I need advice..........

[intellisyte]

Hi everyone. I'm sure some of you have run into this with your spouse or other family members. My wife says I'm getting weird and acting like an idiot when I try to discuss my spiritual discoveries if you may. It's even difficult to put them down in words for everyone here I guess in fear of ridicule. I love my wife dearly and it would help if I could get some advice on how some of you might have handled the same situation. I don't want to quit growing and I would like her to grow with me, but I know I can't force her along. Any inspiration out there? Gary

[ZHereford]

Hi Gary,

I'm sure that it's very frustrating to have someone you love not understand where you're at.

Perhaps you should tell your wife, that however silly it may seem to her, you are working on being the best person you can be. You could be doing worse things. Surely such a goal is beyond ridicule!

Let her know that it's hurtful and that you would appreciate her support. Maybe she doesn't realize that you're serious and are enjoying what you're learning. If you tell her how you feel, I'm sure she'll realize that ridiculing you when you're pursuing a worthy goal is what's "weird and idiotic".

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Hey, Gary. Welcome to the forums! Feel free to share your discoveries here. We don't take kindly to people being ridiculed!

I see you're in a tough situation, wanting to share your new discoveries with your wife and being a little let down at her less than excited reaction. In these situations, my best advice is to go along doing what you are doing without trying to bring anyone with you. I think it's great that you are finding out new things and working with ideas that energize you. Keep at it! If you are in a state where you are doing what you feel is right for you, feeling happy, feeling energetic, it's only a matter of time before someone (hopefully your wife!) will notice and ask what's gotten into you. Then you have a little opening to say, "I've been practicing meditation (or whatever it may be that you are looking into). It really helps me feel calmer and more energetic. If you want to hear more about it, I'd be happy to talk with you." And then you leave it at that. She may slowly, or quickly, join you on your spiritual journey...or she may not. You might think about what that would mean to you. If you can accept her exactly as she is and exactly as she is not, then I think the situation will be ok. Sometimes people's resistance is due to the fact that they feel like they will have to change. Sometimes they've been resisting their own inner voice telling them there's more out there and don't want to be reminded of it!

Take full responsibility for yourself and don't try to force the issue. I would have a discussion with her along the lines that this is very important to you and it would mean a lot to you if she would stop with the name calling and ridicule.

Good luck with this.

[funchy]

I think that right now both of you don't understand the other.

You're trying new things in an effort to better yourself. It's hard to try new things. And it's especially hard for you to do this with someone close to you being so unsupportive.

From her point of view, you're scaring her. Suddenly you may be changing. You're going through a transformation and when you're done, you may not be the same person she married.


The two of you need to have a deep discussion on this issue. Reassure her that you're just trying to be a better person (and a better husband). Try to get her to ask questions about these things so they don't seem to "weird". And then she needs to understand that even if she doesn't agree with everything you're interested in, you still need her support. You don't need to tell her daily each new thing you've learned and she also doesn't need to be unkind to you when she does occasionally learn about your progress.

[intellisyte]

Thanks for the support everyone...I should have realized sooner I am on my own journey. I'm already pulling back on my excitement when something new presents itself. I love change and I know my wife dreads it. I will look at this as another growing experience.....Thanks again everyone....Gary

[tintin]

uh...a word in for the wife..?
shes probably very insecure
is this overtaking your life?(as in are you moving around with a halo roun your head?giving saintly advice when others are losing it)
does she feel shes losing the person she married....(who is this guy anyways?)

1-tone down! youre scaring her
2-if your inner reality has changed, hers hasnt..so ease her into your new perspective, balance it out.if she sees that this change is giving her something, adding value to the marriage..increasing her value in your life she might ..in fact join in! for eg.if th communication or the love making post your changes are better than before
3-please dont withdraw.whatever youre learning now...its going to really be tested when you 'practice' and if shes withdrawn herself by the time youre back from your cave ....youll have no one to come back to

[intellisyte]

Tintin, funny you should just post this....My wife just had a conversation about how I am telling her about all this "goofy stuff". I plan on backing off but I am continuing forward with my growth. I think you're right about her being scared. Thanks for the insight... more mind food....G.

[The Cloud]

She just doesn't understand, it's not her fault. Would a younger version of you understand you? You'll never be able to justify yourself to all the people that think you're crazy, and it is a waste of your energy to try. Stop trying to look for an acceptable "why" to your development, because you don't really care why, do you? You're looking for one just to satisfy the folks that don't get it, but deep down you know that whatever answer you give them won't be the truth. This is who you are, this is the way you're going to be, and there is nothing you or your wife or anybody else can do about it. Accept that you have no "good" reason for what you're doing, and no justification. It will make you naked to criticism, but it will also help free you from doubt. There is nothing you can do to make your wife understand; she either does or she doesn't. But if you're free of her judgment either way, maybe she'll see something in you and decide that you were right instead of crazy.

