projects/activities for improving social skills?

[cheech]

So I've decided my main project for 2009 will be improving my social and conversational skills.

I have some speech issues (a minor impediment usually corrected in childhood), so I've arranged speech and language therapy starting in january, and after completing these I intend to recieve voice coaching. And then possibly singing lesssons, but we'll see how things go.

I also intend to join a public speaking club (no toastmasters in my area, but there are clubs belonging to our national speakers association), or maybe even two, depending on how they fit with my other commitments, and take improvised comedy workshops.

I'm looking for others things I can do to work on this area. Either structured things like these, or activities I can work on in my own time. Book reccommendations would also be welcome (I have 'how to win friends and influence people' and 'how to talk to anyone'). Steve's "rapid improvement" approach to personal development seems to work well for me (my focus in 2007 was achieveing financial independence, and in 2008 it was improving my health and fitness)so I want as many ways to work on this area as possible.

thanks,

chica

[legend]

Cheech, it is great you are taking the steps to improve your comunication skills as this is the single most effective skill for growth in our society today...
One book I would recomend is Instant Rapport I read this many years ago and it was of great help.

One of the most misunderstood aspects of good comunication is listening.... becoming a master of hearing and truly understanding will put you ahead of the pack.
Use questions to bring out both understanding on your part and clarity on the part of others. And always repeat back to the other what you understood them to be saying before you respond. Once you start becoming a master comunicator you will see how sloppy most people are... they speak without thinking and misrepresnt their views more times than not

the only other advise.... be blunt and to the point... this will set you apart and people appreciate it more than you know


good luck on your journey

much love

[cheech]

I think I'm currently quite a bit better at listening than I am at speaking, but you're right that it's a vital part of this area which I'm not really addressing. Does anyone have any suggestions as to exercises or activities (or again, books), through which I can become a better listener?

[Jay Pavlina]

I'm not sure if this interests you at all, but I took a door-to-door sales job to improve my conversational skills. The training program was really awesome. I built up a lot of courage being able to walk up to a random door and try to sell something to them. I quit after a week, so it was basically like I got a free week-long workshop on social skills. I didn't know I was going to quit, but it was just not my thing.

[driven1]

Dunno if you've already tried it, but singing karaoke at bars/clubs matches with your longer-term goals. It will also get you used to stepping outside your social comfort zone (it's soooo much easier to just sit and watch other people act like fools rather than risk derision yourself!), performing in front of crowds (a social skill unto itself), gets you out meeting people, and gives other people an excuse to talk to you! If you're paralyzingly uncomfortable singing alone to begin with, you can sing duets or in groups.

[driven1]

Another possibility: Get a job or part-time job waiting tables or, even better, tending bar. There's so much subtlety to social skills. Just like learning to drive a car or play guitar, you can only learn so much from reading or studying. You really have to practice to get any good. Social jobs such as waiting tables, tending bar, or any kind of face-to-face sales get you lots of practice interacting with other people... and you'll make a little extra cash to boot!

[Michael Chui]

My favorite tactic has been to take public transportation (a requirement, for me) and both strike up and respond to conversations around me. Sure, most people are isolated and in their own little world, and it's not something I do every day, but it's good practice for learning how to open someone up to talk with, and then keeping it going. And if you bungle really badly, it's not that likely you'll see them again.

To practice at listening, challenge yourself to go home after that and write down the conversation verbatim, or at least the gist of what was talked about.

[Scipio]

Join an improv troop.

Commit to doing some stand up comedy.

Join an acting class or theatre group.

Make a goal of "meeting x new people every day" or "smiling at x people" "introducing your self to x people" "approaching x girls"

Think of ways you can make things you do that are solitary, into social habits.

Anything by Leil Lowndes is great for social, relationship, body language, shyness type topics. Google her. I'd also suggest you read some books on comedy.