I'm Pregnant!

[VetTechJess]

It wasn't planned, but still the same--I am pregnant. The bloodwork shows I am between 4 and 12 weeks along. I wonder what its gonna be like.

Any advice?

...on circumcision? (I am against it but my bf who is circ'd is for it...they botched his circ. he has tons of leisons, etc.)


...on natural childbirth? (meaning no pain meds and no pitocin)

...on anything else I may have left out?

[Holistic Star]

Congratulations!


First of all, check out HypnoBirthing.com if you are interested in natural childbirth. I've taken 6 couples through the course and they all found it really valuable in helping them have calm, natural births even where there were unexpected complications.
Feel free to pm me if you want more info.

With regards to circumcision - I don't understand why it is common practise in the US. It certainly isn't in the UK and the majority of men seem fine to me I personally think it should only be done in the case of medical necessity.

Wishing you and bump all the best

[oBakasan]

As a man myself I vote against circumcision. I'd certainly find it creepy if someone tampered with my newly born body and cut off parts of it.

If someone really wants to be circumcised then he can do it later in life, but he won't be able to get uncircumcised if you make the choice for him.

[carenkh]

Considering you just posted this:

Originally Posted by VetTechJess

Take myself for example. I have no desire whatsoever to have any children. They are too expensive for me and I am currently taking medication which I would have to stop should I get pregnant which would in turn make my quality of life zero.

I like children, yes. But I have no patience for them whatsoever. I don't know why but I just don't.

I'd say counseling is first on the agenda. You won't magically get patience from being pregnant; it can make a difference that it's your own child, but I wouldn't count on that. From some of your posts on here about children, I hope for your child's sake you work on developing some empathy and understanding.

I took Bradley Method classes with my first - I really learned a LOT in those classes about how to have a successful, natural birth. It seems a bit dogmatic to me, now - like they believe they have the *right* way to give birth! But it was helpful for where I was. Both of my boys were born at home; neither is circumcised. Had to follow my gut on that one!

[lifetimelearner]

Originally Posted by VetTechJess

It wasn't planned, but still the same--I am pregnant. The bloodwork shows I am between 4 and 12 weeks along. I wonder what its gonna be like.

Any advice?

...on circumcision? (I am against it but my bf who is circ'd is for it...they botched his circ. he has tons of leisons, etc.)


...on natural childbirth? (meaning no pain meds and no pitocin)

...on anything else I may have left out?

congrats
there is a lot of info out there on these subjects

but

if you want personal stories
I have some of those too
I was pregnant 5 times and have 4 children

[seeker5]

Considering what Caren posted that you had written before, if you choose not to have an abortion, perhaps you can give up the child for adoption once it's born?

[Jim11]

Jess,

Don't worry about trifles. Worry about how you're going to prepare yourself to be the best parent you can be, especially when considering the quote posted above.

Circumcision? There is a lot of medical information indiciating circumcision would be a good choice. I'm not going to go into that, but if that's something you have to consider, then I suggest you just google it and do some reading.

My questions to y'all is...is this fair for him to ask or is it just a hoop he's trying to get me to jump thru?

I know in the past I havent been able to keep a job for a year. my last one I kept for almost a year (2 months short of a year) before they fired me.

My bf says I have to do this before he will even consider marrying me. I say it should be for better for worse, job or no job. Hell, he's already given me a "promise ring" this year. We will be together 4 years this October 16. WTF gives?!

Does leaving for maternity leave mean you have to start your 1 year of employment over?

I was recently reading about a growing trend of ppl deciding not to have children when they marry--which is perfectly okay with me....I'm not going to judge them. I was wondering what the other advantages are and how you deal with the comments from others about how you "should" have children.....

I don't know if I want children or not. Its not that my BF would make a horrible father or anything, its just that I like my peace and quiet. Not to mention all of my friends and family members who have children already look overworked, stressed, and unhappy. I don't know if I want that!

Also I take a medication that can cause severe birth defects and even death in unborn children. Its an antiseizure medication and I don't want to switch off it to another medication because this medication has gotten my seizures under control where I have been seizure free since 1999...I don't want to risk lowering seizure threshold just to experiment to see if a medication works or not....

Also Ive heard horror stories of sleepless nights. My seizure threshold is more at a dangerous level when I have lack of sleep. Also the crying and attention that children require day in and day out don't appeal to me that much at this point in my life. I also don't want to be in the position of the threat of divorce after the last child graduates high school like my father did to my mother and me....(long story, don't ask, I will explain in a different thread)

It seems to me that ppl married with no children may actually be happier and have less divorce rates than their baby fever counterparts.

The way I see it, I've reincarnated on this earth X number of different times, which I am guaranteed that atleast half or more of those times I had children. So what difference does it make??

I also don't like dealing with bratty unruly children...the well behaved kind are a different story....I don't mind the well behaved kind...but the bad behaved kind.....lets just say I don't like being around the bad behaved kind.....