[tintin]

when you come on to this path.its like a call.to me it feels like one.feels strange since sometimes you have no clue as to where its leading.but its a magnet pull.no way but forward.and its sad that some relationships stop working like before because the other wont pick up the gauntlet.it seems natural to oneself.but leaves the other bewildered hurt abandoned.
right now what is important for you wud be described as a 'trip' by some.
please blink and do see where this is leading.
i hope the marriage has got strong roots to survive this.
stay real okay and try not to use this as an excuse for glossing over underlying issues in the marriage.
i know i sound mean. im going thru this thas why.

[Tigerlilly]

My old professor, who seemed to be the most sensible, "dry" person on earth married a wife who sincerely believed in angels, and then rediscovered his own beliefs in doing so, thoughts he probably had pushed far out of his own awareness until then for being afraid of ridicule and trying to do it the "respectable" way andmaybe for being a bit frightened of the "unknown".

From my present pov I'd say your wife reminds you of your own insecurities and reflects those back to you. I often found in the past that whenever I feared something most strongly, those fears would become impersonated in someone telling me just this thing straight to my face or doing just what I feared most. And at the beginning I then started on arguments with those people, seeing them as some occurence separate from me, resisting them turning up in my life all the way.

And then at one point I came to realise that it wasn't ever the other person that was the problem but that he or she had simply brought home into my experience in person what I'd been fearing all along in my mind.

So if you are still afraid somehow that you'll be ridiculed by those you love most, or that like Fox Mulder you'll spend your days alone in your downstairs room as an outcast if you follow your own spiritual path and convictions, or whatever dreaful scenario you conjure up in your mind, than I do believe this is what's gonna happen.

You're right, you can't change your wife, you can't force you spiritual convictions down her throat, but looking at her reaction as a reflection of your own thoughts and feelings, bringing them to light by having you face them impersonated, there's no need to do so, you just have to work on your own thoughts, beliefs( deep rooted thoughts) or convictions(very deep rooted thoughts).

And as far as that goes, I believe it's just a basic fact that everything new and unknown is scary (that's just how the genetically-predisposed-for-survival, healthy human being is made), it's just a choice people make in moving ahead though they may be a bit frightened of the unknown or they decide to stay put.

If a big black blob suddenly appeared in your living room, it'd take a baby or an imbecile to just guilelessly pat it. And it's just the same really with thoughts, cause everyone somehow knows that thoughts create the perception of the reality we live in, and thus -in the long run- the reality we live in.

You need to accept your own fears, use your reason to list up the pros&cons of moving ahead or staying put, and then make your choice. And once you made your choice, and root for it cause you are convinced of it all the way and thus gained your own whole support, suddenly you find the world around is backing you up all the way as well. The way I see it, the only case this will not happen is when after making the decision to move ahead you still believe that you will meet with resistance, disapproval or whatever.

"Once you make a decision, the Universe conspires to make it happen."
Ralph Waldo Emmerson

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Cloud and Tigerlilly, thank you very much for those wise answers. I appreciate you.

[intellisyte]

Thanks Everyone....It's a lot to digest or should I say, hard to swallow. I don't think my way is any better. Better for me so.......If I lead my life by example, maybe she will see that it makes me happy. I'll take everyone's advice and weigh my options. Thanks again.....G

[Lauxa]

DH has nothing but scorn for "magical" notions. I just don't talk to him about that stuff as much as possible. When he decides to bring it up I usually get defensive, and that illuminates something I need to work on. The last time was around September when he started slamming into "Ask and It Is Given". He is a skeptic and says that he just doesn't want me to become so gullible and believe things blindly without any proof.

For some things, I just try to rephrase in terms he can accept. For instance, I have renamed the "Law of Attraction" the "Strategy of Attraction" (as it is not a "Law" in a scientific or legal sense). We had a conversation where I asked him what strategy he thought would work better for getting what he wanted in life -- primarily thinking about what he wants or primarily thinking about what he doesn't want. When I put it like that he was like, duh, thinking about what you want probably works better.

I think it is great to have conversations with skeptics sometimes because they can point out flaws in your logic and help you to conclusions you may not have thought of before. But you have to go into the conversation with an open mind and be ready to do the hard work of holding up your beliefs to the light of another person's experiences. Sometimes you might not have the energy or the fortitude, and that's okay. The goal should not be to change their minds about anything but to gain a deeper understanding of your own mind.

[intellisyte]

Lauxa, you hit it pretty close. I spend all of my time defending myself. I suppose that is the toughest part of our relationship. I have to be careful even in the event of a simple coincidence or I'll get slammed by something like " Oh. you must have attracted that..." I'll just have to internalize my bliss and hope something will rub off....Thanks...Gary