the alternative.

You get to choose. And the really great news is, you get to choose in each moment. If you choose to generate thoughts that feel good today, like "I am Vital Connection" that doesn't mean you can't choose to be "I am nothing" tomorrow. Nobody gets to choose for you except you.

It's an awful lot of impact, and an incredible amount of possibility, all available out of believing a thought, a ghost, an illusion or not, isn't it?!

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Angela

It's an awful lot of impact, and an incredible amount of possibility, all available out of believing a thought, a ghost, an illusion or not, isn't it?!

It is!

I'm not really having a hard time choosing which I prefer, just which I am really willing to be right now. A little tired, I feel like choosing not to choose. But then you usually end up with the crappy one by default.

But, right now I'm taking it one minute at a time.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

[Angela]

You'll choose when you're darned good and ready, and not a moment before. And then it will be the perfect time for you to have chosen.

I know what you mean, about the tiredness. Maybe you could make this limbo period a time for extreme self-care. (that's what I'm doing!)

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Angela

You'll choose when you're darned good and ready, and not a moment before. And then it will be the perfect time for you to have chosen.

I know what you mean, about the tiredness. Maybe you could make this limbo period a time for extreme self-care. (that's what I'm doing!)

Good idea.

I just spoke to him about sitting down to talk with me. His answer was "no, we've already talked about it."

[Angela]

His response doesn't mean anything about you, don't forget.

My sense is that you could both use a break. How about giving yourself some breathing space and see how your new possibility occurs for you, and just enjoy this time as a transition from an old era to a new one? You don't have to figure everything out right now. You can just take care of yourself and enjoy. It might take some diligence, but you can do it!

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Angela

His response doesn't mean anything about you, don't forget.

My sense is that you could both use a break. How about giving yourself some breathing space and see how your new possibility occurs for you, and just enjoy this time as a transition from an old era to a new one? You don't have to figure everything out right now. You can just take care of yourself and enjoy. It might take some diligence, but you can do it!

That's a good idea. Wish I had read it before I sent that last message...

[The Cloud]

Sounds to me like you're still trying to solve problems, aspiring. You are nothing, and that is a problem, right?

I'd suggest you remember your problem-solving genie in these cases. If your genie could magically make you feel like you were something, would you ask him to? No? Then you can stop pretending you want your answer. Angela isn't trying to help you solve a problem, she is just trying to show you how unreal your old problems are. So don't go through her program as if you want to find something at the end, because you know that you don't want any end to it that you can imagine. I think that the genie question is the most poignant way of highlighting your lack of real problems . I try to use it often, and it always reminds me that nothing is wrong. In truth, what I am asking him for is everything I already have.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

Sounds to me like you're still trying to solve problems, aspiring.

Yeah, it takes me a while sometimes to come back to myself and remember this is not a puzzle to solve.

Dear Angela has had to work with this "figuring out" tendancy of mine many times.

Thanks for the reminder.

Although in thinking about it, I may ask the Genie to make me feel like I'm something. I think I would. I know that I lack real problems. I agree with that. But I don't see in what way I already have what I'm asking him for. I'm not trying to be obtuse...maybe I am missing your point (or more likely over-thinking it )?

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

Although in thinking about it, I may ask the Genie to make me feel like I'm something. I think I would. I know that I lack real problems. I agree with that. But I don't see in what way I already have what I'm asking him for. I'm not trying to be obtuse...maybe I am missing your point (or more likely over-thinking it )?

Actually, you are trying to be obtuse , otherwise you wouldn't be. It's not your natural state to be confused, it's a concentrated effort.

You have everything you want because there is nothing you could ask for that would satisfy you, and there is nothing that could satisfy you that you don't already have.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

Actually, you are trying to be obtuse , otherwise you wouldn't be. It's not your natural state to be confused, it's a concentrated effort.

You have everything you want because there is nothing you could ask for that would satisfy you, and there is nothing that could satisfy you that you don't already have.

I see what you mean.