Any advice?!

what are you getting yourself into?

[missing]

I'm not circumcised and I generally think it's a bad idea. I mean, taking a meat cleaver to the most sensitive part of a newborn's body with no anesthetic? I don't know, just seems like common sense to me.

That said, if you don't circ your son, make sure you get him in the habit of pulling the foreskin back to wash it on a regular basis. If he doesn't do this it can tighten up and get stuck, a condition called "phimosis" where the foreskin is unable to retract. I was able to cure myself of this problem with a couple months of stretching, but it was after a lot of unnecessary confusion.

[Trezker]

Just remember that your child becomes a mirror image of you. If he child is troublesome it means you're troublesome yourself. You can only change the behavior of your child by changing your own behavior.

As for circumcision, I vote against it. Most of the world don't do it and we're at least as healthy as those who have been mutilated.

[Chris Cade]

Although I was circumcised, we decided not to circumcise our son. He's currently 2 years old, and so far I'm glad we didn't do it. A lot of people don't seem to realize that, at it's core, circumcision is mutilating a child. Right or wrong, healthy or not, our choice was based on trying to live as natural a life as possible and similarly encouraging the same for our child.

We also had an unassisted home birth, which I do not recommend for most people. It's an amazing option for people in good health (emotionally, physically, and spiritually) who are expecting a healthy birth. In that situation, it's also safer for both mother and child, and has less complications, than hospital births. A good mid-way alternative is a homebirth with a midwife.

But for those who either aren't sure they're going to have a healthy birth, or aren't in the right place emotionally/physically/spiritually then I strongly advise against unassisted home birth. Without having the right personal alignment, it becomes dogmatic and potentially dangerous.

On other topics, I would suggest you do some research and reading into "attachment parenting" "cosleeping" and "elimination communication." All are very interesting topics relating to meeting the emotional and physical needs of very young children.

And as others pointed out, I would recommend you seek some personal guidance... counseling, or a spiritual teacher, or somebody who can help you work through some of your emotional and practical challenges during this very difficult time.

[carenkh]

Originally Posted by Jim11

Don't worry about trifles. Worry about how you're going to prepare yourself to be the best parent you can be

Right - that's what I was trying to say! I apologize if my response was harsh - I was shocked, I think! I'm guessing, judging by your previous posts, that this was unplanned. I know for me, even though I loved kids, when I had an unplanned pregnancy it was a time of searching and fear and excitement and hoping and nervousness. I don't know if you're in the same space - I should have thought about that before I responded.

I am surprised that I'm not seeing more soul-searching about the pregnancy, considering your feelings toward kids, and your medication situation. It may just be that you're not working that stuff out here, in public - but your post just seemed so - certain! And asking about circumcision and natural childbirth, rather than: What am I gonna do??

It took me about four months or so to know, really know, that I was ready to be a mom. I chose early on to not get an abortion, but adoption was a consideration. I spent SO much time in prayer and meditation, and seeking, and asking questions. Finally, at about 4 1/2 months, I looked in the mirror and thought: mama. And I just knew that I was going to raise this child. He's 16 now! And it's taken lots of willingness to grow on my part to be the best mom I can be - lots of healing. And like I said, I LOVED kids, I was already incredibly patient, and I wasn't on life-saving medication!

I'm sorry for my harshness earlier - it was a combination of surprise and judginess about your previous posts re kids.

[Holistic Star]

I've met plenty of 'non-maternal' women who completely changed their minds and became very maternal once pregnant. I think on the whole, nature knows what it doing to help women prepare for parenthood.

Speak to your doctor about your medications. There might be something else that will work for you. With regards to lack of sleep you might need more support to get you through and find out what is available to you.

I wish you all the very best.

[jacki]

mypyramid.gov hasanew food planing guid. theres also one for pragnet woman. if your intrested in healthy eating/diteing i suggest you look in look in to it.

because,in part to myreligion, im allfor natural births, and not circusiming(sp?). when i have children, im thinking of looking in to water birth. ivillage also has a large section on pragncy and babys.

and congrats.

best of wishes, best of luck-
jacki

[Interpreneur]

I agree with Holistic Star. I think every woman has the potential to be a great mother.

I would be more concerned about your boyfriend's addiction to gay porn. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I have to wonder where his priorities are.

Good luck to you, and keep your head up.

[magi13]

^,^ the Bible doesn't really require a person to be circumcised. Let your child choose about that later in life.

But even though we here give tips or opinions, please seek professional help too, to further give you good advice.

[RRR]

If you have a boy please don't chop off the tip of his penis. I'm kind of pissed off my parents paid money to have that done to me. Its not right, its violent.

More relevantly.. Parenting is a huge decision. Accidental pregnancy is well..not good. Raising a child is something you should be very prepared for.

[funchy]

Originally Posted by carenkh

Considering you just posted this:

I'd say counseling is first on the agenda. You won't magically get patience from being pregnant; it can make a difference that it's your own child, but I wouldn't count on that. From some of your posts on here about children, I hope for your child's sake you work on developing some empathy and understanding.

Definitely get counseling. I've seen infants turn a woman's life upside down for women who planned a baby long in advance. I don't mean to scare anyone, but I've also seen where a parent who doesn't want a kid never bonds, and some kids die from shaken-baby syndrome.

One of my friends planned a baby without knowing what a baby really meant, she never bonded because she was so stressed out & tired, and now he's this forgotten doll that's picked up only at feeding time.

Definitely talk to your doctor immediately about the medication. I had a friend who was taking a special psychiatric drug when pregnant without knowing the risks. Her baby was born with uncontrollable emotional problems. Little girl is now about 9 but is sullen and heavily medicated herself.

If you haven't already, get a prenatal exam ASAP. Most women take good vitamins including folic acid. If you drink, smoke, or use any recreational drugs, that's got to end completely until you're done breast feeding. Now is definitely the time to eat right and take extra care of yourself.

If you're not married, I might also suggest a heart-to-heart with the boyfriend. He is going to be in your life the next 18+ years no matter what. Planning on moving, going off to school, or any other big changes? Expect to consult with him first. Nothing is totally your decision ever again.

Some topics that I might bring up with him, if I was in that situation: If he's not yet living with you, is he going to move in? How much does he expect to do of the baby's care? Is he ok with supporting you & the baby if you need to say home 3, 6, or 12+ months after giving birth? If something goes wrong and you're extremely sick during preg, is he going to be ok with supporting you financially?

How are both of your parents? Do you get along with his parents and him with yours? They will also be in your life for the next 18+ years as grandparents, like it or not.

Find out from your health insurance company about coverage. You may need to notify them within X number of days or do something special to get an infant added. A co-worker had a preemie and he was in the hospital for 2 months with extra care. If insurance isn't going to cover that, she will be required to pay tens of thousands of dollars out of her own pocket.


You asked for some things to decide:

- Breast feeding. See if you can find a good mentor or a "nursing mothers" type group. I'm a big believer in breast feeding. Also read up on infant feeding. I can't believe it when I see moms giving 6 or 12 month old babies bits of McDonald's burgers or a hot dog as their entire meal (WTF?!)

- Circumcision: a personal choice. I don't like it, but that's just my opinion.

- Prenatal care: everything you put into your body right now, the fetus absorbs. Stress in you can be bad. Eat right. I'm a fan of organic, in-season, and unprocessed. Folic acid = good. you MUST go to all the prenatal checkups. Learn what the ultrasounds show you, the gestational stages, etc. I don't know your age or situation, but if they want to do something like an amniocentesis, you should educate yourself on that too.

- Natural birth: address that once you learn more about the birthing process. It may or may not be right for you. Your doctor can advise you on any special risks or anything else to be aware of.

- Family history: have a heart-to-heart with your parents about genetic diseases (eg muscular dystrophy, cystic fibrosis and Huntington's disease). Your doctor may also discuss genetic screening as an option.
If mom is open to it, maybe she can also give you some advice on how childbirth was like for her.

- Get a good support network in place now. Extended family are going to be so important in helping you. Are your or his parents local? Get them really involved in this because you will really appreciate some help when he/she is born.

[The Cloud]

I'm happily circumcized and have heard of nothing that a foreskin provides except disadvantages in hygiene, STD transmission, and some painful malformations.

[missing]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

I'm happily circumcized and have heard of nothing that a foreskin provides except disadvantages in hygiene, STD transmission, and some painful malformations.

umm I don't know about the last two things you said but for advantages, don't forget a lifetime supply of free lube.

[NightSpirit]

They were doing a study on the transmission rate of HIV in heterosexual men in Africa related to circumcision. The rate was so much lower in the circumcised men that the researchers halted the study and offered circumcisions to all the uncircumcised study group. Here's a link with more information that covers most aspects of the decision.

Male Circumcision and Risk for HIV Transmission: Implications for the United States | Factsheets | CDC HIV/AIDS

Many blessings to you, the father and your baby.

[carenkh]

The incidence of HIV/AIDS for white, straight, non-drug using males is relatively low in the US. I'm not willing to mutilate my son on the off-chance he'll contract HIV and then be irresponsible about it. He can decide whether or not to be circumcised. It's a more difficult procedure when they're older - but I'd rather it be his choice, knowing as much info as possible.

[hlynnt]

I wouldn't circumcise your son. It is a permanent, unnecessary, body modification. If your son decides that he want's to be circumcised once he is old enough to make decisions about his body than he will have the ability to do so. However, if he doesn't want to be circumcised he won't be able to undo what was done to him as a child.